(even if you aren't vegan)
RiffText/Wikihood1/Ep 1
Synopsis
This is the first episode. OOC= Out of Character
NOXIGAR: I'm so glad we use footnotes instead of the clunky OOC bits. Thanks, Chwoka!
Transcript
{cut to a wide view of The Field. Homestar walks onscreen}
HOMESTAR: Hello. I am Ho-
{Pan over to an island in the middle of the screen with a moderately sized neighbourhood.}
HOMESTAR: {offscreen} Hey!
{Cut to a house - lounge.}
COUNT X: What the crap? Why am I here? {speaking poeticly}
NOXIGAR: Poetically.Tis thou to be stucketh here forever?
{Aussie Evil walks from a room.}
{Pieinbubsface jumps in and knocks Aussie Evil into space}
PIEINBUBSFACE Aahahahah!!!!!
THE 386: Oh, man! This is gonna be painful...
NACHOMAN: {Offscreen} Donut worry!
{Enters stage left.}
NACHOMAN: I will bring clasic
NOXIGAR: classic
humor that everyone can enjoy! {trips over something.} My spine! {starts foaming at the mouth.} My SSSSPPPPPIIIIINNNNEEEEE!! {Quickly gets up.} I'm okay.
THE 386: It's do not worry. Why'd you foam at the mouth? Why am I here?
COUNT X: What'd he trip over?
NACHOMAN: {Gets in front of The 386} All these questions can be answered with....cheese! {Holds up a block of cheese!} Order, this yesterday!
THE 386: Hey, where's Aussie Evil?
NACHOMAN: {burps}
NOXIGAR: {groans}
THE 386: Bleah! Please don't elaborate on that! But... {feels strange} Oh, man! I gotta go!
{he pukes offscreen, then returns}
THE 386: I think I puked on Homsar. I feel better now. {feels strange} Oh, crap! {runs offscreen}
PIEINBUBSFACE Hey Count X, are you a homeschool fan because if you are Nacomans
NOXIGAR: Nacho Man's
cheese will eat you.
{Smiles evil like, we see that he has pointy fangs.}
NOXIGAR: Who smiles evil like and has pointy fangs?
{The 386 suddenly pukes, the cheese has a scared look}
{the puke flies onto the cheese}
THE 386: You may answer the question. Phew, I feel better now!
BUBSTY: Poor, poor, Homsar. The 386 is EVIL!!!
{Lightning crackles}
THE 386: LIAR! I'M NOT EVIL! Man, you people are pieces of crap.
COUNT X: Shut... UP!!!
{The force of the yell knocks everyone out of the house.}
COUNT X: Good, I can rest.
{Count X falls over, then snoring is heard}
{The 386 slams the door open in anger}
THE 386: Why'd you freakin' do that?
COUNT X: Because you think this is a freakin party, and I-
BUBSTY: Because... your... mom! Oh yeah! BURN! +15 skill points!
NOXIGAR: Nobody said "+15 skill points" back in 2006. No one.
THE 386: Calm down, man. Where's Aussie Evil?
COUNT X: Look above in the transcript- erm, I mean, PieinBubsFace pushed him into space.
NOXIGAR: I get the feeling this part of the conversation could've been reserved for an OOC blurb, or something that didn't make these guys look like complete chowderheads.
THE 386: Yeah, well, he's coming down now.
PIEINBUBSFACE Ahhhhh why do people capitalize my name? Everybody knows that only the P is capitalized becase everybody knows that coolness over phicologicl
NOXIGAR: Psychological
warfare equals P. And has anybody noticed that I only knocked Aussie Evil three feet? Into the space poster over there.
{Camra
NOXIGAR: Camera
pans to show space poster with Aussie Evil stuck in it, then pans back}
THE 386: YOU PUSHED HIM INTO THE SPACE POSTER?
PIEINBUBSFACE Yes where else, this medium sized island dosent
NOXIGAR: doesn't
NOXIGAR: Spellcheck existed in 2006.
have a space.
THE 386: WHAT THE CRAP ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?! Sorry if I yelled.
NOXIGAR: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT MY PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE BULLSHIT?! Sorry If I both yelled and asked a stupid question simultaneously.
BUBSTY: Can someone just kill me? I don't wanna be near you guys.
TECHNO: Okay. {picks up an axe from the side of the screen and axes him, speaks gibberish as if he's drunk and starts getting woosy} Why is lou sou cwazee? Dis is duh fewst daaaaaaaaaaaa! {falls asleep}
{Noxigar, initimated, steps away from the screen.}
THE 386: Techno, what did you do that for?! Wake up right now.
ERIC: {Offscreen} Eeew. Who puked on Homsar? {Walks from other room} What are you all doing in my house? Get out... Oh, wait, this isn't my house. Where i am?
THE CODE: {Walks in from the same door} Mehmeh meh meh!
ERIC: Yeah, you're right.
THE 386: Weclome
NOXIGAR: welcome
to Wikihood!
NOXIGAR: It takes too many lines of dialogue for the story, and show by extension, to get an actual introduction.
ERIC: Yeah yeah, whatever. Do you guys have a computer here or something else?
THE CODE: Meh! {Gets his 486 NEC Laptop from his backpack}
ERIC: Sorry The Code, I need a computer that can {Words appear above him while he speaks} read e-mails. {The words disappear in a light green cloud}
THE 386: Hey, PieinBubsFace, what compy do you got for him?
BUBSTY: Watch out 386, Pieinbubsface is gonna kill you 'cause you capitalized all that. It's like... his biggest pet peeve.
{Realizes that an axe is in his head} Oh cool! I'm dead! D34d!
NOXIGAR: Hmph. The wonders of a possible nerdy language being run to the ground by then.
THE 386: AUGH! What compy do you got? Well, try this on for size... {brandishes his energy sword}
ERIC: Whatever. {Plays games in his cellphone}
{The 386's phone rings}
THE 386: Hello?
ERIC: Nope, it's not me. I'm just playing games.
{Axel Foley theme song starts to play}
ERIC: What the... {Answers to the phone} Yeah? Yeah, it's me. I dont know. Nope. Ok, just a second. {Hands cellhpone to The Code} It's for you.
THE CODE: Meh? {Gets cellhpone} Meheh? Mehmeh mehmehmeh meh. Meh. Meh! Mehnemeh meh.
ERIC: You just called me a what?
THE CODE: Mehmeh. {Hangs up and gives cellphone back to Eric} Mehmeh meh meh mehmeh.
ERIC: Ok, just give him your cellphone number next time.
NOXIGAR: What I don't understand is how they got a guy who is a literal ripoff of the Cheat in overall speakage and didn't lampshade this at all.
PIEINBUBSFACE So, who was I sopossted to kill? If I don't get an answer I'll have to take you all to the Interigation room.
NOXIGAR: My eyes are exhausted from all the horrible grammar errors and spelling mistakes made by this one user.
THE 386: {still talking on his cell phone} WHAT? Oh, man!
ERIC: Yay I'm on the last level! I'm gonna kill the boss and-- {Cellphone rings Axel Foley theme again} Oh crap! I almost won. {Answers to phone} Hullo? Yes. YOU JUST DID WHAT TO MY COMPUTER? {Caller hangs up} Mental note: Kill Bob when get back home.
{The 386 hangs up}
THE 386: Bad news, guys. Homsar is headed this way to set me straight! Get out!
THE CHEAT: Mehmeh meh MEH! {Gnaws The 386's face off}
THE 386: GET OFFA MY FACE!
{he tosses The Cheat off}
THE 386: WAS IT FROM THAT EMAIL I SENT YOU?!
THE CHEAT: MEH!
THE CODE: Mehmeh meh mehmeh meh!
THE CHEAT: Mehmeh meh meh.
THE CODE: {To Eric} Mehmeh meh.
NOXIGAR: Dialogue like this sure is riveting.
ERIC: He said that The Cheat is just plain crazy. Strong Bad must have done someting
NOXIGAR: something
to him.
THE 386: WHAT?
{his cellphone rings}
THE 386: Yes?
ERIC: Uh... Please just put your face back. {Gets The 386's face from The Cheat's mouth and gives to The 386} Here.
THE 386: Hang on. {not to phone} Kay.
{he puts his mask back on}
THE 386: {to phone} What do you want?
{cuts to house of the Brothers Strong}
NOXIGAR: OBLIGATORY HOMESTAR RUNNER CHARACTERS DOING THINGS THAT ARE NEITHER HERE NOR THERE!
STRONG BAD: How did The Cheat end up with you?
THE 386: {over Pom Pom's cellphone} Dunno. He got crazy over the email I sent him, and he just came here.
{cuts back to WikiHood. a shadow of Homsar is seen}
THE 386: Listen, I'll have to call you back. I've got another call coming in.
{Axel Foley theme is heard}
NOXIGAR: It's a good thing I have the patience to listen to the Axel Foley theme all day.
THE 386: I think Homsar's calling me. On my cellphone. Someone else is calling Eric.
ERIC: The what now? {Looks to cellhpone} Oh. {Answers} Hullo?
UNKNOWN CALLER: {On Eric's cellphone} Good day sir, do you want to buy our new--
ERIC: {Hangs up} No.
{The 386 answers a new call. Homsar holds up his phone.}
THE 386: WHAT?
HOMSAR: {over The 386's cellphone} DaAaAa! You owe me a jengajam!
NOXIGAR: How hard is it for Homsar to be written in-character? GOOD LORD.
THE 386: No! I reject your freakin' demand! {he hangs up. Homsar walks off.}
THE CODE: Meh! {Produces a jengajam from nowhere and throws it to Homsar}
HOMSAR: DaAaAaAaAaAaAa! {Gets hit by the flying jengajam and faints}
ERIC: Three points!
THE 386: {to The Code} Noice throw! That midget is down... for now. {to Eric} What does The Code look like?
ERIC: What do you mean? {OOC: Look in my userpage.}
THE 386: He's red? Woah.
{a ringing sound and the Axel Foley theme are both heard}
THE 386: {answering his cellphone} Hello?
ERIC: {Sighs, then answers cellphone} Yes?
NOXIGAR: This is a running joke that was never funny to begin with. Let's write it into the pilot over and over again! Thanks, Firefly, for attracting this awful writing quirk among many others!
{NachoMan appears out of nowhere.}
NACHOMAN: Sorry. I was being possesed by a demon, but no I'm back to normal! {creppy voice} OR AM I?!
NOXIGAR: Good to know NachoMan's writing has changed from this garbage to what he currently produces... which is also pretty terrible, now that I think about it.
ERIC: GAAH! {Accidentally drops cellhpone, which breaks in the floor} Holy crap! What am I going to do now?
NOXIGAR: Actually write something decent for once?
THE 386: Hold on. {not to cellphone} The Code, what happened to Eric's cellphone? {to cell phone} Sounds good. I'll leave the key by the elephant feet.
THE CODE: Mehmeh meh meh mehmehmeh meh {Points to electronic thingies scattered around the floor}
ERIC: {Getting the pieces} I think that this piece comes here, this here and this one might be here... But where am I going to put the screen then?
NACHOMAN: No phone! Bad! AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!1111oneoneone
{NachoMan double dueces the phones remains.}
NACHOMAN: Don't worry! I destroyed the phone!
THE 386: Okay, bye! {hangs up} WHAT THE CRAP?
ERIC: MY CELLPHONE!!! MY HANDS!!! {OOC: If you destroyed the phone remains that was on my hands, so you just destroyied my hands. Have a gud day.}
NOXIGAR: "Have a gud day"? Really?
THE 386: NachoMan, do you have any idea what you done?!
NOXIGAR: For once, I'm actually on Nacho Man's side.
ERIC: {Running around} MY HAAAAAAANNDDDSS!!! IT BUUURRRNNNSSS!!!!! {Dies}
{The 386 shoots a dart onto NachoMan to tranqualize
NOXIGAR: tranquilize
him for the series}
THE 386: That's what you get for destroying the phone remains.
NACHOMAN: Meh. My suit gives me the power to come back to life and re-grow body parts.
NOXIGAR: That is definitely god-modding. Not that it isn't hilarious, but I still wanted to point that out.
STRONG BAD: What are you doing here? Who are you?
THE 386: STRONG BAD! You're here! NachoMan, you lie.
ERIC: {Dead on the floor. He eventually smokes}
NACHOMAN: It's true! You saw it on the news! Watch! {slices off his arm and it grows back. Continues doing this for the rest of the scene.}
{The 386 feels strange}
THE 386: Oh, crap! {runs offscreen}
ERIC: {Is really dead}
NOXIGAR: RIP Eric.
THE CODE: MEH MEH! {Gnaws NachoMan's face off}
{The Cheat joins in}
PIEINBUBSFACE {appers from no were even though he never went anywere.} Check this out. {Holds up some tech} It's a Bub's to english translater. Now we can all know what bubs is saying:p
NOXIGAR: I have difficulty understanding anything Pieinbubsface just said.
{Bubs comes in}
THE 386: Lookie here! A test!
THE CODE: Can somebody help Eric? And yes, I speak english.
ERIC: {Drools}
THE CODE: Aw, nuts.
THE 386: Crap! Something is wrong.
THE CODE: So?
{his cellphone rings}
THE 386: Hang on. {answering his phone} Yes?
UNKNOWN CALLER: What are you calling me for?
THE 386: Alfonzo? Is Eskimo Bob at your area?
BACKGROUND ON CELLPHONE: Rehh!
ALFONZO: Sorry, I can't talk with you, 386.
{The 386 hangs up and makes a call, using the dial tone from the Riot}
POM POM: {bubbling over cellphone}
THE 386: Don't talk to me like that!
{Eric suddenly hops back to life}
ERIC: I'm alive! Hooray! {Gets cellphone from pocket (the same one that has broken) and starts playing games}
{Noxigar boos at the screen.}
{The 386 hangs up, but his cellphone rings}
THE 386: {answering} WHAT?
{Ghostbusters theme song is heard}
ERIC: I got it. {Answers} Hullo?
POM POM: {on both phones, making bubbling noises}
ERIC: Oh, okay. Thanks! {Hangs up}
THE 386: Kay. {hangs up} Says that Markie may be here. {close-up on eyes} NEXT EPISODE!
ERIC: Whatever.
{Welcome To My Life is heard}
NOXIGAR: That's a Green Day song, right? It might've been more fair to put links to the songs you're abusing as ringtones.
ERIC: {Answering to phone} Hullo?
STRONG BAD: Holy crap, wrong number! {hangs up}
ERIC: Mmmkay... {Puts cellphone back in his pocket} So?
THE 386: Alright The Code, and Eric, we shall use our skills to get out of here. Or not.
ERIC: Yeah, whatever. Give us a computer, some time and sandwichs and we can even go to the moon.
THE CODE: We can?
ERIC: {To The Code} Shhhh.
{we see The 386's spaceshipper in the next room, marking the final part of the episode}
THE 386: All right guys, any final words before we launch?
THE CHEAT: Meh.
THE CODE: Jibney.
NOXIGAR: I didn't know Super Sam's made-uppy word was that old.
ERIC: Jlammy.
{the spaceshipper raises to peek out of the silo. the entrance hatch opens}
THE 386: Let's go!
{everyone goes inside}
{Pan over to Bub's Concession Stand. Count X is right infront of the camera, then everybody else appears.}
COUNT X: Thanks a lot. This breaks a rule. Heres a running gag.
{Count X waves his hands, and everyone's heads explode, except for Count X.}
COUNT X: Much bett-
{Count X's head blows off, and the current Bonus Stage Credits play, with characters from Wikihood replacing the BS characters.}
NOXIGAR: UGH, WHY THE BONUS STAGE REFERENCES OH WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYY?!
{10 seconds after the end of the credits, Keen enters onscreen}
KEEN: I am Keen, Eyebrow Raiser.
ERIC: {Offscreen} WAAAAAAAH!! {Falls on Keen from a very high height} OOF!
KEEN: You owe me 2 bucks.
ERIC: Aw, nuts.
NOXIGAR: That's one less shitty episode I have to sit through.
Talk
COme on, guys, be serious, not anything stupid. That's you Pieinbubsface
COme on, guys, be serious, not anything stupid. Stop abriviation and capitalizing my name Pieinbubsface 03:34, 8 February 2006 (UTC)
Is this gonna be made real? The 386
No. Count X
Pieinbubsface, use a : after your name please.
NOXIGAR: Wikihood Redux was so much better than this ever was. HEY, LEX! I FOUND THE ORIGINAL WIKIHOOD! Remember every criticism for Wikihood Redux about how nothing happens for a good thirty minutes' worth of dialogue and action, all the while there's pointless arguing and other stupid shit in it?! Well, here's something which legitimately does all that, with enough of it to give me a migraine!
