Conshow/15

Summary

Conchris moves the gang to the desert where they find a pyramid awaiting them... Wacky, generic, pyramid searching shenanigans ensue or W.G.P.S.S.E.

Transcript

{Open to the street, Conchris and Cruroar are standing on the road}

CRUROAR: I've just realised, we didn't have any good episodes lately.

CONCHRIS: Yeah, they're short because the writer's creativity is lost somehow.

CRUROAR: Well, I hope his creativity comes back soon.

{A car suddenly runs over the two, it then comes back on-screen with a face and arms}

CAR: THAT'S WHAT YOU GET, {bleep}!

{Cue introduction}

{Open to Conchris' House - Living Room, Cruroar is watching TV}

COOKSAR BAKER: {on TV} And now, I will now show you how to make some banana loaf! Stay tuned!

{Laser noises and random words are being said on TV as Conchris slowly slides up from behind the couch}

CONCHRIS: Hey man.

{Cruroar suddenly jumps out of his seat and lands perfectly upright somehow}

CRUROAR: What the hell, man. Why'd you scare me like that?

CONCHRIS: It's because I have, with my newest invention, won five tickets to the Desert of Lost Idiots!

{Conchris pulls out four tickets, Cruroar looks at them}

CRUROAR: Uh, yeah. You're holding four.

CONCHRIS: The fifth one is in the car we oh-so conveniently have!

CRUROAR: Yeah, but since when did we get a car?

CONCHRIS: Ever since the writer wrote it in.

CRUROAR: Oh. Then let's go!

{Cut to the street, Conchris, Cruroar, Cieeia, Forest and Chrionroar are in the car. Cruroar is in the driver's seat}

CONCHRIS: Okay, now let me get this Sat Nav up...

SATNAV: Reverse for 5,000 metres then turn right.

{Cruroar reverses the car and crashes into a tree, the satnav suddenly jumps out}

SATNAV: Ha ha! See you later suckers!

{Pause}

SATNAV: Oh crap. I have no legs. Somebody, throw me. Please?

{Forest picks up the sat-nav and throws it into a random house}

FOREST: That voice was getting on my nerves.

CONCHRIS: Okay, we're getting nowhere. How about we just cut to the airport?

{Cut to the airport, Chrionroar is on the conveyor belt, chewing on a suitcase}

CONCHRIS: What? These tickets aren't valid?!

CLERK: Nah, just kidding! Go right on ahead.

CIEEIA: That sounds very suspicious.

CONCHRIS: Your face is suspicious.

{Cut to the inside of a plane, Conchris, Cruroar, Cieeia and Forest have all seated, Chrionroar suddenly rolls in and jumps into a suitcase}

CONCHRIS: Don't you see? We cut out the extremely boring bits and leave the more dialogical ones.

CRUROAR: Dialogical even a word?

CONCHRIS: IT IS NOW!

{Conchris throws a dictionary at Cruroar, leaving a dictionary-sized mark on his face}

CIEEIA: Wait a second, did anybody check for snakes on the plane?

CONCHRIS: No.

{Several snakes slither by with a man with a hoop after them}

MAN: Get back here!

{Forest faces the camera}

FOREST: Come on, you idiots. It was going to happen eventually, now shut your yap.

{Cut to the Desert of Lost Idiots, the plane suddenly crashes, ejecting Conchris, Cruroar, Cieeia, Forest and Chrionroar from the plane. They all land in the sand, except for Cruroar who hits a cactus.}

CRUROAR: YOWCH! WHAT'S A CACTUS DOING OUT HERE?!

CONCHRIS: Well, we're here. {gets up and dusts himself off}

{Cieeia, Forest and Chrionroar follow suit}

CRUROAR: Are you going to leave me on this cactus?

{Chrionroar eats the cactus (and Cruroar) whole before spitting Cruroar out}

CHRIONROAR: Urgh! It's rotten!

CIEEIA: Con, how many references do you think we'll squeeze into this episode?

CONCHRIS: Over 9000.

{A spikey-haired man suddenly bursts from the sand}

SPIKEY-HAIRED MAN: IT'S OVER NINE-

{Cruroar blasts the man with the solar gun, burning him to a crisp}

CRUROAR: It's about time I killed someone off this episode. I was getting tired of dying.

CONCHRIS: Well, we're here, now what?

CIEEIA: How about going into that conveniently placed pyramid over there?

CONCHRIS: Good idea, for once. Let's go!

{Conchris and company run into the pyramid, the door suddenly shuts behind them and Sirhcnoc pops out from behind it}

SIRHCNOC: Perfect... Now they'll never escape Mummyman! MWHAHAHAHAHA! {coughs, creaky voice} I need a lozenge...ugh...

{Cut to the inside of the pyramid, several eyes suddenly appear in the darkness}

CONCHRIS: What happened? I feel so... easy to animate.

FOREST: Shut up, you dumbass! I'll just turn on the flashlight mode that I just so happened to have!

{Forest's eyes suddenly glow brighter and the room starts to light up}

CRUROAR: Whoa. Is this what the inside of a pyramid looks like?

CIEEIA: Well, it is what the writer makes of it.

CONCHRIS: Come on! Let's go! We have treasure to find!

{Conchris and company begin to walk down the hallway and it opens up to a big room with a giant sarcophagus}

CIEEIA: A giant sarcophagus?

CRUROAR: Hmm, sounds strange if you ask me. Since when did Egyptians mummify giants?

CONCHRIS: Since the day your face was mummified!

CRUROAR: That's not even remotely funny.

CONCHRIS: So what?

CRUROAR: Ugh...

CHRIONROAR: I WANT TO LICK IT!

CONCHRIS: No! DON'T!

{Chrionroar runs up to the sarcophagus and starts licking it}

CONCHRIS: Huh, I could've sworn there were traps there. Oh well...

{Conchris begins to walk up to the sarcophagus offscreen before being hit by several different traps}

CONCHRIS: OH GOD! IT BURNS! AH! ARROWS! MY SPLEEN! ARGH! MY LEGS! OH GOD! I'M FEELING A LOT OF PAIN! ARGH!

{Conchris hops onto the scene again, Cruroar, Cieeia and Forest try to restrain laughter}

CONCHRIS: If you laugh at me, I swear I'll murder you.

CRUROAR: Look at you, you have no arms or legs left!

CONCHRIS: It's just a flesh wound. Come on! Pull up your duking arms! {starts bumping into Cruroar}

CRUROAR: No. {kicks Conchris off-screen} Wasn't something bad supposed to happen?

{The sarcophagus suddenly bursts open to reveal a giant mummy}

MUMMY: BRAINS!

CONCHRIS: Wait a second, I thought only zombies can say that!

MUMMY: Oh sorry, RAGHHHH!

CONCHRIS: RUN!

{Cruroar and Cieeia run away from the room with Forest and Chrionroar, Conchris just sits there}

CONCHRIS: Oh crap! I forgot I totally lost my limbs from those traps. Oh, Mummyman?

MUMMY: Yes?

CONCHRIS: Can you suppose you kick me in the general direction of my friends? I can't move.

MUMMY: Sure! {kicks Conchris off-screen}

CONCHRIS: Thank you!

{Cut to the hallway in the pyramid, Sirhcnoc is peering into the pyramid through the now-open door}

SIRHCNOC: Any minute you'll hear the screams of everyone being torn to shreds by Mummyman...

GREG: This is the worst idea you have ever done.

{Conchris suddenly flies out of the pyramid}

CONCHRIS: Whee!

{Pause, Sirhcnoc and Greg look at each other, confused}

SIRHCNOC: What the hell was that?

GREG: I don't know...

{Cruroar, Cieeia, Forest and Chrionroar run past the two}

CRUROAR: Coming through!

SIRHCNOC: Huh?

{The mummy suddenly bursts through the door causing Sirhcnoc and Greg to be sent flying, they get up and look at the mummy}

SIRHCNOC: What are you doing out here?

MUMMY: I was just chasing the ones you wanted dead, master.

SIRHCNOC: Well, where are they?

MUMMY: They ran.

SIRHCNOC: DAMN! To Wikity!

{Cut to the Streets, Cruroar, Cieeia, Forest and Chrionroar suddenly run on-screen and they stop to rest, Conchris flies on-screen and hits a mailbox}

CONCHRIS: Ow.

CRUROAR: How'd you get out?

CONCHRIS: I got kicked out for hacking.

CIEEIA: You shouldn't be doing aimbots!

CONCHRIS: I know, I know. But I wasn't hacking at all! I swear that mummy just plain hates me.

CRUROAR: You know the stupidity of some people who run servers...

WRITER: I BAN YOU FOR SOMETHING BECAUSE I HATE YOU! {pulls out a banhammer}

CRUROAR: Meep! {runs off with Writer chasing after him}

{The mummy suddenly jumps in with Sirhcnoc on its shoulder}

SIRHCNOC: DIE!

{The mummy suddenly starts stomping about trying to squash Cieeia and Conchris}

CIEEIA: How'd you get here?

SIRHCNOC: The same reason why you somehow ran one thousand miles to fall down at our door.

CONCHRIS: Well, I flew somehow.

SIRHCNOC: Shut up and die!

{The mummy crushes Conchris and peels him off}

CONCHRIS: I hate you so much. {suddenly grows arms and legs and jumps off the mummy's hand and roundhouse kicks Sirhcnoc somehow, sending him off}

SIRHCNOC: ARGH! {Sirhcnoc lands on a trampoline} Thank goodness for this conveniently placed trampoline!

{The mummy crushes Sirhcnoc and the trampoline}

SIRHCNOC: Not me, you idiot!

MUMMYMAN: Sorry. {peels Sirhcnoc off his foot and throws him to the sharp and pointy objects factory}

SIRHCNOC: YOWCH!

{Conchris pulls out his laser blade and tries to cut off Mummyman's leg but he is shaken off. Cieeia jumps up and tries to hit Mummyman in the head with the pipe but fails miserably by Mummyman who slams her into the ground}

CIEEIA: Oww... I'm out...

{Conchris starts dodging the slams made by Mummyman and clamps onto its left leg. It starts jumping up and down whilst shaking the leg that Conchris is on in an effort to shake him off}

MUMMYMAN: Get offa mah leg!

CONCHRIS: NO!

{Mummyman starts kicking into buildings with Conchris still holding on until Cruroar runs in, the fight suddenly stops}

CRUROAR: YIKES! {the Writer jumps in and swings the banhammer, Cruroar dodges making it hit Mummyman instead, it explodes into a pile of dust}

CONCHRIS: Wow. Awesome.

WRITER: JUST FREAKING DIE!

CRUROAR: See you next episode! YIPE! {runs off}

CIEEIA: {weakly} Can you help me up?

FOREST: No. Also, Conches, you are the worst fighter I have ever seen. You should go and die in a pit or something.

{Conchris jumps into one of the pits made by Mummyman}

CONCHRIS: Way ahead of you!

{Forest sighs and looks at the camera}

FOREST: Well? Aren't you going to end this epi...

{Cue credits}

{Cut to a black screen with the word "END" on it}