(even if you aren't vegan)
RiffText/MFT3K/Records of Bell/17
Summary
CHWOKA: Hey guys, I bet Skully B hates this show!
NOXIGAR: I bet you all hate this show.
Some werewolf-thing escaped.
CHWOKA: {imitating Strong Sad} Oh, some animal died...
SKULLB: Awww, myfursonawerewolf escaped.
Cast: Mature Bling, Im a bell, Sarah, Tracy, Don Skull, Doctor Octopus, Japanese Women, Feral Bell
Places: Bling's Living Room, Tokyo, Female Bathhouse, Alley
Episode Information: 305-Do Not Leave Feral Forms Of Yourself In The House
BLUEBRY: i try not to
Insult: unimaginative insult
Credit Joke: NO
Transcript
{open to Bling's living room. Everyone but Bell and Sarah are there. They walk in. Bell and Sarah are wearing clothes that images of will be uploaded soon}
CHWOKA: Any day now...
{Skip over to three years later. Still nothing.}
MATURE BLING: Hey, guys. What's with the clothes?
BLUEBRY: they "got that look"
IM A BELL: We decided to get a change of style. The golden Gi wasn't cool anymore.
CHWOKA: They were NEVER cool.
SKULLB: Th- dammit.
SARAH: Don't you like them?
SKULLB: I don't.
MATURE BLING: I do, but, why is Bell wearing the tux he wore at your wedding?
BLUEBRY: he likes to wear it when he touches me
TRACY: I honestly don't care. But, Sarah, you DO look hot in that.
SKULLB: MIDWF
NOXIGAR: MIDWF? OH, I GET IT. Damn acronyms...
IM A BELL: She's your stepmom. That was disturbing.
CHWOKA: Like any other interaction Tracy has with everybody he's related to ISN'T?
TRACY: Screw off.
SARAH: Gladly. {her and Bell exit the house}
CHWOKA: OHOHOHOHOHO
YOU SEE, THEY ARE HAVING SEX
NOXIGAR: YOU SEE, WHY WOULD THEY HAVE SEX OUTSIDE?
TRACY: ...They went into their house, didn't they?
DON SKULL: You-You don't think they took you SERIOUSLY, did they?
SKULLB: Ewwww I bet they're kissing
TRACY: You're saying they DIDN'T?
MATURE BLING: ...Oh, I JUST realized why they have a separate house!�
{Chwoka reaches up and slaps Bling in the face}
BLUEBRY: because a second house is like a second tax dependency, right?
{pause five seconds.
CHWOKA: Oh god no.
BLUEBRY: What?
CHWOKA: Well remember last time they did this?
SKULLB: Oh sh...
Doctor Octopus flies in,
CHWOKA: SON OF A BITCH!
slightly charred and with an eyepatch}
DOC OCK: DOCTOR OCTO
CHWOKA: -pussy!
NOXIGAR: I expect you to die, Mr. Bond.
G-
TRACY: GET OUT!
DOC OCK: Okay... {flies out}
SKULLB: HE SWITCHED IT UP ON US HE DID
NOXIGAR: "That's what we do sometimes with context on the same things. Such as SPOOK CLIFF"
{cue opening theme. cut back to Bling's living room, a while later}
IM A BELL:{yelling at Tracy} You WHAT?!!!
SKULLB: MY LELOUCHE- wait a minute... I'm getting deja vu and I'm not sure why.
TRACY: Sorry, I didn't know the basement door was supposed to be locked!
BLUEBRY: this sounds REALLY creepy
IM A BELL: Well, it's too late now, He's already loose.
MATURE BLING: What are you talking about?
IM A BELL:{sighs} Look. I used to have a werewolf-like form called Feral Bell. As his name suggests, he is very wild and dangerous.
BLUEBRY: liiiiiiiiike a werewolf!
I learned how dangerous he CAN be when I was vacationing in the Wikian Galaxy a couple decades back. So, I forced this form in the basement of our old house. I had just migrated him to this house's basement, and now Bling tells me he let him out.
SKULLB: It's like I want to care but my windpipe would tie itself in a knot if I did.
MATURE BLING: I was curious about what was in the basement! I never looked in there!
SARAH: Wait, if he's so wild and dangerous, why didn't you refuse with him when we got married?
IM A BELL: I didn't think of it.
SKULLB: Well that explains a lot
DON SKULL: Shut up shut up SHUT UP!!!! I'VE HAD IT WITH ALL THE GODDAMN INNUENDOS!
CHWOKA: See SkullB? Even robots have genetics.
BLUEBRY: ...in YOUR end-o
NOXIGAR: I remember "In your end-o" from Scrubs. It wasn't funny then. It's not funny now. It will never be funny.
IM A BELL: ... {head turns into an angry emoticon} stfu n00b! {kicks DS}
CHWOKA: Ow, my pixels!
SKULLB: Ouch, my two screens!
BLUEBRY: dialog so riveting it can only be found on every Halo match ever
DON SKULL: Ow.
IM A BELL:{head transforms back to normal} Now, let's go track down Feral Bell. {pulls out a shotgun}
BLUEBRY: let's carry a gun with us through a crowded city
SARAH: YOU'RE GOING TO KILL HIM?!!
IM A BELL: They're just tranqs.
SARAH: Oh. Good.
IM A BELL:{southern accent} Now let's go bag us a werewolf!
TRACY:{southern accent} YEE-HAW!
SKULLB: a-huck a-huck a-heeee
NOXIGAR: Perhaps everything seems to be parodic, from some of Bell's scripting to the riffing, but... this response doesn't... nevermind.
{cue montage of Bell and co looking through Tokyo for Feral Bell. cut to a random street there}
IM A BELL: This is stupid.
SKULLB: YES
Let's think logically.
SKULLB: YES
Feral Bell is as perverted as he is dangerous. So, where would a perverted werewolf go?
BLUEBRY: your harddrive
TRACY: Female-only bathhouses?
SKULLB: NO
IM A BELL: That seems logical.
SKULLB: NO
What's the closest female-only bathhouse to our houses?
BLUEBRY: i think there's an iphone app for this
NOXIGAR: Too bad I don't have an iSuck to check for you.
TRACY: I'll take you there.
{cut to a bathhouse. Many nude women are hiding in a corner, scared. They're censored by steam, of course. Feral Bell is taking pictures of them. Bell and co walk in}
SKULLB: I sure do hate this show!!
IM A BELL: FOUND YOU!
FERAL BELL: GRRR! {throws camera, runs out}
TRACY:{catches camera} Hehehe.
IM A BELL: OH NO YOU DON'T! {runs after FB}
SARAH: Hmm... I think I'll stay in this sauna for a little bit. {starts to take off clothes}
SKULLB: MIDNWTFUAC
NOXIGAR: Okay, now this acronym is just confusing.
{cut to an alley. The audience is heard complaining.}
BLUEBRY: {whispering} i think he heard us
{Feral Bell runs in, with Bell right behind. Bell jumps up, bounces into the air off of FB's head, pulls out shotgun, and shoots a tranquilizer dart into FB's neck}
FERAL BELL: AAaaarghhh... {collapses}
IM A BELL:{lands, grabs FB, walks off}
{cut back to the bathhouse. Sarah has just put her clothes back on. The guys jaws are dropped. Tracy is taking pictures. Bell walks back in carrying FB}
SKULLB: Nothing awkward about this at all! {destroys a city}
IM A BELL: Done. Let's end this stupid episode.
EVERYONE ELSE: Agreed.
BLUEBRY: this includes us
{cue credits}
SKULLB: Records of Bell: M{cue credits}
NOXIGAR: {credits suddenly stop}
NOXIGAR: Looks like-
NOXIGAR: The action finally stopped.
{Sunglasses are put on.}