RiffText/RTOD/SSXMails/BHZ/An EMAIL? For Real?

WILL BE FORMATTED LATER

LIGHTNING GUY: This guy seriously has too much of a life to fix an unreadable piece of crap?

MR. CLOUD: Well, that IRC channel can't monitor itself 24/7.

LIGHTNING GUY: It's like staring at a fishbowl, only there's no one to feed.

SSX: Man, I have a mail?

MR. CLOUD: A mail you have.

Hmmmm. Must be on one of those new papers. The transparent papers that you can't feel.

LIGHTNING GUY: That was boring and stupid! You've come off to a great start!

Ok, here we go.

Quote Dear Bender, Where's The Cheat and, uh, Carmen San Diego? Sincerely, Strong Bad

Blockquote

NOXIGAR: The part where it isn't formatted just says "Blockquote" in actuality.

Dear Snapper, Where's Super Sonic X and, uh, his brain? Sincerely,

Mr. Cloud

Good question, Strong BaWHA!

LIGHTNING GUY: Oh God, another panic attack.

NOXIGAR: It makes me wish you acutely understood what panic attacks actually felt like

Strong Bad? I got an email from the legendary Strong Bad?

MR. CLOUD: Hey, unnecessary white space, how's it going?

Cool. Anyways, I think I has the solution to your question.

LIGHTNING GUY: If only you has the solution to my throbbing headache.

Cut to a cheap, flashy, unnecicary show.

LIGHTNING GUY: If only.

The Cheat and Carmen San Diego: GONE Without a Trace!

MR. CLOUD: We can only hope.

Generic person #344354: Let's start looking for some traces!

Generic person #1: THERE ARE NO TRACES!

LIGHTNING GUY: Seriously, it's right there in the title.

Guys, don't listen to him. I'M the original! I AM GP NUMBER OOOOOONNNNNNNEEEEEE!!!!!!11one!1 GP 344354: Ok, chill.

LIGHTNING GUY: Mr. Cloud, what happened to that unnecessary white space of yours?
MR. CLOUD: Must have gotten lost in the 11one!1s.

Let's jsut find those guys.

MR. CLOUD: Jsut gots to do everything.

Cut back to SSX.

Don't worry, Scroll Buttons. The Squeaky Guy and the guy who's not a guy will be safe, I think. If not, try to find another huge egg or something.

Man, where is everybody? It's like I'm living in a town where everyone is dead, exept me. And I'm struggling to stay alive. Or something. I'ma go see where everyone went.

MR. CLOUD: Was this supposed to be a monologue or something?
LIGHTNING GUY: I don't know. He lost me after "huge egg". I don't even...

SSX trips on a mysterious suitcase.

Ow, those things are bad for you!

LIGHTNING GUY: But suitcases are part of every balanced breakfast!

The suitcase opens up, revealing the "Super-Box 200".

Hmmmm...

Later...

What, you're still here? You were supposed to leave one Later ago!

MR. CLOUD: Oh, okay. Bye. {leaves}

You can't see the SuperBox yet!!

The camera zooms in on the SuperBox.

WHAT are you doing? Get outta here!

LIGHTNING GUY: You said it, not me. {leaves}

The SuperBox is brodcasted on live TV.

Oh, very funny. Now, get outta here, man!

LIGHTNING GUY AND MR. CLOUD: {offscreen} We're gone! Now shut the {bleep} up!

Phew. They're finally gone.

SSX pulls the cover off the SuperBox, and turns around.

Aww, CRAP!

The paper comes down. SSX stretches it over the SuperBox.

NAMINE: I think you only riffed two of their riff lines. How come you have less retorts as these go on?

NOXIGAR: I can't churn out "witty" quips to respond to Lightning Guy's asshattery. Even if I could, I've tried reading some of these riffs just to see what I could respond with. Often, I find that the text being smothered with repartees just doesn't work in general, especially if not even a single line executed was funny.
NAMINE: You might be fatigued again. I lament how you're almost done with this whole riff segment, else I'd just tell you to cancel it and leave the site while you still have a chance to not be dragged back into it.
NOXIGAR: Y'know, I think Lex tried to joke about how the WUW was a "Hotel California" of sorts.
NAMINE: Oh?
NOXIGAR: I refused to believe it. But, this site and Tumblr are both awful, yet I'm stuck with them for some social contacts until I gradually outmode them with better things.
NAMINE: Such as?
NOXIGAR: Twitch, Discord... literally anything else, honestly. I don't think anybody I know would use a Reddit, though.
NAMINE: It's probably for the better. Still, I don't think Lex is wrong.
NOXIGAR: How come?
NAMINE: The place may genuinely suck, but Super Sam still keeps it alive for whatever reason.

NOXIGAR: And I don't understand why Super Sam keeps this site going.