RiffText/MFT3K/Records of Bell/16

Summary

THE PURGE SPECIAL!!!!

BLUEBRY: I assume this is the thing being purged.

Cast: Narrator, Man on TV, Tracy, Im a bell, Doctor Octopus, Mature Bling, Sarah, Don Skull, Misc. HRFWiki users, Chaos, Super Sam

{Chwoka wakes up}
CHWOKA: {yawn} Did I miss anything?
SKULLB: No.

{Noxigar comes back with tea, then sips it slowly.}

Places: BSoW, Bling's Living Room, FCUSA

Episode Information: 304-Never Postpone Purges Lest There Be A Riot

CHWOKA: Hey guys, remember when our biggest concern was how soon until the purge began? Those were the salad days, weren't they?

Insult: inactive HRFWiki users who come back to find a purged wiki

Credit Joke: Some Band You Haven't Heard Of

Transcript

{open to Black Screen of Warnings}

NARRATOR: Warning. This cold open may be inappropriate for the kiddies.

BLUEBRY: ahahahah screw the children

{cut to Bling's living room. Everyone is watching tv}

CHWOKA: Yes, and what's on the screen?

MAN ON TV: I'm finally booted up! ...Hey, is that a URL? I should look at it.

BLUEBRY: That is EXACTLY what you should do.
SKULLB: Yes because this is how normal speech should sound.

TRACY: THIS IS A STUPID COMMERCIAL! Typing in random URLs can get you viruses!

CHWOKA: He wasn't even typing, for all we know.

IM A BELL: Tapping random asses can get you viruses, too.

BLUEBRY: bell's a straight up playa
SKULLB: Like he knows how to tap an ass.

NOXIGAR: Implying the "ass" isn't a donkey.

{Crickets}

NOXIGAR: Okay, I get it, it's not funny.

{a clock moves ten minutes forward}

IM A BELL: What the hell?

SKULLB: Yeah, Daylight Saving's is a bitch, ain't it?

NOXIGAR: There's also being in between two time zones.

{the clock moves another ten minutes forward}

TRACY: Every time there's an innuendo and/or curse word spoken, the show gets aired a little later.

BLUEBRY: Just like a real TV show!

IM A BELL: That's... Umm...

{pause five seconds. Doc Ock flies in}

DOC OCK: DOCTOR OCTOGONAPUS B-

IM A BELL: BLAAAAAAAAAH!!!! {fires lazer at Doc Ock's face}

SKULLB: OH-HO GOOD SHOW THERE OLD CHAP GOOD SHOW

{Noxigar finishes drinking tea, leaving the teacup in a theatre chair's arm, and goes to get a hamburger. THIS TIME WITH BACON IN IT}

{cue opening theme. cut back to Bling's living room}

TRACY: Hmm...

MATURE BLING: Uhh...

SARAH: Fff...

DON SKULL: Yea-

IM A BELL: OMG LOOK AT THE TIME! {points to a previously unseen countdown on the wall. it looks like the one on the HRFWiki before the purge. This clock shows there's an hour left}

TRACY: HOLY CRAPS THE PURGE IS IN AN HOUR!!!!

SKULLB: No need to explain anything for us.

IM A BELL: We should go see it!

BLUEBRY: You should participate!

{Noxigar comes back with a bacon burger and starts eating it.}

MATURE BLING: I must see my childhood get destroyed!

NOXIGAR: Makes me wish I had a childhood. {sighs}

SKULLB: Soul-crushing pain all around, am I right?

DON SKULL: I LIKE YELLING!

SARAH: Let's go already!

{cut to FCUSA. There are many, many HRFWiki users running around panicking. In the center of the city stands a large clocktower

CHWOKA: AND ALL ALONG THE CLOCKTOWER

with the countdown on it. There are thirty-two minutes left on it. Bell and co walk in}

IM A BELL: Wow. I can barely remember life before Zoo's shadow

CHWOKA: who

forced me

CHWOKA: how

here.

CHWOKA: where

{sees Chaos} Hey, Chaos! You here to see the purge, too?

CHAOS: Nah. I've been hired by the mayors of FCUSA {OOC: the sysops} to bring the souls of the residents to purgatory until FCUSA has been rebuilt.

SKULLB: Oh, of course! Why wouldn't I know about FCUSA? {OOC: I DO NOT}

NOXIGAR: You mean that huge setting that holds all the cartoons Homestar Runner features in on his website?

IM A BELL: Neat. Say, how exactly ARE they purging FCUSA, anyway?

CHAOS: Look over there.

CHWOKA: He said, without making any sort of gesture at all.

{camera swings around to reveal many subspace bombs being unloaded from a rather large helicopter}

SKULLB: Don't you bring Brawl into this don't you dare

IM A BELL: Subspace bombs. I shoulda guessed.

BLUEBRY: This is EXACTLY how it happened.

SARAH: But, so many bombs going off at once would mean FCUSA would never-

CHAOS: EXACTLY! After all the bombs go off, the mayors will just get a Mary Sue to traverse subspace, defeat Tabuu,

BLUEBRY: At Thanksgiving my family plays Taboo.

and the bombs will disappear, leaving the mayors with a rather shiny piece of air to rebuild FCUSA from.

IM A BELL: Where's the Glorious Gravy Boat?

SKULLB: "You just missed it. At least you'll see the bomb when it exp-"

CHAOS: We already set off a bomb in an uninhabited section of FCUSA and navigated the GGB into it. Once Tabuu is defeated, it'll simply reappear, sitting in the shining crater that was once FCUSA.

IM A BELL:' Huh. Hey, look! They're activating the bombs!

{cut to the bombs. Many ROB Sentries wheel in and activate the bombs. If you don't know how they activate subspace bombs, watch this video. If you had to watch it, you are uncool.

BLUEBRY: let me look up cool in the dictionary for you

NOXIGAR: Urbandictionary.com? Or Dictionary.com? Which definition do you use?

the subspace bombs show there are 30 minutes left}

IM A BELL: Half an hour. Well, we better make the most of it.

SKULLB: "Time to take my first shower, guys."

MATURE BLING: Imma go find the hospital where I was infused with Bell's DNA and go light it on fire.

BLUEBRY: "If Coleman Reese isn't dead in sixty minutes, then I blow up a hospital."

{walks off}

TRACY: Ooh! Let me help! {runs after MB}

DON SKULL:{transforms into robot form} I'm gonna go slaughter a bunch of bad Homestar dresser characters. {runs off}

SKULLB: MINDLESS KILLING IS SO MUCH FFFFUN YOU GUYS

CHAOS: I really oughta get started on transferring those users. {warps off}

IM A BELL: Well, it's just you and me.

SARAH: So, um...

IM A BELL: Wanna go do it in some abandoned office building?

BLUEBRY: why would you mention this WHY WOULD YOU MENTION THIS
SKULLB: Boy, he really wants to drive the point home.

{Noxigar takes out a not-sharp pencil, and a pencil sharpener. He sticks the pencil in the sharpener.}
NOXIGAR: I ought to take notes for some humor-related information from the experts, so I might as well sharpen my pencil.

SARAH: Sure, why not?

{the subspace bombs and the clocktower moves ten minutes forward}

IM A BELL: Oops. Ah, well. {grabs Sarah, warps off}

{cut to a little bit later. there is one minute left until the purge. Bell and co warp in. Bell and Sarah's clothing are dirty and wrinkled. Don Skull is covered in blood. MB and Tracy are slightly charred}

IM A BELL: Well, there's one minute left.

SUPER SAM:{walks up} Hey, there, meaningless third generation mary sue.

BLUEBRY: at least someone has it right

IM A BELL: Hi, Supes. You goin' down with the ship?

SUPER SAM: No, I WAS going to misuse my sysop powers to protect me, but that's preposterous. Now I'm counting on you to use your godmodding to save me.

SKULLB: "After all you are the most handsome person I know!! And your so funny!!"

NOXIGAR: DAMN IT, SKULLBUGGY! IT'S YOU'RE

IM A BELL: Right. {creates a barrier around him, Super Sam, MB, DS, Tracy, and Sarah} five seconds left.

TRACY: Five...

SARAH: Four...

MATURE BLING: Three...

DON SKULL: Two...

EVERYONE: One...

SUPER SAM: Hold on to your butts!

BLUEBRY: I already was...;)

NOXIGAR: Wait, I thought NachoMan was- Wait, that's Season 2 of MFT3K. I forgot.

{everyone hugs eachother and close their eyes tight. cut to above FCUSA. all the bombs go off. fade to black. cue credits}

SKULLB: Hooray, it's over! Good night, I'm leaving.