(even if you aren't vegan)
RiffText/AruseusEmails/virus
Cast {in order of appearance}: Aruseus, Alpha Stan, Homsar, Kyubii, Pter, Tom, Lord T, Anthruseus, Ekersby
NAMINE: I forgot who half of these people were!
Places: Computer Room, The Field, PK House, Tom's Room, Lord T's Fortress, Pink Cloud Zone
Computer: Intell 600
Date: April 28th, 2007
Transcript
{Cut to the Computer Room}
ARUSEUS: Here comes the Thnikka-email!
NAMINE: Is the Thnikka-email just Bubs with a paper saying "TH" taped to his chest?
Hello Aruseus. You have one email with an attachment.
NAMINE: "The attachment will anticlimactically kill your computer."
ARUSEUS: Sweet. Let's open it.
subject: Congratulations!
Dear Anonymous, Congratulations! You are our lucky winner of the best virus protection software.
Download? Y/N
ARUSEUS: Ok. {types Y}
Program Download
Downloading: 1%... 30 mins remaining
ARUSEUS: Thirty minutes? That'll take...hours!
NAMINE: It appears your knowledge of time is heinously limited.
Quit whining.
NAMINE: Pretty sure not even the Compy 386 talked like this in Strong Bad Emails.
ARUSEUS: Can it, Stan.
Whatever.
NAMINE: Pretty sure no other computer outside of HAL 9000 actually gave its master(s) any sass. Just saying.
{The screen fades to black, as the words, "30 minutes later..." appear onscreen. Fade back to Intell}
ARUSEUS: Zzzz...wha?
Program Download
Downloading: 100%... Complete Run now? Y/N
{Aruseus types Y}
Program Dowwe9ruilikepiewteu
NAMINE: Do you not run an antivirus on your computer? Even a trial-based one works to make sure your computer lasts a month!
Congratulations. Virus download complete.
ARUSEUS: WHA!? Alpha Stan, help!
jkgkfgjsfkgjsfjgisfjgisfjgfisgjfdkjgfdkljgfdkogoirefugr8eoursg...
NAMINE: Since that's totally the way computers would talk.
ARUSEUS: Huh? Argh!
{Black pixels spew out of the screen, turning the whole computer room into a PBTC version, Homsar's head appears on the Intell's screen}
HOMSAR: {glitchy} ...e...The Cheat...trophy!
NAMINE: I expect this to be the only time where Homsar is in-character and true to his actual traits from Homestar Runner canon in Aruseus Emails.
{Cut to the Field}
ARUSEUS: Aaah! The Paper?
{The Paper comes down saying, "What it is, my doge?"}
ARUSEUS: Help stop the virus!
{The Paper comes down saying, "Ok. I'll try." but then turns into a swarm of Fightgar Action figures, An explosion is heard, along with Crack Stuntman's voice}
CRACK STUNTMAN: {voiceover} Blaaaaaaaah'm Crack Stuntman!
NAMINE: You didn't put Crack Stuntman in the list of "people who appear"
{Cut to Pter and Kyubii's house, they are playing Wii}
KYUBII: Aw yeah! Another victory at Wii Golf!
PTER: How can you hit so correctly?
KYUBII: Well, it's-
NAMINE: "The fact I time-travelled approximately a year-and-a-half to get a gimmick which makes the Wii Motion Controls actually tolerable!"
NAMINE: And even then, the only genuinely superb game on the Wii was Super Smash Bros. Brawl, not counting third party stuff you could also attain for the PlayStation 3 or XBox 360.
{Kyubii's bottom half disappears, along with Pter's head, which switch's places with Kyubii's bottom half}
PTER: This feels awkward.
NAMINE: That's because it is awkward!
{Cut to Tom's Room, Aruseus runs in}
ARUSEUS: Tom, we gotta escape this virus.
TOM: To Strong Bad's House!
NAMINE: "Strong Bad always has the solution we need!"
{Cut to Strong Bad's Living Room}
ARUSEUS: Nobody here, but the alternate universe portal.
TOM: Let's go.
{Cut to 20X6, Lord T's Fortress, Tom and Aruseus come in via the portal}
LORD T: {To Tom} Are you a clone of me?
ANTHRUSEUS: {To Aruseus} Are you my dad?
TOM AND ARUSEUS: No!
NAMINE: Welcome to Lord T's Fortress, where "No" means "Yes" and "Get lost" means "Take me, I'm yours"
ARUSEUS: We're escaping from a virus.
ANTHRUSEUS: Crap. You do know they can travel through alternate universe portals.
NAMINE: Pretty sure they can't. Because viruses become trapped in their hosts, this means the email should not be occurring the way it is!
ARUSEUS: What?
{Black pixels enter, Tom and Aruseus run. Lord T turns into a purple Terrel, Anthruseus becomes a white Browntant with Anthruseus ears}
ANTHRUSEUS: {beeps}
LORD T: Tweet!
{Cut to Pink Cloud Zone}
NAMINE: SUDDENLY WEED DREAMS
ARUSEUS: How will we escape this virus?
TOM: You idiot! We mus
NAMINE: must
destroy the Intell 600!
ARUSEUS: Why?
TOM: Because if we don't, we'll end up like that guy. {points to Ekersby}
EKERSBY: {pouty} You we're
NAMINE: were
never there for me.
TOM: Let's go!
{Cut back to Computer Room, it is still virused}
NAMINE: It is so virused that run-on sentences and blatant incorrectness of grammar dominate most of the episode, where it would otherwise be So Okay It's Average
TOM: Hi-yah! {smashes Intell with a hammer}
ARUSEUS: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ALPHA STAN!
TOM: We can bring him back. {Holds up disk}
ARUSEUS: Oh. TO THE COMPY STORE!
TOM: Oh, and The Paper is gone too.
ARUSEUS: Eh, he wasn't much.
{The words, "Click Here to Email Aruseus" flicker on the smashed Intell 600's screen}
NAMINE: He had bang for his buck, at least.
Fun Facts
* "What it is, my doge?" is a line from sbemail: alternate universe. * Ekersby's line is from his Stinkomanuel page.
NAMINE: Where's "You regurgitated the sbemail: virus plot for the second time in a row" fun fact?