RiffText/MFT3K/Records of Bell/1

Summary

Bell has lost a friend, or has he?

SKULLB: Bell has no friends in the first place

Cast: Narrator, Audience, Im a bell, Unseen Voice, Tracy, Bling, Silhouette, Kurayami "Kuro" Kageshi,

SKULLB: GUEST STARRING: JAPAN

NOXIGAR: {imitating M. Bison} OF COURSE.

Many Innocent Pedestrians

Places: Mailbox, A Cemetery, Bell's House, Downtown Wiki City, A Memorabilia Store, An Adult Animation Store,

SKULLB: {retches}

A Run-Down City Somewhere In New Jersey

Episode Information: 101-The Pain Of Loss Can Drive Even The Most Cold-Hearted Insane

Insult: thick-headed thick-heads

Credit Joke: ME

Transcript

NARRATOR: Hello. I expect you are wanting the first episode of Records Of Bell

CHWOKA: WELL YOU EXPECT WRONG

, but here's a flashback.

{the audience is heard groaning}

BLUEBRY: An appropriate response

NARRATOR: Shaddup.

CHWOKA: Ehhhhhhhhhhh, shaddup-a ya face.

NOXIGAR: I'm surprised you're riffing this part, since it reminds me of the scenes involving Dr. Brainfreeze and his idiot assistant in that IT'S EQUALLY UNFUNNY.

{cut from black to Im a bell in front of a mailbox. He is holding a black-bordered envelope}

IM A BELL: A black-bordered envelope? One of the mortals I know must have died without me killing them.

BLUEBRY: Or someone Sharpied an envelope.

{opens envelope, reads it. A tear falls from his eye} Sh-Shadowy Figure died? {crushes envelope, holds fists and face to the sky, crying} NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SKULLB: STELLAAAAAAAAAAAA

NOXIGAR: {singing} IN THE DARK OF THE NIGHT, EVIL WILL FIND HER.

NARRATOR: Okay, then. Now onto the show.

BLUEBRY: ...Wait, what were we WATCHING?

{cue Opening Theme. Cut to a cemetery. Im a bell walks up to a poorly cared for grave reading "GRENDEL H. SHADLEK[enter]Dictator[enter]2206-2268". He kneels down and cries.}

CHWOKA: Wait, why did they even need to call it a flashback? Couldn't they just start at the time he gets the letter?

IM A BELL: Why? WHY? WHY DID THEY HAVE TO KILL HIM?!

CHWOKA: Nobody gets THIS type of emotion at a funeral. Just sadness, not anger. This is just more proof of Bell not knowing the way normal people work.

NOXIGAR: There is no such thing as normal. The word "normal" is a misnomer in of itself and so objective to the point that I disregard the existence of such an asinine word EVER being used.

UNSEEN VOICE: I know.

IM A BELL: What? {looks around} Strange, there's nobody here.

SKULLB: Shouldn't be out of the ordinary for you

{cut to Bell's house}

IM A BELL:{walks onscreen with Tracy and towards the front door} Hey, Bling! Me and Tracy are going downtown! Wanna come?

BLING:{offscreen} Sure! {runs in}

{Bell opens the door. The three walk out. Cut to downtown Wiki City. Bell drives in and parallel parks his car. The three get out. Bell puts money into the meter}

SKULLB: THE ACTION NEVER STOPS

IM A BELL: Is 5 hours good enough?

TRACY: I suppose. Anyways, Bling and I are gonna go buy some hent

BLUEBRY: OH GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

-Er-I mean, buy some... Uh... Gottagoseeyabye! {runs off with Bling following him}

IM A BELL: ...That was odd. ...Ah, well.

SKULLB: That is odd?

NOXIGAR: Rule #1 of Bell's Social Interactions: Don't mention hentai in passing. It just so happens to work for a majority of other people.

{cut to a blacklit memorabilia store. Bell is looking at a life-size Alien statue}

UNSEEN VOICE: Was he a friend of yours, Bell?

CHWOKA: Reiteration: NOBODY is friends with Bell.

NOXIGAR: Except for Badstar, me, Sephiroth Lexon Harkheart Emperor Lex, Emperor Lex's Empire- DAMN IT, I MISSED THE JOKE.

IM A BELL: What? {turns around, notices a silhouette of someone in a cloak, with spiky hair that's long in the back} Who are you? How do you know my name? And what do you mean "he"?

SILHOUETTE: You were at Shadowy Figure's grave earlier today. You seemed angry.

CHWOKA: He was angry about not being born in glorious Nippon.

NOXIGAR: Hooray, an obscure reference that, without proper research, will be lost to all but Bell and the Choom Gang.

IM A BELL: Oh. Yes, I'm a friend of Shadowy Figure's. Anyways,

BLUEBRY: Anyway

NOXIGAR: Actually no; that spelling/usage is correct, just primarily used as part of a Southern accent.

who are you?

SILHOUETTE:{steps out of the shadows. he is humanoid, has white hair, a red cloak, and a pitch-black body} My name is Kuryami Kageshi.

BLUEBRY: My name is Dustin. On the Internet I'm ShadowHawk. I'm Japanese on the inside.

You can call me Kuro.

SKULLB: no

NOXIGAR: No, Kuro, no- OH HEY THAT RHYMES.

IM A BELL:{shakes Kuro's hand} Nice to meet you, Kuro.

CHWOKA: Kuro sounds like Mexican food.

KURO: I warn you. I don't play well with others.

BLUEBRY: He never learned to share.

NOXIGAR: He also never learned to care.

IM A BELL: Neither do I. Say, you kinda remind me of Shadowy Figure.

KURO: Well, I am him. Reincarnated, that is.

CHWOKA: When you're reincarnated, you have the exact memories and age and whatnot as when you died. I should know - I read books.

IM A BELL:{stunned} W-wow. I cannot believe it.

KURO: Neither can I, old friend.

IM A BELL: ... So, um...

KURO: Wanna go destroy a city?

SKULLB: OH SO WACKY

IM A BELL: DEFINITELY! But first, let me do two things. {gets out wallet, walks offscreen. A few seconds later he walks back, and warps away the Alien statue} Okay, one thing down. Wait.

CHWOKA: {singing} AND HERE I COME BACK TO YOUR SIDE! AND WE FORGET THE TIMES WE CRIED! I feel as though, you ought to know...{humming}

Have you experienced warping via reality-bending powers while conscious?

CHWOKA: oh so you've taken LSD then good to know

NOXIGAR: IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE HE LEARNED IT FROM HEALTH CLASS OR OTHERWISE TOOK LSD HIMSELF.

KURO: Yes. Yes I have.

IM A BELL: Good. {grabs Kuro's cloak, warps away}

{cut to a store. except for the floor and door, the background is just white with the word "CENSORED" in red.

BLUEBRY: ew

Tracy and Bling(adult form) are there. Bell and Kuro warp in}

TRACY:{surprised} AAH! H-how did you know we were here?

IM A BELL: It's obvious you would come here. {notices Bling} ...Why are you in that form?

BLUEBRY: What's a form?

BLING: They don't allow children and/or pets in here, and since in that form I'm pretty much both, I had to use this form.

{SkullB throws up again.}
SKULLB: SO MUCH BILE
CHWOKA: Where do you even store all that? You're a robot!

IM A BELL: Ah. Anyways, Tracy, Bling, this is Kuro. He's the reincarnation of Shadowy Figure.

KURO: Nice to meet you both.

TRACY: The same to you.

BLING: Yes.

SKULLB: So what if he's reincarnated? Nothing new.

KURO: Anyways, c'mon Bell. I heard there's a New Jersey city that is going to be used for nuke testing. We will-Ahem-"clear the area" for them.

SKULLB: NEW JERSEY SUCKS
CHWOKA: {singing} Cleveland rocks! Cleveland rocks!

NOXIGAR: {singing} In violent times,
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO SELL YOUR SOOOUUUULLLL.

IM A BELL: Hehehe.

CHWOKA: MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

{Kuro grabs Bell's shoulder, warps away}

TRACY: Huh. Interesting.

BLING: True. Very true.

TRACY:{looks at camera} Could you please go away? We're not here to buy censored hent-

BLUEBRY: fffffffffffffffffffffffff

{cut via static to a run-down city. Bell and Kuro warp in}

SKULLB: OH JESUS NO

IM A BELL: Mwahaha. {transforms into Perfect Bell, stands as if he was going to do a Kamehameha wave, summons between his hands a purple ball of energy with light blue lightning expelling from it} I've been wanting to try this for quite some time. PSYCHOTIC HADOKEN!!!!!! {fires a purple Hadoken with a light blue aura into nearby group of pedestrians. The last to be destroyed is a Gumby(a Monty Python's Flying Circus Gumby, not the claymation Gumby)}

KURO: Heh. {raises arm to chest level with palm up. A ball of energy appears above his hand. He throws it at a nearby woman pushing a baby carriage. It hits her, bounces into the baby, and back to Kuro's hand. Both the woman and the baby are destroyed.

SKULLB: you baby-murdering freak

Kuro grabs part of the energy, and stretches it. The enegy

BLUEBRY: energy

becomes a mace of energy. Kuro swings it into the face of a person, destroying him. Kuro slices the air with the mace, and it becomes a katana of energy. He then slices a person in half. He then squishes the top of the sword, and it becomes a mallet of energy. Kuro then crushes a policeman with it. Kuro then squishes the handle of the mallet, and it becomes a ball of energy again. He then throws the energy ball into a vodka store. It explodes, vaporizing a few people} What do you say to THAT?

{SkullB is on the floor, in the fetal position, mumbling to himself in tongues.}

IM A BELL: Impressive. VERY impressive.

KURO: I thought so.

{cue credits}

SKULLB: holy crap what is wrong with bell

NOXIGAR: {singing} Shout, shout

LET IT ALL OUT
These are the things I can do without
COME ON
I'm talking to you
COME ON