RiffText/RTOD/Bling Emails/Eating

It's Bling's time to shinecheck email!

LIGHTNING GUY: haha get it

Summary

Cast (in order of appearance): Bling, Homestar, 1-up, Grundy, Stinkoman, Blinggit, Homestruigi Runnario (Homestar)

Places: Im a bell's computer room, The Field, Runnario's Pizzaria

Transcript

BLING: Imma checkin' mah email, Imma deletin' mah email, SHOOP-DA-

LIGHTNING GUY: KILL ME

BLING!

Eating

Dear Bling!

Do you like to eat?

LIGHTNING GUY: No, I prefer starving to death.

NAMINE: Hey, remember when you liked Cow Puncher?

NOXIGAR: Was Cow Puncher when Dan was pretending to be trans or pretending he had a sister? I can barely remember.
NAMINE: ...you don't have a single good memory of Cow Puncher, do you?
NOXIGAR: No, I don't.
NAMINE: I'm guessing he milked you for cheap laughter too much.
NOXIGAR: He was also just an insufferable douche whose friends were just as terrible as him, or worse. One of them was also a JoJo elitist whom reminded me of my exile from the Naruto fandom.
NAMINE: I think people were just being prejudiced against you back then.
NOXIGAR: No, manga elitism actually got me kicked out.
NAMINE: That's exactly what I mean, though.
NOXIGAR: It's still an exile.
NAMINE: I'm not contesting that. I'm on the same page as Sean and Ben when mentioning that you shouldn't just think yourself entirely ousted from a whole community, even when kicked out of one subcommunity. There are other places for you to fit in, I'm sure.

NOXIGAR: When it comes to some of my former fandoms, there really isn't.

From,

Cow Puncher

{Bling pronounces "Dear Bling!" as "DEAR BLING!!!!! Oh God! Y-you scared me!"}

LIGHTNING GUY: Your voice scares all of us.

BLING:{typing} Of course I like to eat!

LIGHTNING GUY: There, question answered. End ema-

Wait, do you mean "What do I like to eat"?

LIGHTNING GUY: No, he meant what he said! He meant what he said!

In that case Bull Kicker, I like {Homestar voice} MAWSHMELLOWS!

LIGHTNING GUY: Grooooooooooan.

{normal} What the? I didn't say that! But I DO like marshmallows! Wait, who DID say that? I scared!

LIGHTNING GUY: We all scared.

NOXIGAR: I can hardly consider myself "scared."

HOMESTAR: Oh, that's just me. Give me all your-

1-UP: PUDDING!

HOMESTAR:{simultaneously}

LIGHTNING GUY: On-and-off speech impediments.

Mawshmellows!

BLING:...Guys, I don't need your random cameos. I can avoid breaking 1.6 myself.

HOMESTAR: Sure!

LIGHTNING GUY: It's not like you need Homestar characters to follow 1.6, anyway.

{Short pause.}

NOXIGAR: Isn't having Homestar characters in your work literally the whole point of 1.6?

NAMINE: I'm pretty sure, yeah.

{Homestar walks off}

1-UP: Can I stay with you?

LIGHTNING GUY: Please say no. Please say

BLING: Okay... But only if Grundy can.

{Grundy breaks though the wall}

GRUNDY: YEAYEAHYEAHYEAHYEAHYEAHYEAHYEAHYEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIGHTNING GUY: CRACRAPCRAPCRAPCRAPCRAPCRAPCRAPCRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1-UP: WHOA! CALM DOWN!!!!

BLING:{angry} ...You're paying for that. Anyways, Let's go eat somewheres!

LIGHTNING GUY: I don't have a taste for somewheres, really.

GRUNDY: How about...

1-UP: RUNNARIO'S PIZZERIA!!!!

BLING: Hey, Im a bell went there once! He said it was grood!

LIGHTNING GUY: But to be fair, they call this show grood, too.

NOXIGAR: At the time, it was. However, after Its Dot Com turned out to be a complete and total tool, and after the Wiki User Wiki evolved, its time to be "grood" had long passed. That doesn't justify scrapping the entirety of a fictional world or demoting it to be some dumb "Curse."

...{sad} Why'd I have to go and mention Im a bell? {cries}

1-UP: {gasp} Calm down. It's okay.

GRUNDY: Here,' Have some chicken.

LIGHTNING GUY: Apostrophe prefers beef, thank you.

{Grundy rips off a leg, which instantly grows back, and hands it to Bling}

BLING: Thanks. {eats chicken leg} Ahem. {stops crying} Okay, let's go.

{Cut to the field. Stinkoman is fighting a gold Cheatball (Blinggit)}

LIGHTNING GUY: Got Blinggit, Bobby!

NOXIGAR: I'll tell ya hwat, I think Blinggit's fine as-is.

STINKOMAN: Hut! Hwah! Chiggidibuh!

BLINGGIT: JIBNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIGHTNING GUY: Yeah, it's ruined.

{Blinggit transforms into a Blinggit/Stinkoman/Visor Robot hybrid (Super Blinggit)}

SUPER BLINGGIT: Random Jibney

LIGHTNING GUY: Ruined.

NOXIGAR: Everyone and their mother ran "Jibney" to the ground. Pretending it's "ruined forever" because Keith writes it in as humour is not only idiotic, but makes you even more of a tosser than Its Dot Com, as hard as that is.

Death! Attack of the Running Gags!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

{Millions of Cows with boxing gloves appear and beat up Stinkoman.

LIGHTNING GUY: Hey, wait a minute...

Bling, Grundy, and 1-up walk in}

SUPER BLINGGIT: Hahaha!!! {notices Bling, Grundy, and 1-up} Huh? Oh, hey!

{Super Blinggit transforms back into Blinggit}

BLINGGIT: JIBNEY! Jib-Jibney?

LIGHTNING GUY: RUINED! Ru-Ruined!

NOXIGAR: Is it funny that the phrase "Ruined forever" has a permanent stain on itself because of overuse, much like "Jibney," or shall I go back to being a talentless shit-Commander?

{"BLING! How's your first day of email?"}

BLING: It's great!

BLINGGIT: Jibney! {"Hooray!" notices Grundy}

LIGHTNING GUY: "Hooray!"? Is that a new character?

JIB!!!! Jib-Jibney JIBNEY! {"AHHH!!!! A giant CHICKEN!"}

BLING: Calm down! This is Grundy. He's from LV2!

BLINGGIT: Jib. {"Oh." notices 1-up}

LIGHTNING GUY: Now there's this "Oh." guy.

JIB! Jib Jib-Jibney! {"AHHH! An armless guy!"}

BLING: That's 1-up. He's obsessed with pudding!

LIGHTNING GUY: Wow, really? I never noticed that aspect of his character.

1-UP: HEY! {sigh} You're right.

BLINGGIT: Jibne-ey! Jib Jib Jibney? {"I see! Where 'ya goin'?"}

BLING: Runnario's Pizzeria!

BLINGGIT: Jib-neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey! {"Hoo-raaaaaaaaay!!!"}

LIGHTNING GUY: He does know he hasn't been invited yet, right?

{cut to a pizzeria. Homestar walks up to the table Bling, 1-up, Grundy, and Blinggit

LIGHTNING GUY: I guess he took the liberty of coming, anyway.

are sitting at}

HOMESTAR: Hi! I'm Homestruigi Runnario,

LIGHTNING GUY: An Italian? Quick, hide the pets before he decapitates them!

and what will you be having?

BLING: I'll have the chocolate pizza.

BLINGGIT: Jibney. {"The same"}

1-UP: The meatball sub

LIGHTNING GUY: Oh, for a second I thought

with pudding sauce, please.

LIGHTNING GUY: Never mind.

GRUNDY: I'll have the Chicken Parmesan.

{everyone looks at Grundy astonished}

GRUNDY: What?

LIGHTNING GUY: He obviously already has mad chicken disease,

NOXIGAR: I'm pretty sure that no longer exists.

so it won't affect him.

{cut back to the computer room}

BLING:{typing} And that's why you should never have lunch with Grundy. Wait, what was your question?

LIGHTNING GUY: If you have a good joke,

NOXIGAR: I'll make sure to ignore this advice, then. I'll never have good jokes.

make sure to re-use it as much as possible!

{the paper comes down}

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