(even if you aren't vegan)
RiffText/MFT3K/Bell Quest
NOXIGAR: Prepare for...wait, if you hate it so much, why are you advertising the original?
Host Segment 1
{Open up to the concession and tickets room. Chwoka walks in from the side, then jumps and turns.}
CHWOKA: Oh, hey, the camera's finally working. Just in time, too!
BLUEBRY: So, Chwoka, mind explaining to everyone what we're going to do?
CHWOKA: I honestly have no idea, but it apparently has something to do with fried brains...and movie theaters.
NOXIGAR: Your plan is to make similar moves to the geniuses that were in Mystery Science Theatre 3000, but instead of finding legitimately awful movies you just distort other people's fanstuffs to your own whims.
{Pan: left. Behind the concession camper, pops up Dr. Brainfreeze}
DR. BRAINFREEZE: Yes, this is a bit of a....{eyes dart the room. Hands are put together and rubbed} psycology experiment {chuckles}
NOXIGAR: {imitating Dr. Brainfreeze} Dr. Forrester would have sued us if we spelled psychology correctly, so we removed the "h" due to lack of understanding phonetics.
CHWOKA: Wait a minute, you're Dr. Brainfreeze! {pause} I thought ice was your-
DR. BRAINFREEZE: Hey, I'm a doctor also!
NOXIGAR: Oh, yeah? Where's your Ph.D, "doctor"?
BLUEBRY: Righto, can we start this ho or what?
DR. BRAINFREEZE: You actually want to?
CHWOKA: {uncaring of what Bluebry is saying} Wait, where's Skullbuggy?
DR. BRAINFREEZE: Frozen.
BLUEBRY: He's a dumpface, let's start this now so I can vomit and go home.
NOXIGAR: Nope, Skullbuggy is a decent Wiki user who probably had better things to do at the time.
DR. BRAINFREEZE: You're not going home.
BLUEBRY: waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat
NOXIGAR: {laughing} Even I know spelling "what" incorrectly isn't worth it for humour. Or stretching it out. You could at least capitalize it, or make it bold.
DR. BRAINFREEZE: Well, if I let you go, you could recuperate. Plus, I wouldn't be able to monitor you.
CHWOKA: ...frozen?
{Bluebry turns blue}
NOXIGAR: I WAS FROZEN TODAY!
CHWOKA: You monster! You made Bluebry sad!
DR. BRAINFREEZE: {turns to the audience} We'll be right back.
CHWOKA: Oh, we're on TV too!?
{end segment}
{fade in. Chwoka patting a very cold SkullB, who has a hot cocoa and a blanket.}
CHWOKA: There we go, buddy.
SKULLB: So it turns out I wasn't able to do the Polar Plunge. The damndest thing, right? ... Oh, wait. No. That's not right, is it?
NOXIGAR: DAMN IT, SKULLBUGGY!
CHWOKA: No. You were shoved in a minifridge. That is not the polar plunge.
{Dr Brainfreeze enters, scribbling down on a notepad.}
DR. BRAINFREEZE: {muttering} Polar Plunge, must remember that.. {puts the notepad away and enters a military stance.}
NOXIGAR: {imitating Dr. Brainfreeze} I just love stealing ideas from my test subjects. It's better than stealing ideas from a good television show!
I suppose you...three? Where's Bluebry? He needs to hear this.
CHWOKA: In the bathroom.
{Bluebry returns}
BLUEBRY: They have foam soap and it is magnificent.
NOXIGAR: Specifics are important.
SKULLB: Really? I love that stuff! ... So who's this old person again?
DR. BRAINFREEZE: How do you not know me? I'm Dr. Brainfreeze - famous supervillian!
BLUEBRY: Where did you receive your M.D.?
NOXIGAR: Ph.D! Ph.D!
DR. BRAINFREEZE: Once I discovered the cure for aging, I went to every college in the United States and a couple across the pond. Would you like to read my- Why am I making small talk with my lab rats!?
NOXIGAR: Because that's what Dr. Forrester does.
CHWOKA: Your laboratory is a very smelly theater?
SKULLB: Speaking of, do you have any popcorn? Like, with the yellow goop that smells like butter?
DR. BRAINFREEZE: Ah, movie popcorn. Which brings me to my next point - movies. Our experiment is about the worst fanfics on the HRFwiki community.
CHWOKA: But that doesn't make much se-
DR. BRAINFREEZE: It's also about isolation. Today's experiment is called "Bell Quest", a fanstuff full of in-jokes and bad composition.
CHWOKA: Are they searching for a bell?
DR. BRAINFREEZE: Yes, and that bell is also a cat.
SKULLB: What would you call a furry bell? A bellie?
NOXIGAR: Ba dum tish.
CHWOKA: Oh god, furries.
DR. BRAINFREEZE: You know what's worse than furries?
NOXIGAR: Movies you could be riffing instead, such as (500) Days of Summer, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, Valentine's Day, incredulously stupid shit that does not justify its own existence.
CHWOKA: What?
DR. BRAINFREEZE: Get into the theater.
NOXIGAR: DO IT NOW.
SKULLB: Oh, alright. Be that way.
{end segment}
MOVIE
{Chwoka walks in, carrying SkullB. He sets him down to his left.}
CHWOKA: Everything's better with poop!
SKULLB: Here's a tip for all you aspiring comedians--add exclamation points! They're funny!!!!
BLUEBRY: Except cyanide capsules, the output is still the same. Speaking of which, where did I put them...
Welcome to Bell Quest. No, it ain't a interactive game.
CHWOKA: And ain't ain't a word.
NOXIGAR: If Raiku can find "ain't" in a dictionary it's already impressively asserted.
It's just a fanfic by belstrnnmmvnmn & Badstar
BLUEBRY: I'd rather it be an interactive.
SKULLB: {imitating Bell} Eeeeeh, it's just a fanfiiiiic.
SKULLB: AAH WHAT IS THAT
NOXIGAR: A .PNG file. What did you think it was?
Chappies
- Chapter 1: Idiots To The Rescue
- Chapter 2: On The Road
- Chapter 3: Anti-Bling Attacks!
- Chapter 4: Alone
NOXIGAR: OH SHIT NOT THE FRIEND ZONE. I ALREADY HAD TO RIFF IT LAST TIME.
NOXIGAR: Foreveralone.jpg
Host Segment 2
NOXIGAR: I swear if it's just Im a bell yelling, "I'm a whiny little peach" I will go all the way to the end and- Oh wait. This isn't Chwoka's originally. I don't have to worry about that.
NOXIGAR: Now's not the time...to rhyme.
Host Segment 3
DVD Version
- All of Bell Quest. Except the outside of movie parts.
- Outtakes
NOXIGAR: Mystery Science Theatre 3000 did not have outtakes. They riffed things in the form of improv.
NOXIGAR: A commentary within a commentary! That's- Oh wait, I'm going that.
Host Segment 4
{Noxigar adds a {/blockquote} before anyone notices}
NOXIGAR: Now, on second thought, since this is all empty items and just SkullB., Bluebry, and Chwoka mentioning it blatantly, there doesn't seem to be any particular reason to riff it. So I won't.
