RiffText/MFT3K/Records of Bell/8

Summary

Hollow Bling battles Don Skull.

Cast: Hollow Bling, Im a bell, Don Skull, Basskull, Mature Bling, Full Hollow Bling

SKULLB: All these forms! I'd be more comfortable at the IRS if I wanted forms!
{Canned laughter.}

NOXIGAR: Canned laughter? Really? That isn't even good outside of riffs.

Places: Deck, Black Screen of Continuity, SkyBattelfield

Episode Information: 202-Never Battle The Dead Or The Immortal, Because Either Way You Can't Kill Them

BLUEBRY: Zombie movies don't count.

NOXIGAR: Zombie movies suck

Insult: sick little monkeys

Credit Joke: ope55ikyoriuyeyuirSorry about that. My cat hit the keyboard

BLUEBRY: It's okay.
CHWOKA: Wasn't this the backstory of Freakazoid?

NOXIGAR: No, it wasn't.

Transcript

{fade from black to the cruise ship deck. Hollow Bling is standing there}

IM A BELL:{walks onscreen} Hey, swastika-sword.

SKULLB: "WELL IN JAPAN"

{Noxigar groans YET AGAIN}
NOXIGAR: Germany used swastikas, not Japan. I think in India they were used to symbolize peace. Damn Nazis ruined a peace symbol.

HOLLOW BLING: IT'S A MANJI, DAMMIT! {chases Bell offscreen}

CHWOKA: {imitating Jerry Seinfeld} It's not a purse! It's a MANJI!
SKULLB: I saw it coming.

{cue theme song. Cut to the BSoC}

BLUEBRY: The "Bold Society of Croatians"?
CHWOKA: "Blue Screen of Crustaceans"?
SKULLB: "Big Sack of Crap"?
CHWOKA: Yeah, let's go with that one.

NARRATOR: Last time on Records Of Bell, Hollow Bling challenged Don Skull to a battle on the SkyBattelfield,

SKULLB: BATTLE F***ING BATTLE HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO SHOVE IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD

NOXIGAR: DAMN IT, SKULLBUGGY! BATTEL AND BATTLE ARE BOTH CORRECT SPELLINGS!

the site of Chaos' Battels Tournament.

{cut to the SkyBattelfield. Hollow Bling and Don Skull(robot form) are standing there, facing eachother.

BLUEBRY: each other

Everyone else is watching from the sidelines}

HOLLOW BLING: So, Don Skull. Are you ready to DIE?

CHWOKA: If he's not, I am.
SKULLB: X-MEN! WELCOME TO DIE!

NOXIGAR: Sometimes I can just roll on my twenty-sided DIE and not care about the results of the roll.

DON SKULL: Are you?

BLUEBRY: BURN

HOLLOW BLING:{sarcastically} Oh, nice comeback.

DON SKULL:{sarcastically} Thank you.

CHWOKA: SARCASM HOW ENTERTAINING
SKULLB: {sarcastically} Great job, guys.

NOXIGAR: Sarcasm is what you guys use when-Oh wait. It's supposed to be funny for this reason.

HOLLOW BLING: Look, let's stop with the not-so-witty banter. We've already pissed off Wiki City-

DON SKULL: And Canada.

BLUEBRY: Impossible.
SKULLB: Canadians never get angry. I do, though. I do

HOLLOW BLING:{sighs} Wiki City AND CANADA because of last episode.

CHWOKA: CANADA?! How random! I shall enjoy a hearty guffaw!

DON SKULL: Right.

IM A BELL: READYYYYYYYYYYYY... FIGHT!

HOLLOW BLING:{pulls zanpakuto out of hilt} Control. SHUJIN!

CHWOKA: Shjujigin.
SKULLB: Zappatomato. God, the JAPAN is through the roof.

NOXIGAR: For once, it is.

{the zanpakuto converts into the two-sided Tensa Zangetsu.

SKULLB: Tents and Zangoose.

{Noxigar snickers}
NOXIGAR: Nice glaringly-inaccurate pronunciation there.

Hollow Bling starts spinning it. he moves his arm toward Don Skull}

DON SKULL: IT WON'T BE THAT EASY! {jumps onto the sword, flips over so his Trigger Gauge is holding him up. The Trigger Gauge starts spinning. Don Skull jumps down and drills into Hollow Bling's stomach. He then fires the Trigger Gauge}

CHWOKA: You know, when the only thing people can see is your script, you might not want to bore them with lengthy meaningless fight scenes. There's a maxim for ya.
SKULLB: NO BUT IF IT WAS A MANGA

NOXIGAR: A MANGA HAS- Oh, these fun facts are kinda unnecessary and maybe- OH WAIT THE MANGA'S SCRIPT IS THE ARTWORK. THIS ISN'T A MANGA BECAUSE IT DOESN'T HAVE ARTWORK TO FOLLOW SAID FIGHT SCENES.

HOLLOW BLING: THAT WON'T WORK!

BLUEBRY: You just got flipping drilled in the stomach what is "not working" here
CHWOKA: He has drill-proof armor.
SKULLB: His armor is made of Moronium, the thickest and dullest substance on Earth.

NOXIGAR: {looks carefully in his periodic table for Moronium then rants on how it's not even closely there} I

{moves arm toward Don Skull's neck}

DON SKULL: AAH! {head retracts into body. He starts rumbling} What-

IM A BELL: IT'S ANOTHER FEATURE OF YOUR ROBOT FORM!

BLUEBRY: Are you sure?
CHWOKA: It's a feature, not a bug!
SKULLB: So I could make like a turtle right now?
{SkullB makes like a turtle.}

{Sarcastic clapping}
NOXIGAR: THAT RIGHT THERE IS YOUR NEXT HOST SEGMENT, FOLKS!

DON SKULL: Hmm. Good. {his legs stick out horizontally and move upward to the stomach. much steel covers his whole body and binds his arms and legs into larger arms. His head re-extends from his chest} What? I don't have any legs?

SKULLB: BUBBA YOU AIN'T GOT ANY LEGS

IM A BELL: WAIT FOR IT...!

{a golden Bass

BLUEBRY: *thukathukathukathukathukathuka*
CHWOKA: Largemouth?

flies in. His head disconnects and flies off. His torso splits in half, and it becomes part of his lower body. Metal encases it. Don Skull flies onto the lower torso and connects to it. Golden metal encases everything but his head. The Bass head flies down, the face retracts, and the helmet attaches onto Don Skull's head. Optimus Prime's mouth cover forms around the head's mouth}

DON SKULL: What's THIS now?!

CHWOKA: {stereotypical english accent} What's all this then?!
SKULLB: THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD

NOXIGAR: {singing} Shout, shout

LET IT ALL OUT
These are the things I can do without
COME ON
I'm talking to you
COME ON

IM A BELL: ITS CALLED THE BASSKULL!

CHWOKA: Basketball?

BASSKULL: I see! Thanks!

IM A BELL: YOU'RE WELCOME!

CHWOKA: WHY ARE WE SCREAMING?!
SKULLB: IN DBZ GOKU YELLS A LOT AND I'M YELLING BECAUSE I THINK GOKU IS SO COOL AND I WANT TO KISS HIM

NOXIGAR: I think I have an idea for a shipping. I'm just waiting for me to care

BASSKULL: Now then. ...Wait. Where's my Trigger Gauge?

IM A BELL: JUST THINK ABOUT IT!

CHWOKA: Oh, so it's a riddle then?

BASSKULL: Okay... {concentrates,

CHWOKA: Because you can totally tell what concentration looks like on a TV screen.
SKULLB: Is it the same look of grim realization that this will NEVER get better?

his left arm splits into multiple sheets of metal, and bands back. a trigger gauge extends from it} Ooh. Nice. Now then. If I know anything about hollows... {stabs Hollow Bling in the forehead}

HOLLOW BLING:{becomes Mature Bling, but quickly transforms back} I'm much too strong to be defeated like THAT! {moves arm towards Basskull's stomach, slicing it}

CHWOKA: GOD JUST END IT ALREADY! The entire episode is an excuse for a fight! My god, Bell the writer is BLOODTHIRSTY.
SKULLB: WELL YOU KNOW IN BLEACH I THINK THERE ARE A LOT OF COOL FIGHTS AND I WANT TO BE JUST LIKE BLEACH

NOXIGAR: There could've been different examples that are more violent than Bleach.
NOXIGAR: Oh wait I don't even like Bleach that much

BASSKULL:{liquid metal forms around the hole. it solidifies} Hmm. Nice. Now then. I'll try somewhere else. {gets the Trigger Gauge to spin again, stabs Hollow Bling in the chest, fires the Trigger Gauge}

HOLLOW BLING:{a rusty chain link falls out of the hole. HB's eyes widen} YOU IDIOT! YOU'VE DOOMED US ALL!

BASSKULL: What?

HOLLOW BLING: THAT WAS AN ARTIFICIAL SOUL CHAIN!

BLUEBRY: ALL ABOARD THE SOUL CHAIN
SKULLB: NEXT STOP: DISAPPOINTMENT

NOXIGAR: THE STOP AFTER THAT: EVEN MORE DISAPPOINTMENT

IT'S THE ONLY THING HOLDING BACK-AAAAAARGH!!!!!! {the mask covers his whole face. the zanpakuto fades away. his left arm becomes the same as his right. A long, black tail forms. His clothes shed away, revealing an all-white hollow body with red spiky hands, and black hawk-like feet. His arms bulge,and rip in half, forming two more arms. This is Full Hollow Bling} Grrr... {starts clawing at Basskull}

BASSKULL: ARGH. Thank GOD for this liquid metal healing power.

CHWOKA: Oh dear, SkullB, he's so wrapped up in the fight that he forgot that's just his liquid cooling system. Poor thing.
SKULLB: What? Aww, I thought I could make like the Terminator. Eh, whatever kills him faster.

NOXIGAR: Must be that overexhaustion of heat that happens.
NOXIGAR: {singing} IN CA-ARS

FULL HOLLOW BLING:{slashes at a not-fully-healed wound on Basskull's leg. It malfunctions and explodes. All of the metal casing retracts, Basskull transforms back into the robot mode, except the golden bass helmet is still on his head}

DON SKULL: Rrrgh. I can't fight that thing in THIS form!

SKULLB: Oh no no no stop right now stop it stop it stop it

IM A BELL: DON'T WORRY, DON! I'LL TAKE YOUR PLACE! {charges at Full Hollow Bling. FHB smacks him away} You're on your own, kid.

CHWOKA: Never give up! Oh, you gave up.

DON SKULL: Crap. Hmm... Wait. This helmet seems to be the source of the Basskull powers... {concentrates, his right arm transforms into an arm twice the size of a normal arm. Spikes extend from it's knuckles. A power cell forms on the forearm. Don charges it, and the arm starts to glow. He swings it at FHB's face. It connects, and it shatters the mask. FHB's clothes and zanpakuto reform, and he transforms into Mature Bling}

SKULLB: THE ANIME NEVER STOPS

NOXIGAR: NEITHER DOES THE ACTION, RIGHT?

MATURE BLING: Urgh. Thank you, Don. You've defeated the evil Hollow inside me. If there's anything you want

CHWOKA: {singing} Anything you want! (You got it) Anything you want! (You got it) BAAAAAAAAaAaAAav-BEE!

me to do for you, just ask.

BLUEBRY: "Thank you for humiliating me"

DON SKULL: Can you give me Soul Reaper powers?

MATURE BLING: You're a robot. That'd be impossible.

DON SKULL: Oh. Crap.

{everybody laughs.

CHWOKA: Why are they laughing? What is a soul reaper? Why didn't Bell just use his aforementioned "reality-bending powers"? What was the point of this episode? Were we supposed to be entertained? Can anyone answer my questions?
SKULLB: To answer the questions: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

NOXIGAR: Is that 4chan meme your final answer? If so, the answer was incorrect.

Fade to black. Cue credits}