RiffText/MFT3K/1-Up Emails/challenge

1-UP EMAIL 51!

If you don't know why 1-Up has a Mansion... Please read 1-Up Email 20.

BLUEBRY: okay lemme just—oh wait it's deleted

NOXIGAR: Purge happens, bro.

Cast (in appereance of order): Mysterious Person, Marzichan, 1-Up, Homestar Runner, Marzipan, Ben, Bubusuke, The Guy at the Depot, The Homestar Runner

Transcript

{Cuts to a Graveyard}

VOICE: Fools...

BLUEBRY: "laying there dead, doing nothing with their lives."

{The camera moves to the left for a couple of seconds and then stops to reveal a shadowy figure standing there. He looks suspisiously like Enker from Mega Man: Dr. Wily's Revenge.}

CHWOKA: Oh boy, guys, this person likes megaman too! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
SKUB: YES

NOXIGAR: Yaaaaaaaay.
NOXIGAR: Chwoka's return is the nonchalant identification of a Megaman reference.

???: Foolish People... They destroyed my home... The Old Pietimer Place...

CHWOKA: Does this guy have polio? Is that why all the pauses between words?
SKUB: Guys, don't make fun of Enker. He didn't get enough oxygen when he was born.

MARZICHAN: {walks slowly from the side of the screen}

???: Huh?

MARZICHAN: I senced that something was going to happen tonight... Something Bad...

CHWOKA: Is that the 20X6 Strong Bad?
SKUB: Well if you were aware of Homestar Runner canon,

NOXIGAR: Their facetiousness stinks something fierce.

And by the looks of it... I was right. {holds wand up to the air}

BLUEBRY: why am i getting harry potter flashbacks
SKUB: EXPECTO PATROH NO

NOXIGAR: When I get Harry Potter flashbacks, I just tell myself that the only thing I really liked about the series was Slytherin, BECAUSE SNAKES AND BECAUSE REPTILES

???: Get her...

CHWOKA: some flowers and maybe a chocolate box.

NOXIGAR: Must... not... quote... Lonely Island...

{Millions of Ghosts

SKUB: This is an awesome band name.

{Noxigar takes notes}

pop out of the graves and start grabbing Marzichan}

MARZICHAN: Ah! No! Let me go! Help!

CHWOKA: got dang it daphne

NOXIGAR: {laughs}
NOXIGAR: I wish I got that joke.

{The Ghosts fly back into there graves with Marzichan}

???: This could be the beggining of the year of the dead...

BLUEBRY: they already get a day in mexico, they need to stop being greedy

Mwuhahahahahahaha! Hahahahahahaha! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

CHWOKA: {coughs, hacks}
SKUB: {wheeze, asthma inhaler}

{Noxigar shuts off the air within the MFT3K theatre, since if they were being faithful to MST3K they'd be on a space station.}

{Cuts to 1-Up walking slowly into he's Mansion}

SKUB: Lookin' like a fool with he's Mansion on the ground

1-UP: My Tandy 2000 is destroyed... I can't beleive it... It was impossible.

CHWOKA: so much drama ;_;

{Cuts to the inside of the Mansion. 1-Up walks in and up the stairs}

1-UP: The only computer I have left is the Compy 486. But, It is really damaged.

CHWOKA: God, just the way he punctuates makes everybody seem incredibly depressed all the time.

{1-Up walks into he's room with a bowl of Chocolate Pudding and lies on he's bed}

BLUEBRY: "I've got nothing left in life except my worst weakness: chocolate pudding. I've been sober for 8 years. But that ends tonight.
CHWOKA: HE LIES ON HE'S BED AND HE GOES TO HE'S SLEEP
SKUB: He put's on Lifetime an begins to Cry.}

NOXIGAR: ...

NOXIGAR: Yup, 1-Up Emails is literally the worst thing these guys have riffed.

NOXIGAR: Before anyone tries to argue Im a bell's work is worse, do note that grammar is less butchered there than it is here, and that after Bell Quest the author was being bad on purpose.

1-UP: {sighs} Nothing can cheer me up now...

SKUB: "Nothing except the sweet embrace of malt liquor."

{Cuts to the Basement of the Mansion where Homestar Runner and Marzipan are watching TV}

CHWOKA: Wait, if this is 20X6, how did these two chumps get here?

NOXIGAR: The smoothie machine with the Gameboy in it.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ben!

SKUB: The two of us need look no moooooore!
CHWOKA: Unless David Byrne wrote that song I do not get it and I refuse to.

{The Jaro 2000 (Ben) enters the Basement}

CHWOKA: Wait, it's 20X6 and the still suffix things "2000" to make them seem futuristic?
SKUB: No, it's retro. Like "ironically" wearing clothes that make you look like a cotton candy suicide.

NOXIGAR: I need to look like a cotton candy suicide.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I need you to go cheer up 1-Up with this exciting news.

BEN: What is it?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I am making a robot brother for you... Ben.

SKUB: We both found what we were looooking foooooor!

BEN: Cool. I'll tell him right away.

BLUEBRY: "This is the most exciting day of my life. I could just scream with joy. Yay."

{Cuts to 1-Up's Room. 1-Up has finished eating he's Pudding and is laying on he's bed,

SKUB: You know, I have a sinking feeling that this guy's not from this country.

NOXIGAR: You know, I have a sinking feeling that this riff's not from this Skullbuggy but from a Skullford.

still sad. Ben enters the room}

BEN: 1-Up! I have great news!

1-UP: {being sarcastic} What? My Compy is gone too?

CHWOKA: Well, yeah, but I was gonna tell you the even better news!

BEN: No. Even Better! Your dad is making me a robot Brother named... Ken!

CHWOKA: Wait, Homestar never said anything about the name.
SKUB: With a friend to call my own, I'll never be alone!
CHWOKA: Boy, you're just not going to let this gag go, are you? Also, I really like men.

1-UP: KEN?!

BLUEBRY: i agree that's a terrible name.

BEN: Yeah. Isn't it great?

1-UP: This day can't get any worse...

SKUB: "I hate how other people are happy. {upends a bottle of Prozac}"

NOXIGAR: {upends a bottle of Benadryl}

I need an email to forget all about it... {walks to Compy 486 and sings} This is a sad email rap...

CHWOKA: Why not just make this Other character Email Droopy Dog?
SKUB: I think somebody had already taken Strong Sad.

     Dear 1-Up,
Come meet me at
the field. I am
asking you for a
challenge if you
couldn't tell.
20X6 Homestarry/
Homesaviour

2010 CHWOKA: guys isd this how you do it now

NOXIGAR: No, it isn't.

1-UP: I'm not in the mood for a challenge... {sighs}

BLUEBRY: read: i don't wanna answer this email
SKUB: But how will 1-Up ever be the Guy now ;_;

{1-Up walks offscreen. Cuts to Bubusuke's Floating Mall. 1-Up enters from the right side of the screen}

1-UP: Hey, Bubusuke.

BUBUSUKE: Hey, 1-Up. I got a deal for you. I heard that you defeated Sticklyman.

1-UP: I sure did.

CHWOKA: {sigh} but i'm so depressed about it
SKUB: Waaaahh

BUBUSUKE: Well, I have two tickets to a challenge against Orano.

1-UP: The guy from Bonus Stage?

CHWOKA: Guys remember when everybody liked Bonus Stage?
SKUB: I thought nobody liked Bonus Stage.

NOXIGAR: Bonus Stage existed?

BUBUSUKE: What? No. Orano! One of the 20X6 Fighting Elite that nobody has yet been able to defeat. I'll give you the tickets if you can beat me in a challenge.

BLUEBRY: or best offer
SKUB: No. No, I thought Records of Bell was over. I can't go back! I CAN'T GO BACK THERE!
{Skub begins to cry tears of sadness and also ketchup.}

NOXIGAR: Quit acting like this isn't worse than Records of Bell.

1-UP: Cool. Challenge the great Orano. Hmm... Okay.

CHWOKA: This is beginning to feel like an episode of Pokemon.

NOXIGAR: The Pokemon anime was worse than this, oddly enough.

BUBUSUKE: Okay. Good.

1-UP: Give me the tickets!

BUBUSUKE: What?! You have to fight me for them.

CHWOKA: {1Up, without hesitation, shanks Bubsuke}

1-UP: What?! When did you say that?

BLUEBRY: five freaking seconds ago
SKUB: "Before I cut you, ese"

BUBUSUKE: Umm... I forgot.

BLUEBRY: five freaking seconds ago

But, I think I said it...

{Cuts to the Depot and The Guy at the Depot is talking to The Homestar Runner}

THE GUY AT THE DEPOT: You have to fight for these tickets, young boy... in the future.

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Why can't I have them now? I miss my shoe.

BLUEBRY: don't we all miss our shoes?
SKUB: Woah, when did the mood just brighten up considerably?

{Cuts to a black screen where to words "Scene Missing" are viewable. Cuts back to Bubusuke's Floating Mall and 1-Up}

BUBUSUKE: Are you going to buy them or not?

1-UP: I want Pudding!

BLUEBRY: no—you'll relapse!
SKUB: I thought the detox worked <:(

BUBUSUKE: Okay. Sure. {Gives Pudding}

BLUEBRY: enabler

1-UP: Thanks. {Snatches Tickets and Pudding and then runs off}

BUBUSUKE: Hey! You can't do that! You forgot to pay for the pudding and you stole those valuble tickets without a fight! {sighs} I need a new job...

SKUB: "It's too bad Obama refuses to create new jobs"

{Noxigar groans}

{Cuts back to a broken and torn apart Mansion.

CHWOKA: Whereas Zoo ha\d troubles with no capitalization, Mitchell has problems with too much.
SKUB: Well. Looks like 1-Up's on a bender! Again.

NOXIGAR: Whereas Chwoka ha\d troubles with being funny effortfully, Skullbuggy had problems with trying too hard to be funny.

1-Up runs onscreen}

1-UP: Wh-Wha?

CHWOKA: Wha {record scratch} wh {record scratch} wh-wha?

Dad! What happened here?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Well, I was about to have a Cake... But,

BLUEBRY: But,
SKUB: "they threatened to kill me!"

Then the house exploded.

1-UP: Where's Mum

SKUB: "Where's me mum, gov'?"
CHWOKA: Way to alienate the audience you fat ham.
{Skub cries tears of sadness and also cake frosting.}

and my sister?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: They took them.

1-UP: They?! Who?!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Them! The spirits of the dead...

1-UP: What happened to all our money?

BLUEBRY: it's in the bank and assets

HOMESTAR RUNNER: It's been torn.

BLUEBRY: oh or you keep in in a big bag like an idiot
SKUB: "You'd be surprised how long it takes to rip up 1000 dollars in 1-dollar bills."

We only have 500 dollars left.

1-UP: What?! That can't get us anything good in this town...

SKUB: "Maybe this wouldn't happen if Obama would let us have his secret money that he's been keeping from us tax-paying Americans"

Except... we can still get junk from the 21st Century.

BLUEBRY: how coincidental

HOMESTAR RUNNER: It's no use...

1-UP: What do we do now, Dad?

CHWOKA: Deal.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: 1-Up, Pack your Bags and bring along Ben. I must complete Ken by tommorow.

CHWOKA: Remember when Homestar was a funny guy?
SKUB: All we need now is Lil' Brudder to lighten up the mood.

1-UP: Dad! No! I-... I won't let-

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {yells} Do it, 1-Up! Do what I say!

BLUEBRY: dude, chill
SKUB: "Stop crying or I'll hit you more!!"

1-UP: {sighs} Okay, Dad... {He starts looking through the pile of broken stuff for he's bag and then he puts all the stuff left that isn't broken}

{It starts to rain}

CHWOKA: CANDY!}
SKUB: free puppies for everybody!!}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I guess we're just going to walk around and look for a new home...

1-UP: {Gasps} My... My... My...

CHWOKA: Michelle.
SKUB: My, my, WOO! M-m-m-my Sharona!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: What is it, son?

1-UP: My Compy 486 is gone... It's the only thing I had that wasn't the Tandy 2000.

CHWOKA: hahahahahahahahahaha
SKUB: Waaaaaaaaah

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh... Okay. Umm... We better go.

BLUEBRY: he was angry, but now he's not. talk about quality in writing!
CHWOKA: that's called character depth right there!!!!

{Cuts to a Black Screen the words "To Be Continued..." slowly appear onscreen. The credits start rolling and playing the "Stinkoman 20X6" theme song in a slow and sad rythum}

{A torn Paper comes down saying "Click here to email 1-Up"}

SKUB: Good lord. I'm going to need therapy to get through this.

Fun Facts

• 1-Up and Homestar Runner are now homeless in the storyline.

BLUEBRY: really
SKUB: I shouldn't laugh, but HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA

• This is the beggining of a new bad guy.

CHWOKA: From his head to his toes.

• Will we find out who Orano is?

BLUEBRY: that's not a fact, and it's certainly not fun

CHWOKA: Jesus, use a template!

NOXIGAR: About partway through this episode I stopped riffing. I understand why the riffing on this Email series was crap. This and X is the New Y are both really terrible original source materials to riff. Thusly, those riffs suffered horrendously as a whole, because one can only get their jokes from mocking the source material. If the source material is bad, then that's where something starts to suffer. At least the stuff Im a bell made had peaks where the writing was actually somewhat decent, even if those peaks were miniscule in scope, and ephemeral at best.

NOXIGAR: While the crappiness of source material would otherwise not excuse the terribleness of these riffs, I will point out that some MST3K episodes were hard to watch because the movies being riffed could not be effectively salvaged since the original source material was so horrible that the witty banter suffers.
NOXIGAR: Consider this a minimal defense of MFT3K Season 2.

NOXIGAR: Also consider this me limiting myself to one thing of Season 3, since your riffs kind of peter out in humor value over time. The only reason I picked anything out of Season 3 was because you made the mistake of riffing Bell again. Otherwise, in Season 4 you make the mistake of riffing Lucian Summers again, when your first attempt at riffing his work failed miserably.