(even if you aren't vegan)
RiffText/MFT3K/Records of Bell/28
Summary
The cast enters an MMORPG.
NOXIGAR: The lack of a snide remark is found wanting.
Cast: Billy Mays & His Dolls, Im a bell, Tracy, Sarah, Mature Bling, Forrest Raven, Don Skull, Jack Frost, Daigo, Many People, Generic Bodyguards, John J. Johnson, Stinkoman 20X6 Level 2 Enemies, Morbidly Obese Man, Brody, Burglar, Spider-Like Robot
Places: The 8-Bit House, Building, Kitchen, Restroom, The Vandal Forests
Insult: n00bs
Credit Joke: Gary Gygax
Episode Information: 504-Confusing RPG, The Genre, With RPG, The Weapon, Can Get You Imprisoned
Transcript
{open to inside the 8-bit house. The cast, Forrest, and Jack Frost are watching TV}
BILLY MAYS:
BLUEBRY: too soon
NOXIGAR: More like not soon enough
{on TV} Hi, Billy Mays here with- {pulls out a Billy Mays doll} -Billy Mays! {pulls string on doll}
BILLY MAYS DOLL: Hi, Billy Mays here with- {pulls out a smaller Billy Mays doll} -Billy Mays! {pulls string on doll}
BILLY MAYS DOLL DOLL: Hi, Billy Mays here with- {pulls out an even smaller Billy Mays doll} -Billy Mays! {pulls string on doll}
BILLY MAYS DOLL DOLL DOLL: Hi, Billy Mays here with- {pulls out an even SMALLER Billy Mays doll} -Billy Mays! {pulls string on doll}
BILLY MAYS DOLL DOLL DOLL DOLL: Hi, B-
IM A BELL: OH GOD {pulls out an AK-47, starts firing it at the TV}
BLUEBRY: okay seriously, why does this show have to be constantly violent
NOXIGAR: You suddenly decide to ask
{cue opening theme. Cut back to the house. Tracy is reading a newspaper}
BLUEBRY: wow, i'm surprised it's not reading anime porn or whatever
NOXIGAR: Well, there's a fine line between failing on purpose and actually trying to write something decent.
TRACY: Oh, hey, look at this!
IM A BELL:{walks over to Tracy, looks at the newspaper} "Man Killed By Sentient Carrots"?
TRACY: No, stupid. "New MMORPG Now Accepting Members. Mary Sues Preferred."
BLUEBRY: AND THAT'S YOU !!!!
NOXIGAR: Thus explaining the current episode's premise pre-emptively. What a suprise.
IM A BELL: Neat.
TRACY: But that's not all! "Those Who Can Survive A Day Will Gain A Trip To Wherever They Please, Even Outside The Internet".
SARAH: So, if we can stay alive for a day in there, which we can, we can go back to Japan!
BLUEBRY: oh, take me to europe
CHWOKA: REALITY-BENDING POWERS REALITY-BENDING POWERS REALITY-BENDING POWERS REALITY-BENDING POWERS REALITY-BENDING POWERS REALITY-BENDING POWERS REALITY-BENDING POWERS REALITY-[CUDDLE]ING-BENDING FLIPPIN' SUPERPOWERS BELL YOU HAVE REALITY-BENDING POWERS THIS SOLVES EVERY CONFLICT, EVERY CONFLICT, THE SHOW HAS EVER HAD. WANT A LADYFRIEND? MAGIC ONE UP. DEMON INSIDE YOU? WHAT DEMON? NEED TO ESCAPE TO JAPAN? WE'RE ALREADY THERE. NEED TO WIN A FIGHT, WHICH IS THE PLOT TO EVERY EPISODE? ONE-HIT KILL, COMING RIGHT UP! God, I just, I just... need out. The sentries are better than this.
{Chwoka walks out.}
NOXIGAR: OKAY SENTRIES. KILL HIM THIS TIME FOR GOOD
TRACY: EXACTLY!
MATURE BLING: Well? What do you say, Bell?
IM A BELL: ...YES. VERY YES. LET'S GO.
{cut to outside a large building. There is a line of people there. The cast, Forrest, and Jack Frost are at the front. Two men let them inside}
FORREST: This oughta be fun, won't it, Jack?
DON SKULL:{simultaneously} This oughta be fun, won't it, bro?
JACK FROST & DAIGO: ...Meh.
BLUEBRY: {groans loudly}
{5-second pause}
FORREST, JACK, DON SKULL, & DAIGO: That was weird.
{cut to inside the building. Everyone is walking down a hallway covered in metal. They walk into a room, wherein many other people are sitting on chairs. A man in a suit of armor walks up to the front of the room}
MAN: Hello! I am John J. Johnson.
BLUEBRY: they've stopped trying
I see you have all joined Adventurous: Online.
JACK FROST:{to Daigo} So that's the monster's name.
JOHN: THERE WILL BE NO TRANSFORMERS REFERENCES DURING THE DEBRIEFING
BLUEBRY: can i still keep my megan fox phone wallpaper
NOXIGAR: Do you actually have a Megan Fox wallpaper? Or is that just a sad attempt at a joke? I believe it to be the latter.
IM A BELL: Ha.
JOHN: IS THERE SOMETHING FUNNY, SOLDIER?
BLUEBRY: everything in this "show" is far from funny
IM A BELL: Yeah. "Debriefing". ...Wait, "soldier"?
JOHN: SHUT UP. ...Anyways, Adventurous: Online is an MMORPG in which we explore the farthest reaches of the internet. Please note that we will actually be in the internet, and not a simulation. Now, any more questions before we can continue?
TRACY: Yeah, I got one. The ad said there'd be free food.
BLUEBRY: oh, overused
JOHN: Yes, and?
TRACY: ...Well, where is it?
JOHN: ...Hell, I don't know.
TRACY: ...I'm gonna go look for it. {stands up, walks off}
BLUEBRY: have you noticed all of those sentences started with ellipses? HAVE YOU NOTICED?
NOXIGAR: No, I just really don't care.
IM A BELL:{looks towards the back of the room. There are tables with various foods back there} Oh, hey, the food's right there. HEY TRA-Nevermind...
JOHN: ...Whatever.
BLUEBRY: brick wall, waterfall, you just think you know it all
Now then...
{cut to Tracy walking through the building. He stops at a door labeled "Kitchen". He opens it and walks in. Cut to inside the "kitchen". It looks similar to Level 2 in Stinkoman 20X6. A Terrell jumps onscreen}
TRACY: Aah! Eww! {stomps on the Terrell}
{the camera pans out to show many other Level 2 enemies}
TRACY: ...Crap. Hmm... {grabs a nearby mushroom, eats it} Ah-ha-haii!
BLUEBRY: {slowly falls asleep}
{the BGM from Level 2 of Stinkoman 20X6 starts playing. Tracy starts crushing some more Terrells. Cut back to the room}
JOHN: We will start our adventure in the Vandal Forests. But we must be careful. It's inhabited by trolls. ...THAT WAS A JOKE. LAUGH, DAMMIT. ...It IS inhabited by ogres, though.
JACK FROST: Oh joy.
{cut back to Tracy. He picks up a Terrell and stuffs it down a Stobat's throat. It explodes, destroying a few Grundies. The camera pans over a bit, revealing a wall. A Grundy on the other side of the wall laughs at Tracy}
TRACY: ... {walks around the wall}
GRUNDY: ...CRAP
TRACY:{picks up the Grundy and flings him at some Terrells} THIS IS TAKING TOO LONG {pulls out two AK-47s, one in each hand, and starts firing them at the enemies} DIEEE, AUTOBOOOOOTS!!!!!!!! {runs offscreen}
{cut back to the room}
MATURE BLING:{gets up} I gotta use the bathroom. {walks off}
IM A BELL: ...Whatever.
JOHN: Everybody will get the following; A dagger, a suit of armor, a lighter, and a box of Cheez-Its.
{a morbidly obese man stands up and walks toward John}
IM A BELL: ...Wh-
{cut to a restroom. MB is in a stall}
MATURE BLING: ...I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE EATEN THAT BURRITO
{cut to Tracy. He shoots a few more enemies, and no more of them run in}
TRACY: That's the last of them. Now, how do I get out of h-OH CRAP
{pan up to show Brody standing over Tracy. Cut to the room}
FAT MAN:{roars, attacks John}
JOHN: AAH! {pulls out a board, starts smacking the man with it}
FAT MAN: Unghh... {eats the board}
JOHN: ...Umm...
{cut to the restroom}
MATURE BLING: DAMN YOU BURRITO! DAAAAAMN YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
{cut to Tracy}
TRACY: I'M WANTS FRIED CHICKENY {pulls out a flame thrower, points it at Brody using one hand for some reason}
BRODY:{roars, stomps on ground}
TRACY: ...HE MISSED ME YAY-{turns to camera to reveal his arm has been chopped off} GODDAMMIT {pulls out another flamethrower, lights Brody's leg on fire}
BRODY:{roars in pain}
{cut to the restroom}
MATURE BLING: DAMN MEXICANS
{cut to the room}
FAT MAN: HULK SMASH {smacks John}
{cut to Tracy}
TRACY:{lights Brody's other leg on fire} DIE YOU GIANT CHICKEN! DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
BRODY:{roars, attempts to stomp on Tracy, but falls over}
{cut to the restroom}
MATURE BLING: GOD WHY HATH THOU FORSAKEN ME
{cut to the room}
FAT MAN: NANANANANANANANANANANANANANANANA FAT MAAAAN {falls onto John}
JOHN: OH DEAR GOD THE SMELL
{cut to Tracy}
TRACY: HAHAHA! I HAVE DEFEATED YOU-
{Brody stands back up}
TRACY: ...Well, crap. Hmm... {flies up on top of Brody}
BRODY:{roars, runs offscreen}
{cut to the restroom}
MATURE BLING: THIS IS WORSE THAN WHEN I WAS DARED TO EAT MCDONALDS FOOD WHILE WATCHING TRANSFORMERS ANIMATED NUDE ON A BED OF NAILS WITH A BROOM UP MY ASS ...I think it stopped. WAIT NO IT DIDN'T OH GOD
{cut to the room}
{Chwoka walks back in.}
NOXIGAR: OH COME ON SENTRIES WHY DIDN'T YOU KILL HIM
FAT MAN: SPOON! {farts}
{Chwoka walks right back out}
NOXIGAR: GO SENTRIES GO SENTRIES GO SENTRIES GO
JOHN: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THAT IS HOLY SOMEBODY HELP ME
IM A BELL: SHUT UP JUST SHUT UP
{cut to Tracy riding Brody. Brody breaks through the wall of the kitchen}
TRACY: OW
{cut to the restroom}
MATURE BLING: WHY DID I HAVE TO BUY THE LARGE SIZE-It's over. Finally.
{after a few seconds, flushing is heard. MB walks out of the stall, and starts washing his hands}
{Brody breaks into the restroom}
TRACY: HELP ME
MATURE BLING: AAH! {flies up to Tracy, lands on Brody}
{Brody breaks through the wall. Cut to the room}
JOHN: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE
DON SKULL: Hey! ...I'm not a person!
{Brody breaks into the room. MB and Tracy jump off him. Brody steps on the fat man, and runs off, freeing John}
IM A BELL: ...That was STUPID.
JOHN:{stands up} ...Alright, let's get going.
{cut to a forest. The cast, Forrest, Jack, John, and many people warp in}
JOHN: Here we are... The Vandal Forests.
{cut to the 8-bit house. A burglar breaks in}
BURGLAR: Hmm...
{a spider-like robot walks onscreen}
BURGLAR: ...WHAT THE F-
SPIDERBOT: RAZZLE DAZZLE {pulls out a mallet}
BURGLAR: ...CRAP
{cue credits}
{The sound of silence. Fade out very slowly.}
NOXIGAR: Well that was quick. I wager this episode teetered enough between hilarious and "maybe the Stylistic Suck is going overboard" anyway.