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Fake Character Email Funstar Player/sports

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Summary

Funstar tells you every sport he's ever played.

Cast (in order of appearance): Funstar Player, Homestar Runner, Strong Sad, Pom Pom, Coach Z

Places: Funstar Player's Computer Room, The Stick, Gymnasium, Race Track, Swimming Pool, Club Technochocolate

Date: April 5, 2008

Transcript

FUNSTAR: {singing} Checking my email, checking my email, with no not-quite-email between.

{reads "F*P" as "F-asterisk-P" and "What kind," as "what kind comma" and "SFCU" as "The Superfied Credit Union"}

FUNSTAR: OK, to answer your first question, of course I play sports! My name is Funstar Player, not Funstar Stayer...in his house doing nothing. Ahem. The answer to your second question is a lot of sports, and I will show you them right-

{Cut to The Stick. Funstar Player and Homestar Runner are playing tennis.}

FUNSTAR: One of the many sports I play is tennis. It's really easy to beat Homestar in it, though.

HOMESTAR: And what in my name makes you think that?

FUNSTAR: {points} Hey, what's that?!

HOMESTAR: What? {turns his head and Funstar hits the ball over it}

FUNSTAR: {smiling} Oh, nevermind, it was just a bird.

HOMESTAR: Oh, Ok, hey, where'd the tennis ball go?

FUNSTAR: In fact, it's the same with badminton.

{Cut to them playing badminton.}

FUNSTAR: Is that a fountain of Mountain Dew?

HOMESTAR: {turns head} Where? {the ball goes over his head}

FUNSTAR: And Racquetball.

{Cut to them playing Racquetball.}

FUNSTAR: Is that a fountain of...witch's brew?

HOMESTAR: {completely turns around} Where? Where?! {the ball flies over his head} Oh, I wanted some witch's brew.

FUNSTAR: I don't even know what that is and it still worked! Yeah! {does a dance that cuts The Stick in half}

HOMESTAR: Ooohhhh, you in twouble now. {runs away}

{Cut back to the computer.}

FUNSTAR: Don't worry, Stick fans, it's okay. The Stick is not dead.

STRONG SAD: {offscreen} Hallelujah.

FUNSTAR: Strong Sad, what did I tell you about bothering me during my email show?

STRONG SAD: {walks in} Oh, I just wanted to know how The Stick was feeling. I brought him these flowers and "Get well soon" cards.

FUNSTAR: What the heck? Why didn't anyone do all this when I was sick?

STRONG SAD: Because you aren't an important part of Free Country.

FUNSTAR: I should be offended. You know what? Get out. I need to finish this email and I can't take interruptions.

STRONG SAD: OK, but remember to tell The Stick that I-{Funstar closes the door on him}

FUNSTAR: I was this close to telling you how I played dodgeball with him. {sits back down} Anyways, I also play basketball. But when I'm with Pom Pom, that's where the real challenge comes.

{Cut to the Gym. Funstar and Pom Pom are playing basketball. Funstar shoots the ball and Pom Pom jumps up in time for the ball to bounce off of him.}

FUNSTAR: Uh oh! {runs toward the ball}

{There's a zoom-in on Pom Pom as he runs towards the ball. He then knocks Funstar out of the way as he scoops it up. He then jumps to the basket and it zooms out to show nothing but a silhouette of him going to the basket and throwing it inside of the basket.}

FUNSTAR: {mouth open} Yeah, I stink when I go against Pom Pom.

POM POM: {smiles and makes bubble noises}

FUNSTAR: But I'm definitely good at the race track though. I'm the only one who could make 1 mile in 1 minute.

{Cut to the race track. Coach Z blows his whistle and Funstar runs.}

FUNSTAR: {running} It's things like this that makes you know you're made for the outside. {trips} Wah! Where's that rock come from?

COACH Z: It's been there forever. You just oren't looking where you're going.

FUNSTAR: {offscreen} Oh, ok, then...Can you help me up?

COACH Z: Oh, sure, I-{a ringing is} Oops, my time is up. Help yourself.

FUNSTAR: OK, one sport I know I'm good at is swimming.

{Cut to the swimming pool. Funstar is wearing pants that looks like his shirt.}

FUNSTAR: I can do a lot of swimming tricks, but it's really fun to-{falls in the water, muffled} Drown.

{Cut to Club Technochocolate. Funstar walks in, dripping wet.}

FUNSTAR: One sport that can't kill you is dancing. Dancing can be a sport if you do it right. {does some dance moves} But one thing you should always know is never, ever do sport dancing after eating. I learned that the hard way.

{Suddenly, Homestar, Strong Sad, Pom Pom, and Coach Z walk in angry.}

FUNSTAR: Oh, hi, guys. I was just telling the Superfied Credit Union how I'm good at dancing.

STRONG SAD: Funstar, the Superfied Credit Union is a credit card company, and why are you getting the dance floor all wet?

FUNSTAR: What? It's not normal for credit card companies to email you? And the dance floor will dry up.

COACH Z: Also, you forgort to tork abort the other sports.

FUNSTAR: Oh, you mean, baseball, football, soccer, golf, hockey, and martial arts? I would, but I don't have the time. I mean, these are only 5 minutes each.

POM POM: {bubbles}

FUNSTAR: Uh, no. Be quiet. I'm-you-we-{pauses, then runs away}

COACH Z: Why was that guy wearing pants?

HOMESTAR: What are you talking about? We always wear pants. Long, long, pants. You just need glasses.

COACH Z: Oh, maybe I do, Homestar, maybe I do.

{Cut to Funstar Player's Computer Room.}

FUNSTAR: So, there you go, Mr. Union. That's all the sports I've played, minus some.

{Funstar leaves, then comes back a few moments later.}

FUNSTAR: Oops, I forgot to answer your third question. Yes, I've made a sport up. It's called Funball. It's actually pretty fun.

{Cut to The Stick. It has staples in the parts that it broke. Strong Sad is next to it in a doctor's outfit.}

STRONG SAD: I finally fixed it.

{Suddenly, a ball that looks like Funstar's shirt flies onscreen and falls on The Stick, breaking another part off.}

STRONG SAD: {sighs} Oh, darn.

{Funstar runs in and picks up the ball.}

FUNSTAR: Good job on fixing the Stick, and breaking it again.

STRONG SAD: That's life.

FUNSTAR: Hey, how about some Funball to cheer you up!

STRONG SAD: How do I play that?

FUNSTAR: Here, I'll show you, in song!

{Suddenly, the background turns into flashing colors with Strong Sad looking around, amazed.}

FUNSTAR: {singing} First you hit the ball with your head, you keep on doing it 'till it turns red. You then kick it to the moon. The rest you will find out soon! Then you throw the ball at the King, then you are going to have to sing: "Its Funball!" Yes, yes. It's Funball! Very yes. He'll probably drop it to the Poopsmith. Then you'll have to get the ball back with: A shovel! A shovel! Then you have to bring it back home. Then watch a movie about Rome. Then when you are finished, you'll have to clean the ball with some fish! It's Funball! Yes, yes. It's Funball! Very yes. Now you!

STRONG SAD: {singing} You then eat the fish with salt. You drop it on the floor and say "My fault." You pick it up and throw it away. You wash your hands and then go out to play:

STRONG SAD AND FUNSTAR: Funball!

FUNSTAR: Yes, yes.

STRONG SAD AND FUNSTAR: It's Funball!

STRONG SAD: Very yes.

STRONG SAD AND FUNSTAR: It's Fun...ball!

STRONG SAD: Wow, I've never been this happy in my life! I can't wait to play Funball!

FUNSTAR: Well, let's go then. Superfied Credit Union can wait.

STRONG SAD: Yeah, so can The Stick.

{Funstar and Strong Sad leave.}

 
> Click here to e-mail Funstar Player
funplay12@jcmail.com

Easter Eggs

  • Click on "SFCU" when Funstar says it to see an advertisement for it coming up.
{A paper has The words "Superfied Credit Union" in gold lettering and under it says "The best(and only) credit card system in Free Country.}
  • Click on The Stick at the end to download the Funball song.

Fun Facts

  • Strong Bad cut of a part of The Stick in labor day.
  • The Stick is not Dead is a reference to The Cheat is not Dead, a song Strong Bad sings in caper.
  • Funball is actually a real game, but it has nothing to do with Funstar's.
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