SSXMails/Hyper Emeralds

SSXMail 2. Hyper Emeralds
Created On 14:04, 26 February 2006 (UTC)
Cast (in order of appearence): X On Fire, Homestar, Thatkidsam, Icreature, Clamburger, Bubs
Locations: Computer Room, Main Room, Front Door of XOF's House, The Field, Disney Magic Cruise Ship, Bubs' Consession Stand

XOF meets Thatkidsam and Icreature, and they quest for the Omega Starcarrier.

Transcript

{XOF is sitting at his computer. His X is still open, and Homestar is trying to remove the wire from the previous easter egg.}

HOMESTAR: {takes something out} Is this it?

X ON FIRE: {speaking backwards} On.

HOMESTAR: Oooh, is this a game? Okay, off!

X ON FIRE: Toidi uoy, on!

HOMESTAR: {puts back piece} Okay, I'll just take out this wiwey thingy. {takes out wire}

X ON FIRE: {speaking normally} How long did you know that was there?

HOMESTAR: Oh! About an houw.

X ON FIRE: And why did you just take it out now?

HOMESTAR: Oh, I dwove.

X ON FIRE: You realize I'm going to kill you, right?

HOMESTAR: I'm dot gone! {runs away}

X ON FIRE: Okay. Now then... {closes head, looks at computer.} If you don't email me, then you're toast!

a>open file_ssxmail.exe█

Dear X On Fire,
Have you ever heard of the Hyper Emeralds?
I heard that they glow when immense power is
near them. You could use it to find that ship-thingy!
Just come to my house to find it.
Sincerely,
Thatkidsam

X ON FIRE: {while typing} Hyper emerald? Glow? Immense power? SHIP - THINGY? I'm on my way! {flies off through the roof}

{Thatkidsam walks in the door, Icreature floating behind him.}

THATKIDSAM: HEY! You're- Um, I guess he's not here... That's the last time I listen to you, Icreature!

ICREATURE: What? I predicted that he would have a wire stuck in his head, and that Homestar would attempt to remove it, so I thought it would take longer!

THATKIDSAM: Oh, figures. I'll just go wait by those drainpipes. {Looks at Icreature} X On Fire likes drainpipes, right?

ICREATURE: Yes, yes, he does.

THATKIDSAM: Good!

{Thatkidsam and Icreature leave the room, Icreature snickering.}

X ON FIRE: Wait a minute! I don't know where KiddieSam lives. {goes back into his house, and sees Thatkidsam and Icreature in another room} Oh, there they are. {walks over} Wait. If you told me to go there, why did you come here?

THATKIDSAM: I realized that I don't really have a house. You wouldn't know to come to Bubs' Concession Stand, would you?

X ON FIRE: Well, you said HOUSE in the email, not LOCAL CONCESSION STAND.

THATKIDSAM: Err, umm, let's change the subject. I got a Hyper Emerald, and it's already glowing.

X ON FIRE: {Hyper Emerald attaches to self} I should have seen that coming.

THATKIDSAM: AGH! I knew there would be something wrong with it... Wait a minute, THERE ARE MAGNETS IN THAT THING! TAKE IT OFF, TAKE IT OFF!

HOMESTAR: {runs in} I'll get it! {takes out wire and pries off emerald, but gets wire stuck in the X} Ooops!

X ON FIRE: Doog ton si siht.

ICREATURE: Um, I'll fix it. {Reaches a claw toward X On Fire's head, but is stopped by Thatkidsam}

THATKIDSAM: I don't trust you. I'll just use the Clamburger.

{Thatkidsam whips out a remote and presses a button. A clam with a beef patty inside chomps across the screen towards X On Fire.}

BACKGROUND KINDERGARTEN SINGERS: Clamburger, clamburger, 1, 2, 3!

{When the Clamburger passes by X On Fire, the wire pops out and he can speak normally.}

X ON FIRE: {looks at Clamburger} What the heck was that?

THATKIDSAM: A plot device. I mean- um, it's my... Pet. That I... Didn't steal from... Super Sam. Yeah.

X ON FIRE: You've been to Plot Device Pets 'R' Us?

THATKIDSAM: Er, yes. Anyway, let's go find that big ol' boat, or whatever you're looking for.

X ON FIRE: The Omega Starcarrier...

THATKIDSAM: Yeah, that's the one. Just don't get it stuck to your head again, okay? This clamburger's expensive.

{They all head outside. The Emerald points east.}

THATKIDSAM: Then, we go west!

ICREATURE: That's east, doofus.

THATKIDSAM: Then, we go east!

{They all walk east for a while until the Hyper Emerald starts glowing more than usual. It is drawn toward the ground instead of east, and it eventually attatches itself to the ground after stabbing Thatkidsam's foot.}

THATKIDSAM: Ow! That was the toe I broke three times trying to walk through a doorway! Gah...

X ON FIRE: Hold on a second. {floats in midair, and telapatically makes a hole. The port of a large boat can be seen.

THATKIDSAM: Woah! Have we really found the Omega Starcarrier on the first try? Wow, that's lucky. Guess you should go pack your things, Fire Man.

X ON FIRE: Yeah, that's really lucky! Now... {grabs boat, and pulls it up} Hey! This is no Starcarrier! And it's definiitely not Omega!

{The boat is silhouetted as Super Sonic X picks it up.}

THATKIDSAM: In the instruction manual, it said that, in addition to tracking unspeakable power, it tracks... Unspeakable evil!

{The boat is un-silhouetted, revealing... A DISNEY MAGIC CRUISE SHIP!}

THATKIDSAM: No! It's as bad as I thought! UNSPEAKABLE EVIL!

X ON FIRE: It's pure evil. Just like everything Disney.

THATKIDSAM: Well, this might actually be the Omega Starcarrier. They could have disguised it, because they didn't want just anyone to use it.

X ON FIRE: Hm... Let's try it out, then.

{X On Fire places the boat on the ground next to the hole. They all walk into the boat through a side entrance. Inside the boat, Thatkidsam attempts to start it. The engine roars, and the boat just plows through the ground under it. A crinkling noise is heard.}

THATKIDSAM: I'm pretty sure that this is just a Disney Cruise Ship. Wait a minute...

{The camera zooms in on the front of the boat. A roof is seen under it.}

THATKIDSAM: Was that your house?

X ON FIRE: Oh, no! My house was torn down to make a highway bypass! Now, aliens are going to destroy the Earth and make a HYPERSPACE bypass! Quick, Thatkidsam! He have to hitch a ride on their ship and find translating fish!

THATKIDSAM: No, you're just paranoid.

X ON FIRE: Oh. Well, now what?

THATKIDSAM: Until your house is fixed, why not stay at Bubs'?

X ON FIRE: Better than nothing!

{Cut to Bubs' Concession Stand. The three are sitting there. Bubs is at the counter.}

BUBS: That'll be thirty three dollars! Cough it up!

{XOF "punches" Bubs in the face. He faints.}

{The Paper comes down. "EMAIL XOF AT fireman.genericwebsite.net"}

Fun Facts

Easter Eggs

• Click On the 5 In Conses5ion to see the following scene:
  

{XOF is about to eat Clamburger.}

CLAMBURGER: Get away from me! I'm not edible! {throws wire at XOF}

X ON FIRE: Niaga ton!

References

• "I'm dot gone" is based on the phrase "Homestarrunner.net:It's dot gone?" when H*R.net died.
  • Actually, when I checked, that message was made on Burning Horizon's Strong Bad Secrets page.
• Clamburger is a bot run by Super Sam.
• Plot Device Pets 'R' Us is an obvious parody of Toys 'R' Us.
• X On Fire's rant when his house is torn down is a huge reference to the beginning of The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

General Fun Facts

• This is the first email written by Super Sonic X and Thatkidsam together.