Ethan & Dolan/Sephiroth

Summary

Sephiroth gets interviewed.

Transcript

ETHAN: -So yeah, apparently if this Game 1 thing wins, he'll-

DOLAN: Welcome back! And now, please give a warm welcome to... Sephiroth!

{Sephiroth comes in with a shotgun. He shoots the ceiling, causing some bit to crumble down, and then sits down.}

SEPHIROTH: Greetings Ethan, Dolan. I got you both gifts. {Gives Dolan a sealed tube of pure Xenon, and gives Ethan his shotgun.}

DOLAN: Oh wow, Thanks!

ETHAN: THIS... IS.... AWESOME!

DOLAN: How did you afford these things?

SEPHIROTH: I have my ways of getting money. Dude, I have a skyscraper all to myself!

ETHAN: Excuse me.... I have to go shoot someone. {leaves}

DOLAN: Eh.... but where do you get the money?

SEPHIROTH: I have my own business. It's known for... not being known, as I usually hide in the shadows of the big corps, and make my money without all the media and press. I call it ShadowMarketing. No advertising. Usually, only the best people hear about it.

DOLAN: Well then congratulations, you just told our entire viewing audience!

{offscreen, several gun shots are heard}

DOLAN: ..er... So what else do you do?

SEPHIROTH: I didn't tell what my company is, and I didn't tell any insider information. And what I do? Well, I usually participate with exercises, usually Boxing.

{Ethan walks back on}

ETHAN: What are we talking about now?

DOLAN: Eh. Where were you just now?

ETHAN: None of your business! That's where!

DOLAN: Anyway, Seph. What do you do on the wiki?

SEPHIROTH: I rant, and make reviews. And I participate with many interactives, including the infamous and controversial Wikihood. I got mugged just because of that.

ETHAN: Whoa. What happened?

SEPHIROTH: Well, after coming out of the recording studio, I went to the pub for a drink with Chaos. He left earlier than me. When I came out, a bunch of thugs noticed me and stabbed me right in the arm, and took my wallet.

ETHAN: Was one of them short and cycloptic?

SEPHIROTH: No. I did see you though, in the bar.

ETHAN: Oh were you the loser with the grey hair?

SEPHIROTH: No... I was the man in the black jacket and the black fedora.

DOLAN: Ethan, when were you at a bar?

ETHAN: Do you EVER shut up?

DOLAN: So, Seph. Overall though, what do you like best about the wiki?

SEPHIROTH: Dunno... Umm... Hmm.... 25% of the users?

DOLAN: Yes, but WHAT do you like best about the wiki?

SEPHIROTH: Well, honestly, I like the amusement of it.

DOLAN: How so?

SEPHIROTH: The drama. I'm part of it sometimes, but when I'm not, it's oh so funny.

ETHAN: Quite.

DOLAN: Now, what about your name? Where's it from?

SEPHIROTH: It's not my real name. My real name is Lexon. Last name classified. But anyway, my nickname came from my fencing, and the accident after.

DOLAN: Accident?

SEPHIROTH: I got off with manslaughter.

ETHAN: It wasn't with this gun was it?

SEPHIROTH: I was fencing, and the tip fell off and stabbed my opponent in the heart and impaled him.

DOLAN: And that somehow caused you to be nicknamed "Sephiroth?"

SEPHIROTH: Yep.

ETHAN: 'Cause that makes sense!

SEPHIROTH: Sephiroth? Final Fantasy VII? Giant Sword? Killed one of the main characters by impaling them?

ETHAN: ...frickin rpg's....

DOLAN: So you just felt like keeping Sephiroth?

SEPHIROTH: Yeah. Pretty much. And Ethan... Good hair.

ETHAN: Oh why thank you.

DOLAN: Now, you said earlier that you liked to play in a bunch of interactives. Which one is your favorite?

SEPHIROTH: Don't have a favourite. Hey... I went this far without being a showoff! YES!

ETHAN: Pssssh... Show off...

DOLAN: Are you commonly a show off, Sephiroth?

SEPHIROTH: Sometimes. {Gets up from chair, and puts on a fedora. He stamps his foot, and fire rises from the ground. He stamps the other one, and the same happens. He then starts dancing, making a flurry of flames. When he stops, sparks fly from his feet.}

DOLAN: Eh... alrighty then. Does that kind of stuff happen a lot?

SEPHIROTH: If I do them.

ETHAN: Can you do anything else uber mega awesome?

SEPHIROTH: I can go transform.

DOLAN: Into what?

SEPHIROTH: You.

DOLAN: I don't believe it...

{Sephiroth morphs into Dolan.}

SEPHIROTH: {In Dolan's voice.} Well Hello. My name is Dolan, and I am such a knowitall! Watch me split atoms! Oh yes!

DOLAN: ...Well that's not how I talk at all...

ETHAN: It is so! Hey can you turn into Will?

SEPHIROTH: I'll try. {Transforms into Will.} Yep. And watch this. {Transforms into Ethan. He speaks in Ethans voice.} Whaddua say about me!? I'll punch you in the face, and then you won't be laughing!

ETHAN: Hey! Who do you think you're talking to, buddy!?

SEPHIROTH: Who do you think you're talking to?

ETHAN: Get over here, you cycloptic freak of nature! I'ma rip that one eye of yours right outta your head!

SEPHIROTH: How ugly am I right now?

ETHAN: After I beat that face in not even yo mamma's gonna like it!

SEPHIROTH: {Turns around quickly, and tapes a mirror to his face.}

ETHAN: Stop trying to look like me, ugly. Get over here and fight me like a man!

SEPHIROTH: Come getsome! {Rips mirror off and transforms into a highly muscular version of Ethan.} I can be a better Ethan than you can ever be!

DOLAN: Now, c'mon. Let's not turn this into Super-

ETHAN: YAAAH! {leaps at Seph and punches him}

SEPHIROTH: BETTER ETHAN THAN NORMAL ETHAN SMASH!!! {Charges into Ethan, ramming him into a wall.}

ETHAN: Ooof! Alright, that's it. {Ethan's eye grows red and he leaps into the air} KAH MEE HAH MEE AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! {lasers shoot from Ethan's hand down to Sephiroth. Sephiroth is launched right into the wall, leaving a huge mark on the wall. Sephiroth flashes and is back to normal.}

SEPHIROTH: That's it! {Looks at Ethan, and then spots something behind him. He pulls out a handgun and starts shooting at Ethan's direction. Ethan flinches until he notices it's not him he's getting shot at. He looks up and he sees a smash ball above him. One of the bullets hits the smash ball, and Sephiroth starts glowing.} Oh yeah... FINAL SMASH!!! {Transforms into a black dragon, and fires a large laser out of his mouth that hits Ethan. Once it is finished, Sephiroth is normal, and Ethan is now on the wall, smoking and covered with soot.} Now let's get on with this interview.

DOLAN: Actually, I think we need to end it pretty soon. The whole station is kind of in ruin.

ETHAN: {scarce} Just.... get.... him..... outta here.

DOLAN: Anything you'd like to say before we leave?

SEPHIROTH: Yeah. Extra Careful.

DOLAN: Err... what?

SEPHIROTH: I mean, make sure you survive and also make sure you can rebuild the studio! {Goes into a burst of insane laughter, and runs out. A small object is left behind as he runs.}

DOLAN: Awesome.... well goodbye then! {to audience} And thanks for watching! See you next time!

{end}