RiffText/MFT3K/Records of Bell/19

Summary

Bell ventures through Nintendo, Inc. to find Sarah.

BLUEBRY: just to save time, i'll tell you all to assume that i'm constantly groaning instead of typing it out

Cast: Im a bell, A Rooster, A Kitten, Tracy, Narrator, Mature Bling, Many Goombas, An Armank, A Birdo, Two Knuckle Joes, Many Waddle Dees, A Gordo, Petey Piranha, Tabuu, Sarah, Kirby, Yakuza Boss, Yakuza Minions, Golden Bass, Don Skull

Places: Bling's Living Room, Black Screen of Continuity, Nintendo, Inc. Building

Episode Information: 401-Never Leave Your Power Suit At Home When Battling Game Enemies

Insult: sexually confused dinos

CHWOKA: h

aur

Credit Joke: Eric Idle

Transcript

{open to Bling's living room. Bell walks in, and spies a large button labeled "Innuendo Generator"}

BLUEBRY: "He then presses it a few dozen times and calls it a wrap."
SKULLB: "He then begins romancing his body pillow"

IM A BELL:{Nin10D'oh! Mario voice}

BLUEBRY: I know exactly what that is.

Oh, I wonder what this is. {presses button}

{a rooster and a kitten appear}

TRACY:{walks in} Hey, dad-{notices the animals} ...What.

BLUEBRY: He's making dinner!
SKULLB: Ha ha ha! It's a cock and a pussy!

{cue theme song, cut to the BSoC}

NARRATOR: Last time on Records of Bell...

CHWOKA: We need a recap. Why, it's not like the horrifying images of RoB aren't burned in to our minds.

NOXIGAR: Other than the comic book, there aren't any images to be found. Unless they're mental images, then it's your fault for imagining them in the first place.

{cut to Blings living room. Two cloaked figures are mutilated, the walls are covered in blood, and Mature Bling and Tracy are laying on the ground, severely injured.}

IM A BELL:{in Flightskull suit} What the hell happened here?!

MATURE BLING: Yakuza... Kidnapped Sarah... Nintendo Inc. Building... {falls unconscious}

NARRATOR: And now, the continuation.

IM A BELL: ...Damnitty damn damn dammit.

BLUEBRY: Daaaaaaaamn.
SKULLB: Ho ho ho how random

Ah, well. {flies out}

CHWOKA: Crashing through several walls.

{cut to The Nintendo, Inc. Building. Bell flies in}

IM A BELL: Here it is. My trigger gauge would probably destroy the whole building, so... {retracts trigger gauge, opens the door, revealing many angry Goombas} ...Whatever. {starts killing the Goombas}

CHWOKA: I can not imagine anything else but Bell just bunny-hopping all over the place on Goomba heads.
SKULLB: Those poor Goombas... {sobs}

{Bell kills the last Goomba,

CHWOKA: He's got, like, 34 lives now.

NOXIGAR: I'm not sure you can get lives just from jumping on top of enemies pointlessly. The score in the Mario games is unimportant as far as I know.

and then, a large shadow engulfs him}

IM A BELL:{looks behind him} HOLY...

{camera swings around to reveal and Armank}

BLUEBRY: "It then proceeded to reveal and Armank some more."
SKULLB: I'm pretty sure you can go to jail for revealing your Armank.

IM A BELL: God, I hate these things!

BLUEBRY: we all do

{starts wailing

CHWOKA: hahahahahaha
SKULLB: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

{Noxigar scrambles for a tissue box, then sits down upon realizing that the crying is sarcastic}

on the Armank's neck, causing it to retract into the body, revealing the green blob-thing inside. Bell starts beating it up, but notices something} What's that?

CHWOKA: Wait, did they seriously just cram an entire ACTION SCENE into a dialogue line?
SKULLB: It's called suspension of disbelief :smug:

NOXIGAR: Oh, yeah. Suspension of disbelief. What I had looking at the screen at your crying trying to give you tissues.

{pulls a large Hammer and a Mega Blaster from the Armank} Sweet! {puts on the blaster, swings the hammer at the blob, destroying the Armank}

NARRATOR: Level complete! Move on to to Stage Two, Lobby of Nintendo!

CHWOKA: "my friends"

NOXIGAR: relatives

"are mutilated and somebody kidnapped my wife" "LEVEL TWO!!!!!!!!"

IM A BELL: ...What-Nevermind. {walks offscreen}

{cut to the lobby. A Birdo is at the receptionist desk}

BLUEBRY: executive assistant

BIRDO: Hi, do you-

CHWOKA: know the times?

IM A BELL: DIE, YOU SEXUALLY CONFUSED DINOSAUR!!! {Im a bell guns down the Birdo}

CHWOKA: He's like a self-parody at this point.
SKULLB: Records of Bell: F*** Gays

NARRATOR: Level complete! Move on to Stage Three, Elevator!

IM A BELL: ...Okay. {walks up to the elevator, it opens, revealing two Knuckle Joes} ...his is too easy.

BLUEBRY: But hers is too difficult

{enters the elevator, smashes the two Joes' heads together}

NARRATOR: Level complete! Move on to Stage Four, Second Floor!

IM A BELL: ...Okay. {presses a button, the door closes. cut to the second floor. The elevator door opens, revealing many Waddle Dees and A single Gordo} Hmm... {spies a rope on the floor} Aha! {grabs rope, makes it into a lasso, catches the Gordo with it, starts swinging it around, smashing into the Waddle Dees with it}

{cut to a few minutes later.

SKULLB: Oh so you type all THAT horrible action out but not the stuff that happened after?

Bell has destroyed all the Waddle Dees, and smashes the Gordo into the ground, destroying it}

SKULLB: Okay, come on. Kirby can't even destroy a Gordo and he can turn into a friggin' nuke.

NARRATOR: Level complete! Move on to Stage Five, Third Floor!

IM A BELL: Say,

CHWOKA: what's in this drink, anyway?

NOXIGAR: YOU IN THE DRINK

how many floors are there?

NARRATOR: Five.

CHWOKA: Three, sir.

IM A BELL: Ah. I see. {enters the elevator}

{cut to the third floor. The elevator door opens. Bell steps out and sees Petey Piranha}

IM A BELL: ...This is TOO easy! Good thing I brought this weed killer! {pulls out a can f weed killer,

BLUEBRY: EFF WEED KILLER
SKULLB: fffffffffff weed

sprays it on Petey}

{Petey turns brown, and shrivels up}

SKULLB: Why didn't you merge that last action line with this one? It would have made sense- oh, never mind.

NARRATOR: Level complete! Move on to Stage Six, Fourth Floor!

IM A BELL: M'kay. {enters elevator}

{cut to the fourth floor. It is dark and purple.

CHWOKA: Possibly even... DEEP Purple?
SKULLB: You like rock music too much.

NOXIGAR: I like rock music a lot also.

Bell exits the elevator}

IM A BELL: Where're

SKULLB: 're're're're're

the enemies?

CHWOKA: Where's the beef?

{Tabuu appears.

SKULLB:

A box showing Tabuu's HP, 100, appears on a wall}

SKULLB:

IM A BELL: ...Damn. Ah, well. {runs up to Tabuu, is about to strike him}

{Tabuu disappears, and starts randomly warping around the room, until stopping in the far left. Im a bell starts wailing on him with the hammer, leaving Tabuu with 75 HP. Tabuu does that shark-thing move.

BLUEBRY: Like he did in that one movie... with... something Baldwin...

Bell accidentally jumps in front of it}

CHWOKA: Like those people in Vice City who will actually jump INTO your moving car?
SKULLB: I hope Bell jumps in front of a moving car.

IM A BELL: AARGH!!!

{Tabuu warps around the room before stopping in front of Bell. Bell starts blasting him with the Mega Blaster, leaving Tabuu with 50 HP. Tabuu does that giant head with eyebeams move. Bell jumps to the far right to avoid it, and charges his mega blaster. Tabuu waps

BLUEBRY: You know, my father was a wapper.

to the center of the room. Bell runs up to him, and fires the charged mega blaster at point-blank range, leaving Tabuu with 15 HP}

IM A BELL: Hey, what's this on my boot? {looks at bottom of foot, revealing a Big Boss sticker} SWEET! This oughta-

{a trophy stand appears}

SKULLB: I PLAYED BRAWL GUYS

NOXIGAR: Problem, Skullbuggy?

IM A BELL: Speak of the devil! {grabs the trophy stand, flings it at Tabuu, turning him into a trophy. Bell grabs it and warps it away} Yatta!

BLUEBRY: I-I don't know what this means.

NOXIGAR: It's something Chun Li says in Street Fighter. I thought you'd get that reference since it's also used on the Homestar Runner website.

NARRATOR: Level complete! Move on to stage Seven, Top Floor!

{Im a bell enters the elevator. cut to the fifth floor. Bell exits the elevator}

IM A BELL: Now, where's-OH MY GOD.

{camera swing around, to reveal Sarah and Kirby dangling over a vat labrled

BLUEBRY: You know, my father was a labrler.
SKULLB: NOT KIRBY

"Melted English-Language Versions Of Mother 3".

KICKCHEAT: MOTHER 3 GUYS MOTHER 3 MOTHER 3 MOTHER 3

NOXIGAR: Meh, Mother 3. People reference that on YouTube. A lot.

The Yakuza boss and two minions are standing behind it. Bell flies up, severs the ropes holding Sarah and Kirby up, sets them down in front of the elevator}

CHWOKA: Like Superman to Lois Lane.

IM A BELL: Get out while you still can.

{Sarah and Kirby enter the elevator}

IM A BELL: Sarah AND Kirby? You guys were trying to get me angry, weren't you?!

YAKUZA BOSS: Yep.

SKULLB: "We've looked into your life personally."

IM A BELL: Why?!

YAKUZA BOSS: Because with your technology, we can make MILLIONS! Now, HAND IT OVER!

CHWOKA: His technology has nothing to do with videogame hardware or software. That's like making a gatling gun into a Wii.

IM A BELL: HELL NO! {shoots the minions} Now, we will fight one on one!

CHWOKA: Gum-flapping.

YAKUZA BOSS: What about the Flightskull? That's two more people.

IM A BELL: Wha-How did you-

YAKUZA BOSS: We've been watching you for some time now.

CHWOKA: But that means... you perverts!

{Noxigar sarcastically claps}

IM A BELL: I see. Ah, well. Flightskull, retract! {the Flightskull detaches from Bell, and transforms back into the Golden Bass and Don Skull} Okay, then. Let's fight! Tapeskull mode.

SKULLB: Too poor for brain reconstruction surgery? Try Tapeskull!

{The golden Bass becomes and MP3 player.

BLUEBRY: Yeah, I can see how it became and MP3 playered.

It starts playing the Tetris theme}

CHWOKA: BATTLE THEME
SKULLB: Aww dammit now I hate Tetris.

IM A BELL: Do your worst!

YAKUZA BOSS: Gladly!

CHWOKA: {Yazuka Boss starts flailing his arms limply}

{cue montage of Bell and the Yakuza Boss fighting to the Tetruis

CHWOKA: My favorite game!

theme. I'm too lazy to write it.

BLUEBRY: We don't want to read it anyway.

Bell eventually finishes him off}

YAKUZA BOSS: ... Damn... {collapses}

{fade to black. Cue credits

BLUEBRY: You didn't close the tags
SKULLB: A CHILLING TWO-PARTER INDEED

NOXIGAR: I'm sure Dr. Brainfreeze is clapping right now.