RiffText/RTOD/Bling Emails/Cute

Bling and Grundy design the cutest thing in the universe. There's just one problem. IT'S PURE EVIL!

LIGHTNING GUY: It always is.

Summary

Cast (in order of their appearance): Bling, Grundy, 1-up, Senor Cardgage, Cheatball, Cuteball/Sir Cutain XLII

Places: Im a bell's computer room, Blank Screen

Transcript

BLING: It's email Lucky Numbah 13!

LIGHTNING GUY: There's never luck involved when you see a new email up.

NOXIGAR: You're right! Because it doesn't take luck to get an email from someone

GRUNDY: Er... 13 is unlucky.

1-UP: Thanks for the 13 pudding cups complete stranger!

LIGHTNING GUY: Pudding Cups Complete Strangers

SENOR CARDGAGE: Anydate, Melindagonia!

GRUNDY: See?

Cute

Dear Bling,
Could you teach me how to be cute?

LIGHTNING GUY: What would that disgusting thing know about "cute"?

From,

Badstar.

BLING:{typing} How to be cute, eh? {stops typing} 1-up! Get outta here! You ain't cute!

{1-up runs away crying. His pudding lands on Grundy's head}

LIGHTNING GUY: Wow! You needlessly abused s Stinkoman 20X6 character twice in one line! You win my scathing disapproval. Don't use it all up at once. Just kidding! There will be plenty more to come!

GRUNDY: AHHH!!!! SENOR CARDGAGE'S PUDDING! GETITOFF! GETITOFF! GETITOFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

{cut to the computer room, 5 minutes later}

BLING: You okay?

GRUNDY: Yeah.

LIGHTNING GUY: The action never stops.

NOXIGAR: He says, constantly using the phrase wrong.

NAMINE: You've also used the phrase wrong.
NOXIGAR: I've tried writing long, drawn-out fight scenes whenever action is supposed to "never stop."

NAMINE: It didn't go well for you, did it?

BLING:{typing} Anyway, cute...

LIGHTNING GUY: His name is Badstar..

Well, first, you have to be...

{cut to a blank screen}

BLING:{voiceover} A cheatball.

LIGHTNING GUY: That's exactly what Bling is.

{a Cheatball appears}

GRUNDY:{voiceover} And have abnormally large eyes.

{Stinkoman's eyes appear on the Cheatball}

LIGHTNING GUY: Because Cheatball's eyes weren't large to begin with.

BLING: Oh! And you need to be so happy, it's creepy.

{The cheatball's mouth becomes bigger and happy}

LIGHTNING GUY: Big Brother is watching you. Be happy at all times.

GRUNDY: Oh! And you need some nub-legs!

{the Cheatball grows tiny orange legs}

BLING: Don't forget the nub-arms!

{the Cheatball grows tiny orange arms}

LIGHTNING GUY: Tiny arms and legs would make someone look more like a beer addict.

GRUNDY: And now,

LIGHTNING GUY: End comma.

NAMINE: Better than constantly using ellipses,
NOXIGAR: I'd say.

BLING: The ultimate piece to the cuteness puzzle,

LIGHTNING GUY: End comma.

BOTH: RED-ORANGE FUR!!!!

{The Cheatball's body becomes red-orange}

GRUNDY: Hey, why don't we add an antenna?

BLING: What kind?

LIGHTNING GUY: Let me guess.

GRUNDY: Katamari Damacy style.

LIGHTNING GUY: What a surprise. I was right.

NOXIGAR: I still feel alien for neither liking Katamari Damacy to begin with nor having played more than a couple levels of it when it's been publicly seen.

BLING: Yeah!

{the Cheatball grows a red and yellow antenna. Cut back to the computer room. The Cheatball is sitting on the desk}

BLING: There! The perfect cuteness! Let's call it...

GRUNDY: CUTEBALL!

LIGHTNING GUY: The most creative name ever.

BLING: That's a great name! Let's go buy Cuteball some food.

{Bling and Grundy walk off. the paper comes down. 15 seconds later, Cuteball talks}

CUTEBALL:{low and evil voice} Hello. I am Sir Cutain XLII. {pronounced as "Kyoo-Tayne The Forty-Second"} You all are now my slaves! MWA-HA-HA-H-

LIGHTNING GUY: Too much beer?

{Bling and Grundy walk in carrying Grocery Bags}

BLING: Hey Cuteball!

LIGHTNING GUY: Cuteball is very hey today.

CUTEBALL: GAAH! Er... Uhh... {normal voice} Cuteball! Cu-Cuteball!

{the paper comes down}