RiffText/Mystery Fanstuff Theater 3000/Bell Quest/3

SKULLB: Oh, wait, never mind. God is dead and Bell killed him.

{The limo swerves around, crashes through a sign that say's

BLUEBRY: HUsgHUIHISDFLEARN YOUR APOSTROPHES

"You are now leaving free country usa.", and swerves off a cliff.}

IM A BELL: VEGEROT! deploy the rocket boosters!!!

CHWOKA: The combination of all-lower case and stacked exclamation points is hurting my head.
SKULLB: how can you not like lower case and exclamation points!!!!!!!!

{rockets come out of the front of the limo. It is propelled back onto the edge of the cliff. A large metal warhouse is there. cut to the inside of the warehouse}

CHWOKA: Missile rockets, or blasting-off rockets?

?????: Oh, crap. Guys, they're here!

SKULLB: Oh, crap, they noticed us!

????-?????: What are we doing here? We are supposed to be on the cliff farther away.

CHWOKA: You have bases on both cliffs? (Clifves? Clivves?)

?? ? ????: I have an idea to keep them stalled long enough for us to leave.

{cut back to the limo. a hobo is trying to wash the windows}

HOBO: Uhh... wash yer windas ma'am?

CHWOKA: The writer is an inspiration to us all. Look at the liberties he takes with dialects, to the point where it's nigh-not-understandable.
SKULLB: OI HURLY GERLY WA DERLY BERLY MAAM

VEGEROT: For the last time, NO! Wait, did you just call me "ma'am"?!!!!

SKULLB: So how do you pronounce Vegerot anyway? I like to pronounce it "Ve-zhe-roh", like a fine wine.

{cut back to inside the warehouse}

????-?????: Nice plan!

?? ? ????: That wasn't my plan!

?????: Well, what was it then?

SKULLB: "It's a long, well thought-out story and would take several episodes to explain. Let's just skip that, though."

?? ? ????: {Whispers into ????-?????' ear.}And get the map while you are at it!

{Cut back to window they do not notice ????? and ?? ? ???? leaving the fake warehouse. They also don't notice ????-????? flying in a small ship thingy.}

BADSTAR: Well, it's a very long way to this Extremely Spooky Cliff. let's go.

SKULLB: What happened to SPOOK CLIFF?

IM A BELL: It won't take that long. Vegerot, warp speed please.

VEGEROT: It won't work. You see, we used up all it's power the first time.

BLUEBRY: Blast our dependence on foreign oil!

IM A BELL: Crap. Well, everyone, get out. we gotta walk around the cliff to the other cliff-WHAT THE CRAP IS THAT?!!!!

{????-?????'s ship flies over the limo. the ship latches on, carrying the limo and everyone to the other side of the cliff. When the limo lands, it detaches from the ship}

{Everybody get's out. ????-????? laughs eviilly.}

????-?????: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Now, to make things harder for you!!! {The ship fires lazer blast at everybody.}

CHWOKA: Is that one big LASER or a really small LASER that bounces all over the place?
SKULLB: Make a 4Chan joke and I'll clothesline you.

HOMESCHOOL: Oh, my GOD! You destroyed my limo! That costed me Two hundred bucks!

CHWOKA: Even smart people double up tenses n Im A Bell land!

{pan left to show Vegerot's hair is on fire}

VEGEROT: You burned my hair! You're gonna pay! CHEA...TA...HA...ME...HAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

SKULLB: sweet merciful christ
BLUEBRY: I don't watch anime to get away from this kinda stuff

{Vegerot destroys ????-?????'s ship}

????-?????: Ummm.... please don't kill me.

VEGEROT: Remove the question marks from your name, and I won't. Aw,crap!

IM A BELL: HA! Now you can't use attacks anymore! {to Badstar} I made him a bet. If he says something that breaks the Fourth Wall, he can't... use... attacks... Aw crap.

{????-????? was repairing his ship.

SKULLB: Since when did this story use past tense?

He get's back in it, starts it, and laughs evilly.}

{everyone stares at Im a bell, angry}

IM A BELL: Uhh... hehe... c'mon guys! You've seen the destruction he's called! Besides, he agreed to the bet!

{everyone except Im a bell stares at Vegerot, angry}

SKULLB: Wow. Everybody hates Ve-zhe-roh.

IM A BELL: You shouldn't be anger him. he might attack. Oh, wait, he can't! Haha!

{A mechanical hand comes out of the ship and snatches the map out of Badstar's hand's}

CHWOKA: Where does that thing fit in the ship?

IM A BELL: What the f-

BADSTAR: HEY! Did you just se that?

BLUEBRY: No, I did not just se that.

He took my screenplay!

VEGEROT: Uhh... So, that WASN'T the map?

BADSTAR: No.

IM A BELL: Well, where is it then?

????-?????: I stole that too! {Holds up map.}

BADSTAR: OH, {Bleep}!

SKULLB: I think he actually bleeped himself. What a loser.

{Everybody stares at Badstar with mouths wide open. (even ????-?????. he drops the map, which somehow has a brick tied to it. It lands on Im a bell's head)}

CHWOKA: Whatever happened to.. GRAMMAR?

IM A BELL: Aw, holy frickin' sh-Uhh... where's MY bleep?!!

?????:{from communicator} Uh, boss's dyin'!

{darkness spills out of Im a bell's head wound and into the communicator}

?????:{from communicator} Hey, thank Im a bell. His anti-energy from wounds saved the boss!

{????-????? picks the map back up and warps away.}

BADSTAR: ...{Bleep}

EVERYBODY EXCEPT IM A BELL: STOP SAYING {Bleep}

{????-?????'s communicator falls to the ground}

?? ? ????:{from communicator} did you thank him? hello? {Peelb}

SKULLB: Drink Mr. Peelb! It's just as good as Dr. Pepepr!

IM A BELL: A backwards bleep? That can only be one person!

BLUEBRY: Editing.

HOMESTAR: Senor Cardgage?

IM A BELL: What? Ew! No, I was talking about King Henry!

VEGEROT: Uhh... isn't he dead?

NEOSTINKOMECH: Well, I'm dead?

BLUEBRY: You're unsure of this fact?

Do you have a problem with that? Are you racist against dead people? Huh? HUH? HUH?!!!

SKULLB: ??!?!?!?!!!?

BADSTAR: Ummm... guys? We have problems. We lost the map, we don't know were we are, and our car is destroyed.

NEOSTINKOMECH: Grrr... Ya know what? I'm outta here. I'll be... food... for the rest of eternity.

IM A BELL: Can I join you? Dang... Supra sam... destroying 1-up sprite comics...

BADSTAR: Guys! Cheer up! Bling is depending on us!

NEOSTINKOMECH: Wait, we're saving Bling?!!!!!

SKULLB: It took them three poorly-written episodes to remember the plot. Good going!

Uhh... forget everything I said about leaving!

BELLSON: Why?

NEOSTINKOMECH: Uhh...

{cut to a laboratory. NeoStinkomech is there. Bling rises from a table}

NEOSTINKOMECH: It's Alive! ALIIIIIIIIVVVE!!!!!!!!

{cut back to wherever we were just at}

NEOSTINKOMAN: No reason.

BADSTAR: Let's go! Homeschool, do you think you can build a new car?

HOMESCHOOL: Well, I need... a twig, a giant model of Don Patch,

SKULLB: ANIME

and some tea!

IM A BELL:{to himself} show-off.

BADSTAR: Maybe there's another way.{Looks at Homsar} Hmmmm.... I have a plan!

{Cut to Everybody except Homsar standing on Squeaky.}

IM A BELL: Uhh... Fly... Squeaky?

BADSTAR: Bell, this is HOMSAR we are talking about.

BLUEBRY: THIS IS NO TWO-BIT HOLLYWOOD CELEB, THIS IS HOMSAR.

Sqeauky, don't fly.

SKULLB: SQEAUKY, DON'T BE A HERO

{Everybody flies up.}

BLUEBRY: ...What is going on? How are they flying? Are plot holes in this season or something?

IM A BELL: So... how are we gonna get there if we don't have a map?

EBENEEZER FINKLEHÖLLER: Wha? oh, well, I had the map the whole time!

BADSTAR: WHAT?!!! GIVE IT HERE!

{Ebeneezer pulls the map out of his pants}

CHWOKA: His pockets?

BADSTAR: On second thought, you hold it.

{Cut back to the lair. The evil guys are staring at the monitor.}

?? ? ????: THEY HAVE THE MAP!?!? Anti-Bling, you are so fired!

ANTI-BLING (????-?????):{angry} One, that ain't our map! I can see it's also a map odf everyone in FCUSA under the age of 20's houses.

?????: uhh... EW!

ANTI-BLING: And Two, you idiots aren't supposed to reveal our names until they get here! Okay, Ll?

LL E BAMI (?? ? ????): Uhh... YOU JUST REVEALED MY NAME!

ANTI-BLING: Look, the readers obviously have figured that you're Ll by now. "Im a bell's negative energy", "Backwards Bleep", and our freakin' hidden names are just question marks over the letters!

BLUEBRY: I knew by the first line, no lie.

H44WP: Don't call us idiots! We are the most evil guy's ever!

SKULLB: Us evil guy is are the smartest!

YOU ARE FIRED!!!

LL E BAMI: YEAH! NOW GET OUT OF OUR SIGHT!!!!!

ANTI-BLING: Uhh... Oh MY GOD! Um, jeez, were we even gonna reveal H44WP?!! Oh, and you can keeep the collectors' plates!

{cut to the Bling search party. Anti-Bling appears}

ANTI-BLING: Hi, uhh, look, H44WP fired me, and, I'm joinin' you from now on.

IM A BELL: Wait, Homsar44withpie is behind this?!!!!

ANTI-BLING: And Ll e bami!

BLUEBRY: e bami? OBAMA? MAYBE THIS WAS MEANT TO TELL THE FUTURE.

BELLSON: Uhh... isn't he supposed to exist if Im a bell's dead?

ANTI-BLING: I guess not. I'm gonna transport you guy's to the extremeley spooky cliff now.

IM A BELL: Waitaminute, Ll IS supposed to only exist if i'm dead!

SKULLB: It's either LL Cool J or Bell. Which one do we want more?

Wait, when was the last time I died?

VEGEROT: Yesterday. Oh, by the way, you're still dead. I think I can see wings growin' outta your back!

IM A BELL: Man, once I get Bling, I am going to destroy H44WP!

END OF CHAPTER 3! 7 MORE CHAPTERS TO GO!

SKULLB: Oh, hell. I mean, oh, {Bleep}.