Zarel Emails/38

Zarel E-Mail #38

Zarel upgrades his "DELETED" option.

Cast (in order of appearance): Zarel, Homestar Runner, Strong Sad, Strong Mad, The Cheat, Fang, PBTC Strong Sad, PBTC The Cheat, PBTC Zarel, Marzipan (Easter egg), Homsar (Easter egg)

Places: The Roomy-Vac, Strong Sad's Room, "The space", Storybook-style The Field, L.U.R.N. Classroom (Easter egg)

Transcript

ZAREL: I love this email. It is also my dog.

subj: deleted

Zarel!
Your "Deleted" needs more pizzaz, clicking a button is boring!
What would you do to spice up your deleted??

Kimberly, Florida

{Zarel exclaims his name when reading it}

ZAREL: {typing} Hmm, you bring up a good point, Kimberly. I mean, usually "DELETED" functions have a cool after-effect, such as the classic colored screen-

{Zarel demonstrates by deleting the current email}

DELETED!

ZAREL: {typing} -with the loud buzzer. But all it really is, is... {stops typing} Wait. Aw, crap scraps! Is there some way I can go back?

{Zoom out, Homestar runs into the room, holding a food processor with a Nintendo DS in it}

HOMESTAR: Did someone say "time emergency?"

ZAREL: Homestar! I don't care how you got in here, just un-delete this email somehow!

HOMESTAR: You got it, Marty! To the Pale-E-O-Mosaic Era!

{Homestar presses a button on the food processor and the DS starts getting food processed. Time begins to rewind back to when Zarel first opened the email.}

ZAREL: ...It is also my dog.

subj: deleted

Zarel!
Your "Deleted" needs more pizzaz, clicking a button is boring!
What would you do to spice up your deleted??

Kimberly, Florida

{Zarel exclaims his name when reading it}

ZAREL: {typing} Alright, since you're asking me to experiment with my "DELETED" function, I'm gonna have to delete this email, so I'll print it for you, and then reply later.

{Zarel types: "print" and The Paper prints the email}

ZAREL: Thanks, Papes. {typing} Anyway, as I was saying; {clears screen} Usually, "DELETED" functions have a cool after-effect, such as the classic colored screen with the loud buzzer. {He deletes the email again}

DELETED!

ZAREL: You're right, Kimby, even with the flashy buzzer screen, the deleting function is just a single button press, and that's kinda boring. So I think it's a little bit about time for a little bit of upgrading the deletions!

{Cut to Zarel at Strong Sad's Room, where The Deleteheads meet. Zarel has a hat on similar to the standard Deletehead hat, except it looks like a Caps Lock key.}

ZAREL: Alright, Delortheads, got an email from a Kirby about my Deletehead function, and how to spice it up. What do?

STRONG SAD: {raises hand} I have an idea.

{Cue some montage music. Cut back to the Roomy-Vac, where Zarel and the other Deleteheads watch Strong Sad's idea. He writes "Deleted" on a piece of paper in fancy calligraphy, and feeds it into The Paper's printer through the print slot. Somehow, this deletes the email with "Calligraphy!!" appearing onscreen.}

Calligraphy!!

{A circle with Strong Mad inside appears}

STRONG MAD: TRY THIS!

{Cut to Strong Mad at the wall of the Roomy-Vac next to the computer monitor. He punches a hole in the wall to the right of it. Zarel facepalms and the computer flashes something again.}

WALL!!

{A circle with Fang inside appears}

FANG: Have you tried...

{Cut to a punching bag set up next to the screen. Zarel is ready to hit it, but he looks back at Fang. Fang gives him the thumbs up, and Zarel turns to punch the bag. When he does, the email gets deleted with this message:}

MIKE TYSON!!

{Punch-Out's victory music plays and Zarel imitates Little Mac's winning pose.}

{A circle with The Cheat inside appears}

THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises that sound like: "Have you tried..."}

{Cut to a Powered By the Cheat animation. It begins "in The space" where a satellite floats in. Cut to inside the satellite, PBTC versions of Strong Sad, The Cheat, and Zarel stand there}

PBTC ZAREL: Fire the zappy guns.

PBTC THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}

{The Cheat presses a button which makes the satellite shoot a laser towards Earth. Cut to a PBTC rendition of the Roomy-Vac, where we see the email get zapped and then promptly:}

LAZOR'D!!

{Cut back to the Roomy-Vac}

ZAREL: I gotta hand it to you. Half of those ideas were pretty good, but only half. Mad Sad and Strong Strong, I wasn't a big fan of either of yours.

STRONG SAD: No surprise.

STRONG MAD: AWW...

FANG: Come on, Deleteheads. Let's move out.

{All the Deleteheads but Zarel leave.}

ZAREL: {typing} So there you are, Kimmy Jean. Those were just a couple of ideas that I may not or may not use to spice up my DELETED!

{As he types "DELETED" he deletes the email again}

YOU STUPID!

ZAREL: {typing} But for now, I'll- {stops typing} Aw man, now I don't have any reply for Kimmy! Uh...Homestar? Hello?

{Cut to Homestar in The Field, but it resembles that of the Original Book. However, Homestar's art style is the same.}

HOMESTAR: Wow! I traveled back in time! It feels so charming and reminds me of an era before we started swearing! An' I feel like wearing one of dem' old ducky shirts!

{The Paper comes down, but makes no noise. Instead, as it does, Zarel narrates its actions.}

ZAREL: {offscreen} "Preeeow," remarked The Paper.

Easter Eggs

• Click on "Mike Tyson!!" when it appears to have it change to:

MR. DREAM??

• Click on "Preeeow" for an extra scene.

Easter Egg Transcript

{The book closes, and it is revealed to have been being read by Marzipan}

MARZIPAN: And that concludes our story of The Homsar Defies the Laws of Physics and Space and Time. Any thoughts from the class?

{Cut to Homestar, Homsar, and Strong Mad in their usual L.U.R.N. garb. The blocks spell out "POOT"}

HOMSAR: AaaaAaaah, my works are worth the goblets of gold bars!

HOMESTAR: Wow, I almost made sense of your word-talk!

Trivia

• The intro is a callback to "Biz Cas Fri 1".
• The DS in a food processor is a nod to Homestar's alternate universe portal maker, which was a Game Boy in a blender.
• The Easter egg with Mike Tyson's name references the NES Punch-Out!!, in which Mike Tyson was replaced with Mr. Dream in the later releases of the game, due to the expiration of the license to use Tyson's likeness.
• "The Homsar Defies the Laws of Physics and Space and Time" is the book that was next up to be read in The Strong Sad Wets Yonder Bed.
• Homestar calls Zarel "Marty" before time travelling. This could refer to Marty McFly from the Back to the Future series.
• The following emails were deleted:
  • During Strong Sad's deletion method:

subj: 7 days

Zarel,
Your hometown has only 7 days left to live.
Make your time now, or we will invade.
Totally not setting up a crappy plot,
Dr. Evilperson

• • During Strong Mad's deletion method:

subj: wow

Dear Zarel,
You must have good eyesight to read this.
Though I won't doubt you cheated

• • During Fang's deletion method:

subj: COME ON AND SLAM AND WELCOME TO THE JAM!

HEY ZAREL,
I WANT TO INVITE YOU TO THE SPACE JAM! I WANT YOU TO SLAM AND JAM WITH CHARLES BARKLEY!
YOURS TRULY,
CHARLES BARKLEY

• • During The Cheat's deletion method:

hi

i like beans do you