RiffText/Wikihood1/Ep 3

Synopsis

An intruder forces the wiki users to fight, video-game style! Can they win?

NOXIGAR: No. Tactless video game references make anyone almost always lose.

Transcript

STRONG SAD: Wait a minute: this isn't a fan fiction.

NOXIGAR: Yes it is.

COUNT X: That's what you think.

THE 386: Holy crap.

EVIL: {peeks from the side of the screen} Hey, we stopped right as I was about to destroy the plot hole!

NOXIGAR: This is not funny.

THE 386: What'll we do?

{Yoshi comes onscreen}

ERIC: {Enters onscreen from top, coming down very slowly} Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy... {Goes offscreen}

{crash!}

YOSHI: {sounding agreeable}

THE 386: Screw that! We'll meet again, Evil!

NOXIGAR: The predictable Mortal Kombat reference is coming. Any amount of bracing myself for it would not work.

EVIL: What? We never met!

THE 386: How about we fight?

MORTAL KOMBAT: Round 1... fight!

{The 386 brandishes his energy sword and makes the first move, dealing half damage, Evil curls into a ball revealing his/her super-move and spinning which results throwing shadow balls taking 3/8ths from The 386}

EVIL: I will take over this! {reaches down and off the screen and appearently does something that results with wirescoming out of the ground}

THE 386: That's it! {he fires a shot, preparing the final blow}

MORTAL KOMBAT: Finish her!

{dramatic music}

THE 386: YEEAAHH!

{he hits Evil}

MORTAL KOMBAT: The 386 wins... flawless victory.

{Screen goes black, only characters remain. There is a DOS prompt at the corner ( C:/>_ ). Eric enters onrcreen}

NOXIGAR: How many lines of dialogue and action sequences were wasted on that? I'm too busy brainstorming for the good Wikihood that I don't really want to count.

ERIC: Whoops. I think I screwed it all again. {Eric pushes a button on a remote control. A panel opens in the middle of the darkness} Yeah, everything should be done fixed in a couple of minutes. Be patient.

{Screen switches to Star Trek-like display}

THE 386: Try again! That's a piece of bullcrap.

ERIC: I'm not changing it! Some hacker entered on my DOS terminal. To the DOS Norton Rescue Disk! {Inserts a floppy disk on the panel} Yay! The terminal is saved! {Pixelated party room appears as background and beeped music starts to play} Partay! {Dances}

THE 386: That's Evil! I'm gonna find her!

ERIC: Dont you mean "him"? We already have proof that Elly isn't Evil. It was just a phase.

{Elly Strife comes onscreen, but held by Evil}

NOXIGAR: Hooray, more pointless Bonus Stage references that have no bearing on any plot at all.

THE 386: Wha-! You again!

MORTAL KOMBAT: Round 2... fight!

AUSSIE: {offscreen} Can't we do this like FFVII?

{The 386 brandishes his energy sword and makes the first move, dealing half damage}

{The screen is black again only with characters and a DOS prompt at the corner. Eric falls dead from nowhere}

{Eric hops back to life}

ERIC: Someone is trying to kill us--

{A ninja runs quickly over the screen, Eric dies again}

{everything goes back to normal}

THE 386: I'll have to tangle with you later.

{chases after him}

EVIL: Yes, I am back, and I have kidnapped Rygar, Elly and Slim! Now, {somehow sprouts a third arm and grabs The 386 and throws him on top of Eric to the floor}

{The 386 sputters, gets up, and fights, dealing half damage}

MORTAL KOMBAT: Finish him!

{dramatic music}

THE 386: YEEAAHH!

{he hits Evil}

MORTAL KOMBAT: The 386 wins... fatality.

{The screen goes black again. Not even the DOS prompt appears this time. The terminal is destroyed.}

NOXIGAR: Wow. The stupidity destroyed the terminal that easily

THE CODE: AAAH! WE'RE TRAPPED IN A NON-EXISTANT VIRTUAL WORLD!! {Runs around}

THE 386: We can get out of here. I hope.

COUNT X: I shouldn't have let The 386 be an admin.

NOXIGAR: Well said, Count X.

{ending}

Talk

{Noxigar sighs}
NOXIGAR: This has no potential whatsoever. Even if I wanted to salvage a tiny part of Wikihood 1 for making plot brainstorming in the Wikihood that I, Chaos, Lex, and Sirrus are currently writing for, nothing in Wikihood 1 would help with that. Because it's all just trash. I don't get how anyone thought this was any good.