RiffText/AruseusEmails/questing

Cast {in order of appearance}: Aruseus, Tom, Van, Signas, Several Mavericks, Sigma

Places: Aruseus' Room, Brinstar, Maverick Hunter HQ, Maverick Base

NAMINE: It's not enough to know that Arceus likes Megaman Classic? We have to see him butcher the Megaman X series, too?

Computer: SkyPod

Date: August 30th, 2008

Transcript

ARUSEUS: {singing} My bandwith

NAMINE: bandwidth

slows, I'm not scared anymore, I see the text of the emails I've deleted before.

NAMINE: Quick on the draw,

NAMINE: In this riff I am the law,
NAMINE: What they say is okay
NAMINE: Death doesn't wear grey

NAMINE: Arceus can't fall, though

{Aruseus clicks the email icon}

subject: Popcorn

Dear Aruseus, Have you ever gone on a quest to find something? Or to just kick the butt of anything that gets in your way? Sincerely yours, Liaran Strifeheart

ARUSEUS: {typing} Hm...truth be told, I've never done any types of questing before in my life...I guess I'll go find me a quest.

NAMINE: Quests can be found rather easily. I don't think that's going to make the email have better quality, though.

{Zoom out to show Tom and Van next to him}

ARUSEUS: {shouting to the offscreen area opposite to the two} TOM! VAN! GET DOWN HE- {turns around} Oh.

TOM: So...questing.

VAN: But for what?

ARUSEUS: I know just the place to find a quest, but we need to put on some special suits.

TOM: Oh god. Not Metroid again.

NAMINE: All hail Slowbeef, hardcore Metroid fan who would retch at this horrible dialogue.

{Flashback to Brinstar, Tom is being attacked by a Metroid}

TOM: AAAAAAAAAHHH. GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF.

{Fast-forward to the present}

ARUSEUS: No. This'll be better. Come with me.

{Fade to back}

TOM: Oh joy. This should be real fun.

{Fade into Maverick Hunter HQ, Signas is there with papers}

SIGNAS: Ok. X, Zero, and...Axl, right? You have a very important mission to do!

{Cut to Aruseus, who is dressed as Megaman X, Tom, dressed as Zero, and Van, dressed as Axl.}

NAMINE: You have to be kidding me.

TOM: Why am I wearing this...

ARUSEUS: Shut up and play along.

SIGNAS: So...anyway, you are supposed to crash the party that the Mavericks are having at their HQ. I will be there too for...erm...recon.

ARUSEUS: You can count on us.

{Cut to the roof of the Maverick Base}

VAN: Why am I the girl...

ARUSEUS: Axl's not a girl!

VAN: Sure as heck looks like one...

NAMINE: I don't think this was a rare viewpoint, but its inherent mediocrity is enough for me to yawn at.

TOM: Ok, so let's carry on this mission.

{Cracking sound}

TOM: Did something just-

{The three fall through the floor, landing directly on Vile and several other random Mavericks}

MAVERICK: Hey! It's those three hunters!

ANOTHER MAVERICK: What do they want?

VILE: {weakly} A...little help?

TOM: Dammit.

VAN: Well, we're screwed.

SIGMA: MUAHAHA! Did you think you could crash our party and defeat me?

ARUSEUS: Damn right I can! {chucks a teddy bear at Sigma}

SIGMA: Hah! I've gotten over that- {bursts into flames} AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!

ARUSEUS: Thank you, Shadowii2!

TOM: So...should we get out of here?

VAN: Hold on. I'll take care of it.

{Van chucks a large razor leaf at a line of Mavericks, slicing them apart}

TOM: Nice. Didn't know such a weakling could-

VAN: WHAT.

TOM: Oh damn.

{Fade to black, several punching sounds are heard, along with Tom screaming, The Paper}

NAMINE: And another boring email is looked at. I wish I had commentary for this, but when Ryan Bluefox manages to make Vile look like a pansyass, I have nothing.

Fun Facts

Most of this was based off of Shadowii2's series of Megaman X shorts.

NAMINE: Were they all that terrible to the point where they corrupt an otherwise passable Arceus Emails premise?