RiffText/Jose

Opening Comments

{Namine sits in an office which resembles Noxigar's room. She takes out a file labelled, "CLASSIFIED."}

NAMINE: {voice-over} There was one Wiki User Wiki fanstuff that I never particularly liked. I wasn't sure what Noxigar's stance on it was, but I had a sneaking suspicion that "DAN" was trying to manipulate him. Again.

{Namine opens the file and sees an article reading, "Space Mexico."}

NAMINE: {v-o} I had been to Space Mexico before, and won me some classified files off of someone named "Bryony" or something akin to that.

{Namine turns a page of the Space Mexico script, and looks horrified}

NAMINE: {v-o} I thought, "I would hate to break Noxigar's cherished Namine Rule to riff something that I knew he didn't like." I was never one for rules from others, though. Not when I felt railroaded into using my gifts against my Somebody, Sora.

{Namine reads the script, to give it a second chance. After the second chance, though, she readies a verdict.}

NAMINE: {v-o} The Heresy Train has no brakes, they say. If such is the case, I'll ride the train into Space Mexico and steal the space cocaine, sell it to the police, and buy Noxigar something to cheer him up.

{Lex shows up.}

LEX: Hey, Namine.

NAMINE: 'Sup, little britches?

{Lex raises a brow.}

NAMINE: Apologies, dear Lex. I just found some case files while working with the Federal Bureau of Misused Filler.

LEX: Um... I was hoping you'd stop by Giuseppe's Pizza Cabin with Ben, Ted, and myself.

NAMINE: I would like to show you lads these files I picked up.

{Namine takes the files with her, showing them to Lex.}

LEX: Oh, that's Jose's-

{Namine looks at Lex sternly.}

NAMINE: Why had no one mentioned this to me?

{Lex backs away.}

LEX: No one takes Dan's work seriously. He's actually kind of a tosser, to be frank.

NAMINE: Oh, I see.

{Namine points at the top of the first page.}

NAMINE: And your emblem on this fiction would be because...?

{A sweatdrop appears over Lex's head.}

LEX: I gave Dan the greenlight, not knowing what would be on it.

{Namine shrugs.}

NAMINE: Fine, fine. Just know that I'm keeping my eye on all of you.

{Lex blinks.}

LEX: How'd you even get that?

NAMINE: I borrow Noxigar's tabletop stage name of "Cripple Anime Commando." I sometimes change it to "Cripple Namine Commando." Briar appreciates a good kink, right?

{Lex blinks again.}

LEX: How the fuck is that a kink?

{Namine shrugs.}

NAMINE: Says the mate who came up with Scotty Touchdown for a name. {giggles} Scotty Touchdown.

{Namine retains a serious face.}

NAMINE: You and I are going to have a loooooooong talk after I've observed this work while we're in the car.

{Lex looks around, and sees his chauffeur.}

CHAUFFEUR: Emperor Lex, where are we headed this evening?

LEX: Take us to Giuseppe's Pizza Cabin. Namine's with me.

CHAUFFEUR: Righto, my liege.

{Namine and Lex enter the limousine.}

The Actual Sodding Work

	This page is part of Grand Ayatollah Lex's Empire.
	This page is under protection from the Empire. Any attacks upon it will be reciprocated. buttz.

Jose's Mexican Space Adventure is now owned by a single person.

NAMINE: The others perished, I presume?
LEX: It would be best to read it first.

---

Curent Episode: Closure is the current episode.

---

NAMINE: I was going to assume the Suggestion Box was a gun cocked at me, telling me to do things.

JOSE'S MEXICAN SPACE ADVENTURE

Rules

1. Jose doesn't allow editing.
2. No arguing in front of Jose.
3. No pointing at Jose.
4. No staring at Jose.
5. Jose is the ringleader and it's gonna stay that way.
6. No messing with AVGN, Jose's son.

NAMINE: These rules all get broken, don't they?

Jose Reports

Jose said he doesn't have any news.. for now. All he has to say is that he's the ringleader. -pmelondemon43y

NAMINE: I was hoping he said more

Episodes

Season 1

1. Pilot... OF A SPACESHIP — The ring decides its time to have a little "business meeting".
2. Closure — Jose gets more than he bargained for amidst terroist threats.

Miscellaneous

• There are no archives. Jose doesn't keep his baby pictures.

NAMINE: Why would he?

• Characters? Jose, AVGN, and the Ring.
• Places? Look around bud. We're in space.
• The Back Room is where Jose keeps the space ladies. No one's allowed outside the ring.
• Word of god? There is no god in Space Mexico. Not anymore.

NAMINE: Oh, how I wish Jose didn't think himself a deity.

Closing Comments

{Cut to Namine, Lex, and Ben inside Guiseppe's Pizza Cabin. They seem to just be eating pizza, and laughing. The room is insanely smoky, however.}

NAMINE: {voice-over} I had finished reading Jose's Space Mexican Adventure. Knowing that Dan had been chums with Lex and Ben, I asked a lot of questions out of the two. To open up some camaraderie, I offered to smoke some dank kush with them. It was quite dank, in fact. Still, I got what I wanted from them, and in exchange for pizza and a lot more, they decided to invite me to more of their engagements.

{A scene is shown where Namine, Ben, and Lex are still smoking weed. They seem to just be having a good time, although the waiter, Giuseppe, is giving them more pizza than what he presumed they were bargaining for.}

NAMINE: {v-o} I got more information from the waiter, Giuseppe, who had occasionally seen Dan right around with Lex and Ben. Apparently, they had been in on the Vanilla Ice conspiracy for longer than I imagined. I couldn't just assassinate them, for they were Noxigar's friends, and if it got connected back to me I don't want him to break.

{Another scene is shown. Namine is cosplaying as Doug Walker, much to the amusement of Ben and Lex. All three of them are high as kites. Still, Namine has the Jose's Mexican Space Adventure folder, still "CLASSIFIED," and drops it on the floor. She then takes out a .44 Magnum pistol, and shoots the files while presumably in a "berserk" state. It's hard to tell, given they're all high and outside Giuseppe's Pizza Cabin.}

NAMINE: {v-o} Giuseppe gave me a gun, and told me to have fun. I complied with his instructions, since he wasn't a pink-haired, scythe-wielding douche.

{Namine puts several holes in the files, with the Magnum.}

NAMINE: {v-o} I got my revenge. I didn't see where I had been "replaced" with Vanilla Ice, but I was still pissed off that Dan tried to pull that stunt. Apparently, it seems I don't hang around with Ben & Lex all that much. Still, I got high with them in a pizzeria, and that was pretty awesome. Ben tried to bed a man named Jed Phlanders, Lex gave him the go-ahead, and I proceeded to wonder if Jose was dead.

{Another scene is shown. Namine watches Ben & Jed start to make out whilst on top of a bathtub of "holy water," while Lex covers her eyes and scoots her out of the bathroom/bedroom. The scene then shifts to just being Namine and Lex again.}

LEX: Hey, Namine. I'm sorry.

NAMINE: Sorry for what?

LEX: I'm sorry you had to get involved in this "Space Jose" shit.

NAMINE: It's fine, you silly sausage.

LEX: Does Noxigar borrow our jokes like that?

NAMINE: He says "Short pause" a lot, too.

{Short pause}

LEX: Anything else he does?

NAMINE: Not anymore. I kind of want to do more for him.

LEX: Have you tried Romantic Karate?

{Namine raises a brow.}

NAMINE: What?

LEX: Um... nevermind.

NAMINE: Is that a thing you and Ben do?

LEX: Sometimes.

{Lex shrugs.}

LEX: Look, Katawa Hearts ain't gonna write itself. Just stick with Ben and I, and we'll aid you.

NAMINE: Fine. I would like to get to know you guys more.

{Lex sweats nervously.}

LEX: That's awfully forward of you-

NAMINE: Not like that, Lex.

{Lex blinks.}

LEX: Phew. For a minute I thought I was more than the Hot God of Autistic Bisexuals.

{Namine takes out a hot dog, and puts grape jelly on it.}

NAMINE: I will put jelly on this hot god.

{Namine then eats the hot dog in one bite.}

LEX: Woah, you do have some serious munchies, don't you?

{Namine nods, while finishing the hot dog.}

LEX: Look, we'll have to head to Space Seattle if you want to chase after Space Jose. Nox, Ben, and I talked about going to Space Seattle to live with each other.

{Namine is finished eating the hot dog.}

NAMINE: Natch.

LEX: You're still not upset?

NAMINE: I think Giuseppe's pot brownies are giving me weirder emotions.

LEX: Yeah, well... wait no we had actual fags.

{Namine blinked.}

NAMINE: I was given some bitchin' brownies.

LEX: Yeah, you couldn't handle the Space Cuban cigars. You had about five in a row and we had to stop you from destroying your own lungs.

NAMINE: Oh, wait, I blacked out during that. Yeah. My bad.

{The scene continues. Lex and Namine are just talking.}

NAMINE: {v-o} Lex and I have more in common than we thought. I would classify Noxigar as "asexual panromantic," maybe even polyromantic if you wanted to get down to the brassest of tacks. Still, it seems Nox opened up to Lex like the others, in spite of being more autistic and less bisexual than the others who saw him as a "Hot God." I'm not sure Noxigar is much of an idolater. All I know is my adventures with Ben & Alexander the Great would truly begin, after we got more pizza and sat down at this local hotel to talk about our feelings.

{Namine looks out the window. A star constellation conveniently makes a shape akin to Noxigar's face.}

NAMINE: {v-o} See you later, my Space Cowboy.

{End of RiffText/Jose.}