(even if you aren't vegan)
RiffText/MFT3K/Bell Quest/Segment2
{Fade in to the theater}
CHWOKA: ARGLE BARGLE that was horrible!
NOXIGAR: Ah, the times where I can sympathize with the statement.
SKULLB: I am dead on the inside
CHWOKA: What do you think the worst part is?
SKULLB: That's like trying to pick the best-looking clump of crap in a horse pen.
{The yellow light lights. The curtains open. Dr. Brainfreeze is standing there.}
DR. BRAINFREEZE: Hello, rats.
CHWOKA: Hello, Newman.
NOXIGAR: The new Robot Master is Newman? Aw, hell. They've dun goofed for the last-Oh wait, this isn't Megaman.
DR. BRAINFREEZE: How did you know my first name?
SKULLB: I dunno. Newman's a bit of a douchey name.
DR. BRAINFREEZE: You can't say that on television!
NOXIGAR: OBJECTION!
NOXIGAR: They can!
SKULLB: Wh-
{SkullB is doused with green slime.}
NOXIGAR: SURE IS NICKOLODEON IN THERE.
SKULLB: If this stuff is radioactive so help me God.
DR. BRAINFREEZE: You're a robot, it doesn't make much difference. Besides, this gives you a perfect opportunity to test out my Derraddiating Shower and that foamy soap.
NOXIGAR: {cough}De-radiating.{cough} Damn it, where are my cough drops?
SKULLB: yey foamy soap BUT I DIGRESS! Why are you holding us here, creepy frosty man?
NOXIGAR: DAMN IT, SKULLBUGGY! YOUR GRAMMAR IS JUST AS HIDEOUS AS YOUR VOCABULARY!
DR. BRAINFREEZE: If I find the worst piece of writing, I can kill anyone who thinks it is bad, thus dooming the human race! You are one group of many.
NOXIGAR: Fascist piece of shit
CHWOKA: So, why are you talking to us?
{Dr. Brainfreeze slams a large cardboard box on the table.}
DR. BRAINFREEZE: You will make puppets. I need to see what kind of effect this has on your minds. Wait, where is Bluebry?
CHWOKA: Taking the Polar Plunge.
{SkullB uses his +5 Potion of Scissordry to create a small puppet.}
SKULLB: I made a cat!'
NOXIGAR: DAMN IT, SKULLBUGGY!'
DR. BRAINFREEZE: Bling is seeping into your brain...
CHWOKA: Is that Froompsy the somewhat dead cat?
SKULLB: No, it's Oompsy the almost dead cat. Good guess, though!
CHWOKA: Still stressed over the Froompsy fiasco, eh?
SKULLB: ... {sobbing} YE-E-E-ES
{SkullB wipes the tears from his optic sockets.}
SKULLB: I need a big glass of Ve-zhe-rot to help me forget.
{Chwoka makes a puppet from a paper bag. The puppet is a wine bottle labeled "Vegerot". He hands it to SkullB.}
SKULLB: Oh, thank you... HEY! This isn't Vegerot! This is cheap knock-off Vegerot! I want mine straight from the vineyard, damnit!
NOXIGAR: Because we definitely have a vineyard!
{Chwoka draws a grape bunch on a different bag, then tears it up and stuffs it inside the Vegerot bag.}
DR. BRAINFREEZE: This is getting ridiculous.
SKULLB: ... So should we get back to the theater now?
DR. BRAINFREEZE: We still need to see what Bluebry does.
{fade to commercials}
{fade in. Chwoka is standing, hands behind is back. The cardboard box has been made into a makeshift table.}
CHWOKA: Many of the characters in this program are utterly useless - or so it would seem! Bluebry, Skully, and I have composed a puppet show about what those seemingly non-existent characters are doing in the meantime.
NOXIGAR: Cool story, bro.
With...
{Chwoka raises his hands, to reveal Homestar and Ebeneezer puppets}
CHWOKA: ...puppets!
{Chwoka crouches down under the box, and all the puppets raise}
SKULLB: {as Homeschool} I'm so torn. I can't decide which SPOOK CLIFF I'm going to jump off of!
CHWOKA: {as Homestar} This is boring. I don't know why I {pause for thought} came with them.
BLUEBRY: {as Ebeneezer} Who the hell am I?
SKULLB: {as Homeschool} I am... I am unsure. Perhaps you are a vengeful spirit???
CHWOKA: {as Homsar} DaAaAaAaAaA! You're a lanky prayin' mant-issssss maaaaAAAAAn...
NOXIGAR: I forgot I was the only person to make Homsar in character, and was congratulated by Im a bell on this notion alone.
SKULLB: {as Neo-Stinko-Whatever} I think they forgot about us, guys!!!
CHWOKA: {as Homestar} Nobody shall forget about us! Let's make everyone do what WE want them to do!
SKULLB: {as Homeschool} Yeah! I think that we should harm them! {breaking character} No, seriously, I'd like to ram a stick covered in fire ants right down this Bell guy's throat.
CHWOKA: {as Homestar} Don't forget Badstar! We should prolong their current suffering, just to teach them a lesson! {as Homsar} DaAaAaAa! I'm two zeroes and a sevennnnnnn...
SKULLB: {as Neo-Stinkomech} I have legs! I should kick them! In their {pause for thought}
NOXIGAR: ASS
butt!
NOXIGAR: DAMN IT, SKULLBUGGY!
CHWOKA: {as Homsar} DaAaAaA! I'll take the high road... {as Homestar} I agree with Homsar - we should simply manipulate them into doing our dirty work for us!
SKULLB: {as Homeschool} Yes, indeed! I'm apparently the smart one, so I'll make a hovercraft?
CHWOKA: {as Homestar} No, make a mind-control ray!!!!!!!
SKULLB: {as Homeschool} OKAY
{SkullB takes out a small contraption. It sparks and catches the Homeschool puppet on fire.}
SKULLB: Woah, woah, woah, fire, fire, fire.
CHWOKA: Speaking of things that end in -ire, how are you holding that puppet when your hands are tires?
SKULLB: Bubble gum. That's how. I kinda stick it to the tires.
CHWOKA: well, lucky thing then - bubble gum deletes fire!
{The fire ceases to exist}
NOXIGAR: THE ACTION STOPS
BLUEBRY: Hey guys, I'm going to say a line every now and then to make sure we don't have characters that say nothing. What fic am I in?
CHWOKA: MFT3k Host Segment 2 Episode 1!
BLUEBRY: No no, Bell Quest! {goes back to obscurity until a few chapters ahead}
COMMERCIAL SIGN: {flashing} Commercials commencing
CHWOKA: {turned to the camera} We'll be right back.
NOXIGAR: I'd rather you didn't come back.
{fade out}