RiffText/RTOD/Bling Emails/Visiting

Im a bell's cousin visits.

LIGHTNING GUY: I expect him to be just as fine a young man as Bell himself.

Summary

Cast (in order of their appearance): Im a bell, strong Bad, Strong Sad, Homestar Runner, The Cheat, Bellson, 9 (actually Im a bell), Vegerot, Bling

Places: Im a bell's computer room

Transcript

IM A BELL: It's my tenthannual emailiganza!

LIGHTNING GUY: More like emailigayza.

NOXIGAR: I think "gay" jokes stopped being funny right around the time RiffText was made, actually.

So, listen to this awexome rock intro!! Ready?

STRONG BAD, STRONG SAD, & HOMESTAR: Ready!

THE CHEAT:{simultaneously} Mehreh!

{the cheat starts playing drums. Strong Bad starts playing keyswordtar. Strong Sad starts playing bass}

LIGHTNING GUY: But I thought his bass was his stomach.

IM A BELL & HOMESTAR:{singing, to the toon

LIGHTNING GUY: You really need to leave your computer more.

of "Iron Man"} Eeeemail! E-email! Typin' Typin' Typin' Typin' Random Things! Eeee-mail! E-email! Gonna turn your lights out with a Discount Brick!

{everyone stops playing}

HOMESTAR: That was

LIGHTNING GUY: Terrible.

awesome!!!

THE CHEAT: Meh!

LIGHTNING GUY: Translated: I've heard road kill with better rhythm!

STRONG BAD: So... When do we get our money?

LIGHTNING GUY: When he gives it to you.

IM A BELL: Soon.

Visiting

Dear cousin,
Guess what?
I'm coming to visit for a few months!
Sincereley,
Cousin Bellson.

IM A BELL:{typing} Bellson?!!! Oh god. Please don't come here!

{A Bell with arms, legs, a face, and a Coach Z hat (Bellson)

LIGHTNING GUY: Why would he have Coach Z's hat? Is this Bellson guy a criminal or something?

NOXIGAR: Even though I read Bell Quest about twenty-someodd times, I can't remember Bellson either.

breaks through Im a bell's head}

BELLSON: Hellooooooooo,

LIGHTNING GUY: Jerry.

cousin!

IM A BELL: God no. {annoyed/tired} Hello,

LIGHTNING GUY: Newman.

Bellson. Alright, let's get this over with.

BELLSON: Yatta!!! So... Um... Whatdoyouwannado? Whatdoyouwannado? Whatdoyouwannado?

IM A BELL: I want to kill myself.

LIGHTNING GUY: We're finally on the same page.

NOXIGAR: >implying John's ever attempted suicide or legitimately thought about it

BELLSON: Okay... I'LL DO IT FOR YA!!!!!

LIGHTNING GUY: Me next! Me next!

IM A BELL: No! NO! Wait! WAIT!!!

{Bellson pulls out a shotgun}

BELLSON: Say hello to my little friend!

LIGHTNING GUY: Oh. Screw that, then.

{Bellson fires the shotgun}

IM A BELL: Grrr...

{Im a bell becomes a Soul Reaper}

LIGHTNING GUY: A what?

BELLSON: AWESOME!!!!!

IM A BELL: ULTIMATE DESTRUCTION JIBNEY

LIGHTNING GUY: UNORIGINAL

DEATH! HOLLOW DISINTEGRATION!!!!!!

{Im a bell slices Bellson into pieces, reforms him as a hollow, and then proceeds to destroy him. Bellson regenerates}

LIGHTNING GUY: {sighs} They always do.

NOXIGAR: It's too bad I couldn't get into Bleach, or maybe I'd know more.

BELLSON: Nice move, cuz! Now it's my turn! SELF-DESTRUCTION DEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

{Bellson explodes, taking Im a bell, and the house along with it. When the smoke clears, Bellson is still in one piece}

LIGHTNING GUY: This is just freaking messed up.

BELLSON: So cuz, what do you think of THAT?

{an Im a bell (Soul Reaper) shaped shadow (9) appears}

9: You wanna know what I think? I think you're about to die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ano Yo Kyoki! Bankai x1000000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIGHTNING GUY: :I

NOXIGAR: :|
NAMINE: :/

{9's sword dissapears.

LIGHTNING GUY: Diss

NOXIGAR: The Bird of Dis Shit is Wack.
NAMINE: Mind explaining that one to me?

is weird.

Bellson disintegrates}

9: That's it! I'm taking a vacation! Vegerot!

LIGHTNING GUY: What does the scouter say about the {stops himself, twitching} Oh...god...it's getting to me.

VEGEROT: Yeah?

9: Give me ten trillion yen,

LIGHTNING GUY: The only currency we accept.

and rebuild the house!

VEGEROT: Fine. {gets out wallet} Why yen?

9: I'm gonna go live in Japan for a while. Bling!

BLING: Yeah? What?

LIGHTNING GUY: Where are these people coming from?

9: You can take over Bellmail while I'm away.

BLING: Hooway!!!!

{9 transforms back into Im a bell}

IM A BELL: Sayonara. {dissapears}

LIGHTNING GUY: Diss is still weird.

VEGEROT: ...Wow.

BLING: Yays! I get to take ovew Bewwmaiw!

LIGHTNING GUY: Congratulations, kid. Now get my smokes.

VEGEROT: Just one thing...

BLING: Huh? What?

VEGEROT: Don't use the lisp in the email show, okay?

LIGHTNING GUY: Why would he want to use the lisp ever?

BLING: Fine.

{the paper comes down. 15 seconds later, Strong Bad walks in}

STRONG BAD: Does this mean he's not gonna pay us?

LIGHTNING GUY: Oh, now I remember! This was on the Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki!

NOXIGAR: So were a lot of awful fanstuff that either didn't make it on the Cancelled-Anyway-Gravy-Train, or on the Wiki User Wiki. Stop assuming that this didn't get migrated early into its writing.