Zarel Emails/6

This email has been re-written as of 2014. To view the original, click here.

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Zarel E-Mail #6

Zarel becomes a robot...or does he?

Cast (in order of appearance): Zarel, Strong Sad, Grape Nuts Robot, Strong Bad, Homestar, The Cheatbot, King Of Town, The Blacksmith, The Poopsmith, Roboganger

Places: Zarel's House, The Stick, King's Castle

Transcript

{Cut to Zarel's Room}

ZAREL: WARNING: Using Zarel Emails as a respirator may cause side effects such as inability to breathe and wrecking balls to the torso. Ask your doctor or pharmacist.

</blockquote>

subj: what's a robutt

HERES HOPING YOU DONT
BECOME A ROBOT
CLING CLANG
WHOOPS TOO LATE

-Your own worst enemy

{Zarel screams the email with the exception of the sender's name.}

STRONG SAD: {offscreen and faint} Keep it down!

ZAREL: {typing} Too late? Too late for what? You mean that I'm turning into a robot or something? If I were to turn into a robot, I think it’d be awesome! Having laser guns...metal sheen...but I wouldn’t be able to hug my mutual child, so that sucks right there. {clears screen, typing} Would I want to become a robot...no. But I would have a robot made of me! But...I think that I've been beat to the punch. I mean, Strong Bad has that Grape-Nuts Robot-

{Cut to The Stick, Strong Bad and the Grape Nuts Robot stand there. Homestar walks by}

ZAREL: {voiceover} -and nothing beats that!

GRAPE-NUTS ROBOT: Now spell, "carp for brains."

STRONG BAD: You hear that, Homestar? Ol’ Grapity here says you're a spell carp...er...crap for brains!

HOMESTAR: What ever, Strong Bad. That robo-drone is so last decade and a year.

STRONG BAD: Hey, man, don't be dissin' the Grape-Nuts, The Grape-Nuts is cool. So much cooler than that old, washed-up The Cheatbot I had.

{As Strong Bad is saying this, The Cheatbot walks in}

THE CHEATBOT: Meeeehhh... {walks away}

{Cut back to the Cappy}

ZAREL: {Typing} Wait, I've got it! I need to BEST Strong Bad and get a robot that works much better than that stupid Grape-Nuts bot and hang out with it much more than Strong Bad does with his Grape-ity Nut Nut. Oooh, maybe I can even have it be a female robot and...wait, are sloppy makeouts with robots legally allowed? That’s a thought for another day. I don’t even think robots can have gender. For now, I need to go... {Voice filling with disgust} Talk to a guy...who might...be able...to...help...me...guh...

{Cut to the King of Town's Castle}

ZAREL: Alright, so how much out of my pockets or brain cells am I going to have to pay and/or loose talking to you for this?

KING OF TOWN: You provide me with the best cook around and I will get my homies to make you a mechanoid!

ZAREL: Sounds goo...Wait a sec; King, did you just try to be gangster?

KING OF TOWN: Word! Blacksmith, rassle up this man a robot in the hizzy!

{The Blacksmith salutes and runs off}

ZAREL: I don’t know if I trust the King’s men with this...except for the chef guy. I loves the little chef guy.

{Cut to the Whatsit Pile, Zarel bounds and gags the Poopsmith and stuffs him in a baseball bag.}

{Cut back to the Cappy}

ZAREL: {typing} Man, I hope the King is true to his word. It took me several awkward mall shopping and hours of learning hypnotism to get him a quote-on-quote "good cook." If this robot of mine isn't awesome as awesome, I-

{Zarel is tapped on the shoulder}

ZAREL: For the love of Pete Sampras I need to lock my-

{Zoom out to see a sort of ditzy-looking robot similar in appearance to Zarel, with a key in its back and a few loose springs on its head. Zarel turns to see it standing there, his jaw drops}

ZAREL: Holy crap! That looks amazing! Maybe I shouldn’t doubt the King anymore! Or-or at least his men! I-I'm speechless! I...I need to show you to Strong Bad.

{Cut to the Stick, Strong Bad and the Grape-Nuts Robot are there, Zarel and his robot doppleganger walk in}

ZAREL: Hey, Strong Butt! Impressed?

STRONG BAD: Well, the design is pretty good and-wait a second, did you just call me Strong Butt?!

ZAREL: Indeed! I figure now that I have the better robot, I’m the better dragon and/or wrestleman on this block! No Grape-Nuts will ever stop me!

GRAPE-NUTS ROBOT: Kiss the butt.

STRONG BAD: Yeah, you tell him! Kiss the Strong Butt!

ZAREL ROBOT: {With a slightly Northeastern accent} But, are sloppy makeouts with wrestling masks legally allowed?

GRAPE-NUTS ROBOT: Accent not identified. You sound funny. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. {continues to repeat its robotic laughter}

STRONG BAD: Aww man! Your robotic doppleganger’s accent sent mine into some kind of laughing loop! Well, I guess there is a benefit to not sounding like you at all.

ZAREL: Robotic doppleganger. Somehow I can creatively make a name from that by meshing the two words together! Your name will be Roboganger!

ROBOGANGER: I have achieved in life what is most sought after. I can now shut down happy.

ZAREL: Ah, robots. So charming.

{The Paper}

ZAREL: Wow, Nut-grapes is still going, eh?

Easter Eggs

• Click on Strong Bad to see what happened to The Poopsmith.

Easter Egg Transcript

{Cut to the King's Castle. The Poopsmith is wearing an apron that says "Auntie Betty" and washing dishes, after 5 seconds, it cut backs to the previous scene.}

Fun Facts

• The intro is a take on a scene from Arfenhouse Teh Movie 6. WARNING: NOT SUITABLE FOR YOUNG AUDIENCES.
• The Cheatbot is from SBEmail: technology.
• Roboganger is a complete take, voice and appearance-wise, on an old What A Cartoon! character, Wind-Up Wolf. You can watch the cartoon here.
  • His name was originally “Wind-Up Zarel”.