Ethan & Dolan/The Thanksgiving Pageant

Summary

Ethan puts together a pageant to explain how Thanksgiving came to be. Too bad he knows next to nothing about history....

Transcript

(open with a small stage with closed brown curtains. A sign sits on the stage reading, "THANKSGIVING PAGEANT". Mumbling comes from an unseen crowd}

DAVEY: Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats. The Thanksgiving Pageant is about to begin. {the crowd becomes silent. The lights dim, and a spotlight appears over the sign} Thanksgiving. It's a time of love, joy and giving thanks for what we have. But when exactly, did it all start? {Osvaldo walks out, picks up the sign and walks back off, as the curtain opens behind him, revealing a 1800's looking street in London.} We now take you back to 1492, where we meet a young boy...

{Ethan walks out wearing an old newsboy hat, glasses (over his one eye) and a scarf. He holds a stack of newspapers}

ETHAN: {in a british accent} Newspapers! Newspapers! Would anyone like to buy a newspaper?

DOLAN: {walks on wearing a monocle, trench coat and top hot. Speaking in a british accent as well.} Say, I'll buy a newspaper.

ETHAN: That will be five cents, good sir.

DOLAN: Excellent. {hands him a dollar, and takes a newspaper} You may keep the change. For I am a rich businessman!

ETHAN: Splendid! Thank you kind stranger!

DOLAN: Now, what is your name, young man?

ETHAN: I'm Christopher Columbus!

DAVEY: Christopher Columbus was inteed quite poor as a boy, but his luck was about to change.

DOLAN: Well nice to meet you Christoper Columbus. Have a splendid day! {walks off}

ETHAN: And you as well, sir! {looks at the dollar} Wow, a whole dollar. Just for me!

{Osvaldo pushes a doorframe onto the set reading, "CANDY SHOP".}

ETHAN: {turns around} Wow! A candy shop! That's how I'll spend my dollar! {rushes through the door. After a brief pause, he comes back out holding a new candy bar} I have not had my own candy bar since last Thanksgiving as I am so poor! {opens the wrapper. A golden ticket lay inside} Wow a golden ticket!

{gasps from the audience}

ETHAN: {reading the ticket} "Congratulations! You have just won an all expense trip to the wonderful undiscovered, unknown world of America! Bring this ticket down to the docks as soon as you finish reading to begin your voyage!" {puts it down} Oh wow! I've always wanted to discover America! {runs offstage. Applause from the audience}

{a different backdrop lowers in front of the street. The set is now a port. Osvaldo pushes a small boat to the middle of the stage. Will rolls on where a top hot and mustache}

WILL: {british} Hmm. Yes. Boats. Hmm. Boating. Hmm. Ships. Yes.

ETHAN: {walks on, still British} Excuse me.

WILL: Hmm. Yes. What?

ETHAN: I've just won this voyage. {shows him the ticket}

WILL: Hmm. Yes. Well done. Well done. Here you are. {shows him the boat} Hmm. Yes.

ETHAN: Horrah!

WILL: Yes. {rolls offstage. Returns wearing a santa hat and beard. In a low voice.} Ho ho ho! It's me Santa! I've come to assist you on your voyage!

ETHAN: Well hello, Santa! I do s'pose we'll need more shipmates however, if we are to discover America.

DOLAN: {walks on, disgruntled, wearing a dress. In his normal voice.} Ugh.. Hello... I am.... I am Nina.... Nina.

ETHAN: Pleased to meet you, Nina. Are you here to help with our voyage too?

DOLAN: ...Yes.

ETHAN: Splendid. Seeing as you are a woman, you shall work as the cook.

DOLAN: ...Awesome.

ETHAN: Now if only we had a 4th crewmate.... {looks offstage} If only we had a 4th crewmate.... {sighs} Wait a second. {walks off. Offstage} Mick!? What are you doing?

MICK: {offstage} I don't even know why you signed me up for this. I'm not doing it.

ETHAN: {offstage} C'mon! Even Dolan's willing to dress up as a girl!

MICK: {offstage} I'm not doing it.

ETHAN: {offstage} ...Don't expect your cats to make it through the night... {walks back on, and shoots back into character} Well, look who I found. It's this ghost!

WILL: {trying not to break character} Wh...where?

ETHAN: Here! He says his name is Pinta!

DOLAN: ...Well then. Perhaps we should begin our voyage.

ETHAN: Yes indeed!

{the three get into the boat and stand there. The background changes to an ocean view}

DAVEY: So Christopher Columbus, along with Santa, Nina and... the ghost of Pinta, sailed across the ocean in hope of discovering America.

ETHAN: America shouldn't be far from here! I sure am getting hungry.

WILL: As am I!

DOLAN: ...I guess I should make some food then, shouldn't I?

ETHAN: Indeed!

DOLAN: {pulls out two ham sandwiches} ...here.

WILL: Horray! {eats his}

ETHAN: Indeed! {eats his} Those were delicious! How about another one?

DOLAN: {without even looking} ..Oh no. It seems we are out of food...

WILL: What? How are we going to survive?

ETHAN: No worries. I can see America!

DOLAN: ...yay.

{the backrop changes to a beach locaton. The 3 step out of the boat}

ETHAN: Well here we are! The new world!

WILL: But who's that!?

{Dolan runs off stage and shortly after comes back on from the other side as Hitler}

DOLAN: {in a german accent} You dare! Hault!

ETHAN: Oh no! It's the Nazi's!

WILL: What are we to do!?

ETHAN: We can't let them ruin our Thanksgiving! Attack! {the two run at Dolan and he falls over}

DOLAN: Oat noes. I am ze dead.

WILL: Yeah!

ETHAN: We did it! Thanksgiving is saved!

{Dolan gets up and runs offstage again}

DOLAN: {offstage} Why do I gotta be the one that plays like half the roles? {comes in from the other side. Dressed as a native american} Hello.

'ETHAN: Hi.

WILL: Hey what's up?

DOLAN: Not much, you?

WILL: Oh you know the usual.

DOLAN: Hey, do you guys want some Turkey and corn stuff because I'm native American.

ETHAN: Yeah that'd be great!

DOLAN: Okay good.

{Osvaldo pushes a table onto the stage with a turkey, and an overabundance of corn on it. The 3 stand around it and begin to eat}

WILL: Wow, this sure has been an adventure.

ETHAN: You said it. And because off all this, I hearby declare this Thanksgiving!

DOLAN: Awesome. You can have this land now. I'm gonna go hang out in Nevada and Oklahoma.

ETHAN: Gee thanks!

DOLAN: No problem. Bye now! {walks off}

ETHAN: Well, I guess it's time to found this country!

WILL: Cool. Can I be president?

ETHAN: Sure. But you can't be Santa and president.

WILL: Okay, so I'll be George Washington now. {takes off his santa hat and moves his bear to the top of his head.} There.

ETHAN: Perfect! Onto the future! {turns to the audience} The End.

{applause from the audience. The curtain closes}

DOLAN: {offscreen} Ethan, I gotta ask you something.... you have no idea how Thanksgiving was started, do you?

ETHAN: {offscreen} Who are you again?

{end}