Ethan & Dolan/The Experiment

Summary

OH-MEE-GEE!

Dolan's got a new experiment brewing in his lab. But Ethan just can't resist it.

Idea by Sephiroth

Transcript

{open with Ethan sitting on the couch in the living room, watching TV. It is evening. The "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" theme is heard}

ETHAN: Oh, Will Smith and your antics.

DOLAN: {walks in, stands in front of television} Okay, Ethan. I'm going out for groceries.

ETHAN: {entranced by the TV, trying to look around Dolan} Yeah sure fine.

DOLAN: Also, if you could just say outta my lab while I'm gone, that'd be great.

ETHAN: Fine whatever.

DOLAN: Seriously. Don't touch the experiment I got going down there...

ETHAN: Okay!

DOLAN: {sighs} Fine then. {leaves}

ETHAN: {with TV} "Yo, home, smell ya later!" Looked at my kingdom I was finally there. To sit on my throne, as a the prince of bel-air. {singing} Da da dat dat daaa dah. {turns TV off} Now I'm thirsty.

{cut to inside the fridge. Ethan opens the door and the light clicks on. Ethan looks around the fridge}

ETHAN: Root beer, root beer. Where is the root beer? {frustrated} What the crap? Dolan must be stealing all the root beer again. {cut to outside the fridge. Ethan closes the door} He's probabaly got it in one of those freezer of his...

{cut down to inside Dolan's lab. Ethan opens the door and flicks the light on}

ETHAN: Alright, where is it?

{pan to a freezer in the corner. A weird green glow comes from the edges of it. Ethan walks over to it}

ETHAN: {opens the freezer. A bright green glow bursts out} WHOA! Dolan's gotta turn off that green glow. {lights fades, revealing a green beaker in the center} Well that's not very root beery at all! {pulls it out of the freezer} It's just green and... beaker...ee. Well, can't hurt to try it! {goes to drink it} Wait. What was that Dolan said to about this?

{flashback to a straight view of the TV (Ethan's view). Dolan stands in front of it. The Fresh Prince theme is heard loudly}

DOLAN: {mumbly and uncomprehensible} . Don't touch the experiment I got going down there.

{cut back to the lab}

ETHAN: Must not've been that important. {lifts beaker}

{cut to outside the lab door. Another green glow suddenly emits from it, and Ethan screams. Cut back to Ethan, writhing in pain}

ETHAN: AAH! My insides are on fire! {close up on Ethan's face. Ethan is becoming paler} What's happening? {Ethan's "head/body" begins to bend into more of a bean shape and an ear begins to form} I'm.... I'm... {zoom out to show Ethan's Arms and legs extending. His "hands" have also grown paler and five fingers have formed. His feet are now dark orange shoes.} AGH! {A torso begins to form under his head and above the legs, with 2 thick white stripes across it, followed by a neck under the head. Ethan's eye shifts upward on his head} What the? {close up on Ethan's face. A nose and mouth suddenly sprout and his one eye forms into two, including the eyebrow.} I'M- {zoom out to show Ethan has becoming a human} ...HUMAN!?

{cut to Human Ethan pacing in the living room}

ETHAN: Oh god. I knew not to touch that experiment. And know look at me! I'm a freak! I gotta call Dolan! {pulls cell phone out from back pocket and tries to dial, but fails} Ahh! My fingers are too big! {throws cell phone down on the ground} I need to get to that grocery store! {runs out the front door}

{cut to Ethan walking down a sidewalk. An elderly man walks past up}

MAN: Evenin', son!

ETHAN: {surprised} Oh... hey!

{A girl walks by}

GIRL: Hey, cutie.

ETHAN: Oh hey, how you doin?

{A suited businessman walks by}

BUSINESSMAN: Hello there, sir!

ETHAN: Well hi! {stops walking} Wait a second! As a cycloptic midget, I was never welcomed like this! My life is changed forever! This new human body isn't a curse! It's my destiny! {runs back}

{fade to black}

DAVEY: {what he says, appears on screen} SEVERAL CORNY DESTINY LINES LATER...

{fade to Human Ethan writing in a shady office, with a fireplace cackling}

ETHAN: {not moving his lips, we hear what he's writing} It was then I realized just how shallow my life really was. And it was then I had a revelation of sorts. I Ethan, was to fufill my destiny, and spread the word to those near me. My life, would never be the same again. {sighs} {shuts book.}

{cut to the image of the book cover, it reads, "My Cycloptic Life" "By Ethan"}

DONNA: {offscreen} And we're here today- {cut to inside the "Donna Show" set, very similar to the Oprah set. An Oprah looking lady stands before two couches} -to meet the writer of my latest book club addition, "My Cycloptic Life." Please welcome, Ethan!

{The audience cheers. Ethan walks onto the set, shakes Donna's hand and sits down on the left couch. Donna sits on the right}

ETHAN: Hello. Hello.

DONNA: Wow. It is... an honor to meet you, Ethan. How are you?

ETHAN: {confidently} Well I'm doing pretty great, Donna.

DONNA: Outstanding. Simply outstanding! {stands up} Isn't he outstanding? {cheers from the audience. Sits back down} Now, let's talk about your book, "My Cycloptic Life." {tears up} Now... now this is one of the best novels I have ever read.

ETHAN: Well, I do try.

DONNA: It was fantastic. Fantastic! {to audience} Wasn't it just fantastic!?

{audience cheers}

ETHAN: Well thank you.

DONNA: Now, lemme read this paragraph from your book. {pulls up piece of paper and reads} "Things seemed so to be so nice as a cyclops. I just couldn't see how mocked and belittled I truly was." {pulls paper away} Now this is so true. Most of us don't even catch just how awful our lives are. I mean, it's like you were really writing this from a cycloptic point of view.

ETHAN: I guess you could say that.

DONNA: And so modest! Isn't he just amazing? Amazing! {cheers.} And everyone here today is getting a free autographed copy of "My Cycloptic Life!"

{more cheers. Cut to Human Ethan lounging in a hot tub of gold on top of a sky scraper. Several ladies sit around him}

ETHAN: Ah. Life is sweet. {laughter from the girls}

{A blimp flies by beside the skyscraper. It reads, "VOTE McLLAMA FOR PRESIDENT"}

ETHAN: Wait a second, that's it!

{cut to a proffesional newsroom. An older man sits behind the desk}

ANCHORMAN: Breaking news in the election watch as Ethan has just taken California in votes. CCS is now ready to announce that Ethan has officially claimed the presidency of the United States of America. We go to him now for his acceptance speech.

{cut to Human Ethan standing behind a podium in front of a large crowd}

ETHAN: My fellow Americans. I stand before you today with thanks and praise for all of America. The change this country needs is now in our future, and I hope you'll join me on this adventure. And for those of you who say our country cannot change, I tell them, "Yes we can!"

CROWD: Yes we can! Yes we can! Yes we-

{cut back to the newsroom, with a different anchor}

ANCHORMAN 2: SCANDAL IN THE WHITE HOUSE! We go now to our field reporter, Ben Dally.

{cut to Ben Dally standing in front of the White House}

BEN: Yes thank you, Tom. Ben Dally here in front of the White House reporting what is being called a scandal of massive proportions. The 45th president, Ethan, in his second term has just been identified as the weapon salesman to the foreign enemy countries. It's only a matter of time until

{cut back to news room. The original anchorman has returned}

ANCHORMAN: Impeached! The 45th president, Ethan, has just been forced to leave his presidential standpoint. Although no official comment has been made, Ethan was heard saying, "Well, this sucks." Experts say this confirms his recent-

{cut to inside a court room. Human Ethan sits behind the stand. A lawyer points agrilly at him}"'

LAWYER: -drug abuse!

{gasps from crowd}

JUDGE: The jury will now deliberate. {steps down}

{Ethan leaves the stand and walks over to his lawyer}

ETHAN: Well now what?

ETHAN'S LAWYER: Well, the least they can do is send you to-

{cut to Human Ethan in a hospital gown and handcuffs. A man in a doctor's jacket stands beside him}

DOCTOR: {monotone} -Rehab Center for the Presidentially Insane. Please follow me.

ETHAN: I really shouldn't even be here...

DOCTOR: Please follow me.

(cut to inside a padded cell, facing the door. The door opens and Human Ethan is thrown in, no longer in handcuffs. The door slams shut behind him}"'

ETHAN: {sighs} I don't think I can take this much longer...

{walks over to a barred window. It is night, the moon is out. A shooting star goes by}

ETHAN: Ah! A shooting star! {closes eyes} I wish I was a little cyclops again! {opens his eyes} Well, nothing else I can do now... {sits down beside the wall}

{cut to outside the window. A green glow flows from inside}

ETHAN: {inside} YES!

{cut to the rehab hallway. The door swings open and Ethan (normal again) jumps out. He begins walking down the hallway}

ETHAN: Screw this place. I'm outta here!

{cut to the beginning scene. Ethan is back on the couch in front of the TV. Now, the Full House theme plays}

DOLAN: {walks in from other way} Ethan, I'm home.

ETHAN: {entranced} Yeah, hi.

DOLAN: {sighs} {walks off}

{cut down to the lab. Dolan walks in and turns the light on. He walks over to the freezer and opens it, now empty.}

DOLAN: Eh... Ethan? Where's my-

ETHAN: {walking past the doorway} Yeah I took it, get over it...

DOLAN: Eh.. okay? {looks to camera} How long was I gone?

{end}