Conshow/71

WORK IN PROGRESS

Summary

Jake tries to find a new job, but keeps getting shut down. Will he find one to support his girlfriend AND his friends?

Transcript

{Open: Jake and Katie's House (heretofore referred to as The House) - Living Room, Jake is lying on the couch watching TV. An excerpt from Animalia Investigatus is playing in the background, Katie walks in, carrying a pile of clothes}

KATIE: Jake, sweetheart. Think you could help me carry this?

JAKE: Eh...

KATIE: Jake... I know you're feeling very demotivated but that's no reason to be--

JAKE: Eh...

KATIE: Jake... Don't make me get the killer robot out.

{Forest bursts in, arm cannon primed}

FOREST: The killer robot is already out, you bi-

{A giant laser shoots out of the arm cannon, engulfing both Jake and Katie, cue opening}

{Open: The House - Jake and Katie's room, an alarm clock beside the bed starts beeping wildly with Jake retaliating with a thwack, sitting up}

JAKE: Guh...

{Cut: Kitchen, Jake is eating cereal while Conchris and Forest talk in the background}

CONCHRIS: Blahblahblahblah--Dark Side--blahblahblahblah--Force--blahblahblahblah--Never forget--Bla-

FOREST: STOP YOUR STUPID BLABBERING BEFORE I END YOUR MISERABLE LIFE!

CONCHRIS: {feebly} ...okay...

{Cut: The Streets, Jake is walking along}

CHILD: {voice} Look mommy, it's the carrot man!

MOTHER: {voice} Now, now, dear. We all know that he looks like a carrot but that's--

{Cut: Supermarket, Aria and Mr. Person are pushing a shopping cart along. They are about to reach the last can on the shelf until a blur speeds by, leaving nothing but a trace}

ARIA: What?

{Cut: Supermarket - Checkouts, Jake is scanning in groceries at a self-checkout, placing items in the bag and presses something on the screen}

SELF CHECKOUT: Please wait for assistance.

JAKE: Augh, son of a--

{Cut: The Streets, Jake is getting increasingly annoyed}

MAN: Hey! Hey youse! Ya wants some watches? Sells them cheap! {beat} Okay, good talk.

{Cut: The House, living room. Jake kicks the door open, throws the bags onto the ground and collapses onto the floor, waking Katie up who was sleeping on the couch}

KATIE: Muh? Oh... Jake, you're home! How was your day?

JAKE: {muffled} Oh you know, awful.

KATIE: Pardon?

{Jake picks himself up, dark rings under his eyes}

JAKE: Same old, same old... {sighs} I don't think I like the unemployed life very much... but nobody wants me.

{Katie slides over to Jake, placing her hands on his arms}

KATIE: Of course people want you! I want you! Conches wants you. Aria and Mr. Person want you, too. I'm sure the job people who keep turning you down are just jealous of your accomplishments!

JAKE: I suppose... {places a finger on his chin} Hey, you think my week-long experience working at a run-down pizzeria as a night guard would count as experience in the security field?

KATIE: Uh... I suppose? Why? What entailed there?

JAKE: {nonchalantly} Oh, you know, watching the cameras, making sure everything is where they are... closing the doors, shining the lights, the works.

KATIE: Oh. Was it bad?

JAKE: Nope! And I still have the nightmares to prove it!

{Conchris suddenly pops up from behind the pair of them}

CONCHRIS: That's nice and all but, listen, Jake, is it okay if I use the house's power to supply my amusement park?

JAKE: Uh... I don't see why no--{glares at Conchris} YOU BUILT A WHAT NOW?!

CONCHRIS: An amusement park! You know! For kids! And adults that are like kids! And... everyone really.

JAKE: ...what... prompted you...

CONCHRIS: I just felt like it. Oh, by the way, I went ahead and did it without your--

{Screen suddenly goes dark, leaving naught but their eyes on-screen}

JAKE: Great. Everyone hold still.

KATIE: Why?

JAKE: Just... stay... still...

{Footsteps can be heard, followed by a music box playing which cuts out after five seconds, followed by more footsteps}

{Beat}

JAKE: Okay, I think we're--

{A loud scream is heard, cut short by the jump cut to the job agency}

MAN: I'm sorry sir but you're underqualified for quite literally every job that I could think of, save for a couple. I'm of the belief that you probably hadn't been trying very hard at school, haven't you?

JAKE: {bruised, injured} Uh... I've did very well at school, Katie can vouch for me.

KATIE: That he did, sir.

MAN: Uh... huh... listen... a week's experience at a pizzeria, a single day of escorting a very important person, two years experience of tv show acting isn't going to cut it in this field.

JAKE: Well, give me any job! Any! Job. I'll do it! Even if it means...

{Cut: Clark's Gift Shop, Clark is asleep at the counter before suddenly waking up to chimes being heard as an unseen door opens}

CLARK: Wha? Oh! Uh... welcome to my gift shop! We got-- WHAT THE?!

{Cut to reveal Jake, eyes half-lidded as he glares at Clark while holding up a newspaper ad}

JAKE: Yes. Hi. I'm here to enquire about a job opening at this gift shop? {runs a finger on one of the aisles, dust collecting to his fingertip} People don't come by very often, do they?

CLARK: They totally do! I, uh, well... {camera cuts to an isometric view of the shop} I guess people stopped coming here since last season...

JAKE: Huh... well, if you're hiring, I c-

CLARK: You're hired.

JAKE: Wh- really? Well, uh... when do I start?

CLARK: {points to the door beside him} Now. In there. I want a website, you good with computers?

JAKE: Are you kidding me? I'm a wiz at computers! {stands proudly} I'll have you know that I know all FIVE HTMLs!

CLARK: WHAT A BADASS!

WIP