RiffText/RTOD/Holy Crap! Youtube!

LIGHTNING GUY: I've returned from my holiday vacation to riff a smaller, yet just as horrifying collaborative fan fiction, spawned from the deranged mind of ALXXMaXX. Pretty much the basis of this thing is to bastardize as many of the YouTube's hottest as possible while trying to somewhat retain any semblance of redemption. As you'll witness, they failed miserably.

NOXIGAR: Basically, you learned to use purple prose to get your points more across.

Enjoy!

NOXIGAR: There is literally no way to enjoy your riffs.

Collaborative effort. Not done yet.

It's time to start.

LIGHTNING GUY: Now? But I haven't finished saying my last prayers.

{ALXX is sitting at his computer watching the Homestar Runner Lazer collection.

LIGHTNING GUY: I should just give this dude a medal of honor whenever he so charmingly avoids a rule breaker accusation.

All of a sudden, he's sucked into a strange, white place.}

ALXX: Woah. Where the crap am I?

LIGHTNING GUY: I'm guessing mental hospital?

RYAN: ALXX? ALXX?! ALXX!!! Oh, there you are.

ALXX: Ryan!? You're here too?

LIGHTNING GUY: "No, this straitjacket is just a fashion statement."

{A giant cursor begins moving around.}

ALXX: The heck is that!?

LIGHTNING GUY: {singing} I think someone needs to take their shot again.

{The cursor clicks on Chocolate Rain.

LIGHTNING GUY: Just Chocolate Rain. It's not a link, not a button. You don't need an explanation when you're dealing with Chocolate Rain.

The setting turns into a studio. Tay Zonday pops up from a hole in the ground.}

TAY ZONDAY: {singing} Chocolate Raaaaaiiin! Some stay dry and others—{stops singing} WHAT THE CRAP!?!?!?

LIGHTNING GUY: I'm feeling the pain, too, brother.

ALXX: Um, excuse me?

LIGHTNING GUY: I don't smell anything.

TAY ZONDAY: What are you kids doing in my studio?

ALXX: I don't know! I just got sucked in through my computer screen and I just found myself here!

TAY ZONDAY: Oh, you must be the ones that he summoned.

ALXX: What?

LIGHTNING GUY: He does not appreciate your ignorance.

Okay, this is making less sense per second. Could you tell me exactly what the crap is going on here???????

LIGHTNING GUY: It seems pretty reasonable, seven-mark. You just have to think for yourself.

TAY ZONDAY: You don't know where you are, do you? You're on Youtube!

{dramatic

LIGHTNING GUY: aka unfitting

NAMINE: To be fair, when is "dramatic" music ever fitting?

music}

TAY ZONDAY: You were summoned here because Youtube is being taken over by a dark and sinister force.

'LIGHTNING GUY: "We take offense to that!" said Google.

{Kirbychu falls from the sky

LIGHTNING GUY: What a stunning entrance.

and lands on a link leading to a Super Mario Bros. gameplay video. The video loads, and everyone is in world 1-1.}

KIRBYCHU HR'D: What the?

TAY ZONDAY: Oh, that happens sometimes to Youtube newcomers. Don't worry. You'll get used to navigating here in no time.

LIGHTNING GUY: He knows because he's the final word on anything that ever happens on YouTube. Ever.

{meanwhile, a dark figure is watching the video with ALXX, Ryan, Kirbychu and Tay in Super Mario Bros.}

LIGHTNING GUY: He gave it one star and a complimentary flame.

DARK FIGURE: Those fools think they'll be able to beat me...Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I'll trick everyone into viewing my videos, and then they'll be my minions!!! Moowaaa hahahahahahahahaha!!!!

LIGHTNING GUY: What a jolly fellow.

{A strange flaming goomba walks up.}

ALXX: OH MY GOD! A FLAMING GOOMBA! KIRBYCHU, YOU'RE PART KIRBY! EAT IT!

LIGHTNING GUY: In Mario Land, fire doesn't burn you!

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Hi X On Fire.

ALXX: EAT-{realizes who it is} Oh. Hi X. Didn't know who you were in this 8-bit world. Sorry for freaking out.

X ON FIRE: Okay, guys, I'm really freaked out. One minute I'm watching Deceased Crab,

LIGHTNING GUY: In Mario Land, everyone know what you're talking about!

the next minute I'm a flaming goomba in Super Mario Bros!

TAY ZONDAY: Wow. There are more of you than I expected.

{Homfrog falls from the "log in" button and crushes X, sending them to a video entitled "Mario Talks Without Lungs"}

LIGHTNING GUY: Anything can happen...in Mario Land.

HOMFROG: Sorry, Xey-boy. {gets off, and hops back to everyone else}

HOMFROG: Hi guys! I logged in because I had logged out accidentally, and then my computer monitor turn black and flash a picture of a bleeding eyeball, accompanied with scream, and that scarred me for life, and then I got sucked into Youtube. And here I am.

LIGHTNING GUY: Welcome to "People Who Care"! There unfortunately isn't anyone to listen to your boring life story right now. Please call again later.

{a small "Unregistered Hypercam 2" sign appears in the top-left corner} Hey, what color hair do they put on the driver's license of a bald man? {pauses, then stares at HyperCam sign} WE'RE BEING ILLEGALLY TAPED! RUN FOR IT!

LIGHTNING GUY: SO JUSTICE SHALL PREVAIL

NOXIGAR: I question how that makes sense. I question how any of Lightning Guy's quips make sense.

{Tay, ALXX, Kirbychu, Ryan, and X run away}

MARIO HEAD: What do you mean-a...Oh-a no!!!

LIGHTNING GUY: {adjusts his glasses} The dialect! It's like nothing I've seen before!

{Mario Head floats away very fast. They run (and float) away until they find themselves in a trailer park. A strange little kid is taping himself with a camera}

SQUEAKY-VOICED KID: Oh my god, there's a whole bunch of weird people in my street. Mom says I can't be out in the street if there's weird people.

LIGHTNING GUY: {fast-pitched} But if they ask if I want some candy I gladly screw her over because I love candy because I'm a genuine 6 year old and

There's, like, this guy in a robot suit, a guy who is, like, this blue fox thing, a flaming goomba, a Kirby-Pikachu hybrid, a floating Mario head, and a guy with glasses.

LIGHTNING GUY: He's the Seinfeld of observational humor.

{Dr. Octagonapus appears in Squeaky-voiced Kid's windwow.}

LIGHTNING GUY: Actually, disregard that last comment. I was just told that Seinfeld was the Seinfeld of observational humor. Hey, what's going on

DR. OCTAGONAPUS: DR. OCTAGONAPUS BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! {does teh Shoop da Whoop}

LIGHTNING GUY: here?

TAY ZONDAY: Oh god. Dr. Octagonapus in a Fred video. This cannot be good.

LIGHTNING GUY: It must be awesome.

FRED: {screams in terror, FIRES a LAZOR back at Dr. Octagonapus}

LIGHTNING GUY: Now, Freddie. Didn't I tell you that two wrongs don't make a right?

ALXX: The Youtube dimensions must have folded back upon each other, creating an ULTIMATE YOUTUBIVERSE!!! {dramatic music}

KIRBYCHU HR'D: I'm getting out of this! {He punches a random link. Everyone ends up in a Zeeky Bomb scene of the Demented Cartoon Movie.} Aw crap.

LIGHTNING GUY: Just because you're about to die doesn't give you the right to neglect your comma duty.

X ON FIRE: {clicks a random link}

RANDOM GUY: Gleeg snag zi- {video changes to Mega Man 2}

X ON FIRE: That's better!

LIGHTNING GUY: Define "better".

NOXIGAR: Something more satisfying to the user who's saying "That's better."

{goes to Air Man's stage}

RYAN: As long as they don't notice us...we-

ZEEKY BOMBS: ZEEKY BOOGY DOOG!

LIGHTNING GUY: It's a non-stop paradise of memetic monstrosity!

NOXIGAR: No, if it were that it would be a Blizzard Entertainment game. The memes would be forced, and trouble would perpetuate "Paradise."

RYAN: Aw crap.

{Nuclear explosion, everyone lands in the castle from Link: The Faces of Evil}

LIGHTNING GUY: In Link Land, nuclear explosions just throw you around a bit!

RYAN: HAW?

KING: Mah boi! Mah boi! Mah boi! Mah boi! Mah boi!

LIGHTNING GUY: Those are the only two words this man knows.

ALXX: DOES ANYTHING HERE ACTUALLY MAKE SOME SORT OF SENSE? WHY WERE WE SUMMONED HERE, ANYWAY!?!?!?!?!?!?

LIGHTNING GUY: I'm sorry, but the ceiling can't answer your question.

{Everyone falls down a hole.}

DARK FIGURE'S VOICE: Welcome to my secret lair! The reason you came was to defeat me!

LIGHTNING GUY: Don't deny it. I already said it.

Well, how will you defeat my if you can't face the wrath of MY LAZOR ARMY!?!?!?!?!?!?

LIGHTNING GUY: I don't know who "my" is, but I can probably shake you up a bit.

{Air Man begins shooting tornadoes, one hits the King.}

KING: Oh!

LIGHTNING GUY: "This swirling wind has revealed my royal panties!"

{The King gets caught in the tornado, which then knocks down the army of Shoop Da Whoop guys who were chargin' their lazars}

LIGHTNING GUY: Lazers, lazors, lazars. This kid is as consistent as my wife's mood patterns.

X ON FIRE: Well, that's lucky.

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Wait, if we're in YouTube, wouldn't that mean we're in the internet? BRB!

LIGHTNING GUY: He's going to get some scandalous imagery.

{Kirbychu floats up to the adress bar and writes in "www.homestarrunner.com".

LIGHTNING GUY: Nope, just a medal of honor.

The website loads.}

KIRBYCHU HR'D: I can't believe that worked.

{The "Come on in" screen pops up, but then Homestar does the Shoop da Whoop to Kirbychu}

LIGHTNING GUY: Oh! That was a shocker.

DARK FIGURE'S VOICE: You see, Kirbychu, you can't win! I have taken over nearly everything!

X ON FIRE: Nearly everything? {goes to www.runescape.com}

LIGHTNING GUY: He decided to leave RuneScape alone because it was already succeeding at destroying itself.

KIRBYCHU HR'D: I'm no longer Kirbychu HR'D, I'm now KirbychuHRD!

LIGHTNING GUY: See what he did there?

NAMINE: He got a username change, by removing the apostrophe and spaces.

If so, please tell me.

{On Runescape, Sephiroth's Character is there.}

SEPHIROTH: ....Guys? What are you doing on the Internets?

LIGHTNING GUY: Ruining the English language. What do you think?

KIRBYCHUHRD: HELP! We were sucked in here by some shadowy man who took over the internet! Listen Sephiroth, get off the computer, you'll be sucked in here if you don't!

{all of a sudden, an army of Shoop da Whoop guys attacks Kirbychu.}

LIGHTNING GUY: Tragedy after tragedy. It just doesn't stop.

SEPHIROTH: Wait a minute... {Drags Everyone off the internet, and puts all the Shoop da Whoop guys in a bunch of Shock Sites. He closes the browser, and opens a new one, and puts everyone there.} There. Now, to download some movies! {Opens up bittorrent, and an army of viruses pour out. A Norton Warrior comes, and kills them.}

EVERYONE: YAY! Go SuperNorton!

LIGHTNING GUY: This has gotten too unrealistic for me to bear.

{The dark figure steps out of where the virus army came out, kills the Norton Warrior,

LIGHTNING GUY: Seriously, it wasn't that hard.

then comes up to the gang.}

DARK FIGURE: Hahahahahaha!

LIGHTNING GUY: They say it's the best medicine! Even better than heroin! I'd be a fool not to take advantage of it!

Do you really think you can beat me? Wait till I hit you with my patented attack!

{The dark figure steps out into the light to reveal...RICK ASTLEY!!!}

TAY ZONDAY: YOU!

LIGHTNING GUY: Let the bitch slapping commence!

RICK ASTLEY: {singing} We're no strangers to loooove...You know the rules, and so do I...do I...do I...

{Sephiroth starts clicking Rick Astley, irritating him.}

LIGHTNING GUY: SEPHIROTH: Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!
RICK: I don't even look like I'm hitting myself. You're just clicking on my face repeatedly.

TAY ZONDAY: Well, in that case... {starts singing Choclate Rain}

LIGHTNING GUY: Choclate Rain? Is that a new song of his or something?

{Gary Brolsma jumps in and starts dancing to Numa Numa.}

LIGHTNING GUY: It's a full out clown war! Duck before you get a pie in the face!

{Sephiroth gets sucked in.}

SEPHIROTH: Oh, great! Just Great! {A cursor then, picks him up, and smacks him on the address bar. The URL becomes 4Chan.} Oh. No. {Sees Loituma Girl, and Caramell Dansen Girls. He grabs Loituma's

LIGHTNING GUY: This is starting to get interesting...

Leek.

LIGHTNING GUY: Did it get interesting

NOXIGAR: With you breathing down the work's neck every line or so, I'm afraid we won't know. Things don't change on a dime.

A Lion walks by.} A Lion! Get in the Car! ...AHH!! Memes! And.... a war... {Points, to see 4Chan, YTMND, and Scientology fighting.} We need to get out. Please.

LIGHTNING GUY: You can't bargain with a ceiling, my friend.

X ON FIRE: We need to go somewhere where internet memes have no power.

LIGHTNING GUY: Have you ever tried a thing called "real life"? I heard it's really swell.

We have to go...to an EDUCATIONALLL WEBSIIIIITE....

ALXX: I know just the place!

LIGHTNING GUY: "This is the site I learned how to write on, so you know it's great!"

{ALXX goes up to the search bar and writes in brainpop.com}

SEPHIROTH: No... {Types in a site. He misspells it, and they are transported to a weird Cheese Website.}

WEBPAGE: WELCOME TO HARDCORECHEESE.COM!!!!!!!!

LIGHTNING GUY: This is enough to make a man lactose intolerant for the rest of his life.

ALXX: {looks at the picture} It's...a piece of cheese...with a "censored" sign on it.

LIGHTNING GUY: Thank you, network.

Oh, very funny, less than, slash, sarcasm, greater than.

LIGHTNING GUY: {monotonous} Darn. Now I have to be serious for the rest of this page.

I'm getting out of here. {writes in Zombo.com in the URL box}

X ON FIRE: Hey...he's changing our URLs! This is www.ZOMBIES..com!

LIGHTNING GUY: {monotonous} You added an extra period there.

{a bunch of zombies start chasing everyone. ALXX voips away.}

LIGHTNING GUY: {monotonous} You're being a Mary Sue.

TAY ZONDAY: NOOOO ALXX, you can't leave us like this!

LIGHTNING GUY: Oh, screw it! Less than, sarcasm, greater than! Now I'm good to go!

ALXX: Zombies, meet Frankenstein!

{ALXX voips back with Edgar Winter, who proceeds to play some kick-awesome synth licks that make the zombies melt.}

LIGHTNING GUY: Is it over now?

ALXX: Thanks, man.

EDGAR WINTER: No prob, Bob.

KIRBYCHU HR'D: {enters www.fledgepinz.com, gets taken to webkinz} It works!

{Vindicator runs across the screen, carrying anime videos,

LIGHTNING GUY: Keep your trash

{Noxigar laughs condescendingly}

NAMINE: That was funny?
NOXIGAR: For once. Calling anime "trash" has been overdone, but people have made that an actual happenstance later on.

NAMINE: I presume they do it ironically, whereas your Tea Party Republican acquaintance-at-best is doing it sincerely.

in the trash can, please.

with an Imperial Guard from Oblivion chasing}

IMPERIAL GUARD: You- you- you- violated the law. STOP!

LIGHTNING GUY: Stuttering punks like you need to keep their YT links to themselves.

{Chaos falls from the sky and lands on the Imperial Guard.}

CHAOS: Oh, no. Not this again. {looks at the fledgepinz thing, and destroys it.} Webkinz deserves to die. It's a terrible, shawdy rip-off of Neopets. Get some originality, web developers!

LIGHTNING GUY: Coming from the man who just fell from the sky.

ALXX: And I don't even like Neopets. {enters www.gomblog.net, gets taken to Homfrog.net}

{Tahu comes in through an inter-diminsional warp pipe}

LIGHTNING GUY: Better.

TAHU: {looks at webpage} NO. {enters metoob.com, gets taken to youtube}

LIGHTNING GUY: Here we go again.

This is how we defeat Rick Ast- {turns into Weegee}

KIRBYCHU HR'D: {inhales Weegee, somehow becoming Luigi Kirbychu} Luigi Ability from Weegee? Interesting. {shoots green fireball}

TAHU: kk im bac n im 1337 lol

LIGHTNING GUY: Come on, scroll bar. You're almost there.

ALXX: Tahu? What are you doing here?

TAHU: Don't ask me... {OOC: check the talk page}

LIGHTNING GUY: {OOC: when are you IC?}

ALXX: {OOC: I know.} Well, anyway, let's go stop that Rick Astley!!! Now if we could just--{looks the other way, sees Strong Mad

LIGHTNING GUY: MEDAL OF HONOR

and Fred Phelps} Oh, hi, Strong Mad. Dumbhosen.

PHELPS: Yer goin' ta hell!

LIGHTNING GUY: Cool. I heard it's warm there.

STRONG MAD: CAN I KEEP HIM?

ALXX: No way!

LIGHTNING GUY: He probably has rabies or something.

STRONG MAD: HE FOLLOWED ME HOME!

LIGHTNING GUY: Don't worry. He does that to everyone.

ALXX: I said, no. Now put it back where it belongs!

TAY ZONDAY: Wait, ALXX. He's with the enemy. Maybe we can squeeze some answers out of him...

LIGHTNING GUY: In case this cliffhanger disappoints you, I'll wrap up the story myself:

NOXIGAR: Screw that, we're out of here.
NAMINE: Yeah, I've already read Lightning Guy's improvised conclusion. He's no better than this fic anyway.

Tay Zonday provokes Phelps' God-induced rage, and a zeeky bomb blows them all up. Rick Astley is revealed to be a mask of none other than Google's CEO himself. "Don't be evil...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What a joke." He gets shoop da whooped or something like that, and the internet remains in control of Anonymous. The End.