Conshow/20

Summary

On the last time on the Conshow...

Transcript

{Open to the White Screen of Continuity}

NARRATOR: On the last time on the Conshow...

{Cut to The Street}

CONCHRIS: A chip! Sirhcnoc's behind this!

CRUROAR: Let's go!

{They both run off towards the docks, two figures pop up behind them}

?????????: Evil laughter!

{Cue introduction}

{Open to the docks, Conchris and Cruroar run in and stop to take a breather}

CONCHRIS: Phew! We've been running for an hour!

CRUROAR: Yeah! Now... where is that base?

{Cut to a sign that reads "SIRHCNOC'S BASE IS THIS WAY!"}

CONCHRIS: Maybe that sign leads somewhere!

CRUROAR: You idiot! Signs don't point to places so obviously! They just WANT you to think that! {notices that Conchris had already ran off} Wait! Don't go there!

{Conchris is about to dive into the water}

CONCHRIS: Why not?

CRUROAR: It might be a trap! We need someone stupid enough to dive in...

{Conchris and Cruroar look at each other}

CONCHRIS: I vote you!
CRUROAR: I vote you!

CONCHRIS: Damn! We need to settle this the easy way.

CRUROAR: And what is that?

{Timeswipe, Chrionroar is locked in a cage, grinning}

CONCHRIS: Now, I'm going to lower this cage. I want you to tell us if there is anything down there, okay?

CHRIONROAR: YEAH!

CRUROAR: Well, this better work...

{Conchris pulls the lever and Chrionroar's cage drops into the water}

CRUROAR: Can he breathe down there?

CONCHRIS: He defies all laws of the universe, of course he will!

{An explosion suddenly appears from the water and blasts Chrionroar out of the water with several bite marks and a fish hanging out of his shoe}

CHRIONROAR: WHEEEE! AGAIN! AGAIN!

CONCHRIS: Well, let's go! It's perfectly safe!

CRUROAR: SAFE?! Didn't you just see that? We'll DIE!

CONCHRIS: So what? You're coming with me!

CRUROAR: Yipe!

{Conchris grabs Cruroar and jumps into the water, he swims about for a bit before finding a cave. He swims through it and they end up outside the entrance to Sirhcnoc's Lair in the Water}

CONCHRIS: See? What did I tell you?

CRUROAR: That this show makes no sense at all?

CONCHRIS: No, I was talking about that door to the lair over there.

CRUROAR: Well? Let's open the damn thing!

{Conchris pushes a button and the door swings open, revealing several guards inside with their weapons drawn}

CONCHRIS: Meep.

{Fade to black}

Break

{Open to a kitchen, Sarry Bcott pops up from behind the counter holding a bottle of "Cillit Burn"}

SARRY BCOTT: Hi! Sarry Bcott here! Are you having trouble with snipers? Spies? Ground-in Engies? That's a tough job for some Pyros but not for Cillit Burn! {Sarry pulls out a bottle and places it onto the counter} Watch what it does to this dead scout! {Sarry pulls a corpse out of nowhere and places it into the bowl, it suddenly burns to a crisp} See? Burnt as Crisp! Cillit Burn! BANG and the Heavy's gone!

{Fade to black}

Original Programming

{Open to a prison cell, Conchris and Cruroar are locked behind laser bars}

CRUROAR: Oh that's it! I'm getting out of here!

{Cruroar tries to push on the bars but gets zapped, he falls over}

CRUROAR: {coughs} Three.

CONCHRIS: I know! We'll make a daily T.V series about our situation and we steal the same three scripts until half our actors die!

CRUROAR: Oh no, I'm not even going on with that stolen script!

{Conchris is suddenly holding a script}

CONCHRIS: Or we could just contact Forest and get her to help?

CRUROAR: That's the most stupidest idea I have ever heard... I LIKE IT!

CONCHRIS: But...

CRUROAR: Shut up! Let's do your idea!

{Conchris sighs and presses a button on his watch, nothing happens for a while until Forest bursts in and obliterates half the guards guarding the jail, she presses the button beside it switching the bars off}

CRUROAR: Thank you! But your princess is in another cast-{Forest grabs his neck} URK!

FOREST: Say that again and I will kill you!

CRUROAR: {high-pitched and croaky due to the chokage} Okay... just let me go!

{Forest lets go of Cruroar's neck and he dusts himself off, the two figures from before appear}

??????????: So, we finally meet!

CONCHRIS: Who are you?

??????????: You may call me, Xavian. {Dun dun dun!}

CONCHRIS: And why are you here?

XAVIAN: Don't you see? I'm here to destroy you three before you cause any more trouble!

CONCHRIS: You're a jerk, Jerky McJerkerson!

XAVIAN: Well, meet me in the Sea Arena with that other guy... What's his name? Sirhcnoc. And be sure to bring your will. Nehehehehe...

{Xavian disappears from sight}

CRUROAR: Another villain? How many ARE THERE?!

FOREST: More than your mom can handle!

CRUROAR: Hey!

FOREST: Whatever, let's go find Sirhcnoc.

{Cut to the control room, Conchris w/ Forest and Cruroar walk in, Sirhcnoc turns around in his chair stroking a toy cat}

SIRHCNOC: We meet again, Mr. Bond.

CONCHRIS: I'm not Bond. James Bond.

SIRHCNOC: Yeah, but this time, you shall not escape! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

FOREST: That was the worst laughter ever!

SIRHCNOC: Why you! I shall destroy you!

CONCHRIS: Let's go to the Sea Arena with our wills and we will have a fist fight to the death!

SIRHCNOC: You're on!

CRUROAR: Why is this so familiar to me?

FOREST: Maybe it's because that the writer is going to end this with ANOTHER epic fist fight?

{Cut to the sea arena, Conchris and Sirhcnoc walk in with the door closing behind them, they face each other angrily}

CONCHRIS: Let's go!

{Conchris and Sirhcnoc charge at each other, but before they get half-way, a blur cuts a line between the two. They look to where the blur has gone and it is revealed that Cieeia was the blur}

CIEEIA: It's been a while... What took you?

CONCHRIS: Cieeia?

SIRHCNOC: What the?

CIEEIA: You didn't expect master to send me, do you? {notices Cruroar in the stands} Why don't you come down here? Or are you too scared?

CRUROAR: Actually, I would but...

CIEEIA: I SAID GET OVER HERE! {throws a grappling hook at Cruroar and reels him in, Cruroar falls into the arena}

CRUROAR: Ow...

{Xavian jumps in}

XAVIAN: Oh yes, this will be a big free-for-all. But with two v two v one!

CONCHRIS: You're on! {draws his laser blade}

CRUROAR: What are you doing?

CONCHRIS: I'm preparing to fight, you should too!

CRUROAR: Wish I could... but not when Cieeia's here...

CONCHRIS: Don't be such a pussy!

{Sirhcnoc jumps up and tries to punch Xavian, he fails and gets knocked back. He slumps off the wall, unconscious}

XAVIAN: Pathetic, he doesn't even know how to fight! It's just you two against us now!

CONCHRIS: I was hoping he'd last longer. Oh well, let's do this!

{Conchris and Xavian charge at each other, blades drawn. They clash against each other with no signs of victory for both sides}

CONCHRIS: Come on! Is that all you got?

XAVIAN: Not yet!

{Xavian jumps up onto the ceiling and comes back down behind Conchris, Cruroar fires a shot from his Solar gun, catching Xavian off guard}

CRUROAR: Now!

{Conchris turns around and grabs Xavian, he drags him half-way across the field before throwing him over his shoulder, he thursts the blade into Xavian's arm}

XAVIAN: ARGH! MY ARM!

CONCHRIS: You deserve it. {Cieeia jumps kicks Conchris} Oof!

{Conchris flies towards the floor and rolls on it, he stops himself from continuously rolling and tries to get up, but to no avail}

CONCHRIS: Damn cheap shot!

{Cieeia glares at Cruroar}

CIEEIA: It's just you and me now!

CRUROAR: Cieeia...

CIEEIA: Don't you Cieeia me!

CRUROAR: Cieeia, please. Just listen to me...

CIEEIA: Oh please! You're too scared to hurt a girl? What a real wuss you are!

CRUROAR: I didn't mean anything I had said, it was somebody controlling me...

CIEEIA: I'm not listening to you anymore! You're a real jerk you know that? Why don't you just DIE!

{Cieeia tries to thrust the pipe into Cruroar but he dodges it. Cruroar then grabs Cieeia from the back}

CRUROAR: I'm really sorry for this but...

{Cruroar throws her over his shoulder and blasts her with a few solar shots}

CRUROAR: You're not acting like yourself!

{Cieeia flies onto the floor and falls flat on her stomach, Cruroar picks her up and beats her up}

CRUROAR: You think I'm a jerk, huh? WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHUT UP!

{Cruroar throws Cieeia at Conchris, Conchris grabs her and places her down}

CRUROAR: {huff} Dramatic enough for ya? {puff}

CONCHRIS: Yeah, sure.

{Xavian gets up and pulls the blade from his arm, he then promptly throws it away and walks towards the duo}

XAVIAN: If she fails to kill you both, then I shall have to take matters into my own hands! {pulls out a giant laser gun} I'm so sorry that this has come to this...

CRUROAR: NO!

{Xavian fires the gun and everything slows down, Cieeia wakes up and notices the beam headed for Cruroar, she grabs a nearby mirror that just so happened to be there and reflects it back at Xavian}

XAVIAN: NO!

{Xavian explodes into a pile of dust and everything speeds up again, Cruroar pulls his arms off of his eyes to see Cieeia standing there with a mirror}

CRUROAR: Cieeia?

CIEEIA: Cruroar?

{Cruroar and Cieeia suddenly start to hug each other, crying}

CRUROAR: I didn't mean a word I said that day!

CIEEIA: I miss being with you guys!

CONCHRIS: I hate dramatic moments!

{Cruroar and Cieeia glare at Conchris}

CONCHRIS: What? I do!

CRUROAR: I'll be sure to never insult you again!

CIEEIA: {sniff} Me too...

CONCHRIS: Seriously, let's just cut the bullcrap and get to the part where Sirhcnoc flies away and curses us?

{Timeswipe, the scene shifts to the docks, Sirhcnoc flies away on a helicopter with Conchris, Forest, Cieeia and Cruroar looking on}

SIRHCNOC: I'll get you next time, Conches! And when I do, I will win!

CONCHRIS: Not in your life!

{Sirhcnoc's helicopter disappears over the horizon}

CONCHRIS: It's a happy ending!

{Pause}

FOREST: When you claim that it is a happy ending, it is not. So shut up!

{Cue credits}

Conshow
Season 2

Conchris, Forest, Cieeia, Cruroar and Chrionroar as themselves
Greg as himself
Sirhcnoc as himself
Bob as Xavian
Random Demons #231, #232 and #233 as 2ba band members
Civilians as themselves
Postman Pat as Officer Generic
Gary Stu as Captain Awesometon

Thanks to:
- The readers
- The people who voted for this fanstuff in FotF
- YOU

No Thanks to:
- My monitor
- NOBODY!

See you in Season 3!

{Fade to black. After a few seconds has passed, open to the streets}

CRUROAR: So, this is the ending of Season 2?

CONCHRIS: Looks like it.

CRUROAR: I wonder what zany adventures we'll get into in Season 3?

CONCHRIS: How about we live in a volcano?

CRUROAR: {sarcastically} Yeah sure! Let's live in a freaking volcano!

{Cut to the inside of the volcano}

CRUROAR: Oh right, I forgot, SARCASM CAN'T WORK IN THIS SHOW!

{Cut to a black screen with the words "SEASON 3 COMING SOON" on it}