RiffText/RTOD/SSXMails/Robot

SSXMail 4. Robot
Created On June 24, 2006
Cast (in order of appearence): X On Fire, Super Sonic X Clone, Thatkidsam, Dark X
Locations: XOF's House, XOF's Home Planet, Shadow Sonic X's Headquarters, Outside XOF's House

Transcript

{XOF floats into his newly fixed house. He floats up the the computer table.}

X ON FIRE: Hey, everyone. Since my old computer was destroyed, I've picked up the newest model of it. It may seem similar, but it is much different. Observe. {puts a new laptop on the table}

a>open file_ssxmail.exe█

Dear XOF,
Why are you a robot?
I have a robot for a head,
but seriously.

LIGHTNING GUY: Wait, was there a joke? I think I missed it.

Bye,
20XGlitch

X ON FIRE: Ah, a perfect example. Watch. {highlights "I", and presses a button labled "create". Suddenly, a second SSX appears.}

MR. CLOUD: But where's the first SSX at?

This new computer has a text-to-matter function! {XOF clone zooms off}

MR. CLOUD: There was an XOF clone? When?

NOXIGAR: When it said "a second SSX appears." It's not that hard to process.

I'm so confused!

Well, that can't be good. Anyways, on with the email. Why am I a robot? What kind of qestion is that? It's like asking a cat why it's not a dog! First off, the cat didn't choose what species it was,

BLUEBRY: Finally! Someone gets it!
LIGHTNING GUY: Hey, wait a minute.

and anyways, it couldn't respond, because it has no vocal co-{Thatkidsam cuts SSX off}

THATKIDSAM: Um, XOF, I'll have to stop you there. You're not being funny.

LIGHTNING GUY: Which is extremely unusual for this show.

I'd suggest referencing some old video game

MR. CLOUD: A sure source of laughs.

and insulting the email sender's name.

LIGHTNING GUY: That kid sam? More like That kid he-sucks!
MR. CLOUD: {sobbing} Great job killing two birds with one stone!

{walks off}

X ON FIRE: As I was saying, the cat has no vocal cords. Which reminds me, I have this really long documentary to show you guys. For the rest of the email. And the next five emails. It's a LONG movie. {walks off, dims lights, and turns on a TV}

MR. CLOUD: My prayers have finally been answered.

TV NARRATOR: Today, we will be examining the habitat of the oddly named "Spooficlaccigus Slug". It is a highly-

{cut to a planet far from Earth}

MR. CLOUD: That motherfathersisterbrother.

NOXIGAR: Honestly, I thought John was already fine with cursing by 2011. He started swearing in 2010 alongside everyone else, so I imagine all of his characters could just swear normally.

{Many large ships can be seen destroying a futuristic city in the sky. The screen slowly zooms in on the largest tower, and finally into the top of the tower, where Dark X is floating in front of a wall of monitors.}

DARK X: Yes. The plan is coming along like a charm.

LIGHTNING GUY: Idiom fetishes.

NOXIGAR: He says, as if writing abysmal soap operas wasn't a crime he'd later commit.

They bring out the worst

NOXIGAR: I'm sure idioms are just as mentally scarring and vomit-inducing as incest fiction starring Mr. Krabs and Pearl is.

in all of us.

My minion should be here soon.

{A panel in the ceiling opens, and the X On Fire clone enters. When he reaches the ground, the hatch closes.}

DARK X: Have you sent Email IZ7?

MR. CLOUD: IZ7. Sounds unpromising. I can't wait.

X ON FIRE CLONE: Yes, my master.

DARK X: Excellent. This plan cannot fail.

X ON FIRE CLONE: What is the plan again?

LIGHTNING GUY: Being a clone of a robot,

NOXIGAR: The Turing Test eludes you.

you have to make as many rational thoughts as possible to be realistic.

DARK X: First, I trapped SSX on Earth, and tricked Thatkidsam and Icreature into leading him to a Disney ride that would destroy his house, leaving his computer unprotected from my biolizard. Then, I sent a minion to trick him into buying a computer, which in addition to Email IZ7 and a wire that damages SSX, will stop SSX right in his tracks.

MR. CLOUD: Can we go back to the documentary now? I miss being excited.

X ON FIRE CLONE: That's ingenious!

DARK X: I know.

{Cut back to Earth.}

X ON FIRE: Well, now that the viewers are busy, I'm taking a break from this emai-{notices the viewers can see him}

LIGHTNING GUY: Oh, that's why they call them viewers!

Er...Um...on...with...the email. {floats back to the computer}

X ON FIRE: Well, now that I've answered the email, I-wow, I have a lot of emails! I should clean out my inbox!

LIGHTNING GUY: NO YOU SHOULDN'T NO YOU

IT IS TIME.

MR. CLOUD: Time to d-d-ddd-dddddddd-
LIGHTNING GUY: Don't even.

X ON FIRE: Um, well, umm...

Dear X Man,
What is tthe perspn you liek most? In other
Words, your idol?
A lot of people like American ones, I've heard.
-Thismanjosh

SUPER SONIC X:

LIGHTNING GUY: Where did he come from?

Hm...tthe perspn I liek most? Um, nobody, really. I idolize nobody! Next.

THATKIDSAM: {walks up} XOF, this is your second warning. Stop being unfunny. {walks off}

MR. CLOUD: He was cowering in fear of XOF one episode ago and now he's shooting off threats. What am I reading?

X ON FIRE: That guy doesn't know what he's talking about.

Hey X Man,
What is the currency you use?
If it's rings,

LIGHTNING GUY: They just don't freaking give up.

I heard that there's
a lot of rings in the Death Egg
X! It's hard to find, though.
Wanna look for it?

-Rogue Redd, CA

X ON FIRE: Wait...rings are actually considered a form of currency? Anywhere? Anyways, around here, the currency is pencil shavings, for some reason.

MR. CLOUD: And furthermore, no longer shall dirty diapers be accepted as legal tender!

{gets up} Well, that's about it for today. {walks off}

THATKIDSAM: {walks on} Due to the surprising lack of humor in this email,

LIGHTNING GUY: Surprising.

I shall now say the following. FRUIT SALAD IN A BURGER BURRITO DANCING ON MOUNT EVEREST IN A TU-TU WHILE EXPLODING. That is all. {walks off}

MR. CLOUD: You sure showed him.

{The paper comes down.}

Fun Facts

Easter Eggs

• Click on the computer to see a scene in DARK X's Headquaters.
  

X ON FIRE CLONE: What does Email #IZ7 do, anyways?

DARK X: Excellent question. As soon as X ON FIRE loads the email, a wire will launch into his head, resulting in an electronic wave that will control the computer to highlight and create the words "Demented Cartoon Movie Takeover."

LIGHTNING GUY: Please no, please no, please no.

This will more than likely stop X On Fire right in his tracks. Meanwhile, the electronic wave will override his powers indefinitely. It cannot fail!

References

• Instulting the sender's name is a trait from SBEMails.
• The documentary is a parody of the typical nature shows.
  • The animal name in the documentary is based on the series of blob-like animals from animal.
• Wikipedia:The Demented Cartoon Movie is a popular 30 minute long Flash animation.

General Fun Facts

• This email used to have an alternate opening made by Crusader. Click here to see it.

MR. CLOUD: There is no way I'm clicking that link.

{Noxigar clicks the link.}

NOXIGAR: Yeah, "Mr. Cloud" definitely opened the link and deciding riffing an ultra-short alternate opening was a wise decision, in spite of it having nothing to offer as far as mockable content was concerned.
NAMINE: Who even was "Crusader?"

NOXIGAR: Another nickname Vindicator had, before he was Vindicator.