RiffText/BQ/3

{The limo swerves around, crashes through a sign that say's "You are now leaving free country usa.", and swerves off a cliff.}

IM A BELL: VEGEROT! deploy the rocket boosters!!!

<--remember, the base was on that cliff!-->

NAMINE: Does Badstar forget plot points made by Keith, and vice-versa?

{rockets come out of the front of the limo. It is propelled back onto the edge of the cliff. A large metal warhouse

NAMINE: Ooh, they're doling out the big guns. A house full of war instead of wares!

{Short pause.}

NAMINE: A notation to people observing: if I had to criticize every grammar, punctuation, and spelling mistake then I'd be doing commentary over pretty much every line of this fiction. Heck, probably even every other word

is there. cut to the inside of the warehouse}

?????: Oh, crap. Guys, they're here!

????-?????: What are we doing here? We are supposed to be on the cliff farther away.

?? ? ????: I have an idea to keep them stalled long enough for us to leave. <--Wrong cliff!-->

{Namine blinks.}
NAMINE: I was kind of hoping there would be more to SPOOK CLIFF than just being a specific cliff.

{cut back to the limo. a hobo is trying to wash the windows}

HOBO: Uhh... wash yer windas ma'am?

VEGEROT: For the last time, NO!

NAMINE: I've only seen that hobo for the first time. What makes this a "last time" for Vegerot?

Wait, did you just call me "ma'am"?!!!!

NAMINE: Honest mistake. Not like we can tell male, female, or otherwise The Cheats apart.

{cut back to inside the warehouse}

????-?????: Nice plan!

?? ? ????: That wasn't my plan!

?????: Well, what was it then?

?? ? ????: {Whispers into ????-?????' ear.}And get the map while you are at it!

NAMINE: Why didn't they go fetch the map back in the first place?

{Cut back to window they do not notice ????? and ?? ? ???? leaving the fake warehouse. They also don't notice ????-????? flying in a small ship thingy.}

NAMINE: Google is your friend. It might've helped you spell "dinghy," "frigate," and other subcategories of ships which might help expand your vocabulary a bit.

BADSTAR: Well, it's a very long way to this Extremely Spooky Cliff.

NAMINE: I prefer SPOOK CLIFF, honestly.

let's go.

IM A BELL: It won't take that long. Vegerot, warp speed please.

VEGEROT: It won't work. You see, we used up all it's power the first time.

NAMINE: What energy source were you using? That would help you find the nearest fuel station. I assume one of you has super strength or, if they're Homestar Runner, have psychic powers. You could just carry the car.

IM A BELL: Crap. Well, everyone, get out. we gotta walk around the cliff to the other cliff-WHAT THE CRAP IS THAT?!!!!

{????-?????'s ship flies over the limo. the ship latches on, carrying the limo and everyone to the other side of the cliff. When the limo lands, it detaches from the ship}

{Everybody get's out. ????-????? laughs eviilly.}

{Namine sips a cup of tea.}
NAMINE: My blend of tea would have been "malevolently."

????-?????: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Now, to make things harder for you!!! {The ship fires lazer blast at everybody.}

NAMINE: Nowadays they call those Eldritch Blasts, right?

HOMESCHOOL: Oh, my GOD! You destroyed my limo! That costed me Two hundred bucks!

{pan left to show Vegerot's hair is on fire}

VEGEROT: You burned my hair! You're gonna pay! CHEA...TA...HA...ME...HAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

NAMINE: Ohhhhhhhh, I was right about the Dragonball Z shoehorning.

{Vegerot destroys ????-?????'s ship}

????-?????: Ummm.... please don't kill me.

VEGEROT: Remove the question marks from your name, and I won't. Aw,crap!

IM A BELL: HA! Now you can't use attacks anymore! {to Badstar} I made him a bet. If he says something that breaks the Fourth Wall, he can't... use... attacks... Aw crap.

NAMINE: Neither can you, it would seem.

{????-????? was repairing his ship. He get's back in it, starts it, and laughs evilly.}

{everyone stares at Im a bell, angry}

IM A BELL: Uhh... hehe... c'mon guys! You've seen the destruction he's called!

NAMINE: caused

Besides, he agreed to the bet!

{everyone except Im a bell stares at Vegerot, angry}

IM A BELL: You shouldn't be anger him. he might attack. Oh, wait, he can't! Haha!

{A mechanical hand comes out of the ship and snatches the map out of Badstar's hand's}

IM A BELL: What the f-

NAMINE: Wait, this was on the Wiki User Wiki, right?

NOXIGAR: Yeah, but it took until after most of it was on the Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki anyway. Even on the WUW, there had still been a slight moratorium on cursing, albeit it was less enforced. By the time that rule was abolished, this had already been long since completed.

NAMINE: Ah. Makes sense, I guess.

BADSTAR: HEY! Did you just se that? He took my screenplay!

VEGEROT: Uhh... So, that WASN'T the map?

BADSTAR: No.

IM A BELL: Well, where is it then?

????-?????: I stole that too! {Holds up map.}

BADSTAR: OH, {Bleep}!

NAMINE: Why didn't they use bleeps earlier?

{Everybody stares at Badstar with mouths wide open. (even ????-?????. he drops the map, which somehow has a brick tied to it. It lands on Im a bell's head)}

IM A BELL: Aw, holy frickin' sh-Uhh... where's MY bleep?!!

NAMINE: Technically, you didn't curse.

?????:{from communicator} Uh, boss's dyin'!

{darkness spills out of Im a bell's head wound and into the communicator}

?????:{from communicator} Hey, thank Im a bell. His anti-energy from wounds saved the boss!

{????-????? picks the map back up and warps away.}

BADSTAR: ...{Bleep}

EVERYBODY EXCEPT IM A BELL: STOP SAYING {Bleep}

NAMINE: If you got to 60+ lines, hopefully it wasn't through filler lines like this segment on the necessity of saying "shit." There, I inferred what Badstar was saying from earlier, non-bleeped moments.

{????-?????'s communicator falls to the ground}

?? ? ????:{from communicator} did you thank him? hello? {Peelb}

IM A BELL: A backwards bleep? That can only be one person!

HOMESTAR: Senor Cardgage?

IM A BELL: What? Ew! No, I was talking about King Henry!

NAMINE: Aaaaaaaand we're introducing another character.

VEGEROT: Uhh... isn't he dead?

NEOSTINKOMECH: Well, I'm dead?

NAMINE: You're the one questioning your own state of living.

Do you have a problem with that? Are you racist against dead people? Huh? HUH? HUH?!!!

BADSTAR: Ummm... guys? We have problems. We lost the map, we don't know were we are, and our car is destroyed.

NEOSTINKOMECH: Grrr... Ya know what? I'm outta here. I'll be... food... for the rest of eternity.

IM A BELL: Can I join you? Dang... Supra sam... destroying 1-up sprite comics...

NAMINE: I applaud Super Sam for that.

BADSTAR: Guys! Cheer up! Bling is depending on us!

NEOSTINKOMECH: Wait, we're saving Bling?!!!!! Uhh... forget everything I said about leaving!

BELLSON: Why?

NEOSTINKOMECH: Uhh...

{cut to a laboratory. NeoStinkomech is there. Bling rises from a table}

NEOSTINKOMECH: It's Alive! ALIIIIIIIIVVVE!!!!!!!!

{cut back to wherever we were just at}

NEOSTINKOMAN: No reason.

NAMINE: At least we know why Neostinkoman has a vested interest in Bling. He was Bling's creator!

BADSTAR: Let's go! Homeschool, do you think you can build a new car?

HOMESCHOOL: Well, I need... a twig, a giant model of Don Patch,

NAMINE: I might want to consider wearing a concealed vest made of Shonen Jumps whenever I fight Keith or Keith's characters.

and some tea!

IM A BELL:{to himself} show-off.

BADSTAR: Maybe there's another way.{Looks at Homsar} Hmmmm.... I have a plan!

NAMINE: Is it a cunning plan, perchance?

{Cut to Everybody except Homsar standing on Squeaky.}

IM A BELL: Uhh... Fly... Squeaky?

BADSTAR: Bell, this is HOMSAR we are talking about. Sqeauky, don't fly.

{Everybody flies up.}

IM A BELL: So... how are we gonna get there if we don't have a map?

EBENEEZER FINKLEHÖLLER: Wha? oh, well, I had the map the whole time!

BADSTAR: WHAT?!!! GIVE IT HERE!

{Ebeneezer pulls the map out of his pants}

BADSTAR: On second thought, you hold it.

NAMINE: Toughen up, Badstar. Isn't the whole point supposed to be finding Bling using the map?

{Cut back to the lair. The evil guys are staring at the monitor.}

?? ? ????: THEY HAVE THE MAP!?!? Anti-Bling, you are so fired!

ANTI-BLING (????-?????):{angry} One, that ain't our map! I can see it's also a map odf everyone in FCUSA under the age of 20's houses.

?????: uhh... EW!

NAMINE: If you said "under the age of 18" I'm fairly certain that'd be actual paedophilia.

ANTI-BLING: And Two, you idiots aren't supposed to reveal our names until they get here! Okay, Ll?

LL E BAMI (?? ? ????): Uhh... YOU JUST REVEALED MY NAME!

ANTI-BLING: Look, the readers obviously have figured that you're Ll by now. "Im a bell's negative energy", "Backwards Bleep", and our freakin' hidden names are just question marks over the letters!

<--hello?!!!-->

NAMINE: Yes, this is Namine. What do you seek?

H44WP: Don't call us idiots! We are the most evil guy's ever! YOU ARE FIRED!!!

LL E BAMI: YEAH! NOW GET OUT OF OUR SIGHT!!!!!

ANTI-BLING: Uhh... Oh MY GOD! Um, jeez, were we even gonna reveal H44WP?!! Oh, and you can keeep the collectors' plates!

{cut to the Bling search party. Anti-Bling appears}

ANTI-BLING: Hi, uhh, look, H44WP fired me, and, I'm joinin' you from now on.

IM A BELL: Wait, Homsar44withpie is behind this?!!!!

ANTI-BLING: And Ll e bami!

BELLSON: Uhh... isn't he supposed to exist if Im a bell's dead?

ANTI-BLING: I guess not. I'm gonna transport you guy's to the extremeley spooky cliff now.

IM A BELL: Waitaminute, Ll IS supposed to only exist if i'm dead! Wait, when was the last time I died?

VEGEROT: Yesterday. Oh, by the way, you're still dead. I think I can see wings growin' outta your back!

IM A BELL: Man, once I get Bling, I am going to destroy H44WP!

END OF CHAPTER 3! 7 MORE CHAPTERS TO GO!

NAMINE: I kind of lost track right about now. Anti-Bling got sacked, so he basically divulged everything about the antagonists. Why isn't this cut to at least half the current Chapter count?