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RiffText/KickCheat E-mails/Nebulon's Army

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KickCheat E-mails #8

KickCheat goes to the moon for the second gold capsule. Nebulon stirs up some trouble

LIGHTNING GUY: {chuckles} Oh, that Nebulon!

Cast: (in order of appearance): KickCheat, Stinkoman, Strong Bad, The Cheat, Homestar Runner, Stephen, 1-Up, Nebulon, 500 mini nebulons, Tampo, Stlunko, Brody

Places: 2072 Field, Warp pad area, The Moon, Lunar wearhouse, The pink cloud zone, Tampo's Lair

Computer: Lappy HC

Lines: 200

Script

{Cut to the inside of the pickup truck}

KICKCHEAT: So how do we get to the moon?

LIGHTNING GUY: Oh, you finally realized that trucks can't fly?

STINKOMAN: There is a portal that can trasfer people to the moon.

STRONG BAD: Okay Stiny.

LIGHTNING GUY: Stiny is OK, I see.

STINKOMAN: It's Stinkoman!

STRONG BAD: Sorry Stiny.

LIGHTNING GUY: Stiny is sorry, I see.

THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises}

KICKCHEAT: Oh yeah. I need to check an e-mail.

LIGHTNING GUY: You need to stop writing this garbage.

THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises}

KICKCHEAT: {Gets out his Lappy HC} Some how,

LIGHTNING GUY: That's some how you've got there.

I will survive the eight e-mail!

KICKCHEAT: I don't wear a propeller hat 466664!

LIGHTNING GUY: How about a propeller hat 466665?

Ask Homestar that!

LIGHTNING GUY: What if he doesn't? Huh? Do you have contacts? Huh? People?

{Turns to Homestar} Hey Homestar!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah?

KICKCHEAT: Answer this e-mail.

LIGHTNING GUY: "What if I don't? Huh? Do you have contacts? Huh? People?"

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Alright!

{KickCheat gives Homestar the Lappy HC}

LIGHTNING GUY: And he runs off and sells it as scrap metal.

{Says "Homestar" instead of KickCheat when reading the e-mail}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Why do I wear a propeller hat? Because it spins and plays a song from Night Court. It also glows in the dark! {Gives the Lappy HC to KickCheat} There, I answered it.

KICKCHEAT: Thanks baldy.

LIGHTNING GUY: Baldy thanks.

{Puts the Lappy HC away} We should be near that portal soon.

STEPHEN: Yes, we should be close. About another 2 miles and we'll be there.

{Cut to a black screen that says "A few minutes later". Cut to the warp pad area}

1-UP: This will take us to the moon?

STEPHEN: Yes. {He pushes 1-p

LIGHTNING GUY: Wait, where did he come from?

onto the warp pad. 1-Up disappears. No one does nothing for a few seconds}

LIGHTNING GUY: So everyone's doing something? What? I'm dying to know!

STRONG BAD: Holy crap! {Jumps onto the warp pad}

LIGHTNING GUY: STRONG BAD AFTERIMAGE: Holy crap! {jumps onto the warp pad}

THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises} {Jumps onto the warp pad}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: That is one powerful toaster.

KICKCHEAT: That is not a toaster!

LIGHTNING GUY: See, it's funny because Homestar thought it was toaster and yeah.

{Pushes Homestar onto the warp pad. Homestar disappears}

STINKOMAN: DOUBLE DEUCE!!

LIGHTNING GUY: Or you could just, you know, jump.

{Jumps onto the warp pad}

KICKCHEAT: {Turns to Stephen} You three coming?

STEPHEN: No, we'll wait for you here.

LIGHTNING GUY: "I can't fight master warriors with you! I'll break one of my flag-painted nails!"

KICKCHEAT: Heck with it.

LIGHTNING GUY: "I'd...rather not."

{Jumps onto the warp pad}

STEPHEN: Good luck KickCheat.

{Cut to everyone, but KickCheat on the moon.

LIGHTNING GUY: So where's everyone?

KickCheat appears}

KICKCHEAT: This is space?

LIGHTNING GUY: no its the moon

STINKOMAN: You got it!

KICKCHEAT: Weird. The pictures I see look beter than actually being on the moon.

{Cut to Nebulon watching the six on a TV screen}

NEBULON: So Tampo wasn't kidding.

LIGHTNING GUY: Wait, Nebulon can't talk. CONTINUITY ER-

Six morons are after my capsule! Time to stir up some trouble!

{Nebulon walks upto a large bowl as big as a door}

LIGHTNING GUY: How big is the door?

NEBULON: My magic pot of terror

LIGHTNING GUY: Of terror

will give me a hand!

{A hand that looks like Master Hand from super smash bros.

LIGHTNING GUY: No, just no.

comes out of the pot and flies away}

NEBULON: {sarcasticly} Ha, ha. Very funny pot!

LIGHTNING GUY: Very funny pot should get a very stern talking to!

Now, create 500 mini nebulons.

{500 mini nebulons come out of the pot}

NEBULON: Now my troops.

LIGHTNING GUY: Once the pot's done with the troops, what will you do with the nebulons?

See these losers on my TV here?

{The 500 nebulons look at the TV}

LIGHTNING GUY: And have 500 simultaneous seizures.

NEBULON: These losers must die. You all got that?

ALL 500 MINI NEBULONS SIMUTAINIOUSLY: Yeah!

NEBULON: Okay, go!

{All 500 nebulons run offscreen chanting. Cut to KickCheat, Stinkoman, 1-Up, Strong Bad, The Cheat and Homestar}

KICKCHEAT: No, I swear,

LIGHTNING GUY: Didn't your parents teach you that swearing is bad?

we are going the right way!

1-UP: You are going to say a swear?

LIGHTNING GUY: DANG IT MY JOKE

STINKOMAN: It's a statement 1-Up!

LIGHTNING GUY: I thought it was just a 1-Up.

STRONG BAD: {Looks up} Look out! Home coming asteroid or meteor!

{The six run offscreen. A mini nebulon walks onscreen}

MINI NEBULON: Destroy losers! Destroy losers!

LIGHTNING GUY: Destroy English language! Destroy English language!

{The asteroid hits him.}

MINI NEBULON: Oww! That hurt! {Dies}

LIGHTNING GUY: Just like that.

{The six walk back onscreen}

THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises}

STINKOMAN: I have a felling

LIGHTNING GUY: You better get that felling checked by a doctor or something.

that we have a massive army of those green things coming to get us.

STRONG BAD: Argh!

LIGHTNING GUY: Me matey.

I hate it when the good guys are being ambushed by an army of aliens!

KICKCHEAT: Get used to it. I think we have a lot more coming to kill us.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Can we have ice cream now?

LIGHTNING GUY: Wh-

1-UP: And pudding too?

LIGHTNING GUY: -at

STRONG BAD: No! Later after

LIGHTNING GUY: You better get those afters in sooner from now on.

we get those six capsules!

HOMESTAR RUNNER AND 1-UP SIMUTAINIOUSLY: Aww crap!

KICKCHEAT: Can we get to that alien loser now?

THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, yeah.

LIGHTNING GUY: Okay, okay.

{Cut to Nebulon watching the six on a TV}

NEBULON: Who dare kill one of my mini nebulons! They call me a loser! Only I am allowed to call them that!

LIGHTNING GUY: But I thought they called you a loser. I mean, you just said that. In the previous sentence.

Well, they will be dead soon anyway.

{Cut to KickCheat, Stinkoman, 1-Up, Strong Bad, The Cheat and Homestar walking}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Are we there yet?

STRONG BAD: No.

1-UP: Are we there now?

STRONG BAD: Still no.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: How about now?

STRONG BAD: NO!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Now?

LIGHTNING GUY: DON'T MAKE ME TURN THIS CAR AROUND

STRONG BAD: Oh, will you just stut up!

LIGHTNING GUY: Stat up! Question mark?

We will get there when we get there! Okay!

LIGHTNING GUY: Stat up! Question mark?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {quietly} Yes.

STRONG BAD: Okay.

KICKCHEAT: Hey guys look.

LIGHTNING GUY: I'm aware of what Hey Guys do.

It's the rest of the aliens.

STINKOMAN: Wha..?

{Camera zoms

LIGHTNING GUY: Zom, zom, zom!

out to show an army of mini nebulons}

THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises}

STRONG BAD: Something. {Falls backwards}

LIGHTNING GUY: Nothing {Falls forwards}

KICKCHEAT: {Gets out his Lappy HC} Let's see them dance! {Pushes a button. A lightsaber appears}

STINKOMAN: Come on! We don't want to get Star Wars here!

KICKCHEAT: Well, it's only fourteen years until the space age anyway.

LIGHTNING GUY: According to who?

STINKOMAN: Oh, right.

LIGHTNING GUY: And how does he know that?

KICKCHEAT: Time for a challenge!

LIGHTNING GUY: I will not be ignored!

{KickCheat starts to swing his lightsaber at the mini nebulons. They litterally

LIGHTNING GUY: Litterers are quitterers.

"dance" to avoid being hit}

STRONG BAD: Okay, that is just plain funny!

LIGHTNING GUY: According to who?

{Punches a mini nebulon} Come on guys! This is fun!

LIGHTNING GUY: And how does he know that?

1-UP: Okay! {Walks up to a mini nebulon} Umm, KICK! {Kicks the mini nebulon}

LIGHTNING GUY: I will not be ignored!

1-UP: This is so boring! All we are doing is beating the crap out of aliens.

THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises} {Runs away}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: What a chicken and a The Cheat! Time to go Super Mario Brothers!

{Homestar starts to jump on mini nebulons while the song from Super Mario Brothers plays}

LIGHTNING GUY: And the right holders bathe in their royalties.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Now that is classic fighting!

{The victory song from Super Mario Brothers plays}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Where is that music coming from?

{Cut to Stinkoman. Surronded by mini nebulons}

LIGHTNING GUY: Cut to me. Cringing in my seat.

STINKOMAN: DOUBLE DEUCE!!!

{Starts to punch the mini nebulons}

STINKOMAN: 1972! I 1972'd you good!

LIGHTNING GUY: And how.

{Cut to the six infront of a giant door}

KICKCHEAT: Time to get the second gold capsule!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: But what are

LIGHTNING GUY: We? They? My remaining brain cells?

going to do with that pile behind us?

{Camera zooms out to show a huge pile of dead mini nebulons}

KICKCHEAT: Uhh, nothing! Let's go already!

{The six go inside the big door. Cut to nebulon watching the six on a TV}

LIGHTNING GUY: "Well, this is awkward."

NEBULON: They beat my army? But how? Now they went through my door that has nothing behind it but me!

LIGHTNING GUY: "We're right here, you know."

This is worse than beans!

KICKCHEAT: {Offscreen} Yes it is bozo!

NEBULON: Who said that?

KICKCHEAT: {Offscreen} I did!

{Camera zooms over to KickCheat, Stinkoman, 1-Up, Strong Bad, Homestar and The Cheat}

KICKCHEAT: Give us that capsule!

NEBULON: {Offscreen} Never! Pot,

LIGHTNING GUY: Of terror

send these wierdo's to the lunar wearhouse!

1-UP: Uh oh! Not the...

{Before 1-Up can finish, he, KickCheat, Stinkoman, Strong Bad, Homestar and The Cheat disappear. Camera zooms over to Nebulon}

NEBULON: Yes! They're gone! {quickly} It was the only excuse to make this e-mail longer!

LIGHTNING GUY: "Ow! My spleen!" said the fourth wall.

{Cut to the outside of the lunar wearhouse. KickCheat, Stinkoman, 1-Up, Strong Bad, Homestar and The Cheat appear}

LIGHTNING GUY: That's a

STRONG BAD: Ker-rap! Now we got to get through a crappy house on the moon!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: What's so crappy about it?

LIGHTNING GUY: Since when does he need a reason?

STRONG BAD: There is a spikey wall infront of it!

STINKOMAN: Uh guys. Look down. There is a ladder.

KICKCHEAT: Yeah, there really is a ladder!

LIGHTNING GUY: Oh, I thought he was lying.

THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises}

{KickCheat, Stinkoman, 1-Up, Strong Bad, Homestar and The Cheat go down the ladder one at a time. Cut to the basement of the lunar wearhouse}

1-UP: Uh, now what?

KICKCHEAT: Look. There is nothing here! {walks to the right} All we need to do is just walk through!

{An arrow nearly hits KickCheat. He stops walking}

KICKCHEAT: Uh, never mind that!

LIGHTNING GUY: I never do.

Who wants to go through?

THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises}

LIGHTNING GUY: Translated: "Not me, you freakin' recolor."

STRONG BAD: You want to go through?

THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises}

LIGHTNING GUY: Translated: "No way, man! I'll gnaw your freakin' face off if you do something!"

STRONG BAD: Okay.

{The Cheat starts to walk through

LIGHTNING GUY: Is pushed through

the trap part of the room. Arrows, knives, giant stones and an anivil misses him}

THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises}

LIGHTNING GUY: Translated: "What the crap was that for? You're lucky I'm deathly afraid of going through that again!"

{KickCheat, Stinkoman, 1-Up, Strong Bad and Homestar stand still surprised}

LIGHTNING GUY: They were surprised before that?

KICKCHEAT: Holy crap! That was amazing!

1-UP: That guy is braver than Stinkoman!

STINKOMAN: Stut up 1-Up!

LIGHTNING GUY: KickCheat cannot seriously think "shut" is spelled this way.

KICKCHEAT: Come on! Time to walk on through!

{They walk to the right of the screen.

LIGHTNING GUY: (SCENE MISSING!)

Cut to KickCheat, Stinkoman, 1-Up, Strong Bad, Homestar and The Cheat in a hollow room with a throne with a capsule on it}

KICKCHEAT: Hey, look! The capsule!

{KickCheat runs up to the throne and grabs the capsule}

KICKCHEAT: That's two down. Four to go!

{Put's the capsule away}

LIGHTNING GUY: Put is the capsule away? Am I supposed to decipher this?

STINKOMAN: Nebulon must have hid it here.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Speaking of Nebulon.

LIGHTNING GUY: Speaking of your broken sentences.

We still have to get rid of him.

KICKCHEAT: No we don't. We just have to leave the moon.

1-UP: We can jump off the moon!

LIGHTNING GUY: That seems physically plausible.

STINKOMAN: Yeah! If we're lucky, we can land in the pink cloud zone!

{Cut to KickCheat, Stinkoman, 1-Up, Strong Bad, Homestar and The Cheat outside the lunar wearhouse}

KICKCHEAT: So, how do we jump off the moon?

NEBULON: {Offscreen} There is no way off the moon for heroes!

{Nebulon walks onscreen}

STRONG BAD: You again!

NEBULON: Me again!

LIGHTNING GUY: Them again!

STRONG BAD: Oh, I have something for you! {Punches Nebulon in the eye}

NEBULON: MEOW!!

LIGHTNING GUY: Maybe if you punch him in the crotch, he'll purr.

1-UP: Get out of here Nebulon! No one likes your style! {Kicks Nebulon's other eye}

NEBULON: Help! I'm blind!

STINKOMAN: This is our chance to escape!

THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises}

{KickCheat, Stinkoman, 1-Up, Strong Bad, Homestar and The Cheat jump onto Nebulon.

LIGHTNING GUY: Oh, no. Is someone gonna get raped again?

Then they jump off him}

NEBULON: Please tell me you guys are gone!

{Crickets chirp}

NEBULON: Crap! I failed!

LIGHTNING GUY: {confused} But I thought you wanted them to be gone. You gave that implication before the crickets and I'm getting mixed signals here.

{Cut KickCheat, Stinkoman, 1-Up, Strong Bad, Homestar and The Cheat falling towards earth}

LIGHTNING GUY: Gladly!

KICKCHEAT: So that's how you jump off the moon!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Nebulon approved!

{They fall until they reach the pink cloud zone}

STINKOMAN: Here is where capsule number three is!

{They fall onto some clouds}

KICKCHEAT: That was wicked!

LIGHTNING GUY: So, the clouds are hard enough to not fall through, but soft enough to not break any bones on? {explodes}

{Some pink clouds turn black}

STINKOMAN: An evil force is causing this!

THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah! We need to find that third capsule quick!

KICKCHEAT: Yeah!

{KickCheat, Stinkoman, 1-Up, Strong Bad, Homestar and The Cheat walk offscreen. Cut to Tampo's lair}

LIGHTNING GUY: {rises from offscreen} Wh-where am I? And who am I?

TAMPO: So Stlunko. What is the curent status of the capsules?

LIGHTNING GUY: And why can't that brain spell "current" right? He's a brain!

STLUNKO: Nebulon is now blind and the second capsule has been taken by those guys.

TAMPO: Nuts! I though we had 100% death up on the moon!

STLUNKO: They somehow lived through all of the traps.

LIGHTNING GUY: Maybe you just suck at making traps.

TAMPO: Brody! Where are they right now?

BRODY: The pink cloud zone.

TAMPO: Ah, The Liekand will get them!

BRODY: As long he doesn't go into his salesman routine.

TAMPO: SHUT UP!

LIGHTNING GUY: OH NOW HE

BRODY: Sorry.

LIGHTNING GUY: Hey, my memory's back...crap.

{The paper comes down}