RiffText/AruseusEmails/manyq

Cast {in order of appearance}: Aruseus, Wolf O' Donnel, Tom, Homestar

Places: Computer Room, Tom's Room (easter egg)

Computer: E-Mach 1000

Date: February 17th, 2008

NAMINE: At long last, Ryan Bluefox changes the year to be correct!

Transcript

ARUSEUS: Stiny! Get me an email!

NAMINE: Hmph. The opening one-liner could've been anything else and it would be at least more creative.

{Aruseus clicks the email icon}

Subject:I AM NOT A PSYCHOTIC!

Dear Aruseus, What's your favorite, color or colour? Also, do you prefer paper or YOUR DEATH!!! And I think the store Low Prices is under attack by Tom! Make sure someone doesn't die! Also, why is that? I like velvet. Do you like velvet? Velvet is fun to say. Velvet velvet. Or maybe not. Do you have a Wii? Nevermind, I don't care. When did you die? I like your dog. Do I like your dog? I WILL KILL YOUR DOG! You're gonna kill your own dog? What's wrong with you? My names startes with an E and ends with an S. GUESS TO WIN! OR MAYBE NOT GUESS TO WIN! You don't win you stupid. I'm sorry. That was uncalled for. I will appoligize on the Tonight Show. Or The Daily Show. I don't need to apoligize! High School Musical is made by Tom! You should sabotage him! Sabotage is the word of the year in my mind. My mind thinks it's 2012. IT'S NOT 2012, MIND! YES IT IS! NUH HUH! OH REAL MATURE! SHUT UP! We fight alot. Am I crazy? The fairy cow that visits me everytime I eat a food starting with S says i'm crazy. CRAZY!! I think the fairy cow is crazy. Don't you think the fairy cow is crazy? You know who's a good actor? Oprah. Oh wait...she's the first white male king of Planet USA. Not an actor. Or at least what the fairy cow told me. I'm eating a sardine sandwhich. I HATE THE FAIRY PIG! Or cow. I think it's a double blanket. Why don't I come over and sneak into your table and eat your table. I LIKE TABLES! Except tables manufactured in Greenland. Greenland is one of the 34445455445543564765837436583685768476583746587465837465 states right? RIGHT?! Answer me. Wrong WHAT DO YOU WANT? I WILL BURN YOU! I think there's some bats at the end of this gold tunnel. Some of my friends, who's names are eraser,severed ear and chewed up pen think it's just my closet. MY CLOSET IS NOT SUSHI! Do you think it's sushi? My dog has lice in his ear. I'm crawling with ghosts of babies that died in a skiing accident. THEY ARE TRYING TO TORTURE ME! WHY DO THEY LIKE TO EAT MY EAR SAUCE? I like sauce. I think it's better than the other 26 letters of the alphabet. What was that? I hear the sound of a thousand eyes blinking all at once! MY ORGANS DECIEVE ME! What's the deal with psychotics? THEY STEAL OUR ORBS OF SADNESS! I use them to brush my face! My face is too clean! I WILL FEED YOUR CHILDREN CHEERIOS! Are you crazy? ARE YOU?! I think you're a raging Megamanaholic! GbN! Ymra Eht nioj! My sandbox killed a Jay Leno worm! Is there anything stupider than Corey on SEVEN WHEELS? Al Jackson is my favorite cowboy. He's so elegant. My mustache tried to kill a possum, once. That was back in 1230. Before Christ was born! I was only HAW? years old! Why do you keep reading my extremely short and sense making electronic mail! Or Egg Sensalogical prablem as you old rappers call it. OLD RAPPERS! Yo yoyoyoyoyoyoyoy is all you eat. HOW DO YOU EAT WORDS? I like to kill words, and then eat them. JFK is my word eating assistant. I'm pro-choice and pro-life! Satan for president! Wait, no. Wait, sey? Who are you? Tom is YOU! It makes so little sense now! I am the Hummer formally known as sello the seashell. Sello is my foot's name. He tells me to burn things. 1924 is my favorite shoe size. Shoe foot was better than the book. The movie lacked in visuals. And now for my closing statement, THIS WORLD OF BRAD HAS NO ENDING!

-Eckler Torsono Gerbala Surnun Solid Suggy Soapness Saltos Xcely Glaboooooooooooooooooos

NAMINE: Arceus, if I were you, I'd have just deleted this email as soon as I saw the first paragraph. The whole email is one big wall-of-text where a guy claims he's not psychotic yet he actually turns out to be. It also goes on practically forever.

{Aruseus stops at "You don't win you stupid."}

ARUSEUS: {typing} What...the...crap. You are asking me too many questions, man! ONE AT A TIME! WOLF!

{Wolf runs in}

WOLF: Yeees?

ARUSEUS: Read me each thing and I'll answer it.

NAMINE: I get the feeling this will not be enough to make the episode lengthy.

WOLF: Okay. First, "What's your favorite, color or colour?"

ARUSEUS: Color: White. Colour: Yeellow.

WOLF: "Also, do you prefer paper or YOUR DEATH!!!"

ARUSEUS: Paper.

WOLF: "And I think the store Low Prices is under attack by Tom! Make sure someone doesn't die!"

ARUSEUS: Hold on, Tom, are you attack Low Prices?

NAMINE: attacking

TOM: {offscreen} No.

WOLF: "I like velvet. Do you like velvet? Velvet is fun to say. Velvet velvet. Or maybe not."

ARUSEUS: I guess I lke

NAMINE: like

velvet...

WOLF: "When did you die?"

ARUSEUS: Email 24.

WOLF: Really?

ARUSEUS: Technically not.

WOLF: I'm confused... "High School Musical is made by Tom!"

ARUSEUS: Tom, did youmake High School Musical?

NAMINE: This joke is not funny because there is no punchline.

TOM: {offscreen} Once again, no.

WOLF: "Am I crazy?"

ARUSEUS: YES.

WOLF: "Don't you think the fairy cow is crazy?"

{Homestar runs in naked, with wings, a wand, and is painted like a cow}

HOMESTAR: Whee!

ARUSEUS: FREAKIN' YES.

WOLF: "Greenland is one of the 34445455445543564765837436583685768476583746587465837465 states right?"

ARUSEUS: No.

{Hours later}

WOLF: "Tom is YOU! It makes so little sense now!"

ARUSEUS: Wha!?

WOLF: "Sello is my foot's name. He tells me to burn things."

ARUSEUS: Burn them, then.

WOLF: And now for our closing statement. The Paper?

{The Paper comes down with "THIS WORLD OF BRAD HAS NO ENDING!" printed on it.}

NAMINE: That's a really anti-climactic way to end a long email.

Easter Eggs

• Click on "BRAD" to see:

{Cut to Tom's Room, he's writing on a piece of paper}

TOM: Everybody all for one...

NAMINE: Now I don't want to make my own email show, because if I got wall of text emails like that one I'd just insta-delete it. Seriously, all that email turned out to be was just a bunch of idiotic and inaccurate rambling. That doesn't give the email checker anything to really work with in order to make a comedy out of it. And the way Tom and Arceus breeze through those questions like they're nothing really doesn't help. At all.