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Fake Character Email Funstar Player/questions

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Summary

Funstar answers all the emails in his inbox.

Cast (in order of appearance): Funstar Player, Homsar, Homestar Runner

Places: Funstar Player's Computer Room

Date: May 10, 2008

Transcript

FUNSTAR: Emails are words. Many, many words!

FUNSTAR: Really? Wow! I'm getting more popular! I better check this first one.

FUNSTAR: Lìterälé? What is that? A foreign version of Liter Ale? Do you foreign drinks not know how to put "subject" in the subject bar? Anyway, about that game thing, there is a variety of games.

{Funstar stops typing and gets out a book titled "games". He then continues typing while flipping to a page of the book labeled "Sports" with a picture of a football under it.}

FUNSTAR: There's sport games. I don't really have a favorite sport. I love them all like my children. Though, that might sound awkward, it's true.

{Funstar flips to a page in the book titled "Lawn games" with a picture of a horseshoe under it.}

FUNSTAR: There's lawn games. I don't really play those much, so I don't have a favorite game in that category.

{Funstar flips to a page titled "Board games" with a picture of a dice under it.}

FUNSTAR: There's board games, but those things make me bored...games. Seriously, what's fun about sitting somewhere for about an hour praying that the dice rolls a six when you get nothing but ones. Nothing that I fave about those.

{Funstar flips to a page titled "Card games" with a picture of a blank card under it.}

FUNSTAR: There's card games. Those are as bad as board games. Still games of chance. Therefore, no favorite.

{Funstar flips to a page titled "Video games" with a video game controller under it.}

FUNSTAR: There's video games. Those things are actually pretty fun, but soon you realize that you're doing nothing but staring at a screen for an hour or so pressing buttons on a remote. That's the same for...

{Funstar flips to a page titled "Online games" with a picture of a keyboard under it.}

FUNSTAR: ...online games...

{Funstar flips to a page titled "Arcade games" with a picture of Pac-man under it.}

FUNSTAR: ...and arcade games. None are something I can have a favorite for.

{Funstar then flips to a page called "James" with a picture of Homsar under it.}

FUNSTAR: And, of course, there's james. I don't really know what the deal with those are, I just think it sounds cool. So, there are all the games that you wanted favorites for.

{Funstar throws the book offscreen.}

FUNSTAR: If you wanted to know what category of games is my favorite, it's sports. OK then, next email.

{Funstar brings up the next email.}

FUNSTAR: {surprised} OK, what the heck is this? I'd rather have an email without subject in the subject bar than an email with it but that has nothing to do with the email and is just stupid and random!

{Funstar replaces what he typed with "Fault one"}

FUNSTAR: Also, those questions make no sense!

{Funstar replaces what he typed with "Fault two"}

FUNSTAR: And, I hope Zoo977 isn't your name because he emailed me before with a real question! Even though he didn't put subject in the subject bar!

{Funstar replaces what he typed with "Kind-of fault three"}

FUNSTAR: Man, now you cheesed me off. I'm outta here. {leaves}

{Homestar Runner walks in about 10 seconds after Funstar leaves.}

HOMESTAR: Ooh, what's this? {reads the email then looks around before sitting down} Good questions, Hawdhat Runner. It needs to be dark to find out it's speed, though. One second.

{Homestar runs offscreen and the lights turn off a few seconds later. Homestar then walks back onscreen.}

HOMESTAR: OK, the speed of dark is-{trips over the chair} AAHH! {falls flat on his face} It's darker now. Anyway, I didn't feel the dark move, so I guess the speed of dark is none to slow.

{Homestar leaves the room and the light turns back on. He walks back in.}

HOMESTAR: OK, then. Next question. The best thing before sliced bread? Whole bread, of course! Next question. Another word for a synonim? I better look that up.

{Homestar takes out a thesaurus and flips through the pages. He then throws the book offscreen.}

HOMESTAR: 2 synonims! Next! Uh, what does hypothetical mean? I guess that means I'm done.

{Funstar walks back in the room.}

FUNSTAR: Yep, a game of Funball was all I needed to cheer up. Now, on to the next-{sees Homestar} WHAT THE HECK?!

HOMESTAR: Uh oh. Hi, Funstar.

FUNSTAR: What are you doing in my chair?! I told you to never sit in my chair! AHHH!

{Funstar starts jumping around crazily and Homestar gets up.}

HOMESTAR: OK, then. I'll just be going...somewhere else. Bye. {runs away}

{Funstar then jumps into his computer, knocking it over.}

FUNSTAR: Oops, sorry FunCom. I kinda go mad when someone else is in my chair.

{Funstar puts the computer back up.}

FUNSTAR: There. That's better. Now, next email.

FUNSTAR: You're joking, right? You have got to be joking. I think pie is evil. For your health. Otherwise, this email is just plain dumb. Next email!

FUNSTAR: What do you mean? Next email!

FUNSTAR: NEXT EMAIL!

FUNSTAR: Nooo! This can't be possible!

{The envelope comes down with the-}

FUNSTAR: Oh no, you don't! OK, now, I have to do something. Ah-ha!

{Fade to a screen saying "5 minutes later". Fade back. Funstar is standing in the computer room with a pie in his hand.}

FUNSTAR: OK, some moon, I'm going to show you how this pie is evil. It can be dealt with many ways. {throws the pie at the computer} See? How is that not evil? It's evil! {runs and slips on a piece of pie} Whoa! {falls to the ground} I hate my life.

 
> Click here to e-mail Funstar Player
funplay12@jcmail.com

FUNSTAR: Oh, now you're insulting me?

{After a few moments, Homestar walks in.}

HOMESTAR: {looks around} Funstar? Phew. {sits in the chair}

FUNSTAR: Get off. Or else.

HOMESTAR: Oh, I didn't see you there. Uh, bye. {leaves}

FUNSTAR: Idiot.

Eater Eggs

  • Click on the pie on the computer to see another newspaper clipout.
{The headline says "Hardhat Runner cheeses off emailer!" and under it the words "'I didn't mean to do it, I was just asking some simple, stupid questions' says Hardhat" is seen.}

Fun Facts

  • Liter Ale is most likely a one-liter bottle of Ale.
  • "James" is from the Homsar Main Page
  • Zoo977 emailed Funstar before in band. The Easter egg references the same email.
  • Cheesed off is a phrases that appeared a few times in Homestar Runner.
  • The second email makes a reference to bread.
  • Funball is a game talked about in previous emails.
  • The third email references pie.
  • "I hate my life" is a saying from cartoons made by Joe Murray.
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