RiffText/MFT3K/Records of Bell/18

Summary

Malifact & Malifact find Bell.

SKULLB: {singing} We're Marley and Marleeeeey...

NOXIGAR: {singing} Our hearts were painted black

Cast: Tracy, Im a bell, Mature Bling, Sarah, Don Skull, Cloaked Figure 1, Cloaked Figure 2, Chaos

Places: Bling's Living Room, Tokyo, Outside Of Bling's House

Episode Information: 306-Always Inform Your Superiors That You're Moving Halfway Across The World Lest They Find You

Insult: unimaginative insult

BLUEBRY: the usual, eh

Credit Joke: NO

SKULLB: GIRLS ALLOWED

Transcript

{open to Bling's living room. Bell and Tracy are there}

TRACY: Hey, dad.

IM A BELL:{monotone} Insert many, many innuendos here.

BLUEBRY: you first

TRACY: ...No.

CHWOKA: They don't even care any more.
SKULLB: I don't even care any more.

{cue opening theme. cut back to Bling's living room. Everyone's there except MB. He then walks in, holding some mail}

MATURE BLING: Hmm... Bills, bills, bills, latest issue of Penthouse... {throws to Tracy} H-Manga catalog... {squints}

CHWOKA: Instant eye problems!

Hellish Miniskirts Monthly?

SKULLB: For when you just don't feel guilty enough wearing a mini-skirt.

SARAH: Yo.

MATURE BLING:{throws to Sarah} There's one more letter. {reads envelope} It's for Bell. {throws to Bell}

SKULLB: The envelope actually did say "THIS IS FOR BELL" on it. Damndest thing.

IM A BELL: Oh god. Malifact & Malifact. I completely forgot. Well, it's too late for me to retcon

BLUEBRY: I don't-I don't even know what this is supposed to be

in another paid vacation. {opens letter, reading} "We're here."

BLUEBRY: WE'RE QUEER

{stops}

CHWOKA: {old-timey voice} WE'RE HERE STOP {clears throat}

What an odd thing to-

{two cloaked figures break down the door. Chaos walks in}

MATURE BLING: ...You're paying for that.

SKULLB: They're desperately trying to be witty but it just comes off as them being assholes.
BLUEBRY: Uh I think they're just assholes
SKULLB: Yeah, you've got a point.

CHAOS: Imothy Bellstrom, Sarah McAllister, Tracy Bellstrom, you three are hereby arrested by the Malifact & Malifact Police.

IM A BELL: Police? Since when did you have police?

CHAOS: We always had them.

SKULLB: GESTAPO

We just don't tell our employees about them.

SKULLB: NA DANN HALT DIE FRESSE UND KOMME MIT KOMME MIT

IM A BELL: Well, uhh... What's the charge?

CHWOKA: $8.50.
SKULLB: Negative.

CHAOS: You know what the bleeding charge is,

BLUEBRY: my hospital billed me a "bleeding charge" once {RIMSHOT}

you idiot. You three were only going to stay on vacation for a month. It is against our regulations to extend a vacation without prior announcement.

IM A BELL: Just for the record, we only did this because I married Sarah.

CHAOS: Personal relationship with your coworkers. Also against the rules.

CHWOKA: That's the most nonsensical rule I have ever heard.
SKULLB: Oh, you're complaining about that.
CHWOKA: Just wait.

NOXIGAR: I'd be more puzzled as to how Sarah and Bell coincidentally worked at the same job and didn't know it than I would be about some idiotic rule.

IM A BELL: I... Uhh... {kicks Chaos in the nuts, runs out the door}

CHWOKA: Reality-bending powers. REALITY-BENDING POWERS.
SKULLB: Huh. I guess you were right.

Y'all stay here! DS, come with me!

CHWOKA: Bell only cares about his video games.
SKULLB: LEAVE THE PSP it's a piece of crud

NOXIGAR: OBJECTION!

NOXIGAR: Wait, what was I objecting?
{Crickets}

NOXIGAR: Nevermind.

{Don Skull follows Bell}

SKULLB: "I never told you to follow me!"

CHAOS: Why you... Guards! Make sure they don't escape! {runs after Bell}

CLOAKED FIGURE 1:{grabs Tracy}

CHWOKA: An entire line of dialogue for an action.
SKULLB: COME ON

NOXIGAR: Hey, Raven, say "Nevermore".

NOXIGAR: Quoth the Raven,

NOXIGAR: "Fuck you".

TRACY: I could kill you, but I don't want to stain the walls with blood as poor as yours.

BLUEBRY: don't make fun of poor people
SKULLB: HA HA HA! HE'S SO WITTY !!

CLOAKED FIGURE 2:{reaches for Sarah}

SKULLB: NO MEANS NO

SARAH: HEY!

CHWOKA: {singing} HEY HEY! THAT'S WHAT I SAY!

NOXIGAR: And what you say is only for horses.

{kicks Cloaked Figure 2 in the stomach}

CLOAKED FIGURE 2:{grabs Sarah by the upper arm, grunts}

CHWOKA: {moaning} braiiins...BRAAAAAINS!
SKULLB: Oh, my. He's quite randy.

SARAH: Eh-DAMMIT, CLICHES!!!!

CHWOKA: Bell's best friend turns against him in this installment! And he's not going down without a fight!!!
SKULLB: Can they make it out of the all-women bathhouse before Subspace erupts?!?!

NOXIGAR: You mean to tell me you guys haven't had absurdly stupid plots? How about that one plot involving a hat being the center of attention?

{cut to a street inside Tokyo. Bell runs in}

IM A BELL: Don Skull! Flight mode!

DON SKULL: Wh-{transforms into a pair of metal

BLUEBRY: \m/

wings with his skull on the back. they latch onto Bell} EHH?!

SKULLB: YOU HOSERS

{the golden Bass flies in and transforms into a metaL

BLUEBRY: \m/ SO METAL \m/
CHWOKA: Well, he is a bass.

exoskeleton on Bell. The skull upon the wings detaches and attaches to Bell's face}

IM A BELL: This is another piece of technology I designed within your body. It's called the Flightskull.

DON SKULL'S VOICE:{echoey} Huh. Can I use it?

IM A BELL: It requires a body. I'll make a metal

BLUEBRY: OH MY GOD \MMMMMMMMMMMM/

NOXIGAR: Someone explain to me what \m/ is. Because I don't.

dummy when this is over.

DON SKULL'S VOICE: Okay, then.

{Chaos warps in behind Bell}

CHAOS: Zanmato.

BLUEBRY: w-what?

{preforms a zanmato

CHWOKA: DOMO ARIGATO, MR. ZANAMTO

on Bell}

BLUEBRY: Is-Is this another innuendo?

NOXIGAR: Tell me what bukkake means.

IM A BELL: ...Ow? Was that supposed to hurt or something?

SKULLB: Did... did he just get raped?

CHAOS: You smartass.

IM A BELL: I know.

SKULLB: Great, a self-aware douche.

{right arm becomes a trigger gauge. Bell flies into the air, charges it, and fires it at Chaos}

CHAOS:{dodges} It's not THAT easy!

SKULLB: {singing} It's not un-uuuu-su-AL to be stabbed at any time...

NOXIGAR: {singing} It's not unusual to find references of mediocre artists...

IM A BELL: Oh YEAH? {flies at Chaos, stabs him in the face}

CHAOS: ... {pulls trigger gauge out of face} ...That was the stupidest move I have ever seen.

BLUEBRY: yeah, that pretty much applies to everything here

'IM A BELL: It was to distract you from THIS! {fires a charged blast from the trigger gauge right into Chaos' face, temporarily destroying his head.

SKULLB: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU JESUS CHRIST

NOXIGAR: {singing} Shout, shout

LET IT ALL OUT
These are the things I can do without
COME ON
I'm talking to you
COME ON

Bell flies off}

CHAOS:{head reforms} You've won this round, Bell, but I'll be back!

BLUEBRY: head reforms... "i'll be back"... this is another terminator copy

{cut to the outside of Bling's house. Bel

CHWOKA: The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

lands and opens the door}

IM A BELL: I'm ba-OH MY GOD!

{cut to inside the house. The two cloaked figures are mutilated, the walls are covered in blood, and Mature Bling and Tracy are laying on the ground, severely injured. Sarah is nowhere to be found}

IM A BELL: What the hell happened here?!

SKULLB: I'm thinking her period! {rimshot}
BLUEBRY: yeah that was f***ing disgusting

MATURE BLING: Yakuza... Kidnapped Sarah... Nintendo

BLUEBRY: aaaaaaaaand all credibility flew out the window

Inc. Building... {falls unconscious}

{the words "to be continued..." appear onscreen. cue credits}

CHWOKA: A TWO-PARTER of Records of Bell? I have never been so excited.

NOXIGAR: Of course you have, you're not fooling anyone.