RiffText/MFT3K/Records of Bell/24

Summary

SKULLB: WHERE'S THE BOMB

NOXIGAR: Um,
There's no allusion to a bomb.

Bell and co get trapped in the internet.

Cast: Im a bell, Tracy, Sarah, Mature Bling, Don Skull, Nerd, Otaku, Various People, Robert J. Webnet

Places: Bling's Living Room, Internet

NACHOMAN: Why am I suddenly having flashbacks to every sci-fi show made in the last decade

Episode Information: 405-Always Bring A Game Guide With You

Insult: nightmare fuel gas station attendants

Credit Joke: Rowan Atkinson

Transcript

{open to Bell in Bling's living room}

IM A BELL: ...WIBBLE. {runs up to the camera and licks it.

CHWOKA: The tag isn't even closed. That's how little he cares.
SKULLB: I don't care any more.

{cue opening theme. cut back to the living room. Everyone but Don Skull are there}

DON SKULL:{runs in(as

CHWOKA: Open and...

the Flightskull with a metal dummy inside. He is holding something}

CHWOKA: ...open, apparently.
SKULLB: Uh oh Bell's gettin' sloppy

Hey, guys! Look what we got in the mail!

TRACY: Lemme see that.

{Don Skull throws the thing to Tracy}

CHWOKA: Don't be such a doormat!
SKULLB: Did you get that thing I sent'cha

TRACY: Hmm... Super Smash Bros. Riot?

CHWOKA: HEY GUYS I PLAY SUPER SMASH BROTHERS BRAWL

NACHOMAN: MAYBE WE COULD TRADE NUMBERS AND BRAWL IT UP, as the cool kids would say

BLUEBRY: omg we're gonna get gassed kickass

NOXIGAR: Considering the timeline of when this fanstuff was existed... wait no that's not relevant to dissecting this joke is it?

Strange. I didn't know there was a new Smash game coming out. And I would know.

SKULLB: FOR I WILLED IT SO
BLUEBRY: ...but you can't take the 13 year old boy out of the girl

IM A BELL: Bah, it wouldn't hurt to play it.

CHWOKA: It would hurt US.

TRACY: I suppose you're right. {opens the case, takes out the game disc, puts it into a previously unseen Wii hooked up to a TV, turns the Wii on}

SKULLB: THACTIONEVATOPS

NOXIGAR: THE ACTION NEVER STOPS

{all the necessary things you need to do before starting a Brawl occur, but instead of Brawl it's Riot}

CHWOKA: Super Smash Brothers Brawl is world-renowned for being the one game everybody owns and plays.
SKULLB: Coincidentally, everybody lives in their basements.

{Noxigar grasps the joke and tries to make a comeback}
NOXIGAR: I- wait this joke doesn't apply to me since I don't remember living in a basement my entire life.

IM A BELL: ...What the {bleep}? They don't have KIRBY?

BLUEBRY: how dare they

This CAN'T be a real Smash Bros. game. Sakurai would NEVER leave out his own character.

SKULLB: Records of Bell: GOD I F***ING LOVE KIRBY

NOXIGAR: Heh, at least this actually fits the context. And doesn't suck as a joke.

TRACY: Well, at least nothing strange is happening, like a vortex appears on the TV and metal tentacles come out of it and drag everyone in.

BLUEBRY: sounds like every other episode

{a vortex appears on the TV and metal tentacles come out of it and drag everyone in}

CHWOKA: Bell the writer applies his entire knowledge of dramatic irony.
SKULLB: It's like a got dang lgihting store in here they're hanging so many lampshades.
NACHOMAN: Wait I do not get it does the video game have a curse on it or did bell just will there to be tentacles I do not understand

NOXIGAR: While I don't quite understand the inherent meaning of the tentacles regarding this episode, I can at least say that half of your jokes lose me just as much as Bell's jokes lose you.

SARAH: ...You just HAD to say it, didn't you?

MATURE BLING: ...Why do I have the feeling that all the Sarah fanboys are squealing with delight when seeing her being held by tentacles?

CHWOKA: There are none but Bell.
SKULLB: He has the feeling because he lusts for his friend's wife.
NACHOMAN: I imagine Bell just sat back after he wrote this scene with a smug look of satisfaction. Then he unzipped his pants..

NOXIGAR: IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT'S A MASTURBATION JOKE
Wait no masturbation jokes are never funny.

SARAH: ...Shut up.

MATURE BLING: YES SIR.

BLUEBRY: oh i get it

SARAH:{kicks MB in the nuts} The tentacles didn't restrain ALL of my limbs.

CHWOKA: IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
SKULLB: HA HA ! SHE KICKED HIM IN HE NUTBAG

MATURE BLING: ...Ow.

SKULLB: You do not just say "ow" when somebody places their boot between the boys. Trust me, I should know.
NACHOMAN: oh dear it appears my testicles have been shattered

{the faint sound of the start of a doorbell is heard.

SKULLB: OPEN UP IT'S THE POLICE

cut to a pitch black city with green outlines. there are metal tentacles dragging Bell and co out of the vortex and let them go}

TRACY: ....Well, THAT was pointless. {walks toward the vortex, it disappears} ...Crap.

IM A BELL: ...Great. JUST great. We're stuck in some Tron-like place for who knows how long.

CHWOKA: Hey, it's just a silhouette!

MATURE BLING: I suggest we start trying to find out where we are.

IM A BELL:{sarcastic} Gee, ya think?!

SKULLB: When I read this I hear the voice of a 12-year-old child trying to come off as sarcastic. You know the voice.
BLUEBRY: ...oh my god you're right

NOXIGAR:{singing, in alto} I am the mask you wear,
{now in tenor} IT'S ME THEY HEAR.

{normal} C'mon. I think I see something over there.

{cut to a place seemingly like a city's downtown, but still with the black and green motif. It is seemingly empty. Bell and co walk in}

IM A BELL: Hmm... I believe we've been sucked into the internet.

CHWOKA: "Hmm, let's look around... Dumpster, Docks, Green Outlines — GASP! We've been sucked into the internet!

DON SKULL: ...You stole this from The SkullB Show, didn't you?

SKULLB: guh

IM A BELL: ...I did subconsciously.

CHWOKA: But you're not the writer, this is "REALITY". You can't even be bothered to keep internally consistent!

DON SKULL: Hmm. Unintended plagiarism. Strange.

NACHOMAN: That's what this whole show is based on, kid.

NOXIGAR: I don't think the MST3K guys would've acknowledged the lampshades, or even do something that is trying to be this ironic. Unless said irony falls flat on its face.

IM A BELL: Yeah.

SARAH: I wonder how long we'll be here.

BLUEBRY: just-don't come back

IM A BELL: I have no idea. I wonder if anyone's here...

{a nerd walks up wearing a The SkullB Show shirt}

SKULLB: gah

NERD: You look familiar. Have I seen you on TV?

IM A BELL: Records of Bell. It comes on after the SkullB Show.

SKULLB: buh
NACHOMAN: Much to Skullbuggy's everlasting shame, he somehow inspired Records of Bell.

NOXIGAR: {imitating NachoMan} Damn it, Skullbuggy!

NERD: Oh yeah, I saw that show once. Too much innuendo.

NACHOMAN: SELF DEPRECATING HUMOR HURP DURP

NOXIGAR: Self-depreciating humour is pretty much Records of Bell in a nutshell.

IM A BELL: ... {punches the nerd}

CHWOKA: Records of Bell: Subtlety!

NERD: ...Ow.

IM A BELL: C'mon. Let's go find someone who's actually a FAN of us.

NACHOMAN: You'll have to buy a mirror. {chortle chortle}

NOXIGAR: Or just look at the man made of Nachos and his "gang" {chortle chortle}.

{cut to a few yards away. A fat otaku carrying a portfolio walks out of a hentai shop}

SKULLB: Did he really try for a job interview at a porn shop? Really?
BLUEBRY: this economy man

OTAKU: Hmph...

IM A BELL: Somethin' wrong?

OTAKU: The owner of the store rejected my Doujin-OH MY GOD YOU'RE BELL.

TRACY: And of course it's the PERVERTS that like us...

CHWOKA: Well DUH.
SKULLB: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
BLUEBRY: now that's accuracy

IM A BELL: Quiet, you. Um, yeah it's me.

OTAKU: RECORDS OF BELL IS MY FAVORITE LIVE-ACTION SHOW.

CHWOKA: Wait a minute, didn't his fans write that fan episode? This guy acts nothing like them.

IM A BELL: ...Nice. ...So, what is that rejected doujin

CHWOKA: gonna smoke up some doujin, man this stuff is so illegal it's rejected by most dealers. it's like double illegal

NOXIGAR: Y'know, I can't blame Chwoka for not knowing what a doujin is. I haven't really known much of what a doujin is myself. Unless this joke is supposed to be sarcastic. Then the joke collapses on itself.

OF, anyway?

OTAKU: ...You.

BLUEBRY: oh my

IM A BELL: ...Huh. Lemme see it.

OTAKU:{pulls a small book out of the portfolio, hands it to Bell} Here.

IM A BELL:{reads} Well, no wonder he rejected it! This is all wrong! Here,use this as a reference for me. {takes out a picture, hands it to the otaku}

SKULLB: "But my comic wasn't even about you-" "Shhh."

NOXIGAR: ACTUALLY, given the context- oh wait this joke misses the context on purpose! Still not funny.

OTAKU: ...Why do you carry around a picture of yourself naked?

SKULLB: Excuse me, but those sentry guns seem oh-so inviting right now.
{SkullB gets up, but Chwoka puts his hand on his shoulder and eases him down}

IM A BELL: You never know when it might come up in a conversation.

OTAKU: ... Ookay... Anything else I should change?

IM A BELL: Well, regarding Sarah-

SKULLB: "I have drawn a lot of porn of her. For reference."

OTAKU: Do you have a picture of HER?

IM A BELL: ...You pervert.

SKULLB: You can see me naked, but GOD HELP YOU IF YOU ASK FOR A PICTURE OF MY WIFE

Anyways, you left out one thing. Remember Episode 3, where she mentions a tattoo that cannot be shown on television?

OTAKU: OH YEAH! Right, I'll change this right away! {runs off}

CHWOKA: I must make sure that all my ungodly porn fits in with series canon!
SKULLB: I'd like to fit Bell into a cannon. And fire him. Into a brick wall. ... I want to hurt him.

SARAH: ...Okay, this is getting better.

CHWOKA: {singing} IT'S GETTING BETTER ALL THE TIME!

But, why is it all wire-framey? Shouldn't there at least be a sky or something?

BLUEBRY: there is no sky because in the internet there is only hell

NOXIGAR: As you demonstrate in a oh-so-classy way.

{a blue sky appears}

IM A BELL: ...Wow. ...Shouldn't the building all be normal?

{the buildings become average shops}

IM A BELL: ...Okay, um, and, shouldn't there be like a road or grass or something?

{sidewalks and roads and grass appears}

TRACY: ...This is getting weird. Um... Hey, shouldn't this place be bigger and more... Realistic? Like mountains, and things like that? I mean, all there is is this small place right here and everything else is just wide open fields.

{mountains appear in the distance, this place starts to look like an average city}

MATURE BLING: And these shops are all empty...

{people appear in the windows of the shops}

SKULLB: THANASTAAAA

NOXIGAR: what

DON SKULL: Speaking of people, besides those you just thought up, this place is completely empty. Where IS everyone?

BLUEBRY: they all have lives

{many, many people appear, startled. A fat man in a suit runs up to Bell and co}

FAT MAN: Thank you all. You released us from the Pan-Galactic Recycle Bin. We were trapped in there until you all arrived and undeleted us.

IM A BELL: WITH OUR MINDS.

SKULLB: I wish I could delete you from my mind.

FAT MAN: ...Right.

DON SKULL: So, why were you all deleted?

FAT MAN: Well, this idiotic hacker programmed a fake SSB game, and it released a virus that deleted everything.

CHWOKA: How do you know this?
SKULLB: He sent out a memo.

IM A BELL: ...Strange. We received that game in the mail, just earlier today. And then a portal to here ripped open and we were pulled in by tentacles and I just realized that Tracy created that and he's.

BLUEBRY: i think i've asked this before, but that's a dude?

a stupid git. {turns around and kicks Tracy in the nuts}

SKULLB: HE KICK HIM IN HE NUTBAG
BLUEBRY: is that our new catchphrase
SKULLB: Golly, I hope!

NOXIGAR: No, but that would've worked for your one-liner.

FAT MAN: Oh, where are my manners? Ahem, I am Robert J. Webnet,

CHWOKA: GET IT GUYS LIKE WORD WIDE WEB AND THE INTERNET
BLUEBRY: Truly, a wordsmith.

this city's mayor.

BLUEBRY: i voted for rodriguez

IM A BELL: Nice to meet you. So, how long will we be stuck here?

WEBNET: A while, likely.

CHWOKA: Oh boy, another setting change! Are you excited? I'm excited.

NOXIGAR: Don't fool yourself. You're not excited.

IM A BELL: ...Crap.

{cue credits}

SKULLB: I wish I was dead.
NACHOMAN: You guys do this for fun? Man, screw this I am out of here.
{NachoMan leaves.}

NOXIGAR: You mean to tell me this is over? It's {groans} not over. Hmph. Time to go test my repetition elsewhere, I guess.