RiffText/RTOD

Opening Comments

{Noxigar sits by himself in the Theatre, asleep. After a few minutes, he awakens and looks around. He spots Namine approaching him.}

NAMINE: So.

NOXIGAR: So.

NAMINE: There's nothing left on the Wiki User Wiki to riff. This is, of course, going by the fact whatever we haven't covered is either not active enough for us to bother, something which someone else has beaten us to the punch on, or something just plain unriffable due to not being interesting enough.

NOXIGAR: There's one thing left.

NAMINE: What's that?

NOXIGAR: Consider it like a Book End of sorts. My first riff was Mystery Fanstuff Theatre 3000, which was crap. However, even bad things inspire others to mimic them. We could just riff RiffText: On Demand.

{Namine raises a brow}

NAMINE: I hardly think that will bode well.

NOXIGAR: It's either that, or mock the other Wikihoods. I still steadfastedly refuse to riff Wikihood 2, since Super Sam and Shadow Scythe did it and accomplished something with their riff of it.

NAMINE: And Nu Wikihood's already been riffed multiple times by Lex himself, so he effectively already ran it through its course.

NOXIGAR: I could just wait until the other people do WUWniverse, then mock the everloving shit out of it.

NAMINE: WUWniverse?

NOXIGAR: Basically a collaboration which is identical to Wikihood in all but name.

NAMINE: Why aren't you doing anything with it?

NOXIGAR: I quit the team before Wikihood itself was permanently cancelled, due to feeling forced out by Briar when all of my contributions were subsumed by everyone else eventually due to the public domain nature of everything. I have to use Tiffany "Oiracul" McConnell in a Werewolf tabletop game, and most of my other characters will be staying as far the fuck away from Briar as realistically possible.

NAMINE: Still embittered by everything, I presume?

NOXIGAR: I've always been embittered.

NAMINE: I think everyone knows that's untrue.

NOXIGAR: No, I've literally always been insane, antagonistic, whatever adjective you slice. Being on Lex and Chaos' side allowed me some camaraderie with anybody, and without the gem (I only accept EYKIW being labelled as a "gem" by others' admissions) that was Everything You Know Is Wrong I'd be as much a WUWniversal reject as anyone else.

NAMINE: I think you're going overboard again.

NOXIGAR: The only reason I feel rejected is because that's my perspective. Rejection and fandom exile have been my perspective since 2005, and the idea that my own perspective was a ten-year-old lie drives me to suicide.

{Short pause.}

NAMINE: Yeah, no, we're ending this conversation. Now.

{Noxigar nods.}

NAMINE: Onto the RiffText: On Demand riff, then.

RiffText On Demand

Adventures of Yobnaf
Currently Untitled (with Sykuino)

NAMINE: Currently Still Untitled.

Dangerous Quest (with Lemon)

NAMINE: I doubt Dangerous Quest is going to be different from Bell Quest much.

The Death of Bell (with Skully B. and Ninjaduck)

NOXIGAR: Damn it, Skullbuggy. I guess we get one final round with him.

KickCheat E-mails
Everything You Know Is Wrong

NAMINE: Wait, why are we skipping this riff?

NOXIGAR: Conflict of interest. Your contributions to RiffText riffs happened entirely because Everything You Know Is Wrong got riffed, remember?
NAMINE: I... guess?
NOXIGAR: Any potential joke we could milk from Lightning Guy already happened in our riff of JCMovies.
{Namine shrugs.}
NAMINE: And, should Lex or someone else write us riffing Lightning Guy's riffs?

NOXIGAR: I'd permit it, assuming it isn't done behind my back.

WUE Im a bell/Bling Emails Craptacular!

NOXIGAR: Even JCM targeted Bell's works. Almost none of them were as bad as even he makes them out to be.

NAMINE: I do suppose they're still barely adequate.

NOXIGAR: So Bad It's Good is a double-edged label. It's basically implying that there's nuggets of positivity even in something that's otherwise incorrigible, and it implies that there's a reason the bad makes something uniquely good. However, "So Bad It's Good" has been constantly misused even on this Wiki, and it's a crying shame.

Kirbychu emails.pie
Holy Crap! Youtube!
SSXMails

NAMINE: Quite a lot of Email shows are being taken out.

NOXIGAR: I don't imagine any of these except for WUE Im a bell and Bling Emails are half as good as Aruseus Emails.
NAMINE: And if I think they're better?

NOXIGAR: Then they might be.

User:Chaosvii7/Battels
Green Grass and High Tides Forever!

NOXIGAR: Hopefully, JCM's smarter than Chwoka and actually finishes his Green Grass riff.

{Cut to a few months later.}
NOXIGAR: On second thought, I don't actually want to read JCM's abysmal riffs of Battels or Green Grass, which is basically a Battel of its own.
NAMINE: I still don't get why you're skipping those.

NOXIGAR: Speaking from the bottom of my non-existent heart, Lex and Ted don't deserve to be massacred for trying to have fun with other people. I mean, it can already be safely assumed Lex regretted contributing to Green Grass in the first place. Secondly, the style of Battels was just not understood by John, and having to explain it in every episode of Ted's Battels page would have just been utterly tedious. To save time and not really bother, I'm skipping both since I can't even milk John's riffs for "humour."

User:JCM/songs

NOXIGAR: Skipping this as well.

NAMINE: Good.

NOXIGAR: The main reason is that riff never got finished. It was additionally not-finished during December 2014.

Closing Comments

{The "theatre" shuts off.}

NAMINE: Alright, Nox. I guess you're on your way out of the WUW for good?

NOXIGAR: Yeah, I can't have my time on here serve a purpose anymore.

NAMINE: I somehow doubt you'll be entirely gone.

NOXIGAR: If I didn't have constant feelings of being abused by Briar, and feelings of just wanting to be away from the dead site in general, I wouldn't have had to do a "last hurrah" in the first place.

NAMINE: I don't think a last hurrah was needed. You could've just gone. You even skipped the last three Riff-Texts on Demand, due to your exhaustion with riffing in general.

{They both exit the theatre, unsurprisingly.}

NAMINE: {voiced-over} From that moment onward, I tried to cover his escape. The last few times he tried leaving the Skype "main chat," he was brought back against his will.

{Cue to Noxigar and Namine, at a train station.}

NAMINE: {voiced-over} I booked a train for him, just so he'd be able to leave Wiki City in peace.

{Noxigar and Namine bid their farewells briefly. Noxigar gets on the train.}

NAMINE: {v-o} I maintained that he at least try not to let his friendship with Lex, Ben, etc. fall just because of a singular awful person.

{Pan to Namine, getting her hair dyed green whilst wearing a black cloak.}

NAMINE: {v-o} As for me, someone had to be "Garfield Bellinski." It's not as good as "Garland Bellinski," but I wager someone's going to force Metal Gear Hitler jokes, and someone still has to be around to stop them.

{Pan to Namine at the pharmacy, purchasing pills.}

NAMINE: {v-o} I guess now there's two Noxigars in the known Omniverse, with only slightly different backstory names.