(even if you aren't vegan)
RiffText/User:Chaosvii7/Battels/DarkAngel
ANNOUNCER: After a 4-day long hiatus, we have returned to fighting plenty of people. We've seen CowPuncher and Bell die, Kanjiro become a pebble, Vindicator strike right back, and today, we will witness a new, more better
LIGHTNING GUY: My grammar is betterer than yours.
match! We have DarkAngel, a user even more foreboding than Chaos, who holds a win/loss of 5/4!
CHAOS: Today hopes to be a good battel. {activates devil's throne and sprouts wings and a tail}
DARKANGEL: Don't worry, it'll be quick and painless
LIGHTNING GUY: Thank goodness! For a second or two, I thought
...or not.
LIGHTNING GUY: Screw you.
HEY! ANNOUNCER! It's Darkangel! Not DarkAngel!
LIGHTNING GUY: YEAH ANNOUNCER IS SUCH A BIG STUPID DUMMYHEAD NOT KNOWING THAT
Anyways, when is the battel gonna start? 'Cuz I'm ready... {Darkangel's hands start to catch fire, the fire grows and it starts to form into a fireball}
{Chaos splits into 5 and teleports}
LIGHTNING GUY: The move get kind of old after the twentieth time you do it.
CHAOS: And so it begins...
DARKANGEL: Hmm, a shadow clone jutsu. Very impressive indeed. Now it's my turn to move. CHAOS GIGA-CONTROL!
{Darkangel suddenly dissapears, then reappears with an army of 9000 clones}
LIGHTNING GUY: what nine thousand
ALL DARKANGELS: What's the matter Chaos? Confused?
{All of the Darkangels attack the 5 Chaos in chaos control with quick kicks and fireballs, all of the attacks land, Chaos' clones are heavily injured and 3 of them have fainted}
LIGHTNING GUY: Look at this sentence. There is such a thing as too large, you know.
GUFFAW: {robotic voice} That is what she said.
LIGHTNING GUY: Freaking network!
LIGHTNING GUY: Guffaw? What are you doing here?
GUFFAW: I was told that you needed a partner to spice up your boring rants.
ALL DARKANGELS: Having fun yet?
{Chaos clears the mist to reveal a near-dead Darkangel}
CHAOS: For the reference, I don't even know what a shadow clone is.
LIGHTNING GUY: It's great that I'm not alone here.
GUFFAW: It sounds like a serious dopple-banger.
LIGHTNING GUY: Dopple-banger? Something's telling me not to look that up.
That's just multiplacation. They take my blood, they scatter. You break one, they all burst. I clear the mist,
LIGHTNING GUY: And there's always mist.
you're ready to die! {Launches afronova at Darkangel}
DARKANGEL: Afronova? What the crap is that? Some kind of star, with an afro that is about to explode?
LIGHTNING GUY: Why would that star's afro explode?
GUFFAW: Perhaps it had a bit of an—emphasis—afronova. Am I right.
{Lightning Guy takes a rope out from under his seat, ties it around his neck, and pulls.}
Meh, whatev. HP MAGNA! {Darkangel absorbs the afronova and uses it as health. Darkangel is now fully healthy} And now, for my favorite trick, I shall make anything go nuts and bend reality! 'Cuz everything you know is--
LIGHTNING GUY: {choking} No
{Everything is now in a crappy drawn style world, Chaos' flesh is inside out}
LIGHTNING GUY: {choking} Don't do it!
DARKANGEL:--wrong!
{Lightning Guy dies in his seat and his spirit falls from the sky to replace him.}
LIGHTNING GUY: Great, I'm in Hell. At least Guffaw isn't here to
LIGHTNING GUY: {echoing} Network!
GUFFAW: Yo. What up, dawg.
Now I just,
LIGHTNING GUY: Just? You jest!
grab this eraser and use it on you, (He grabs an eraser and rubs it on Chaos, he starts to disapear} then I add some Liquid PaperTM,
GUFFAW: It must have been trademarked by Over-obsessive Trademarkers Incorporated.
{He grabs some liquid paper and smears it all over Chaos, Chaos is almost unseeable}
LIGHTNING GUY: I know first graders with more sophisticated vocabulary.
and presto! {Everything turns back to normal except the sky, which is flashing red and yellow. Chaos is seen chopped into tiny litlle pieces}
GUFFAW: Tiny litlle pieces.
LIGHTNING GUY: Agreed.
Reality and physichs DON'T work on me, Chaos!
LIGHTNING GUY: How about reality and physics?
GUFFAW: This spelling is making me reality and physick.
{Chaos' deformed body turns into black ahses and reforms him into the normal Chaos}
CHAOS: Nor do they me.
LIGHTNING GUY: Aww, listen to the cute little smartass.
{Transforms into soul banisher} I want to make this last as long as possible. {Chaos swings his scythe and sends Darkangel into the walls of the stadium}
{Darkangel disapears in a puff of smoke after hitting the wall}
GUFFAW: Smoking is wrong, kids.
LIGHTNING GUY: That's horribly out of context, but okay.
DARKANGEL: {Voiceover} Hahahahaha! I told you I could bend reality, didn't I?
{The red and yellow flashing sky grows and grows untill it covers the stadium. After a few seconds, the flashing sky is back to the top and Chaos is now a defensless blob in the middle of the stadium. Darkangel then appears}
DARKANGEL: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! LAWLZORZ!
LIGHTNING GUY: I think I hate this guy the most.
You-- heh-- y-you're a freakin' blob! HAHAHAHAHAHA! Let me finish this...
{Darkangel squshes, kicks, burns, freezes, breaks, pokes and smash the blob.
LIGHTNING GUY: I rephrase. I definitely hate this guy the most.
GUFFAW: At least he did not give a blob job to the blob.
GUFFAW: {pause} Worse.
LIGHTNING GUY: Is that as egregiously disturbing as it sounds?
Suddenly, it turns into a heavily wounded, almost dying Chaos}
DARKANGEL: Anything else? Man, you're BORING ME! While you try to stand up, I'll heal a bit. HEAL! {A shining light appears briefly over Darkangel} Now I'm fully charged! Bring it! Or else you'll want to run to your mommy in fear, huh? Huh, ya baby?! YOU CHICKEN?! HUH?! HUH?! That's right, go away!
LIGHTNING GUY: I wonder what'll happen next.
{Chaos reforms and holds his devil's throne up to the sky}
LIGHTNING GUY: Ooh, what a surprise.
CHAOS: Father! Finish this fight now! {Chaos makes death appear}
DEATH: ALL WHO HARM MY SON SHALL TASTE INFINITE DEATH!!!!!! {permanetaly kills Darkangel FOREVER, IRREVERSIBLE! Not even the reality bending pwers can fix it and revive him}
LIGHTNING GUY AND GUFFAW: And nothing of value was lost.
CHAOS: How's that for boring. Now, I have some important things to-
{Chaos is teleported away mysteriously, and 3 figure appear out of nowhere}
LIGHTNING GUY: 3 figure? Go figure.
FIGURE 1: My apologies. Chaos has been kiddinapped by us. You fools and your "Battels" were upsetting nature and physics.
GUFFAW: And do not forget everything else.
You can all try, try as many times as you like to save him, but It will always end in shame. But for those of you who are willing to try...{Revives and restores anyone who has been deformed or died in battels so far}
FIGURE 2: Chaos' board will be handled by us. You can challenge us to a battel if you like, any combination you like. Just sign up. You are encouraged to fight as many times as you would like. Enjoy your days, fools.
LIGHTNING GUY: Are you signing up, Guffaw? Chaos' life could depend on it.
GUFFAW: Ask me again when I care.
LIGHTNING GUY: Ha ha, that's what I like to hear.
{All 3 figures dissapear}
ANNOUNCER: OH MY GOODNESS! There has been an interruption mid-battel. I guess that means this victory goes to Darkangel. All I can say to all you rambonctious fighters out there is good luck!
Aftermath
An aftermath will be posted after the "Chaos Kidnapping saga."
