RiffText/MFT3K/X Is The New Y/4

About

Everyone wants to watch a RRR-rated movie.

BLUEBRY: dang that's hardcore
SKUB: Ouch, my breakfast!

The group embarks on their first big task.

SKUB: What, telling on Strong Bad? Excuse me, Stong bad.

CAST: Bubs, Coach Z, Marissa, Xaviar, the cheat, Strong bad, Yvonne, Senor Cardgage, Homestar
SETTING: The living room, The girls room,

NACHOMAN: awesome

NOXIGAR: It wasn't awesome last episode, so why would you think going to this setting would be awesome now?

the photo booth, The movie theatre, The (indoor) concession stand, the theatre

Transcript

{cuts to the living room, a small orange room with red walls.

BLUEBRY: ...wh—wha—how
SKUB: It's like they killed color theory and hung its corpse as a warning

NOXIGAR: I am just as confused as you are, Bluebry.

coach z and bubs are pushing a couch off screen. the cheat walks

NACHOMAN: it's really more of a waddle if you think about it

onscreen, holding a purple perch marissa and xaviar are sitting on}

BUBS: Hey, missy. Thanks for the twenty bucks!

COACH Z: Yeah! I needed some more jock straps.

BLUEBRY: who doesn't
SKUB: "And let me tell you about pants there, so and so"

NOXIGAR: The writer is still keeping Coach Z semi-in-character with his creepiness being a major factor of his personality.

MARISSA: {jumping off the perch}

SKUB: So which one is the bird?
NACHOMAN: this fanstuff old and for the birds

{disgusted} Erm... you're welcome?

{the two finally push the couch offscreen.}

MARISSA: Okay, you can put it down here.

CHWOKA: Drop it like it's hot.

{the cheat lifts up the stand, and puts it on the ground. he pants}

SKUB: He pants on the ground, pick he pants up

NOXIGAR: HE KICK HIM IN HE NUTBAG
NOXIGAR: I remember you saying this the most back when you riffed "Records of Bell".

YVONNE: {offscreen} Come on! Get in there!

STRONG BAD: {offscreen} And why should I?

CHWOKA: BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE OH GOD AGHH

YVONNE: Fisty says why! {the doorway suddenly opens. after a smacking noise is heard, strong bad flies through the door, hitting the ground head first.

SKUB: Get it? He was beat up by a girl. That's the joke.

NOXIGAR: Was there a joke to dissect to even begin with?

yvonne walks in}

XAVIAR: I'm glad you could all make it.

STRONG BAD: Are you trying to get me to watch some slide show?

SKUB: "Oh, man, I never do that every year on the same day!"
CHWOKA: A slideshow about global warming.

XAVIAR: No. Marissa brought up an interesting similarity with you all.

BLUEBRY: oh, you have a way with words

THE CHEAT: {confused the cheat noises}

NACHOMAN: {confused nachoman noises}

XAVIAR: No. You all want to see Axe Gun, but none of you are senior citisens.

BLUEBRY: citizens also astute observation there champ
SKUB: I prefer Axe Gun II: Fists of Blades of Furious

MARISSA: So, with your agreement, you must help us sneak into the movie.

CHWOKA: Or else we kill you.

NOXIGAR: No, there's an actual agreement involved. It doesn't devolve into "Or else we kill you" territory.

XAVIAR: Simple. I've made a little list of things for you all to get.

CHWOKA: Number One: Axe Gun.

STRONG BAD: I am not going shopping.

XAVIAR: These are all things you should be able to get easily. {points at marissa} You get

SKUB: your rifle

NOXIGAR: There has never been previous establishment to owning a rifle in any of these characters. Unless for some unknown reason Bubs let the protagonists borrow his rifle...

a tan sun hat, some red lipstick, and some fancy-schmancy outfit on.

BLUEBRY: "probably from some fancy store like kmart"

NOXIGAR: "K-Mart sucks"

MARISSA: Will red nail polish work?

XAVIAR: You're putting it on your lips.

NACHOMAN: i think this is a joke of some sort

{points at yvonne} You, get a frying pan, a butter knife, and a brown fedora.

BLUEBRY: ffffffffFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
SKUB: Bluebry, I'm so sorry

NOXIGAR: "MFT3K: Our Jokes Are Too Precious For Other, Lowly People To Use"

Oh, and undo your pony tail.

CHWOKA: KEL I HAVE AN IDEA BUT I NEED THREE ORANGES, A FEATHER, AND SOME GOAT'S BLOOD. MEET ME AT GOOD BURGER.

NOXIGAR: What? A ponytail is a hairstyle. At least you were random enough to warrant a good chuckle.

YVONNE: Consider it done.

NACHOMAN: "but just consider it done because i'm not taking orders from a freaking bird"

XAVIAR: {points at the cheat} Go steal homestars worker

SKUB: Fake Character Email Homestars Worker

outfit, and buy a black wig from bubs.

CHWOKA: An african-american wig.

NOXIGAR: No, the pigment of the hair from the wig, not the nationality...

THE CHEAT: {excited meh}

SKUB: Now that's an oxymoron!

NOXIGAR: That the Brothers Chaps sometimes pull off.

XAVIAR: {points at strong bad} And you are in charge of an oversized tan trench coat,

BLUEBRY: "so the kids find you trustworthy"

and your 'nun-chuck gun'.

CHWOKA: But that nunchuck gun doesn't take orders from anybody!

NOXIGAR: No, the nunchuck gun's owner doesn't take orders from anyone except Renaldo.

STRONG BAD: Dangeresque never goes u-

MARISSA: You aren't in your sunglasses.

SKUB: They're transition lenses. They're not always sunglasses!

STRONG BAD: Um...

XAVIAR: Just get to work.

CHWOKA: WATCH ME WORK
TALKING HEADS REFERENCE COUNT: 2
SKUB: Wow, only 2? Good job, Chwoka! You get a Chwoka treat.
{Skub tosses a Chwoka treat in the air and Chwoka eats it whole.}

NOXIGAR: Um, what? Is this not my beautiful Talking Heads reference? Is this not my beautiful riffing some bizarre in-joke which only other people in the Plastics will get? Is this not my beautiful stapler?

{cuts to the girls room. yvonne is sitting patiently on the bed, digging through a purple purse. marissa is throwing sun hats out of the closet.}

CHWOKA: I imagine it's like the theme song to The Mary Tyler Moore Show, only over and over again.

NOXIGAR: IF ONLY I KNEW WHAT THAT WAS

MARISSA: There she is! {stops throwing sun hat, picks up a tan sun hat. a small red feather is on it.} Will this work?

YVONNE: Most likely.

CHWOKA: Indubitably!

MARISSA: Hey, why are you looking through my purse?!?

CHWOKA: It's a mugging.

YVONNE: Trying to find your lipstick. {throwing the items she mentions out of the purse} Red siccors,

BLUEBRY: scissors?
SKUB: Succors?!?!?!?
NACHOMAN: SCUABABLALLAISSAZORS??

NOXIGAR: No I think Bluebry has it right

red diary, my wallet, purple lipstick, spare computer mouse, ah! {picks up a small silver container} Here it is!

SKUB: Well, women sure do like makeup, right

MARISSA: Thanks! {grabs the container} Now, what will we use for a fancy outfit?

CHWOKA: Well, considering most characters don't even have pants, you're one step ahead of the game!

YVONNE: Hm... {gets off the bed, walks over to the closet} Put on your dark red short sleeve, and your long red skirt. {kneels down towards the closet, begins sifting through a pile of toys} Now wheres that stupid frying pan?

MARISSA: Maybe in the kitchen...?

YVONNE: {looks at marissa} Shut up! {walks offscreen}

SKUB: DON'T PATRONIZE ME
CHWOKA: THIS IS ARE CONTRY

NOXIGAR: MY ABILITY IS CONTRARY AND I CHECK YOU CHECK

{cuts to the photo booth. strong bad is there. he takes a large tan trench coat off of a coat rack.}

SKUB: Wh—what

STRONG BAD: I wonder why we need this. It's too big for me, even!

CHWOKA: No, it's intimidating, because they see a big coat on a little guy and they're like, "Woah! Little guy in a big coat, soemthing's going down here."

{the cheat walks in. he is wearing a black wig, and a blue/white outfit}

STRONG BAD: In fact, why do we need the wig?

THE CHEAT: {normal the cheat noises}

STRONG BAD: Well, were any of us even asked to get a camel?

SKUB: I get it.

NOXIGAR: No.

{cuts back to the living room. everyone is there, with what they need}

XAVIAR: Now lets put these on. Marissa, put on the sunhat, lipstick, and outfit. Yvonne, cut yourself,

SKUB: and end it all, right here, right now.

put on the black wig, fedora, and trench coat.

BLUEBRY: "perfect, just say you're a 40s-era detective and by law they HAVE to let us into the movie"

YVONNE: You expect me to cut myself?!?

CHWOKA: In the eye, yes.

NOXIGAR: No, that's not where you expect her to cut herself, be honest here.

XAVIAR: Just enough to leave a mark.

YVONNE: {grumbles}

SKUB: Tell me why this is necessary and I swear to God, I'll find you and give you five dollars.
NACHOMAN: "Now roll around in this mud with the other girl while I get out my camera"

NOXIGAR: It was funny until NachoMan opened his mouth and missed the damn point again

XAVIAR: Strong bad, take the leg portion of the trench coat.

STRONG BAD: Why can't she carry me around?

XAVIAR: 'Cause you'd be spotted almost instantaneously, while yvonne is virtually unknown.

CHWOKA: This is the hilarity.

The cheat, put on the-

CHWOKA: bus, Gus?

NOXIGAR: I don't see what the fuss-

{the camera zooms in on the cheat, who's wearing the outfit. the camera zooms back out.}

XAVIAR: Erm... ok. Go, go GO, people!

CHWOKA: DIVE! DIVE! DIVE!

{everyone runs offscreen.}

{cuts to outside the ciniplex.

SKUB: cinep—okay, according to Firefox neither spellings are actual words. So never mind. For all I know you got it right! C minus.

NOXIGAR: Hm? I always thought it was cineplex. I'd still give Zoo an F here.

everyone is there, in costume.}

CHWOKA: Everybody will leave at exactly th
{Skub whacks Chwoka on the nose with a newspaper.}

NOXIGAR: Where's the joke?

YVONNE: Hey, what did we need the frying pan for?

XAVIAR: I wanted to see this too, so I need something to distract the ticket man.

MARISSA: Okay. I'll go first. {walks into the theater}

BLUEBRY: THE ACTION NEVER STOPS

{cuts to senor cardgage at the ticket counter. marissa comes in}

MARISSA: {with a movie star-esque faked voice} Excuse me, big boy. Would you let a pretty lady into that scary movie for free? I am {flutters her eyelashes} the star of it.

SKUB: Oh, you tease

NOXIGAR: See, this is a good riff here.

SENOR CADGAGE: I'm sorry, belinda. Only the movie stars can enter for free.

MARISSA: Did you even hear me?

SENOR CARDGAGE: Come on in.

CHWOKA: It's not. It's not like that.

NOXIGAR: Is it supposed to be?

{lifts up the rope. marissa walks in. yvonne walks in. she holds up the 'nunchuck gun, facing senor}

YVONNE: Growl!

SKUB: All I can think of now is the girl in grade school who knew she was a tiger, and then in high school you finally saw her again and now she's wearing a fake tail.

NOXIGAR: Somehow Halloween logik doth not apply.
NOXIGAR: Yes, the Shakespearean is a joke.

SENOR CARDGAGE: {indifferently} Aaaaah. {puts his hands over his head. yvonne walks into the theatre}

CHWOKA: Wait, they're going to see a play?

THE CHEAT: {walks in} {curious the cheat noises}

SENOR CARDGAGE: Hey there, hamster.

XAVIAR: {offscreen} Kaboom!

SKUB: Wrong sound effect there, buddie

{the frying pan flies onscreen, knocking out cardgage.

NACHOMAN: my favorite character ;_;

xaviar flies onscreen. he high-fives the cheat. the two walk offscreen}

{cuts to an indoor concession stand. homestar is in the stand, wearing a large sheet of blue construction paper.

SKUB: Okay, so at the very least he got Homestar's character right. Excuse me, homestar.

NOXIGAR: Why are you reverse correcting yourself? Why do you think that's funny?

the five walk in}

HOMESTAR: Welcome to movieplex theaters.

YVONNE: Two medium popcorns,

CHWOKA: and a microphone.

NOXIGAR: Huh? If I could order a microphone in a theatre I'd keep it and riff people in public.

and five smoothies, please.

BLUEBRY: "WE DO NOT WANT TO CHOOSE THE SIZE AND FLAVOR OF THE SMOOTHIE THOUGH THAT IS TOO MUCH PRESSUUUUUUUUUUURE"

HOMESTAR: {puts a few items on the counter} That will be ten dollars.

BLUEBRY: you've never been to a movie theater before. in a real theater that would cost you at least 80.

NOXIGAR: Theatre food isn't so expensive. Maybe around $20 total for all their stuff... assuming they got the smallest size of smoothie and popcorn.

MARISSA: You can pay us back tomorrow.

CHWOKA: you see it's funny because i forgot

HOMESTAR: Okay!

{the five pick up the popcorn and drinks, and walk off screen. cuts to inside a darkened theatre. marissa and the cheat are ducking behind their seats. yvonne is watching the movie with awe. strong bad is out of the costume, wide eyed and scared. xaviar is smiling. suddenly, the whole frame begins flashing red}

ALL FIVE: AAAAH!

{the screen fades to black}

SKUB: I can only assume there was a fire. I can only hope.

Fun Facts

• Marissa being asked to get a sun hat is because she has a weakness for them.

SKUB: What is a sun hat, anyhow? Bluebry, you're gay, you know these things.
BLUEBRY: beats me

• Yvonne was in charge of the knife and frying pan, because she is known as a cook.

CHWOKA: I don't know about you, but I have a permanent association between Yvonne and cooking. Now I eat all of my meat raw.

{Noxigar dry heaves}

• Strong bad's nunchuck-gun is a reference to the sbemail Dangeresque 2.
• The cheat is known as a thief.

SKUB: I know! He's such a... oh, what's the word? Liar? No, no... Phony? Dangit, it's on the tip of my tongue.
NACHOMAN: I'm still hung up on why the one girl needed to cut her arm...

NOXIGAR: Skullbuggy had a point but then NachoMan missed it again. I fear for riffing the riffs of Pokemon: Strong Bad Version if this is to be expected to pass off as "humour"