RiffText/RTOD/Wiki User Email Im a bell/Cute

Bling and Grundy design the cutest thing in the universe. There's just one problem. IT'S PURE EVIL!

LIGHTNING GUY: It always is.

Summary

Cast (in order of their appearance): Bling, Grundy, 1-up, Senor Cardgage, Cheatball, Cuteball/Sir Cutain XLII

Places: Im a bell's computer room, Blank Screen

Transcript

BLING: It's email Lucky Numbah 13!

LIGHTNING GUY: There's never luck

NAMINE: There's never bad luck, either.

involved when you see a new email up.

GRUNDY: Er... 13 is unlucky.

1-UP: Thanks for the 13 pudding cups complete stranger!

LIGHTNING GUY: Pudding Cups Complete Strangers

HOMESTAR: Now playing, only in select theatews.

SENOR CARDGAGE: Anydate, Melindagonia!

GRUNDY: See?

Cute

Dear Bling,
Could you teach me how to be cute?

LIGHTNING GUY: What would that disgusting thing know about "cute"?

From,

Badstar.

BLING:{typing} How to be cute, eh? {stops typing} 1-up! Get outta here! You ain't cute!

{1-up runs away crying. His pudding lands on Grundy's head}

LIGHTNING GUY: Wow! You needlessly abused s

{The Cheat does the Cheat equivalent of laughing}

Stinkoman 20X6 character twice in one line! You win my scathing disapproval.

NAMINE: Implying that's difficult to "win"

Don't use it all up at once.

NAMINE: All at once, you say? I can't imagine doing that.

Just kidding!

{Noxigar groans}

NOXIGAR: I hate when people do that.
NAMINE: Do what?
NOXIGAR: "Oh, here's my seething contempt! Just kidding!"
HOMESTAR: Isn't that typical of bwomantic welationships?

NOXIGAR: No, Strong Bad's just a tosser.

There will be plenty more to come!

GRUNDY: AHHH!!!! SENOR CARDGAGE'S PUDDING! GETITOFF! GETITOFF! GETITOFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

{cut to the computer room, 5 minutes later}

BLING: You okay?

GRUNDY: Yeah.

LIGHTNING GUY: The action never stops.

NAMINE: Luda', watch out my outfit's ridiculous,

In the club lookin' so conspicuous.
And rowl! these women all on the prowl,
If you hold the head steady I'm a milk the cow.
Forget about the game I'm a spit the truth,
I won't stop till I get em in they birthday suits.
So gimmie the rhythm and it'll be off with they clothes,
Then bend over to the front and touch your toes.
I left the jag and I took the Rolls,
If they ain't cutting then I put em on foot patrol.
How you like me now,
When my pinky's valued over three hundred thousand,
Lets drank you the one to please,
Ludacris fill cups like double D's.
Me and Ush once more and we leave em dead,
We want a lady in the street but a freak in the bed to say-
{Short pause}
NAMINE: I don't think I'll be quoting the Ludacris portion of an Usher song again.
NOXIGAR: I kind of hoped you'd get into the rapping business. Maybe, after this RiffText farce is done with, you'll be able to upstage Vanilla Ice.

NAMINE: Only in Space Poland.

BLING:{typing} Anyway, cute...

LIGHTNING GUY: His name is Badstar..

Well, first, you have to be...

{cut to a blank screen}

BLING:{voiceover} A cheatball.

LIGHTNING GUY: That's exactly what Bling is

NAMINE: -n't

.

{a Cheatball appears}

GRUNDY:{voiceover} And have abnormally large eyes.

{Stinkoman's eyes appear on the Cheatball}

LIGHTNING GUY: Because Cheatball's eyes weren't large to begin with.

BLING: Oh! And you need to be so happy, it's creepy.

{The cheatball's mouth becomes bigger and happy}

LIGHTNING GUY: Big Brother is watching you. Be happy at all times.

GRUNDY: Oh! And you need some nub-legs!

{the Cheatball grows tiny orange legs}

BLING: Don't forget the nub-arms!

{the Cheatball grows tiny orange arms}

LIGHTNING GUY: Tiny arms and legs would make someone look more like a beer addict.

NAMINE: I don't think he quite grasps how that works.

GRUNDY: And now,

LIGHTNING GUY: End comma.

BLING: The ultimate piece to the cuteness puzzle,

LIGHTNING GUY: End comma.

BOTH: RED-ORANGE FUR!!!!

{The Cheatball's body becomes red-orange}

GRUNDY: Hey, why don't we add an antenna?

BLING: What kind?

LIGHTNING GUY: Let me guess.

GRUNDY: Katamari Damacy style.

LIGHTNING GUY: What a surprise.

NOXIGAR: Was I the only person to not get into the Katamari Damacy craze?

I was right.

BLING: Yeah!

{the Cheatball grows a red and yellow antenna. Cut back to the computer room. The Cheatball is sitting on the desk}

BLING: There! The perfect cuteness! Let's call it...

GRUNDY: CUTEBALL!

LIGHTNING GUY: The most creative name ever.

BLING: That's a great name! Let's go buy Cuteball some food.

{Bling and Grundy walk off. the paper comes down. 15 seconds later, Cuteball talks}

CUTEBALL:{low and evil voice} Hello. I am Sir Cutain XLII. {pronounced as "Kyoo-Tayne The Forty-Second"} You all are now my slaves! MWA-HA-HA-H-

LIGHTNING GUY: Too much beer?

NAMINE: I suppose if you qualify Sir Cutain XLII's actions as "lowered inhibition," maybe.

{Bling and Grundy walk in carrying Grocery Bags}

BLING: Hey Cuteball!

LIGHTNING GUY: Cuteball is very hey today.

CUTEBALL: GAAH! Er... Uhh... {normal voice} Cuteball! Cu-Cuteball!

{the paper comes down}