RiffText/MFT3K/1-Up Emails/carmensandeigo

1-UP EMAIL 58!

1-Up is emailed about someone who he hardly even knows.

Cast (in order of appereance): 1-Up, Homestar Runner, Coach Z, Homeschool Winner, Marzipan, Sticklyman. Jr, Sticklyman

Transcript

{Cuts to 1-Up and Homestar Runner walking into

BLUEBRY: a bar. and the priest says

NOXIGAR: Wha?

1-UP: Well, I'm going to check my email. Okay, Dad? Okay?

BLUEBRY: "I can only check my email with my parents' permission because that's what the TV told me was the safe thing to do."

Umm... Nevermind.

{1-Up sits down and starts checking emails on the broken Lappy}

 Where on earth is Carmen San Deigo????!
-the chief (Location not availible

1-UP: {typing} Where on Earth? Wasn't the name Earth banned by somebody and changed it to Planet K.

BLUEBRY: that sentence changed from a question to a statement in no seconds flat!

NOXIGAR: What.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {walks onscreen} Umm... 1-Up? What are you doing?

1-UP: Umm... Checking my email.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, Okay. But,

BLUEBRY: But,

NOXIGAR: In the what

You can stop now.

1-UP: Do you know who Carmen San Diego is?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I've never met him. But,

BLUEBRY: But,

NOXIGAR: In the what

He emailed Strong Bad once. Hmm... Well, I guess we better start looking for Marzichan's Wand. {Starts walking towards a grave}

BLUEBRY: what a segue

1-UP: Wait. Stop.

BLUEBRY: hammertime

{Noxigar groans}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {Stops walking} What is it?

1-UP: Iff you took one more step.

BLUEBRY: said the sentence fragment

Then,

BLUEBRY: But,—I mean—Then,

NOXIGAR: This is not my beautiful comma string!

Sticklyman would come and start destroying you.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: STICKLYMAN?!

{Cuts to a Flashback where Homestar Runner and Coach Z is in front of Homeschool Winner (who is knocked out) and sticklyman}

COACH Z: Nevermind dat, Homstray!

BLUEBRY: YUHHHH SON

NOXIGAR: OKAY SERIOUSLY CAN WE GET SOMEONE OTHER THAN BLUEBRY RIFF THIS PIECE OF CRAP PLEASE

Rush into deh score zorne!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Huh?

COACH Z: Fight them dangit!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oooh, fight theeeeem, done!

{Homestar Runner kicks Homeschool out of the way and starts kicking Sticklyman and sends Sticklyman into the wall.

BLUEBRY: and then he made a run on sentence and then he finished the run on sentence and then he didn't see anything wrong with the run on sentence and then his middle school english teacher shed a single tear

{Anguished screams can be heard as nothing funny is being said right now}

Sticklyman gets out a laser gun, aims it at Homestar's head, and charges it}

STICKLYMAN: This will be the first and last time you interfere with me... {Close up} So, Good bye...

{He is about to let go of the trigger, when SMACK! Suddenly, Sticklyman is down, behind him is Marzipan, with a pissed-off look on her face. The laser makes a hole in the wall. Cuts back to Homestar Runner and 1-Up at the Graveyard}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: He's back?

1-UP: Yes, He is. But,

BLUEBRY: But,

NOXIGAR: In the what

Now he is a Zombie.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I'm ready to face him.

1-UP: No, Dad. Your

BLUEBRY: {turns to Chwoka} can i have some of you're popcorn?

NOXIGAR: WHY IS CHWOKA NOT RESPONDING?!

too weak.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I can't live my life knowing that my wife and daughter are in trouble because of Sticklyman.

1-UP: They aren't in trouble because of Sticklyman. They are in trouble because of a person that is controlling the Sticklyman zombie. Sticklyman could even come back to life.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {Takes a step back and accidently steps on a grave}

{Suddenly, Zombie and Monster hands start coming out of graves. Sticklyman and Sticklyman. Jr appear out of nowhere (Sticklyman is no longer a zombie)}

STICKLYMAN. JR: Hello, 1-Up!

1-UP: {Gasps}

STICKLYMAN: Is that you Homestar Runner? My, My. I never knew that the chosen one was your son. Hmm... This could make things interesting. Son, I will fight Homestar Runner. You can fight the Chosen One. Just be careful of the Double Deuce.

BLUEBRY: "because it really sucks to be flipped off."

STICKLYMAN. JR: Yes, Dad.

STICKLYMAN: Just in case you even think of trying to do a Tag Team attack, We have set up an arena where me and Homestar runner will battle.

{Sticklyman clicks he's fingers.

BLUEBRY: "Sticklyman Clicks: He is Fingers"

NOXIGAR: :I Come on, at least give me another Talking Heads reference counter for this show...

Sticklyman and Homestar Runner dissapear}

1-UP: No! Dad!

STICKLYMAN. JR: Hehehehehe. The time has come. My father is the real Master of the X gang. Not that stupid Master X guy and also,

BLUEBRY: Bu—dangit—Also,

It's not 20X6 Coach Z.

1-UP: Huh? What are you talking about? I thought they were a trio of masters. The X Master Trio rules over the X Gang. It includes Sticklyman, Master X and whoever the guy in the 20X6 Stinkoman Game is.

BLUEBRY: "Now let me discuss its origins."

STICKLYMAN. JR: Start fight, Sequence!

{The zombies surround 1-Up and sticklyman. Jr so that there is no escape}

STICKLYMAN. JR: Hahahahahahah

BLUEBRY: ahahahahah

ahahahahaha

BLUEBRY: ahhaha... aha... a... {snores}

haha! {jumps into a giant cyborg} Hahahaha

BLUEBRY: {snores, then promptly wakes up} is it over yet

NOXIGAR: Nope! Trust me, I dislike this Email show as well.

haha! You shall now die! {The Cyborg's Hand picks up 1-Up and smacks him on the ground over and over. When he stops, he starts spinning 1-Up around by the legs}

1-UP: {whispers} Oh No! How can I use any attacks while he is holding me in he's Cyborg Hand.

BLUEBRY: there are so many grammatical mistakes in this i'm just going to ignore it

NOXIGAR: This riff suffers because the current riff suffers. I guess that's how riffs of riffs work, I guess.

{Uses the Double Deuce and Nothing happens} What is going on?

BLUEBRY: i have no idea

STICKLYMAN. JR: My cyborg can reject and deflect all types of blasts and attacks.

1-UP: Oh no! What am I going to do?

STICKLYMAN. JR: I could crush you with my Cyborg Hand! {Closes palm and crushes 1-Up. Then, He throws 1-Up on the ground}

{1-Up appears to be unconcious and eyes are closed. He has injuries and marks all over he's body}

STICKLYMAN. JR: Hahahahahahaha! He's dead.

BLUEBRY: ...He's dead or his dead?

NOXIGAR: I was thinking "He has dead". But that's just me.

All detection units see no sign of life in that body.

BLUEBRY: oh please tell me it's all over

NOXIGAR: IT IS DONE

{Leaves}

{The Paper comes down}