Difference between revisions of "RiffText/MFT3K"

Revision as of 06:01, 17 December 2012

NOXIGAR: That apology's not legitimate.

EPISODES

Season 1 (Doctor Brainfreeze fucking sucks.)

1. Bell Quest — SPOOK CLIFF

NOXIGAR: Is the best meme ever.

1. Raiku Email — I know when I see a baby, the first thing I do is interrogate it.

NOXIGAR: "MFT3K: We Describe Raiku in a Nutshell"

1. Records of Bell — Bell was a self-important author surrogate who's convinced he's the best writer who ever lived, Bling was a retard cat-monster that would probably eat its own foot given enough time and condiments, Tracy's an Anglophile who still thinks the fedora-trench coat combo looks good on any living human being, Sarah's just another Bell but with enough bosom to strangle somebody if they happened to fall in, Don Skull's an obnoxious prick, Daigo's got a robot nutbag and that's unsettling by itself, these two new idiots are from a Jethro Tull song for Christ's sake, Skully B.'s a handsome man with a surprising amount of vomit in his system... oh, speaking of which. {dry heave} Nope, I'm out. Oh, but let me go on. The author has wasted our time with this abortion of a "comedy" series which has about as much comedy as a morgue has healthy individuals, completely one-dimensional characters with absolutely nothing mitigating their existence and no merit to their personalities whatsoever, the absolute worst setting you can have for any work of fiction, plots that are nonexistant—and on the very rare occasion that they do have a plot, it's just another goddamn fight scene... and have I mentioned the humor? It's the comedy equivalent of a miscarriage; something so awful and tragic that you never want to speak of it again—it's the kind of humor that even 4chan would never laugh at, the kind of jokes that wouldn't cut it in the darkest of comedies, slapstick that barely even qualifies as such; genital mutilation, kicking, punching, none of this is funny! This fiction is the text equivalent of the Holocaust; it's awful, it's disastrous, it's a tragedy, it's a crime against humanity... Bell deserves to have his computer, his paper... anything that he can transcribe ANY sort of writing or art on to, it needs to be destroyed at this very instant. I never want to see his writing again. Until he actually pays attention in English class and doesn't draw huge tits all over everything, I want him never to approach a keyboard again in his life. I never want to see him pick up a pencil... I don't even want him to think about writing.

NOXIGAR: So a Bell-guy doesn't have the greatest writing material. He'll develop in a few years! He's not J.K. Rowling, George Lucas, or M. Night Shamalan. Therefore, he's good to go in terms of halfway decency when writing! Come on, Bellstrom! Write some more stuff! Show these chumps you're not to be messed with!

Season 2 (Once More, With NachoMan!)

NOXIGAR: {imitating Dr. Brainfreeze} Meh, we really couldn't get Feeling to get on our show. So we picked up this schmuck instead. HAVE FUN YOU SUCKERS.

1. Zarel Emails — YOU IN THE DRINK

NOXIGAR: GET IN MY MOUTH

1. X Is The New Y — this got gritty fast
2. Some Early 1-Up Emails definitely
3. Samtheman hasn't edited since November of 2008 so we assume Samtheman.egg is public domain now.
4. Pokemon: Strong Bad Version — It's a lot like Kingdom Hearts,

NOXIGAR: I'm not sure what the joke was supposed to be. Did they, oh I dunno,

Season 3 (The Gritty Reboot)

1. You Don'T Know What It Is Like / Spirit — But upon closer inspection it was just a bag of garbage

NOXIGAR: Man, you really don't know what it's like.

1. Wikihood — dAaAaAaAaA, make me an anime!

{Noxigar sighs}
NOXIGAR: Do I really have to feature Homsar in something else just to prove it to these guys that I can write Homsar better than they can? DO I?

1. I Want To Play A Game / Homoon emails — CHOKE, CHOKE, CHOKE,
2. The Adventures of Domo and T Pedo / Forsythe And Friends — wow. I literally have nothing to say about any of this. I'm just staring blankly as I scroll down the page waiting for something to jump out at me, and nothing does. it's all just the same random wacky humor in all caps, and apparently it's trying to be bad on purpose, but it's just BAD. like, I am seriously getting a headache right now. Even shit like Spirit, where it was long as hell and Japany and stupid and cliche, at least there was stuff to make fun of! riffing on this is like, it's like picking on a retard. I just-- I, what is this supposed to be? What is happening here? Did they really think any of this stuff was funny? I mean they must have, but god! Holy I mean my god jesus this is sickeningly awful. I... I don't know if I can go on with this. You know what I would rather do than read this? I would rather have every single piece of literature I ever read from now on be horrible furry scat porn. I would rather lose my ability to comprehend written text. I would sacrifice a newborn child if it meant that horrible writing like this would never be allowed to exist.

NOXIGAR: Oh hey another pointless rant in lieu of actually decent one-liners.

1. The World's Greatest — This is the greatest series ever and I want to see it animated and I want to voice Henry.

NOXIGAR: Not sure if serious...

Season 4 (I Guess)

1. Are we going to finish Aruseus Emails? Not likely but by God we'll try.

NOXIGAR: {singing} TO CARRRRRRRRYYYY ONNNNNNNNNNNN

Lost Episodes

1. Green Grass and High Tides Forever

NOXIGAR: I liked Green Grass. High Tides Forever... not so much.

OTHER

• Before you ask any questions please resort to the FAQ thanks
• Who... who is it? Who... who is it? Who... who is it? What is it? What is it? What is it?
• when bluebry goes to strip clubs (which is very often we can assure you) he likes to look at the poll dancers

NOXIGAR: Except Bluebry does not do either of those two things.

• oh we also won this thing twice

NOXIGAR: Both times were rigged.

CROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW

NOXIGAR: Looks like the feds missed this.