RiffText/AruseusEmails/strike

Cast {in order of appearance}: Homestar, Fang, Aruseus, Damocles, Pter, Wolf O' Donnel, Tom, Ert Plus, Lucas Aura, Takuya Rasmuson (for about half a second), The Cheat (Tito)

Places: Dark Room, Aruseus' Room, TLA Kitchen, Computer Room, The Field, Some Jail, Some Forest, Fortress Balcony

Computer: None

Date: March 28th, 2008

NAMINE: Wait, multiple emails on the same day? That's weird. And very unlike Arceus.

Part I: Fang's Uprising

HOMESTAR: {offscreen} Previously {pronounced like in DNA Evidence} on Arumail.exe, in an easter egg accessable through clicking on Algernon...

{Cut to a dark room, Fang is talking on a communicator}

??????????: It'll only be a few more days, Fang. Then we strike.

FANG: Got it. {puts the communicator away}

{The screen goes dark}

HOMESTAR: Questions arise.

VOICE 1: Who was that on the communicator?

VOICE 2: Is Fang evil?

VOICE 3: Where the crap is my soft drink?

NAMINE: Why did Noxigar like Aruseus Emails in the first place?
NOXIGAR: Because 2008 and 2009's standards for scriptwriting on the WUW were a lot lower, and other people explained the jokes in such a fashion that they could be funny.

HOMESTAR: Answers are to be revealed in...The Strike.

{Fade into Aruseus' room in the morning, Aruseus is sleeping}

ARUSEUS: {mumbling} River...River Raid...

{Aruseus wakes up and yawns}

ARUSEUS: Well, time to do the usual, make breakfast, do stuff, and check email...

{Aruseus walks into the TLA Kitchen}

ARUSEUS: Well, I gotta wait for the toast to pop, so...I'll probably check a quick email.

{Aruseus walks into the Computer Room and is tackled by Fang}

ARUSEUS: Fang! What's up with you today? Is it National Glomp Week again?

NAMINE: There's such a thing as National Glomp Week?

FANG: No. I'm afraid your time is up.

ARUSEUS: My...wha?

FANG: Aruseus, take a look. There's no one in Free Country today. You're my last target.

NAMINE: Wait, so Fang started killing people at random?

{Cut to a view of The Field, there is no one there}

ARUSEUS: Woah...you're right. But, what do you mean by "last target?"

FANG: Aruseus. This will be the last time you will ever see Free Country. My master has ordered me to-

{the toaster pops}

ARUSEUS: It's ready!

{Aruseus starts to turn back, but Fang grabs his shoulder and takes him}

FANG: You're leaving here. Let's go. I don't want to disappoint my master.

ARUSEUS: But...my toast!

NAMINE: This is exactly how you catch ants.

{Fade to black}

Part II: Captured

{Cut to some sort of jail, most of the well known characters are in there, Fang throws Aruseus in the jail}

FANG: That's the last of them.

????????: Pretty good, but I think we're missing a few people.

FANG: I don't see Ert, Lucas, or Tom.

????????: No matter. That's only 3 people missing. Three isn't enough to stop an army of thousands.

NAMINE: That depends. If those three were a lot better-trained in martial arts or powerful enough where an army of thousand footmen was not enough to stop them, then you'd be in some serious trouble.

FANG: But, Damocles, three is a magic number.

DAMOCLES: Stop with the references, you insolent fool!

NAMINE: I agree.

FANG: Yes, master.

{Damocles and Fang leave}

ARUSEUS: Well this sucks, here I am captured again.

PTER: It never seems to end, does it?

WOLF: I'm a wolf and they didn't accept me! This is madness!

PTER: THIS IS-

ARUSEUS: Say Sparta and I'll kill you.

NAMINE: At least Ryan Bluefox had standards on what was funny after 2006.

WOLF: I've got an idea. Wolfs are technically dogs, right?

ARUSEUS: Biologically, yes.

WOLF: See the stick?

ARUSEUS: Aha! That's right!

{Aruseus picks up the stick and throws it out the cell bars. The wolf guard (Who looks like Fang) starts panting and chases it. Aruseus bends the bars and escapes}

NAMINE: I had to go fetch the joke from the complete nowhere it spawned from.

ARUSEUS: Stay here. If you all escape, they will kill us. If I do, no one will notice.

{Aruseus bends the bars back to the way they were}

NAMINE: That line of logic makes absolutely no sense.

WOLF: Good luck.

{Aruseus runs out a door to the fortress and ends up in a forest}

???: Aruseus! You've escaped!

??? ????: Come on! We gotta plan our strike.

?????: The army of Damocles will move out any time!

ARUSEUS: Ok, guys.

Part III: Conflicts

ERT PLUS: So...what are we going to do?

LUCAS: Well, they're starting to move out. We better get going. Tom?

TOM: Here are our weapons. Ert, you'll take the longsword, I've got these arrows, Lucas, use your Aura Tactics, and Aruseus...um...just fight.

ARUSEUS: I'm just here to look pretty!

TOM: Well that wasn't the girliest thing you've ever said...

NAMINE: I'm going to guess his relationship with Jess didn't last long at all.

ARUSEUS: LET'S MOVE OUT!

{Cut to The Field, the fortress is in view, and several Fang-like wolves are moving out with weapons}

ARUSEUS: ATTACK!

{Fierce battle occurs, as we see Damocles and Fang standing atop a balcony}

DAMOCLES: Such fools...they think they can stop me...

FANG: I must say, master, that this plan was a success. It seems the fools who were once my friends cannot stop us.

DAMOCLES: Soon I shall rule the world, and everyone else will bow down to my might. Wait, what's this!?

{Cut to a close up of the battle, Ert, Lucas, Tom, and Aruseus are plowing through the troops}

DAMOCLES: It seems I've underestimated these people. No matter, they shall die once they reach here.

{Damocles leaves, cut to The Field at night, Aruseus, Tom, Lucas, and Ert are lying there}

NAMINE: I wish Damocles had any depth to him as a character whatsoever.

ERT: What a battle...

LUCAS: Of all the things I've been through, that was probably the worst. If Aruseus hadn't ignored the email I sent, none of this would have happened!

ARUSEUS: So, it's my fault this happened?

LUCAS: Well, it's not mine!

{Music starts to play, the song is "Would You Be Impressed?"}

(These lyrics were from PLyrics)

LUCAS:
Would you be upset if I told you we were dying?
And every cure they gave us was a lie?
Oh! They mean it when they say we're dead and doomed
And every single symptom brings us closer to the tomb
And who will take the credit for our swift impending fall
Because it's not my fault

ARUSEUS:
Would you be impressed if I said that the dead would help us counting
Every single moment that we waste our time?
All the time we're spending vaccinating this disease
I just get dizzy when I think of all the ways we try to hide our maladies
We wine, we dine, and everything is fine
Because it's not my fault

LUCAS:
Not you're upset because you finally got the notion
That everything you had is spinning down the drain

ARUSEUS:
Oh! Do you mean it when you beg and pray and plead?
Your "Giveittomegiveittomegiveittomegiveittome all those things we need"

LUCAS:
And what, pray tell, will you whimper when your number will be called
you'll say-

LUCAS AND ARUSEUS: It's not my fault!

ARUSEUS:
Go! Now! The others they'll await you
And every single one among the lot of you will have your turn

ERT, TOM, AND LUCAS: Aye! Aye! Aye! Oh! Oh! Oh!

ARUSEUS:
Like moths that fly into the flame it always ends up so
You scream: "Not me! Take anybody else!
Because it's not my fault!"

{Fade to the same balcony}

FANG:
I had a dream last night where everyone was trying
Subconsciously I knew it was a lie
And when I woke I knew it was time to pray
To make amends before the end, before my judgment day
I looked around, I stood alone, I knew what I had to say
I said "It's all my fault..."

NAMINE: See, when Lex sang song lyrics from the average David Bowie song, at least it was marginally funny in that you could not tie in the music to the story at all. Because of the sudden spontaneity of his singing, people would stop whatever they were doing and-
NAMINE: I need to stop making sense out of crappy Season finales. I also need to stop comparing this to anything Lex has made.

Part IV: The Fall of Damocles

{Cut to the wall of the fortress, Aruseus is climbing it}

ARUSEUS: {singing quitely} Would you be impressed if I said that the dead would help us counting...every single moment that we waste our time? {normal} Darn! Now It's stuck in my head!

{Cut to the Balcony}

ARUSEUS: Fang! Snap out of it!

{Aruseus rushes to attack Fang, but Fang teleports behind Aruseus}

FANG: Fool!

{Fang grabs Aruseus by the neck}

FANG: My master's reign will not end. Once he destroys this land, my empire will grow until the entire universe is in the hands of our empire!

NAMINE: Is the dialogue supposed to be this robotic? At least in other Arceus Emails the dialogue was passable. A lot of this could be reworked so the sentences aren't so awkward!

{Fang throws Aruseus to the ground, knocking him unconscious}

DAMOCLES: Yes...Now, Fang, kill him!

{Fang is about to stab Aruseus in the chest, but he stops}

DAMOCLES: What's wrong, Fang? Kill him already!

FANG: I...I...NO! I will not let you control me like some kind of dog!

DAMOCLES: What's this!?

{All of a sudden, the Cosmic T from H-Zero GX drives towards the fortress}

NAMINE: The next set of stuff contains F-Zero/H-Zero nods which I don't understand (and neither does Noxigar), thus making it especially more difficult to riff than the episode already was.

FANG: Lucas!

TOM: Hold on, guys! BOOST FIRE! FULL POWER!

{The song "The Meaning of Truth" by HIRO-X starts as the Cosmic T boosts and breaks through the walls, sending the Balcony falling to the ground}

DAMOCLES: My empire! MY DREAM!

FANG: Damocles, going to hell seems to be between you and me!

{The two jump into the air}

LUCAS: Fang! NO!

FANG: Even when I am gone, my legacy will live on in this world. Lucas Aura, spread my legend to the Wiki User Wiki.

DAMOCLES: I've had enough of you! DIE!

FANG: This is the end for you!

{Fang slashes Damocles with his sword in a "Great Aether" style.}

DAMOCLES: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

{Zoom out to a view of the fortress, there is a large explosion}

NAMINE: And now I can relax with the lack of cluelessness this next part has.

Part V: The Recieving End Of It All

{Cut to Aruseus room, Lucas, Tom, and Ert are there}

ARUSEUS: Wha...what happened?

TOM: Let's just say, everything is normal again.

LUCAS: Damocles is gone, and everyone is free.

ERT: As for Fang, though...well...he... {He shakes his head}

ARUSEUS: You mean he...

NAMINE: He died, yes. Hasn't he died before?

TOM: It was a noble thing of him to do.

ARUSEUS: Wait a sec, in the plot of this email, it says Takuya's supposed to come back!

{Takuya Rasmuson runs across the screen for about half a second}

NAMINE: "I ran out of things to do last minute!"

ARUSEUS: Well, I guess it's time to go back to our normal lives, with all of the funny jokes we made.

NAMINE: Yeah, about the stuff you did.
NAMINE: Neither funny, nor were they jokes.

TOM: Is it really right to go out with jokes? I mean, Fang just died. For real.

ARUSEUS: I dunno. Let's ask Tito.

THE CHEAT: Meh?

NAMINE: Case in point. Neither a joke, nor funny. It's just a random The Cheat cameo at best.

{The End}

Fun Facts

• The Events from the Boost Fire to the end of part 4 are basically identical to the events in

this video.

• This is the last Arumail...here. 71 will be on the WUW.

NAMINE: Hopefully, the quality of these emails skyrockets without the required presence of Homestar Runner characters who are completely out-of-place.