RiffText/AruseusEmails/tripleemail3

Cast (in order of appearence): Aruseus, Alpha Stan, Roy Jr, Various Young Children

Places: Computer Room, Street Corner, The Field

Date: May 17, 2007

Computer: A-tech 950

Transcript

ARUSEUS: {singing} Maybe I'm crazy...for my 37th email...

NAMINE: "...in a row..."

Hello Aruseus. You have 3 new emails.

ARUSEUS: Ooh! I'll try a triple email 3.

NAMINE: I see you've gotten over your fear of doing more than one email? Or is a retcon involved?

Go for it.

subject: a kid show

The coolest guy since Strong Bad---Aruseus,

I was wondering why you don't have a pre-
schooler show for babies? Would you like to
make one? Maybe toddlers will love you with
fan mail if you do. You can even make a learn-
ing show.

Allison, NJ

Learning show for young ones? I think ARUSEUS needs to learn.

ARUSEUS: Stan...

NAMINE: If he says "How is babby formed?" I'm going to have problems.

Sorry.

ARUSEUS: {typing} A kid's show, eh, AllieAllieOxenfree? Well...I guess the kids would love me...

{gets up}

ARUSEUS: I mean, look at me! I'm huggable!

{starts wagging his tail}

ARUSEUS: And my tail is waggly too!

Stop buttdancing.

NAMINE: Technically, that's not buttdancing. Tailwagging is what most dogs do. They do not move their hips, just the appendage near the tail.

{Cut back to A-Tech}

ARUSEUS: {typing} Yeah, that would be cute, but...I kinda prefer a show for the adolescents, but...I'm not really good with kids that age...

NAMINE: "I'm part of Generation IV, which started taking random SomethingAwful memes related to Pokemon and canonizing them."

{Flashback at the Computer Room, Roy Jr. is jumping on Aruseus' computer desk, laughing}

ARUSEUS: Get down from there!

ROY JR: Never!

{Cut back to A-Tech}

ARUSEUS: Ok. two more.

subject: THIS ISN'T MADNESS!

THIS IS





SPARTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOXIGAR: I regret quoting that.

NAMINE: Heh, at least you didn't like Superbad.

NOXIGAR: It's hard to justify a substanceless plot such as "two desperate losers trying to get laid"

ARUSEUS: {typing} Well, this isn't madness either! THIS IS {dramatic pause} ARUMAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! {stops} One more.

subject: U R COOL!

I LIKE U!
MR. I LIKE U!

ARUSEUS: {typing} Wow! Another fan? Well, thanks Mr. I Like U. I appreciate it. {stops and turns around} Hmm...I wasn't done with the first email I got...

{Aruseus turns back to the screen}

ARUSEUS: {typing} Hm...Well...I could be one of those costume characters outside of those public places...but...not in costume!

NOXIGAR: I follow Dante Basco on Tumblr. He is the only one allowed to do pointless ellipses.

NAMINE: Anyway, what are you doing here? Cyrus isn't even in this email.
NOXIGAR: Eh, it'd be out-of-character for you to have a Tumblr and follow Dante Basco. I haven't even seen Hook, and barely have enough knowledge of The Last Airbender to share with you my Zutara dreams.
NAMINE: Did you toke on some bad catnip or something?

NOXIGAR: Reading The Last Airbender's TVTropes page is equivalent to toking on bad catnip. So technically, yes. But about a year ago.

{Cut to a street corner}

KID #1: {offscreen} Hey! It's Aruseus!

KID #2: {offscreen} Mom! Get a picture with me and Aruseus! Please!

{Cut back to A-Tech}

ARUSEUS: {typing} Well, there you go, Allieisonfire. Me with little guys. Now...back to what I was doing...

{Cut to the Field, Aruseus is holding Roy Jr. by the tail, he raises him up}

ARUSEUS: Who wants this dog?

ROY JR: Hey!

{Cut back to Computer Room}

Click here to email Aruseus.

Fun Facts

• The "Who wants this dog?" line is one of Ollie Williams' lines in Family Guy.

NAMINE: Was Family Guy ever funny?
NOXIGAR: No.