Cloud

Coming from Wiki City Studios, in association with JCM Productions, it's Cloud, with your host, Mr. Cloud!

{The crowd goes wild. A cloud floats onstage, disintegrates, then reforms with yellow glasses and a top hat as the Green House Gases play slightly fitting music.}

MR. CLOUD: Thank you! Please! You're too kind! No, stop! Stop! Just kidding, keep going! Yes!

{Mr. Cloud does whatever dance you'd expect someone without arms or legs to do and the crowd relaxes.}

MR. CLOUD: Now, you may remember me from that other show, JCMovies.

{The crowd goes wild.}

MR. CLOUD: Yes, it was a great run. Not a single bad episode. OK, maybe there were a few.

{The crowd bursts into laughter.}

MR. CLOUD: {chuckles} Well, my friend Lightning Guy moved on to Wiki1 doing a show of his own, so I've decided to follow in his footsteps!

{The crowd goes wild.}

MR. CLOUD: And here I am! Don't tune out now. We've got a great first episode for you. Homestar Runner will be our guest!

{The crowd goes wild.}

MR. CLOUD: With a musical performance by the Green House Gases!

{The crowd goes wild as the camera pans to a group of skulls made of green smoke.}

SKULL #1: We represent marijuana!

MR. CLOUD: I know, I know. Anyway, let's get to this week's headlines.

Mock The Week

MR. CLOUD: The Chinese government released a report calling corruption "very serious". They should know. They make a living out of it.

{The crowd bursts into laughter.}

MR. CLOUD: Belarus' new president, Alexander Lukashenko, replaced his prime minister. Lukashenko has been president for 16 years, and we're beginning to doubt the credibility of his elections. To be fair, though, he doesn't look that trustworthy. Put up a picture, unpaid Japanese worker.

{Zoom out. A bad MSPaint drawing of Lukashenko appears next to Mr. Cloud. The crowd bursts into laughter.}

MR. CLOUD: I mean, he's like a cross of Hitler and Stalin. No sane man would vote for him! I know. I wouldn't vote for him.

{The crowd bursts into laughter.}

MR. CLOUD: Something obviously needs to be done before he and his supporters destroy Russia again! I recommend hiding Russia somewhere. It's so small that he'll never be able to find it.

{The crowd bursts into laughter.}

MR. CLOUD: Maybe they should change the name, too, just for good measure. Something he'll never recognize. How about the Soviet Union? No one associates that name with them.

{The crowd bursts into laughter.}

MR. CLOUD: Lastly, America needs to buy Alaska from the Russians.

{The crowd bursts into laughter.}

MR. CLOUD: Yeah, it's a worthless addition, but it'll be able to house Russians that don't want to be part of an anarchy while rounding out the number of states to a nice old 50! What do you think? Huh?

{The crowd goes wild.}

MR. CLOUD: Yeah, I'm going to save the world one day. Take it down, jap.

{The drawing disappears and we zoom back into Mr. Cloud.}

MR. CLOUD: More than 200 skiers in Maine were trapped on a lift at a ski resort. It was bad timing, too, as it was the resort's annual "bring your 9 months pregnant wife to a ski lift" day.

{The crowd bursts into laughter.}

MR. CLOUD: A boat sank off of a New Jersey shore on Tuesday, but unfortunately, Snooki can swim like a shark.

{The crowd bursts into laughter.}

MR. CLOUD: That's it for "Mock the Week", everyone! Homestar's up next!

Interview

MR. CLOUD: Our guest tonight is the star of the immensely popular internet cartoon "Homestar Runner". Please welcome to the set Homestar Runner!

{Homestar enters and sits down.}

MR. CLOUD: So, I hear that some new toons are finally out.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Out where?

MR. CLOUD: On your website. You know, homestarrunner.com. Ring a bell?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, I doubt it. I drove.

MR. CLOUD: You...have a car?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, you're probably right.

MR. CLOUD: {pauses} Okay, so tell me a little about these new toons.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ohhh, I didn't bring any. I drove.

MR. CLOUD: {groans} I didn't ask for any. I don't want any.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: What, the tacks? I bet. Try not to sit on 'em.

MR. CLOUD: Not tacks, toons!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, well, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Homestar Runner, and I feel that I would be a great asset to your company.

MR. CLOUD: But it's not a comp-

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {hands over a grocery list} Well, if you take a look at my rezoom, you'll see that I have quite a bit of experience in many different related fields.

MR. CLOUD: Can you just tell me about the new toons already?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I can't really think of any.

MR. CLOUD: You released two in the past two weeks! Hey, where did you go?

{Homestar is in the window behind Mr. Cloud prancing around.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing} La-dee-la-da-da-la-dee.

MR. CLOUD: {hastily turns} Hey, get out of there!

{Homestar enters and sits down.}

MR. CLOUD: OK, some fans noticed a slight change to Marzipan in A Decemberween Mackeral. Could you tell me what you think it is?

HOMESTAR RUNNER:' She told me today that she thinks your baking has really improved lately.

MR. CLOUD: I don't bake! I'm a cloud!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Interesting. I'll take note of that. {pulls out a notepad and pen} So, what else do you do in your spare time?

MR. CLOUD: What the crap are you doing? Please just answer this question straight. Which costume in the ween crossover is your favorite?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, man. That's not even fair.

{Cut to The Field with Strong Sad and The Cheat. As Homestar talks, what he says is added to the scene.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} The Cheat would win with both hands duct-taped behind his back, and with little pieces of duct tape covering his eyes, and Strong Sad could have a spear even.

{The Cheat jumps on Strong Sad, knocking him down, and the spear flies behind the Cheat, cutting the duct tape from his hands as it sticks in the ground. The Cheat then removes the duct tape from his eyes and grabs the spear.}

STRONG SAD: En garde?

{Cut back to the studio.}

MR. CLOUD: I give up. Homestar Runner, everyone!

{The crowd goes wild.}

MR. CLOUD: Be sure to check out the new site! It's updating again!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, yeah, that'd be great.

Closing

{The Green House Gases play as Cloud flies onstage to the now tired audience.}

MR. CLOUD: Well, there were a few surprises, but all in all, this first episode didn't suck.

{The crowd goes mild. Homestar prances into the window's view.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing} La-dee-la-da-da-da-da-da-da-doo-doo...

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