RiffText/Mystery Fanstuff Theater 3000/Bell Quest/1

NARRATOR: Hello. I bet you are wondering,

BLUEBRY: No.

SANDMAN: Yes.

who were those people

BLUEBRY: No.

SANDMAN: Yes.

and why did they just capture Bling?

BLUEBRY: Not in the least.

TURIN: Howabout in the most? Eh? Eh?

Well, let's see..

{Cut to an underground lab. Two dark, unseeable figures

CHWOKA: If they're unseeable, how do we know that they are there?
SKULLB: Once again, the author shows his mastery over words that don't exist. Unseeable?

TECHNO: {reading dictionary} See –verb (used with object)

1. to perceive with the eyes; look at. 2. to view; visit or attend as a spectator: to see a play. 3. to perceive by means of computer vision. 4. to scan or view, esp. by electronic means: The satellite can see the entire southern half of the country. 5. to perceive (things) mentally; discern; understand: to see the point of an argument. 6. to construct a mental image of; visualize: He still saw his father as he was 25 years ago. 7. to accept or imagine or suppose as acceptable: I can't see him as president. 8. to be cognizant of; recognize: to see the good in others; to see where the mistake is. 9. to foresee: He could see war ahead. 10. to ascertain, learn, or find out: See who is at the door. 11. to have knowledge or experience of: to see service in the foreign corps. 12. to make sure: See that the work is done. 13. to meet and converse with: Are you seeing her at lunch today? 14. to receive as a visitor: The ambassador finally saw him. 15. to visit: He's gone to see his aunt. 16. to court, keep company with, or date frequently: They've been seeing each other for a long time. 17. to provide aid or assistance to; take care of: He's seeing his brother through college. 18. to attend or escort: to see someone home. 19. Cards . to match (a bet) or match the bet of (a bettor) by staking an equal sum; call: I'll see your five and raise you five more. 20. to prefer (someone or something) to be as indicated (usually used as a mild oath): I'll see you in hell before I sell you this house. He'll see the business fail before he admits he's wrong. 21. to read or read about: I saw it in the newspaper. –verb (used without object) 22. to have the power of sight. 23. to be capable of perceiving by means of computer vision. 24. to understand intellectually or spiritually; have insight: Philosophy teaches us to see. 25. to give attention or care: See, there it goes. 26. to find out; make inquiry: Go and see for yourself. 27. to consider; think; deliberate: Let me see, how does that song go? 28. to look about; observe: They heard the noise and came out to see. —Verb phrases 29. see about, a. to investigate; inquire about. b. to turn one's attention to; take care of: He said he would see about getting the license plates. 30. see after, to attend to; take care of: Will you please see after my plants while I'm away? 31. see off, to take leave of someone setting out on a journey; accompany to the place of departure: I went to the airport to see them off. 32. see out, to remain with (a task, project, etc.) until its completion: We decided to see it out, even if it meant another year. 33. see through, a. to penetrate to the true nature of; comprehend; detect: He quickly saw through my story. b. to stay with to the end or until completion; persevere: to see a difficult situation through. 34. see to, to take care of; be responsible for: I'll see to the theater tickets.

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Origin: bef. 900; ME seen, OE sēon; c. D zien, G sehen, ON sjā, Goth saihwan

—Related forms see·a·ble, adjective see·a·ble·ness, noun un·see·a·ble, adjective

are staring at a monitor. On the monitor, Bling is in his bed, asleep.}

BLUEBRY: Are these men 40 and on Myspace as 12 year olds by chance?
SKULLB: What gets me is that they're taking time out of their day to watch some stupid bell cat.

NARRATOR: But, nevermind that now, let's see what Im a bell's doing.

CHWOKA: I have a feeling I'm not going to like this "Im a Bell" fellow...
SKULLB: Who cares about plot progression? Let's go visit the author surrogate original character!

HOMESTAR: You said Doing {pronounces this like "boing"}!

{cut to Im a bell's computer room}

BLUEBRY: An entire room for one computer? Is this 1976?

IM A BELL: Hey, where's Bling?

Captured

Dear Im a bell,
We have captured Bling. Please get Badstar, and whoever else you want and bring them to some random

BLUEBRY: LOL RANDOM

place. You'll probably see us. Whoever we are.
From
Anonymous Evils

attatchment

CHWOKA: Mein eyes!
SKULLB: Is it... is it possible to have a seizure and throw up at the same time?

IM A BELL: Bling... KIDNAPPED?!!! NOOO!!!-Hey, an attachment!

SKULLB: I'm willing to bet Bling is like Bell's neglected cat. I don't think he even cares--he just wants a reason to yell.

{Im a bell clicks the attatchment. the words "Alphacram.exe re-installed! Well, that sucks!" appear onscreen}

SKULLB: "Bell made a fiction! Well, that sucks!"

IM A BELL: Alpha Cram? NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! Oh, hey Badstar.

BLUEBRY: Quick question, what the hell is Alpha Cram?

BADSTAR: What's up? Bling Kidnapped? ALPHA CRAM RE-INSTALLED? NOOOO!!!!!!!

CHWOKA: Wait, when did he get here? Is he always here, like a stationary object, and is thus needing no introduction as a feature of the room?
SKULLB: I'm noticing that this computer program is taking precedence over a stolen cat. These guys should be arrested.

IM A BELL & BADSTAR: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SKULLB: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOh God this is the worst thing I've ever seen.

IM A BELL: So, who should we bring?

BLUEBRY: Bring a shovel, I think my soul is dying.

IM A BELL: I think my cousin could help!

BADSTAR: Good idea! Let's bring Vegerot!

SKULLB: I'm betting Bell wondered, "how can I fit more anime into this?"

IM A BELL: How about Home-

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Me?!!!!

BLUEBRY: Oh cool, more characters coming out of nowhere!

IM A BELL: -school. Let's bring Homeschool. Oh, and Hom-

HOMESTAR: ME?!!!

IM A BELL: -sar. Homsar should come with us. Oh, and-

HOMESTAR: MEEEE?!!!!! Pleeeeaase? Can I come?!

IM A BELL: -Kraxario & Anthru-Borg. Hey, Homestar, you wanna come, too?

CHWOKA: Why bring these people? The H*R.com people will never ever get mentioned again.
SKULLB: "I'm tired of thinking. I'll let other people make these characters!"

HOMESTAR:{annoyed and tired} I guess so. {whispering} Pain-in-the-

VEGEROT: We need to bring this to the HIA's attention.

CHWOKA: You really don't.
SKULLB: The Federal Bureau of Misused Filler's gonna know about this.

HOMESCHOOL: Yeah, I think that's a good idea.

IM A BELL: Homeschool? Since when have you been out of randospace?

HOMESCHOOL: Oh, a few hours. You know who we should bring?!! Ebeneezer Finklehöller!

IM A BELL: Why that jerk?

BADSTAR: Let's bring Pter and Kyubii.

BLUEBRY: Let's ignore questions in an effort to see how many people we can fit into our entourage!

IM A BELL: Grood ideer!

SKULLB: I'm really admiring how many liberties Bell's taking with spelling, grammar and diction. Hell, he's just tearing the English language a new one. Bra-vo!

Y'know what? I think this is enough.

SKULLB: Oh, please end it now.

Lesse,

SKULLB: Ah, damnit.

Me, Badstar, Bellson, Vegerot, Homeschool, Homsar, Kraxario, Anthru-Borg, Homestar, Ebeneezer Finklehöller, Pter, and Kyubii... Yeah, that's enough!

BLUEBRY: Watch as it's not enough and the cast doubles by the third chapter.

{Cut to the lair of the two evil guy's. One of them is looking at Bling, who is in a cage.}

????-?????: Hello, Bling! BWAHAHA!!!

?? ? ????: {Offscreen.}Hey, come look at this! This will sure give you a laugh!

CHWOKA: Surely will? Sure will?
SKULLB: This will sure give you an aneurysm!

????-?????: What?

{????-????? walk's

BLUEBRY: Walk is

over to where the two boss evil guys.

BLUEBRY: Said the sentence fragment.

The boss guy's

BLUEBRY: Guy is

are looking at a monitor.}

?????: It's those fools! they actually think they can find us! What they don't know is that our lair is located on... THE EXTREMELY SPOOK CLIFF!

SKULLB: NOT THE SPOOK CLIFF

THE ONLY WAY THEY CAN MAKE IT HERE IS IF THEY HAVE THIS MAP!!! {Holds up a map. A wind blow the map out of his hands and out a window.}

SKULLB: Only one wind. No more, no less.

????-?????: Aw, sh-

BLUEBRY: Yeah I know, it's as painful for us too.

{cut back to the computer room}

IM A BELL: Wait, how are we gonna find-

{a map flies into Im a bell's eye}

IM A BELL: GWAAAH!!!!!

SKULLB: I got a papercut and it really hurts!!!!!!

VEGEROT: Hey, it's a map to the kidnsapper's lair!

SANDMAN: Why would anyone make that? Seriously?

BLUEBRY: KID'N'SAPPER, BUY ONE TODAY!

END OF CHAPTER 1