RiffText/Everything You Know Is Wrong/Episodes/9

Synopsis

Noxigar, Cow Puncher, Badstar, and Im a bell team up when Homsar44withpie runs amok in Homestar's universe. Cyrus, Garzel, and Shwoo join the bandwagon as H44WP wreaks more havoc. {NOTE: This is writable by Noxi, Badstar, Cow Puncher, and Im a bell. Otherwise, don't touch the transcript}

LIGHTNING GUY: Great. Four times the stupidity. Wake me when it's over. {falls asleep}

Transcript

H44WP: Hi, cat... bell... thing... Blah-dee-blah!

LIGHTNING GUY: {wakes immediately} WAH! Oh, screw it.

How would you like to be half of a demon?

LIGHTNING GUY: Ugh, I get emails asking me that EVERY DAY.

BLING:{monotone} No comment.

LIGHTNING GUY: Specifics are important, especially for two word phrases.

{cut to a computer. Im a bell is downloading something.

LIGHTNING GUY: I wonder what it is.

the computer starts smoking}

LIGHTNING GUY: Doesn't the computer know that's bad for its lungs?

BADSTAR: Duuuuuude... Something's seeeeeeriously wrong with your computer.

LIGHTNING GUY: Make sure to eeeeeemphasize your vowels as much as poooooosible.

{the computer inflames}

IM A BELL: WHOA!!!!

LIGHTNING GUY: Gnarly, dude.

ALPHA CRAM: Hi guys. Yeah, uhh, your catbell was kidnapped by question marks. Yeah.

LIGHTNING GUY: ???

IM A BELL: Well... I suppose we should get a bunch of random HSR characters so we don't break rule 1.6!

{cut to Bubs'. A limo appears out of thin air}

LIGHTNING GUY: How? Was it...magic?

HOMESCHOOL: It's done!

LIGHTNING GUY: Wait, is Homeschool in the limo or

{cut to a cliff. The limo is driving off of it. It is pulled back onto ground}

IM A BELL: We're here!

LIGHTNING GUY: Wait, is he in the limo or

BADSTAR:{voiceover} WRONG'd!

LIGHTNING GUY: So he's pulling the limo off the ground?

BELLSON: The right cliff's over there!

LIGHTNING GUY: So you're going to push the limo off that?

{a ship appears}

ANTI-BLING:{redneck accent} Yeeehaw! Ya' guys need a lift?

LIGHTNING GUY: What the crap is going on?

{Cut to Noxigar, who was at Bubs' watching.}

LIGHTNING GUY: That watching sure was a blast.

NOXIGAR: Hi, Bellstrom. Anyway,

LIGHTNING GUY: He was going to say something after the greeting, but he forgot.

H44WP came here and I've been sent by Shwoo to see that he doesn't ruin the universe.

LIGHTNING GUY: Like Noxigar did when he created this.

{Homestar watches all this from his window in his room}

HOMESTAR: Hey, what makes this look weiwd? I'm intwewsted...

LIGHTNING GUY: Hey, what order are these events in, if any? I'm intwewsted...

IM A BELL:{to Noxigar} Sure. Say, You need a lift from four question marks dash five question marks?

LIGHTNING GUY: Say, Can you use one number dash no numbers?

{cut to a warehouse. Ll e bami

LIGHTNING GUY: It's a crying shame, I'll tell you.

swallows Bling}

LL: Look, I need to do a bunch of random things to reach a demonic form, so, get me tea, dangit! You can use this Banhammer^TM

LIGHTNING GUY: I trademarked that word in hope you'd stop using it. It didn't work, apparently.

while you wait.

H44WP: Yays.

LIGHTNING GUY: Oh, kill me.

Say hello to Blockination, Homestar Tiger! {walks away}

{Cut back to Noxigar and Im a bell}

NOXIGAR: Uh, sure. I will not let H44WP mess with my furniture.

LIGHTNING GUY: Why do you keep cutting back in mid-conversation? It's not clever, it's just freaking annoying!

{Noxigar gets out the HST chair and points at it.}

LIGHTNING GUY: That's the only piece of furniture he has.

NOXIGAR: On a half-related note. I'll join your quest.

{Noxigar enters the limo, with the HST chair}

NOXIGAR: We better get going, or else Stephen Colbert is going to kill The Cheat.

LIGHTNING GUY: That makes sense.

IM A BELL: I think he already did. {points to The Cheat chair} Say, you got another of those HST chairs?

NOXIGAR: There's only one HST in existence, if that answers your question.

LIGHTNING GUY: Well, there was one HST in existence, anyway.

{Cut to a picture of Stephen Colbert in his office. The "Threat Down" thing

LIGHTNING GUY: I love how sophisticated your vocabulary is.

pops up and a picture of the Cheat is below.}

STEPHEN COLBERT: Hmhmhmmm. Meh THAT!

LIGHTNING GUY: This sounds exactly like Stephen Colbert.

{Shwoo pops up behind Stephen Colbert and kills him by thwacking him in the head with a pretzel stick.}

LIGHTNING GUY: You can resolve anything with a pretzel stick.

SHWOO: Hmmhmhmmm. Meh THAT!

LIGHTNING GUY: This sounds exactly like Shwoo.

{Cut back to Noxigar and Im a bell}

IM A BELL: Whoa. Shwoo-

VEGEROT: Unnecessary line!

LIGHTNING GUY: That describes every line on the page.

IM A BELL: -totally reverted him!

NOXIGAR: Hey, where are your other friends?

IM A BELL: Uhh... well... I'm a n00b, so,

LIGHTNING GUY: He doesn't have any other friends.

they're here, but

LIGHTNING GUY: They're fake characters.

we don't let them talk. I think they're just here for filler.

NOXIGAR: Filler, you say? Reasonable...

{Cut to H44WP, in his office, with the Banhammer}

LIGHTNING GUY: WHERE IS THAT TM

H44WP: Dang it! HST's now a piece of furniture in Noxic Gas' pile o' stuff!

LIGHTNING GUY: I love how sophisticated your vocabulary is.

Now I'm getting sick of the entire wiki. The Subpage Deal and everything ruined the usefulness of Rule 1.6! Order must be restored to the throne!

{Cut back to Noxi an Im a bell}

LIGHTNING GUY: Noxi is an Im a bell? That explains so much.

NOXIGAR: Anyway, where are we going? I spot a Burger King nearby. Mind if I get a Bruger King mask?

LIGHTNING GUY: Why would they give Bruger King masks at Burger King?

COW: ONG WEWE GOIN TA A CANDAH LAND LOLOL!

LIGHTNING GUY: Cow is officially my favorite writer.

NOXIGAR: Proper English please?

LIGHTNING GUY: Or English good enough for the page, anyway.

{Garzel appears, apparently having known HM-02 Fly.}

GARZEL: Methinks she is saying we're going to Candy Land?

{Garzel enters the limo by using Aqua Jet.

LIGHTNING GUY: Aqua Who?

Noxigar is all wet.}

NOXIGAR: It's a good thing my jacket is hydrophobic.

GARZEL: It's a lipid?

LIGHTNING GUY: Great job using the script to show what you've learned in science class today.

NOXIGAR: Uh... no.

{Cut to Bling, being tied up. Ll e bami grins as he ties up Bling.}

BLING: Why am I always kidnapped?

LIGHTNING GUY: Because you don't know how to run.

LL: It's part of a cliche, that's why.

BLING: But I'm not Princess Peach.

LIGHTNING GUY: You're not?

LL: So what? Your physique is strikingly similar.

{Cut back to Noxigar and Im a bell}

IM A BELL: ...Is it just me, or did it feel like a lot of the wiki was destroyed? {eats burger} Where are we eating anyway?

LIGHTNING GUY: Nobody reads the actions anymore.

{Vegerot points to a sign saying "Candy Land^TMA Subsidiary of Burger King"}

IM A BELL: :Weirded Out:... Pathooie!!!

LIGHTNING GUY: It was bad for his colons.

{spits out burger}

NOXIGAR: Well I like Burger King! And what's wrong with Candy Land?

LIGHTNING GUY: Besides the fact that it sucks.

IM A BELL: Uhh... Nothing...

NOXIGAR: We better hurry before H44WP becomes as bad as Roxas!

LIGHTNING GUY: It's funny because it's a Kingdom Hearts reference.

IM A BELL: Right. Everyone! Me, CP, Noxi, Badstar, and Vegerot will find H44WP! Everyone else, go do random stuff. Ebeneezer, go drown!

LIGHTNING GUY: Ebeneezer, what the crap?

{Im a bell, Noxigar, CP, Badstar, and Vegerot run off. Cut to Namine.}

NAMINE: Hello. I'm sure you know me from the previous episode, or from the Kingdom Hearts series. I'm Namine. I animate and Shadow Scythe is co-animator. I'm the main wiki admin, with Joey Day being one of my many puppets. I can draw anyone to do what I tell them to. So, I went to talk to H44WP and asked him about Rule 1.6 and if anyone was following it. He went to enforce Rule 1.6, albeit not in the style I had in mind. Thus, I punish him by having his most hated enemies kill him.

LIGHTNING GUY: tl;dr Nobody cares about the animator.

{Pan out to show Bellson standing beside her}

BELLSON: ...Nice monologue.

LIGHTNING GUY: Too bad no one's ever going to bother to read it.

NAMINE: Uh... thanks?

BELLSON: I'm... gonna leave... because of Im a bell's Shipping-phelia... {runs away}

NAMINE: Shipping-phelia? O DER.

LIGHTNING GUY: This is so serious I can't spell the words out.

Wait, I'm talking like the tentacle guy.

{Shadow Scythe pops up}

SHADOW SCYTHE: These are not tentacles. These are grappling hooks.

LIGHTNING GUY: You learn something new every day.

{Shadow Scythe runs offscreen}

NAMINE: Let's go help Noxigar again. Hopefully Im a bell's as judgmental as he is a shipping-

LIGHTNING GUY: Pedo

phile.

LIGHTNING GUY: I know what you were downloading.

BELLON: Right. Fortunately, he only ships Acidgrrl. Sometimes me... {leaves}

{Namine gets a weirded

LIGHTNING GUY: The weird dads never stop coming.

out look on her face.}

NAMINE: Let's hope he doesn't pair Noxigar with Acidgrrl. That'd make me lonelier, as then drawing this would be ruined.

{Goofy pops up}

LIGHTNING GUY: For the love of

GOOFY: Hey, how bout I get paired with Acidgrrl instead, hyuk?

NAMINE: {smiles} Yeah, that'd work!

{Im a bell appears}

IM A BELL:{just a translucent head} NO! Look, I'm layin' off the shipping for a while. Unless... With Bling?

LIGHTNING GUY: I'm sure you'd like that.

No, that wouldn't work.

NAMINE: I don't even really care... about you.

LIGHTNING GUY: The feeling is mutual... from everyone.

{Namine draws Noxigar and Im a bell again}

IM A BELL: Ever have the feeling you have two heads?

NOXIGAR: Not sure. Why?

IM A BELL: I don't know. Does my head look clear?

LIGHTNING GUY: Of brains? Yes.

NOXIGAR: It should be clear.

IM A BELL: It's not? Hmm...

NOXIGAR: There's several blue spots occurring, like little dabs of ink.

LIGHTNING GUY: Wait, what was this episode about, again?

IM A BELL: I can see that. Here comes one right now!!! {becomes completely dark blue}

{Cut back to Namine, whose blue pen is bleeding.}

NAMINE: Good thing I have this red marker to replace it.

{Namine throws the bleeding pen into the garbage.}

LIGHTNING GUY: The same garbage where Noxigar gets his ideas?

NAMINE: Let's start over from a new page.

{Namine turns to a brand new page, and draws all the characters from before}

IM A BELL: First I was blue, NOW I'm covered in blood!

NOXIGAR: And most of these characters are dead.

{Noxigar points at Bling, Alpha Cram, Bellson, Acidgrrl, and Ll e bami all dead.

LIGHTNING GUY: That's a quick development.

Cut to H44WP.}

H44WP: Soon, Rule 1.6 will become a deity and I will be king! Oh, crap. HST's still alive. Banhammer

LIGHTNING GUY: Tee Emm!

hit!!!

HST: Why you-

{H44WP bans HST chair}

NOXIGAR: You dare bring light to my furniture? You must die!

LIGHTNING GUY: Well, it was his only furniture.

{Noxigar electrocutes H44WP}

LIGHTNING GUY: I'm guessing with that electric dagger of your?

IM A BELL: Nice. {becomes soul reaper} Randim Jibney Death!

LIGHTNING GUY: He actually managed to ruin Jibney. You, sir, are a monster!

n00b Torture!!!!

LIGHTNING GUY: Also known as: this show.

{H44WP is sentenced to be locked in a room, forced to watch every single n00bish thing on the HRFWiki}

LIGHTNING GUY: Wow, that must really suck. You're going to become the most pathetic excuse of s man to ever walk the...oh.

{Namine turns to an empty page, and continues from there. Apparently Im a bell and Noxigar locked themselfs

LIGHTNING GUY: Them selfs be illin'.

in.}

NOXIGAR: Major plot twist!

H44WP: Where there's smoke, they pinch back!

LIGHTNING GUY: There's no point trying to catch up with all this.

IM A BELL: Hmm... My zanpakuto also acts as a Banhammer... {Banhammers H44WP}

NOXIGAR: Good thing I found a magic balloon!

LIGHTNING GUY: How convenient.

{Noxigar points up and inflates the balloon to fit two people. The balloon breaks the roof of the imprisonment.

LIGHTNING GUY: That must be one strong balloon.

Cut to Namine again.}

NAMINE: What's next on my agenda?

{Namine gets out her agenda. "A Meat Lover's

LIGHTNING GUY: What kind of screen name is that?

pizza arrives in 10 minutes" is written.}

NAMINE: Ah. Good.

{Cut back to the balloon}

IM A BELL: Get in the balloon! I think I can see some sort of sphere heading towards us!!!!

{Cut back to Namine. She is apparently playing Katamari Damacy.

LIGHTNING GUY: Oh course she is.

Noxigar, Im a bell, and H44WP become a part of the Katamari. Cut to the King Of All Cosmos behind Namine.}

KING OF ALL COSMOS: That's my boy! Turn those meddling fools into stars!

{The sphere heads back to Namine's. Noxigar, Im a bell, and H44WP are thrown off it, landing on Namine's sofa.}

KING OF ALL COSMOS: My boy! This peace is what all true Katamari warriors strive for!

IM A BELL: That... was cool.

LIGHTNING GUY: Great, great. Are we actually going to continue the plot now?

{Namine draws a portal, and H44WP runs through it. Before entirely going through, he turns to Im a bell and Noxigar.}

H44WP: I'll be back, and next time you won't be so lucky!

LIGHTNING GUY: I have no luck to spare.

IM A BELL: Shut up.

{H44WP goes through the portal.}

NOXIGAR: Well that was odd...

LIGHTNING GUY: Well That was a masterpiece. You know nothing.

how can a portal just pop up that randomly?

IM A BELL: Uhh... Global Warming?

LIGHTNING GUY: Global Warming resolves everything.

{End 'sode}

Spot the References

About Bell Quest...

• ":Weirded out:"; Apparently, Im a bell can speak ASCII emoticons, usually O_o (weirded out).
• "your catbell was kidnapped by question marks"
  • one; "Catbell" refers to the fact that Cyrus described Bling as "a bell kitty thing".
  • two;"question marks" rfers to the fact that before Anti-Bling's, H44WP's, and Ll's names were revealed, the letters of their names were replaced with "?"s.
• H44WP being an antagonist is a reference to Bell Quest.

Fun Facts

• Bell Quest is a fan fiction.
  • Also, they have a sequel at Bell Quest II: Cow Quest

Comments

Yay, a Bell Quest pardorie. User:Cow Puncher/octobersig 00:52, 24 October 2007 (UTC)

You, Bell, and Badstar are allowed to contribute, as this is your fanfiction I'm mocking. Noxigar 00:53, 24 October 2007 (UTC)

Yeah. I think I can point out a LOT of plotholes. BtW, unless you're also mocking Bell Quest II, it's not really CP's. User:Im a bell/hallosig 00:58, 24 October 2007 (UTC)

OMG, I JUST remembered the Threat Down thing! {laughs} User:Im a bell/hallosig 01:02, 24 October 2007 (UTC)

Plotholes... let's fill 'em up! {readies a cement truck} Noxigar 01:06, 24 October 2007 (UTC)

I'll get the forks! Wait... what? User:Im a bell/hallosig 01:13, 24 October 2007 (UTC)