(even if you aren't vegan)
RiffText/MFT3K/Records of Bell/13
Summary
Bell and Sarah marry
SKULLB: Bell cant write
NOXIGAR: Firstly, can't
NOXIGAR: Secondly, that sentence is actually good; it just needs a period.
Cast: Sumo Wrestler, Jigglypuff, Announcer, Im a bell, Sarah, Store Owner, Father Koteigainen, Don Skull
Places: Sumo Wrestling Ring, Wedding Shop, Church, Reception
Episode Information: 301-Matrimonious Episode 13: Confuscious Say: Man Go To Bed Drunk With Woman Wakes Up With Wedding Ring
SKULLB: Confucius Say: My Name Not Spelled Confuscious
Insult: anthropomorphic trash cans
Credit Joke: Shonen Jump
Transcript
{open to a sumo wresting ring. A VERY fat sumo wrestler
CHWOKA: "PLE-E-E-EASE let me die"
is fighting Jigglypuff}
ANNOUNCER: I can't see any way Jigglypuff can win this!
BLUEBRY: play dirty
{Jigglypuff breaks a smashball and uses his final smash, pushing the sumo wrestler out of the ring}
SKULLB: Ohhhhh sh** son Jigglypuff bringin the pain
ANNOUNCER: I guess I spoke too soon!
BLUEBRY: Just stop speaking then
IM A BELL:{walks onscreen} WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH THE SHOW?
BLUEBRY: They're both terrible
{camera swings around to show the announcer is Tracy}
TRACY: THIS! {laughs}
SKULLB: You are the only one laughing
{cue theme song. cut to a wedding shop. Bell and Sarah are looking through the clothes. Bell holds up a red tuxedo}
IM A BELL: What do you think of this?
SARAH: Hmm... Kinda bland.
BLUEBRY: i'm thinking SEEEEEEEQUIIIIIIIINS
IM A BELL: Hmm... {blasts tuxedo. it's jacket now has black flames around the bottom and white horns on the shoulders. the pants are now black}
CHWOKA: this is a real classy wedding
SARAH: NOW it's better!
SKULLB: No it's not at all
IM A BELL: Good. Hold on a second. If we're going to film this in Japan, I'll have to do this. {inserts a babelfish into the camera}
BLUEBRY: MR. GORBACHEV, TEAR DOWN THIS WALL
SKULLB: TOO LATE
NOXIGAR: ...exactly how is this funny other than it referencing the 4th wall in an obscure historic reference to the Soviet Union while Gorbachev was around?
Now then. {walks up to counter} Excuse me, sir. i'd
BLUEBRY: I'd
like to purchase this tuxedo.
STORE OWNER: You ruined it! You have to pay two times the price!
BLUEBRY: have you ever BEEN to a store
SKULLB: You break it, you suck
IM A BELL: Which would be?
STORE OWNER: You must pay me 40,000 yen!
SKULLB: IN AMERICAN MONEY THAT WOULD BE
IM A BELL: Sure. {reaches into pocket, pulls out 40,000 yen, hands to the store owner} Here you are, sir.
STORE OWNER: Eh-Thank you, sir.
IM A BELL: Sarah! Come on and pick a wedding dress already!
SARAH: Okay, okay! Which is better, a pitch-black one, or a white one with red around the bottom?
SKULLB: Neither
IM A BELL: Look, tell ya what! I'll just summon one
CHWOKA: What, like, with a satanic pentagram?
when we get back.
CHWOKA: Why didn't you just do that for the tux?
SARAH: That's sounds fine.
BLUEBRY: this breaks the number one rule of reality in that WOMEN GO INSANE OVER THEIR WEDDINGS
NOXIGAR: Personally, I think it's less cliche.
STORE OWNER: Damn godmodders...
CHWOKA: You know, this is really the problem with overpowered characters. There are no obstacles.
{cut to a church. Bell and Sarah are at the podium. Bell is waring}
BLUEBRY: wearing
CHWOKA: warring
{the edited tuxedo, and Sarah is wearing a black wedding dress with red around the bottom. The minister is an angry-looking japanese man}
FATHER KOTEIGAINEN:{loud and high-pitched} Do you, Imma... Emo... Emma... H-how do you pronounce this?
IM A BELL: Imothy Albert Bellstrom.
FATHER KOTEIGAINEN: Oh. Okay then. Do you, Imothy Bellstrom, take Sarah McAllister to be your lawfully wedded wife?
IM A BELL: I do.
FATHER KOTEIGAINEN: And do you, Sarah McAllister, take Imothy Bellstrom to be your lawfully wedded husband?
SARAH: I do.
FATHER KOTEIGAINEN: Now, if anyone has any reason why these two should not be married, speak now, or forever hold your peace.
CHWOKA: They typically say this part before the holy unbreakable bond is forged.
DON SKULL:{offscreen} He's a freak!
CHWOKA: Of all the things wrong with this wedding, you pick that out?
IM A BELL: Screw you, Don Skull!
DON SKULL: 'Kay!
CHWOKA: Blood related, SkullB, BLOOD RELATED!
FATHER KOTEIGAINEN: Okay. You may now kiss the bride.
{Bell and Sarah kiss. Cut to the reception}
CHWOKA: EWWWWWWWWWWW THEY'RE KISSING
TRACY: Heh. So you two finally married.
CHWOKA: Heh. So you conjunctions.
SKULLB: they don't have conjunctions in NIPPON
NOXIGAR: The sentence didn't need conjunctions.
IM A BELL: Yep. Now we don't have to worry about any illegitimate children!
BLUEBRY: {shudders}
SARAH: Uhh... You didn't have to when we weren't married. Reality-bending powers, remember?
IM A BELL: ...SON OF A-
{cue credits}
CHWOKA: No fade to black? Nobody ends up laughing at the end?
NOXIGAR: I felt the same way about the Wedding Singer in that it wasn't funny