RiffText/RTOD/Wiki User Email Im a bell/Restaurant

There are a lot of horrible restaurants.

LIGHTNING GUY: I had no idea.

NAMINE: There are a lot of horrible everythings. How would you have no idea?

Summary

Cast (in order of their appearance): Bling, 1-up, Grundy, Stinkoman, Generic Man, Generic Woman, Waiter

Places: Im a bell's computer room, Stinkoman's house, A restaurant, Another restaurant, Yet another restaurant, one more restaurant

Transcript

BLING: In order to make a great email show,

LIGHTNING GUY: And do other impossibles

NOXIGAR: It's not impossible to do an email show that's great.

of the form,

NOXIGAR: "The form?" What form?

1-UP: And avoid breaking 1.6,

GRUNDY: We have decided,

ALL: To check email together!

LIGHTNING GUY: That was too anticlimactic.

Restaurant

Dear Bling,
Have you ever been to a restaurant and you had a bad waiter or waitress?
Sam The Man

1-UP: Hmm... I can't think of anything... OH WAIT! There was this one time...

LIGHTNING GUY: Hey, Lois, you remember that time when

{cut to Stinkoman's house}

1-UP: Yeah, I'd like some chocolate pudding, please.

LIGHTNING GUY: They'll never stop.

HOMESTAR: Stop what? Liking food? Oh no.

STINKOMAN: This isn't a restaurant.

1-UP: Make that vanilla.

LIGHTNING GUY: They'll never freaking stop.

STINKOMAN: We don't even HAVE any vanilla pudding!

1-UP: How much?

STINKOMAN: Grrr... DOUBLE DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIGHTNING GUY: How so very original.

{Namine drinks some vodka, whilst drawing in her sketchbook.}

NAMINE: What? Someone can't do something vaguely in-character anymore without it being "uncreative?" Nuts to that.

{Namine continues drawing in the sketchbook.}

{Cut to outside the house. An explosion comes out of a window. Cut back to the computer room}

1-UP: That guy was annoying. I didn't even get my pudding!

GRUNDY: Does that even count?

LIGHTNING GUY: Nothing in this show ever does.

BLING: I doubt it. One, that's in the future.

LIGHTNING GUY: Oh, and Bling's a psychic now.

Two, that wasn't even a restaurant. Grundy, what about you?

GRUNDY: Well...

{cut to a restaurant}

MAN: {looks at Grundy} I don't want to eat at a place that sells chicken THAT uncooked!

LIGHTNING GUY: "But maybe if I skin it alive here and there, I won't even notice!"

{cut back to the computer room}

GRUNDY: And there was this other time...

{cut to another restaurant}

WOMAN: {looks at Grundy} I didn't know any restaurant sold chicken that raw!

LIGHTNING GUY: See, it's funny because it's the exact same joke.

{cut back to the computer room}

BLING: Uhh... Aren't those almost the same?

LIGHTNING GUY: Maybe if he says "almost", he can get away with it.

And didn't they have NOTHING to do with waiters or waitresses?

GRUNDY: Yeah, you're right. Well, what about you?

BLING: Hmm...

{cut to a restaurant}

BLING: I'll have some more of the red wine, please.

WAITER: Aren't you too young to drink wine?

LIGHTNING GUY: You of course ask him that now.

BLING: Shaddup! {passes out}

{cut back to the computer room}

BLING: And...

LIGHTNING GUY: Another "and".

{cut to another restaurant}

BLING: Here's the money.

WAITER: Sir, we don't even ACCEPT yen!

LIGHTNING GUY: And Japanese money

NAMINE: All forms of currency are available at your nearest international kiosk.

HOMESTAR: I wondew what would happen if you dwew me bathing in Canadian money.
NOXIGAR: Lex could also wax lyrical to 50 Cent while Homestar's bathing in money!

HOMSAR: AAAAaaaaAAAAaaaah'm laughin' straight to the bank!

is so available here.

BLING: Shaddup! {passes out}

{cut back to the computer room}

GRUNDY: You're weird.

BLING: You too, kid. You too. {passes out}

{the paper comes down}

LIGHTNING GUY: The question wasn't even addressed. These terrible cutaway "jokes" had barely anything to do with the subject. This is what I call a "failure". This entire email show is a failure, and it will never amount to anything more than a terrible embarrassment for the site

NOXIGAR: Listen, buddy. Given how hypocritical you and Chwoka are, this whole site is a huge embarassment for me. Spare me the shitty rants, I've seen 'em done by others and done by myself as well.

it was once on!

NOXIGAR: Still on, and not nearly as "embarassing" as you make it out to be.
NAMINE: Says the guy whose feelings for Keith literally drove him to start a riffing career in the first place.

And I shall add that it has never been more my displeasure to rant and rave

HOMESTAR: Um...

on a supposedly comedic feature

HOMSAR: I have a remarkable tendency to miss the Juicy Juice Hypotenuse.

on some obscure wiki derived from that now-dead aforementioned site! So good job, Bell,

NOXIGAR: Honestly, Lightning Guy. Fuck off.

for making my entire life

NOXIGAR: Fuck

a failure!

NOXIGAR: off

{Noxigar stands up and shoots at the screen with a crossbow. The bolt causes the screen to break.}

NAMINE: I think we should have you rest and wait for the next mistake Lightning Guy makes.

A completely irreversible

HOMESTAR: Can't files just be deleted wight off the bat? Was it not as easy back then?

failure! It's a shame!

{Noxigar shoots a second crossbow bolt into the television screen.}

A crying shame!

{Noxigar shoots a third crossbow bolt into the television screen.}

An-oh, my shift's up.

{Namine clings onto Noxigar to get him to stop shooting the screen. She slowly, but surely, escorts him out of the theatre. Homestar and The Cheat get on their Homestarmy equipment, and gather the crossbow bolts while slowly fixing the screen.}

See you guys tomorrow.

{Cut to Namine and Noxigar, outside of the Theatre.}

NAMINE: Tensions really got high. Are you sure you want to continue?
NOXIGAR: I have no choice.
NAMINE: You plainly have a choice.
NOXIGAR: Not a good one.
NAMINE: Explain to me your choices, and I'll tell you which one I'd go with if I were you.
NOXIGAR: Either I continue on Lightning Gaijin's Wild Ride, finish what I start in a stark contrast to most of the remaining WUW users, eventually take a long break from riffing assuming my break isn't permanent, and let the barbs at Keith continue to erode my patience with not only detractors but Keith himself-
NAMINE: Or?
NOXIGAR: I could become exactly like the Chooms and not finish any of my future riffs, thus erasing any intergrity I still have on this blasted website.

NAMINE: I somehow don't see this as integrity-erasing. Not really sure why continuing is a good idea.